"I think she's that one person whose only role was to teach you heartbreak for the first time," Elliott sighed. "I really thought she was the one,"
It had been six months since he returned from New York City empty-handed and heartbroken. After his breakup with Emma, Elliott moved back to Paris and got his old job back, teaching intro to jazz at the IMEP Paris College of Music.
"Look man, maybe you're not really in love with her. Maybe you're just in love with the idea of her," Colin, one of Elliott's best friends and colleagues at the university, argued.
"No, I really did love her. I really do," Elliott insisted and shook his head. "I don't just follow a girl to the other side of the world if I don't love her,"
"Then how come you don't realize that she's in love with someone else?"
Ouch, that stings, Elliott thought to himself.
Avoiding Colin's eyes, Elliott turned his gaze to the window. They were seated in his office, and the door was wide open since it was his office hours. Elliott had no appointments for the day, and whenever he was free, Colin liked to drop by from time to time to check up on him.
Letting out a deep sigh, Elliot raked his hair in frustration and said, "I guess, I just... I was so in love with the idea of being in love. I wanted to believe so much that she loves me too,"
I should've known that she wasn't into me. It took everything in her just to say the words 'I love you'. Loving someone shouldn't be that hard. Right?
"Hey, come on, don't beat yourself up," Colin waved his hand carelessly in the air. "Forget about her. Things will turn around. It's always darkest before the dawn. Love will always prevail. And whatever other clichés I can throw at you,"
"Thanks, man," he chuckled drily. "But I'm not going to think about love for the time being. I just going to focus on work and shut down internally,"
"That doesn't sound healthy," Colin muttered.
"It doesn't have to be. I'm just surviving for the time being,"
"You mean, at first you were afraid, you were petrified..." Colin started humming a tune and Elliott shook his head at his best friend's stupid antics.
"Music joke, ha-ha, you Americans are very funny," Elliott rolled his eyes sarcastically.
"Hey, you're the one that told me love is a lot like jazz, and to play the tune, one mustn't be afraid to get lost inside the melody," Colin reminded Elliott of his favorite quote. He used this quote as his defense when Colin questioned him about moving to the States for a girl. "Are you saying that you're not playing the melody anymore?"
"Nah, I'm done with all that," Elliott shook his head. "That was when I was young and stupid. We have sheet music for a reason. I'm done playing it risky,"
"I don't know, man. I've known you for years and you've always been the adventurous type. It's in your blood, you can't run from that,"
"Times change, people change," Elliott shrugged simply.
"Alright, if you say so," Colin said flatly. Clearly, he didn't buy it. He then checked his watch and stood up, saying, "Anyway I gotta go to a meeting. But I'm telling you man, hitting rock bottom's not so bad. Actually, it's the best place to be, because there's nowhere but up from here on out,"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Elliott snorted and waved Colin away. "Go to your meeting,"
Elliott was done with love. Forever. Sure, he had experienced heartbreak before, but this time was different. He went halfway across the world for her and actually got a ring and proposed to this girl, only to find out that she was still in love with her ex, all this time. Elliott hated that the fact that the girl of his dreams couldn't love him the way she loved her ex.
The way she loves her ex... I wish someday someone will love me like that...
Elliott shook that thought away as quickly as it came. As much as he wanted to love and to be loved, he didn't want to risk any more heartbreak in the near future. He had decided to put the word 'love' out of his vocabulary. He wasn't going to think about love, talk about love, or come near it in any way, shape, or form.
But just when he least expected it, there was a knock on the door.
"Hi, Professor Durand?"
And then he saw her.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
She went by the name of Caroline Sanders. She was an exchange student from Berklee College of Music in Boston. Berklee and the IMEP had a longstanding partnership where students could do an exchange program and take a semester abroad. Caroline was a young and bright music composition major. She was a talented girl, beautiful, and eager to learn about all things Jazz.
The first time Elliott saw her was when she came into his office, asking him if she could audit his class. He said yes without a second thought. Caroline said thank you and she went about her way. Elliott didn't see her again until the week after. He was teaching his class and he noticed her sitting all the way in the back.
There was something about the way she looked at him that made him nervous. It was weird to him. He had been teaching this material for years now, and he was comfortable speaking in front of the room. But now a pretty girl was looking at him, and he got all sweaty and clammy.
I'm so pathetic, he thought to himself.
Since then, Elliott had tried his best to avoid eye contact with this girl. Sometimes he even pretended like she wasn't there in the classroom. When she would raise her hand to answer a question, he would purposefully pick someone else just so he wouldn't have to hear her beautiful voice speak.
This went on for a couple of weeks and Caroline was starting to get suspicious. She had a feeling that Professor Elliott Durand hated her guts. Even though she was only auditing and didn't need good grades, she still wanted her professor to like her. She wondered if her professor secretly hates Americans or something. So on one faithful Monday, in order to get to the bottom of things, Caroline decided to drop by Elliott's office hours.
When she arrived at his office, Elliott was in the middle of playing a song on his piano. It was a boring day today, and Elliott decided to fill his time by freestyling on the piano. He wasn't expecting any students today, let alone Caroline to walk into his office.
"That is so beautiful," Caroline gasped once Elliott finished his song.
"Oh," Elliott turned to her and stopped playing abruptly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," she said quickly.
"No, it's okay," he muttered. Suddenly he got nervous again for no reason, so he threw his gaze away as he asked, "Can I help you with something?"
Caroline stepped forward into the office. She was standing an arm's length away from Elliott and Elliott found himself looking at her from head to toe. She was wearing a tight sweater dress with leggings and knee-high boots that hugged her slender figure perfectly. Her long brown hair was pulled up in a neat ponytail and she was wearing a beautiful smile as she said, "Hi, my name's Caroline. I'm the girl that asked to audit your class. I saw you at your office hour the other day?"
"Right, of course," Elliott swallowed hard and moved to his desk. He gestured for her to sit down and said, "Come in. Have a seat,"
Sitting in front of him with her legs crossed, she said, "I know you must be busy, so I'm not gonna take too much of your time, Professor Durand-"
"You can call me Elliott," he found himself interjecting.
"Elliot..." she corrected herself. "Well, I just wanna say, I really enjoyed your class. And I agree with what you said, life is a lot like jazz, it's always best when you improvise,"
"Thanks," Elliott smiled and nodded approvingly. "I'd love to take credit for that quote, but that wasn't me. That was George Gershwin,"
She smiled sheepishly back and said, "Well, I heard it from you, so I'll always think of you when that quote comes to mind,"
Elliott was shocked by her words. Was that considered flirting? The glimmer in her eyes said so, but he couldn't tell for sure. Either way, ever since that day, Elliott knew there was no escaping her. Caroline would always drop by every now and then during office hours. And when she didn't, she was always on his mind.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Elliott knew that it wouldn't be wise to pursue love again this soon, especially when she was a student in his class. So, for a long time, Elliott and Caroline continued being friends. They'd discuss Jazz together, exchanged music, and finally, they arranged to go to a Jazz concert together.
Caroline was ecstatic about the concert. She was hoping for it to be a date. She got all dressed up and everything. But when she arrived at the concert hall, Elliott had brought a friend along, Colin. Elliott didn't want people to get the wrong idea, so he forced Colin to come out that night.
Caroline couldn't hide her disappointment very well. She tried to sit through it, but she couldn't lie to herself. So about thirty minutes into the concert, in the middle of the band playing her favorite song, Caroline abruptly got off her seat and walked out the door.
Elliott was shocked and confused. He followed her out of the concert hall, calling out her name, but she wouldn't turn around. When he finally caught up to her, they were standing outside the venue. He grabbed her by the hand and she turned around, tears were pooling around her eyes.
"Caroline? What's wrong?" he asked her.
"I'm sorry, I'm just so stupid," she shook her head and wiped her eyes. "I actually thought this was a date..."
"A date?" he gaped. "Caroline, I... I can't. We can't,"
"Why not?" she asked longingly.
"It's against the rules. You're a student here and I'm a professor,"
"Technically, I'm not a student here. I'm an exchange student, remember?" she argued.
"I know, but..."
"I know we just met and all, but I have this feeling like I've known you all my life. I can talk to you about anything and we just clicked. I feel that connection between us. Tell me you don't feel the same way?" she asked challengingly.
"I do feel the same way, but-"
"But what?" she cut him off. "What we're doing is not illegal and you're into me too. So what's stopping you?"
I can't fall in love again. Not now, not ever.
Elliott didn't say it out loud, but he was thinking it in his head. He was so afraid of getting hurt again, he didn't want to take the risk.
I'm such a coward, he thought to himself.
Caroline waited for a response, but Elliott never said anything. Instead, he just looked at her, wanting to speak, but unable to. Caroline thought of turning around and walking away. Her head said that it was the wiser choice. But then, her heart was telling her to stay and fight. And she decided to go with the latter.
She reached for his face, cupping his cheeks, and she stood on her tippy toes, inching her face closer to him.
"Caroline? What are you doing?" he stammered.
Stopping just before her lips could meet his, she whispered, "You're the one that said life is like jazz and it's best when it's improvised. So I'm improvising right now,"
Elliott could have stopped her if he wanted to, but he didn't. He let her lips slowly and gracefully touch his. She didn't kiss him fully, she only grazed her lips against his, waiting for a response.
Elliott couldn't deny it anymore. It was as if a spark had been ignited inside of him. He grabbed her with full force and crashed his lips onto hers. He had been holding this in for months now, so when he finally kissed her, he really, really kissed her.
His kiss was deep and passionate, and she kissed him back with the same amount of fervor. Their bodies molded into one as Elliott's tongue grazed her bottom lip, and she parted her mouth open for him. He tasted her and she tasted the sweetest honey in the world. He suddenly felt intoxicated. And the sounds that escaped her lips were like music to his ear.
When they finally pulled away, Caroline's eyes were shining as bright as the city lights above them as she said, "Elliot, I... I think I'm in love with you,"
"I think I'm in love with you too,"
The words escaped his mouth before he could stop himself. Once it was out there, he knew he was at the point of no return. It was scary for him, but also, he had never felt more alive.
Love is a lot like jazz, and to play the tune, one mustn't be afraid to get lost inside the melody.
Decided to take his own advice, Elliott started to improvise too. His heart was full again and there was this energy like fire exuberating from deep within. He couldn't hold it back even if he wanted to. Letting his inhibitions and fears aside, Elliott delved deep and claimed Caroline's lips once again. Holding the girl tightly in his arms, he whispered the words over and over again, and she whispered it back every single time. And it was at this moment that he realized why it never worked out with anyone else. It was at this moment that he had, in fact, found the one.
- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -