Agwat
Filipino for Space / Distance
When Adrienne arrived at Yuan’s apartment, her friends knew instantly that something was wrong.
“What?” Yuan asked. “Did he break your heart? Was he cheating on you? Where is he? I will kill him!”
Adrienne sat on the couch silently. She stared into space, still unable to recover from her shock. How could this happen to her? A few hours ago, she was happy. She was floating on air.
But that seemed so far away as she sat with her heart broken like shattered glass. She didn’t know how she would be able to recover from it. Her world had fallen apart.
“Adrienne, what is wrong?” Jill asked, taking her hands in hers and gently squeezing them.
She stared at them for a long time.
“Please don’t tell me you caught him cheating on you?”
Adrienne shook her head. “He wasn’t cheating on me.”
“Then why are you like this?”
She took a deep breath. “Apparently… Justin was sort of… cheating with me.”
“What?”
“I…” She took a deep breath. “I shared the elevator with his parents. They didn’t know me. They haven’t met me. But his Mom was so upset, she couldn’t help talking about her…dilemma with her son.” Pain came rushing to her again. “She said…that Justin has this obligation to the family. An arrangement that goes way back when he was still very young.”
“What is it?”
“They… arranged for him… to be married to some… rich heiress,” she stammered and then tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Oh my God!” Yuan and Jill breathed together.
It took a moment for her friends to recover.
“Maybe…maybe it’s not his parents. How could you know? You haven’t met them.”
“I saw a picture of them,” Adrienne replied. “And his father looks exactly like him. There’s no mistake about it. They mentioned his name. So I’m pretty sure it’s them.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
Adrienne shook her head. “Not yet. I just…want to organize my thoughts first.”
“He never mentioned this to you?”
“Never. But there were moments in the past when he would look worried or sad when he remembered something. He mentioned a family obligation that he forgot about. He didn’t say what it was. He was always changing the topic after that. I’m pretty sure this was it.”
“But maybe…maybe he doesn’t want to do it.”
Adrienne remembered Justin say, ‘It’s too late. I don’t want to do it anymore.’
“Okay, you said they agreed on this a long time ago. Maybe because you came along…Justin wouldn’t want to go through with this anymore. His parents wanted him to do it. But did you hear him say that he would?”
Adrienne shook her head. “But his parents will disinherit him if he defies them. And I know how much Justin’s family means to him, guys.”
“But you mean something to him too.”
Adrienne took a deep breath. “He hasn’t told me he loved me. But I know he loves his family more than anything.”
“Just because he hasn’t told you doesn’t mean he doesn’t,” Jill said. “Because we see him. And we know he is deeply in love with you.”
“But why didn’t he tell me about this?”
Yuan sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to fix it. So when he does tell you, there would be nothing for you to worry about anymore.”
Adrienne wiped the tears from her face. Her friends were right. Justin probably did want to fix it. That’s why he went back to Chicago with his parents. He said he would prepare his family first and then he would ask her to come to Chicago with him. He wouldn’t say that if he still planned on pushing his engagement to some other girl, right?
“Oh God! I hope he can convince his parents,” she breathed. “Because I don’t want to let him choose, you know. I won’t let him sacrifice his relationship with his parents for me. I know what it’s like to live with a mother that hates you and a father who couldn’t stand up for you. I won’t let Justin have that life, guys. I love him too much for that.”
“Sweetie… we’re sure you guys will be okay,” Jill said. “Believe in Justin. He won’t hurt you. He will fight for you.”
“I really hope you’re right. I…I don’t wanna lose him. It’s too soon.” Adrienne let out frustrated sigh. “God, can’t I have like…a month’s peace?” she asked, looking up. “I mean… Justin and I have been together officially for like a week. And now this.”
“If he really loves you, he will fight for you. Maybe he went to see his parents this weekend to call off his engagement with this bitch.”
“No wonder Justin was non-committal before. Maybe this was the reason why he never did relationships. He couldn’t commit because…he was already committed to somebody else. And the other girls were all like flings. To pass the time. To have some fun before he finally serves life imprisonment with some bitch who earned the right to be his fiancée just by being born.” Adrienne said, thinking out loud.
“But you weren’t just some pastime, Adrienne. He got serious with you.”
“Maybe he never meant to, but he couldn’t help it,” Jill suggested.
Adrienne sighed. “I can’t hold him back from his destiny. I can’t make him leave his family. He was a twin, you know? His brother died at birth. He’s the only one his parents got.”
Jill and Yuan smiled at her apologetically.
“Just wait. I’m sure he’ll fix this.” Yuan said.
“God, I hope he does. And soon! Because I need some strength to face my parents.”
“Why? What happened?”
“My parents called me. Apparently, news of Troy’s black eye reached them already. My Mom is pissed with me. Kim failed to mention to them that I found her on top of Troy, moaning her lungs out!”
“Of course. Whoever makes it to your parents first gets to throw the first stone.” Jill rolled her eyes. “Ooohh! I want to poke her eyes out!”
“It doesn’t matter whether they cheated on me. I cheated on Troy, too. And I was going to break up with Troy even before I found out. This was doomed to happen. My best bet is for my parents to understand that for once, I’m doing something I want. Being with the person I love. And not just to please them.”
“Any parent should understand that!” Yuan groaned.
“Not my Mom. Apparently, she was doing me a favor for pushing me to date Troy. She said, I’d never do good in life. My best chance was to marry somebody successful. How pathetic did she think I was?”
“I wanna bitch-slap your Mom sometimes!” Yuan said. “I’m sorry. But I really don’t get how mean she is to you! Like you didn’t come from her! How could she demean you like this?”
“And there’s nothing to demean! She’s got a smart, beautiful daughter whose only wish is to please her! What more could she ask for?” Jill said.
“Well, now at least you can tell her that her choice wasn’t good enough for you,” Yuan added. “You managed to snag one of the richest bachelors in the country. Eat that Kimberly!”
“It doesn’t matter. Justin didn’t have to be rich. I’d still fall in love with him. Remember, when I did fall for him, we were just having dates in our apartments. We barely went out. I never got first-hand experience of knowing how rich he really was. We kept things low-key… quiet and simple. And I still fell in love with him.”
“But still, it must have been quite a shock for Kimberly!” Yuan asserted. “I wonder how she reacted when she first realized who you’re dating now. And how Troy felt when he found out who he lost you to.”
“Yeah! Justin freaking Adams!” Jill said cheerily.
“Must have been quite a shock for them,” Yuan continued. “Unfortunately, they weren’t shocked enough to have a heart attack. That would have been lovely!”
“Seriously, guys! I should be the one wishing them dead, not you. Whatever happens between Kim and me, she’s still my sister. She’s still family.”
“Tell that to her. She doesn’t seem to know!” Yuan rolled his eyes.
“So you still need to go to Boston?”
Adrienne nodded. “Yes. And I was hoping Justin would come with me.”
“He would,” Yuan said confidently. “He’s a decent guy. He won’t leave you in the air.”
“And not for some bitch who’s only connection with him is a business tie-up,” Jill added.
Adrienne buried her face in her hands and prevented herself from crying. “Oh, God, I hope you guys are right.”
That night, Adrienne decided to spend the night in Justin’s apartment, instead of hers. Justin had given her keys to his apartment they moment they got back from the resort. It was the first time she used her key without him actually being in the place.
She wanted to feel close to him. She laid down on his bed, the bed they usually spend their nights in. She hugged his pillows. They still smelled faintly of his aftershave.
She flipped her phone and dialed his number.
“Honey,” he greeted her after one ring.
His voice sounded so sweet to her and she immediately felt like crying. She realized just how much she loved him and wanted to keep him forever.
She took a deep breath. “I miss you,” she whispered. She tried to keep her voice steady. She didn’t want to let him know that something was up. She didn’t want to tell him yet that she knew about his engagement. Especially not over the phone.
It took him a moment to respond. “I hate being away from you,” he responded. “If I didn’t have… some things to fix here, I wouldn’t have gone at all.”
“Yes. I wish you were here, too.”
“Where are you?”
She sighed. “In your bed.”
He paused for a long while. Then he said, “If that’s your way of making me suffer even more, you’re succeeding.”
She giggled. “I’ve missed you. I thought if I spend the night in your bed, I’d still somehow feel like you’re just here next to me.”
“I’d come back right now, if I could.”
“It’s okay. We’ll see each other on Monday.”
“Until then, it will be torturous.”
They both fell quiet for a couple of seconds… just feeling each other’s presence, no matter how far they were from each other.
Then finally, Adrienne said, “Good night, Justin.”
“Good night, honey,” Justin said soberly. “I’ll be making love to you… in my dreams.”
When Adrienne hung up the phone, she hugged his pillow and let all the tears fall.