Jake's POV
"I can't do this, Jake. I can't leave him alone," Lea whispered, her voice trembling as we stood outside the pediatric intensive care unit. I had been trying to coax her to go back to her ward but she looked at me without those big, teary, eyes. The same eyes she had passed onto our son. Those eyes I cherished so much.
Her eyes were red from crying, and she looked so fragile, so breakable."Lea, you need to rest," I said softly, my hand gently rubbing her arm. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away. "You can't keep going like this. You're exhausted."I insisted.
" I can't rest," she shot back, shaking her head. "What if I fall asleep and something happens? What if I never see him again?"
My heart ached seeing her like that. A sigh left my lips as I looked around for a better spot. The bench was not fit for her condition."Come with me," I urged, guiding her to a small, quiet room beside the PICU. I closed the door behind us so she could relax for awhile.The room was dimly lit but neat and clean. She sat down, her head resting on the hand that didn't have the IV channel.
"I can't lose him, Jake," she choked out, her voice breaking. "I can't..."
I knelt in front of her as she sank onto the small couch. I took her hands in mine, feeling the coldness of her fingers.I tried to run them a little,trying to blow over them to make them a little warm."We won't lose him, Lea. He's strong, just like you. We're going to get through this."
"But what if we don't?" she cried, the tears streaming down her face. "What if... what if it's too much for him?He is so tiny and little..."
"You don't have to think about that," I said, pulling her into my arms, holding her tightly. "We'll take it one day at a time. Right now, you need to take care of yourself so you can be there for him.Don't overthink. "
She buried her face in my chest, her body shaking with sobs. "I'm so scared, Jake. I feel like I'm falling apart."
"You're not falling apart," I murmured, stroking her hair like a little babe. Like I used to when we were little,when she was just half my size and I would pick her up and spin her on my shoulder. "You're one of the strongest people I know. But it's okay to be scared. It's okay... I am here, Lea. You can lean on me."
She looked up at me, her eyes searching mine for reassurance. "Hold me, Jake. Please.Hold me a little tighter. " I tightened my embrace, my hands gently rubbing her back. "I'm here, Lea. I'm not going anywhere."She clung on to me, her fingers digging into my shirt as if I were her lifeline. I could feel the desperation in her touch. She was almost ripping my buttons off. I pulled her closer,almost putting her on my lap. I sniffed her hair as I kissed her neck. Her grip on me tightened.
I wanted to kiss her all day, all night. I wanted to kiss her till she forgot everything. I wanted to take away all her pain, all that she had been through.
" You know what is the first thing that I want to do when he wakes up? " I murmured hoping it would offer her a little distraction. " I want to take him swimming. Does he even know how to swim? Did you teach him? " I asked, pulling her face away from my chest, wiping her tears with my sleeve, looking at her with a little smile. She smiled back. That beautiful smile I lived for. " He does. We used to go swimming almost every evening. He has a favourite dinosaur swim cap. He looks hilarious when he wears that. " Lea was finally sitting up with a faint giggle, as she recalled happier times.
" Lea... " I could finally ask her that one question that had been tugging at my heart. " Hhhmmm... " She replied looking into my eyes. " Back at the warehouse, Kai called me Daddy when he looked at me. " Lea's breath hitched for one moment and she asked, " He did? " I nodded. " Lea...I wanted to ask ... did he know... I mean does he know who... "
" He knows who his Dad is. He is a big fan. He has posters of you in his room. I think you never went in his room so you didn't notice. " She answered with a smile.
I took her hands into mine, once more. " Thank you, Lea." She looked at me, puzzled and confused. " Thank you? For what? " I didn't say anything. I lifted my arm and touched her chin. She involuntarily moved closer. "Thank you for not excluding me from my child's life even though you still hadn't forgiven me. Thank you, Lea. I really mean it. " I didn't know I was rubbing my fingers against her lips as we spoke, drawing closer and closer. " You still don't get it, do you? " I shook my head, my eyes fixed on her pump lips as they parted and closed. " I fought for you everyday. You are in my blood veins, Jake. The only way to get you out was to rip my heart out. I tried. I bled. I was exhausted. It was too difficult, Jake. It was... "
I had pushed a little too hard while caressing her lips and my finger touched her moist tongue. Lea gulped, mistakenly closing her lips around my thumb. Before I could get a grip on my wild running emotions the door opened and light from the outside came flooding in. We immediately adjusted our postures and sitting positions. I narrowed my eyes to figure out who had entered. And then the voice spoke, " Oh, here you are. I was looking all over the place. My oh my! Did I interrupt something? I am extremely sorry. I didn't mean to. “