Chapter Seventeen
Dear Diary,
Through my tears, honor filled the horizon…
The phone crashed to the floor, back cover skidding one way, battery and phone another. Cole’s hands shook and the sweat he’d just finished washing off, coated his skin once again. His heart fell with the phone and his breath stopped the second he read her message. He scrambled for the nearest chair, and sat with a towel wrapped around his waist. His knee bounced harder than ever.
“Holy shit. What’s up with you, man? You’re white as a ghost.”
He raised his head to see Drew, who’d just slammed into the larger than usual wardrobe room with a laugh, in time to catch sight of the tear that slipped down his face. He wiped it fast with the back of his hand. “She knows about Alexis, just texted me to have fun with her.” He put his elbows to his knees, head down, when the room spun.
“Fuck man. I’m sorry.”
Flashes of dinner earlier with Alexis ran through his mind. He told her about Isabelle, that he loved her. The smile plastered on her face since meeting him at the airport vanished the second the words left his lips. They talked about their past together, her bipolar disorder, now medicated and under control, that only he and the guys had knowledge of.
He shook his head and stared at the concrete floor.
He’d stormed out on her, after going back to his dorm and finding her on her knees for his roommate. Yet, he held her hand in psych wards and maintained a friendship until now. He avoided comments to the paparazzi for years about her. Their need to dig would only hurt her, so he protected her. With Isabelle, he came up short, should have protected her from himself. He stared at Drew; there would already be pictures online somewhere of him and Alexis. “How do I fix this?”
Drew picked up the pieces of his phone, put it back together, and handed it to him. “You’ll find a way, man.”
He stared at the phone. “You guys were pissed seeing Alexis. I know you were. I put you in this mess. I’m sorry.”
Drew huffed on his way to the door, opened it, and appeared to try his best not to be mad before he glared back. “Yes, you fucked up and dragged us down with you. Do something about it.”
His gaze held on the closed door. A silent scream obstructed his breath, and his phone weighted his hand like a tempted object to throw—a temper tantrum. Rock stars could get away with shit like that, right? Instead, he gripped his lifeline and took a deep breath. He’d found the strength to forgive Alexis, although determined he would never invest his heart again, but he had. And now, he may have broken it without any fault but his own.
He dialed her number and held the phone to his ear but her voice message played, no ring. She’d shut off her phone. He left a brief message, “call me please,” and stood up and paced with reluctance to the bathroom counter. He stared at regret in the mirror. Tomorrow’s flight couldn’t come fast enough.
****
A pin dropped would have produced more noise than what took place in the car. The girls shuffled in their seats as if unspoken words haunted them, but none dared to surface.
Derek and Kevin helped the girls onto the bus.
“You ladies are going to have quite the hangovers tomorrow.” Due to Derek’s fatherly tone, the tears she’d held back slid down her cheek.
She twisted in his grasp. “Did you know about New York, too?” Her words were slurred, sad.
His averted gaze said it all. She let go of him and used the wall for support the rest of the way to the bathroom. The door, left open, allowed her to hear Katherine and Derek’s words.
“My fault. Should have kept my big mouth shut.”
Isabelle shook her head, placed her toothbrush on the counter, and spit in the sink. What is it about drunkenness that influences the ugly cries? Katherine’s sniffles were loud.
“No honey. He should have told her. It isn’t your fault. Drink this water and get some sleep.”
“Still—”
She didn’t want to hear anymore. She slammed the light switch, barged down the aisle and climbed into her bunk, not his. Her eyes were sore, and the tears wouldn’t stop. Her mind screamed over the sound of the girls as they stumbled about, and got settled into bed.
He said he loved me. One of many lies, maybe?
Anger consumed her, wouldn’t let go of its grip until she yanked out her phone and booked a flight home the next day with the girls. She buried her phone under her pillow and lay on top of it, thankful for the consumption of alcohol or sleep wouldn’t have come otherwise.
****
She drifted not long before the buzz sounded. Not so much from her head, anymore, but the alarm she’d set. She’d endure her last moments on the bus alone; pack before the girls could talk her out of it. She tiptoed around the bus to collect her things, astounded how fast she’d settled in. She took a deep breath and wiped another tear just as several alarm clocks sounded, followed by unhappy groans.
She sat at the table that now brought heartache instead of happiness, waited with her guard in place. One by one, they climbed out of the bunks, cursing. She laughed, a little. The image before her couldn`t be more similar to the men who most days occupied the narrow beds.
As expected Katherine, Abigail, and Taryn stood frozen with confused stares. Her suitcase sat on the floor at her side. “Well, get a move on, girls. Our flight leaves in two hours.” She put on her most collected smile but she wasn’t an award-winning actress by any means.
“No.” Katherine’s authoritative voice always made them jump.
“Yes. I only have two items left on my list. I can manage back in Tampa. I have taken up enough of the Scandals time and money. Besides, my flight is already booked, non-refundable. I will always be thankful for the kindness and friendship Cole has offered me.” She threw her hands up in the air. “I am just some woman he met on the Internet, a charity case.”
Taryn grabbed Katherine’s arm when she raised it to rebuttal. “No. If she wants to come home, let her. She’s right. There isn’t anything left undone she needs the Scandals for that we can’t help her with.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “We need her, too.”
She locked gazes with Taryn and mouthed, thank you. Taryn’s reasons did not match her own but she was okay with that, as long as she could get on the plane and not face the man who’d broken her heart. She glanced down at her phone on the table, considered the messages she assumed were on it, but tucked it into her purse.
“I’ll be in the car with Derek. Don’t be long.” She raised the handle on her suitcase and stalked away with it trailing behind on wheels. The swift stride of her departure didn’t distract her from the heavyhearted stares at her back.
Derek opened the door to the van. He didn’t ask any questions late last night when she sent him a text to ask for a ride to the airport. His wife and daughter, for the short time he had them, must have taught him well about a woman’s limits, breaking points.
“Isabelle?” He closed her door and got in behind the wheel. Much liked she’d witnessed many times, he checked the rear-view mirror. Only this time his hesitant smile was for her. “Are you sure?”
She drew her sunglasses off her head and covered her puffy, watery eyes. “Yes, I am. There were pictures online last night. It would appear he enjoyed his night. I’m happy for him, really.”
She smiled and rubbed her arms. “Thank you, for everything. You’re an amazing man. Just what the Scandals need. Oh, wait.” She picked her bag up off the floor at her feet and retrieved a box, held it out to him over the seat, and scooted to the edge of her own so she could see. “Here, please accept this, as a thank you.”
He opened the box to reveal a black velvet bag. He tipped it in his hand and a silver compass fell out. The inside lid of the compass held a copy of the picture he took with him everywhere, his wife and daughter. The inscription read you never know when you will find what you were never looking for in the first place.
He closed his hand around it and raised his head with his eyes closed. When he opened them again and smiled back at her, his eyes were red. “Isabelle,” he swallowed. “I have no idea how you managed this but from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You have no idea what this means to me.”
She sat back against her seat and fixed her anguish out the window. “I’m pretty sure I do.”
He climbed out of the car to help the girls with their bags, and mumbled, “Cole is in deep shit.”
The ride to the airport couldn’t have been quicker, and now she paced. Kevin stood at his post, a discreet distance away. The guys’ flight was scheduled to come in just as theirs left. She didn’t want to see him; he’d change her mind. Their flight was called over the intercom. She forced her breath in and out as they made their way aboard. Today’s headache could be the result of many reasons. The window seat, which she always loved, now displayed what she could only assume was his plane, and he wouldn’t be happy about missing her. She reclined in her seat and relaxed, well, kind of.
Katherine nudged her and handed over some pills with a bottle of water. “For the headache.”
She glanced down at the familiar pills and back up again.
“I haven’t forgotten what they look like.”
“Thank you.” She took the pills, swallowed, and then lowered the back of her seat. The darkness from her closed eyes simulated the day’s end. Splendid.
****
“Where is she?” he yelled at Derek as he ran through the terminal, bumping shoulders on his way.
Derek pointed to the plane taking off on the tarmac.
“Fuck.”
He’d blow up at Derek for not stopping her, but it wouldn’t be right; it wasn’t his fault. He dropped his bag and fell into a chair. He’d been an ass all morning trying to rush everyone, and he still missed her.
“I’ll be right back.” He jumped from his seat. Everyone else sat down and rested with their eyes closed.
****
She shifted in her seat several times. Weeks ago, she would’ve cursed the side effects of her medication but now she craved them. She couldn’t sleep.
“Ugh.”
“Ms. Chambers?”
She jerked to the nice woman and covered her mouth. “I’m so sorry, I’ll be quiet.” Without him at her side, being the center of attention didn’t feel the same. Her gaze roamed from the cordial attendant to the many passengers who paused to cast their glance her way. She rubbed her arms but it didn’t produce the same level of comfort, they weren’t his arms. No blanket they’d bring her would smell like him.
The attendant laughed. “No, that’s okay. Would you mind coming with me for a minute?”
“Sure.” She braced her hands on the armrests and stood up. Her pulse, that’d calmed not long ago, raced once again. A quick glance at her friends confirmed they also had no clue. She followed behind the nice woman at a snail’s pace toward the front of the plane, through the attendants’ quarters.
A brunette with the nametag reading Sylvia greeted her. “Nice to meet you, Ms. Chambers.” Shit. What’d I do wrong?
When the flight attendant who retrieved her from her seat waved, all eyes stared at her, unable to force another step. She scurried ahead out of embarrassment, in front of a white door beside the lady while she knocked. A very handsome man opened it. He held his hand out to her as if he’d expected her, so she shook it, still confused.
“Hello, Ms. Chambers. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“I, uh, I, hello?” She narrowed her eyes when he laughed. How dare he? Men suck.
“My name is Daniel. I’m the co-pilot of this aircraft today.” He pointed behind him. “This is Jared, the pilot.”
She smiled at them both with her eyebrows raised. If they are smart enough to fly a damn plane, why can’t they see I have no fucking clue what’s going on?
“It has come to our attention you have a wish to learn how to fly.”
She closed her eyes; it all made sense. “Cole.” When she opened her eyes, they nodded, and offered her a seat in the co-pilot chair.
“Yes ma’am. Cole Davies is a very generous and stubborn man. His only concern seems to be you, and by the sincerity on your face, the feeling is mutual.”
She wiped at the warm tears that slipped down her cheeks. Apparently, she still had a few to spare. She sat in the chair and glared at all of the controls in front of her. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. We don’t have to do this. I can just go back to my seat.” She rose from the seat, but was stopped by Daniel’s gentle hand on her shoulder. Jared’s interest in her suggested some uncertainty, too. She obliged at their gracious smiles and sat, distracted by the soft appearance of the clouds ahead. How much of her story did they know?
“It is not an inconvenience at all. Sit back and relax, I’ll explain a few things before we get to the good stuff. Okay?”
What else was she supposed to do? It wasn’t as easy as one would expect. Cole demanded her attention, even when not there. How did he manage this? What is he doing? Does he miss me? Is he with her?
“Are you ready?” Jared chuckled. “There is a lot more to it than I can show you in a few minutes, but with your hands on the yoke and the flip of a button, we will be at your mercy.”
She snapped her attention back at him. “Yoke?”
He laughed and pointed in front of her. “Steering wheel.”
“Oh. Sorry.” She held onto the wheel tight, her knuckles whitened and her heart raced.
“Are you ready?”
She checked behind her to make sure Daniel stayed close by—always good to have backup. She took her hand off the wheel for one quick second to make sure the tears were good and gone. “Sorry for the tears. This is all a little overwhelming. The view is beautiful.” She took a deep breath. “Ready.”
She gripped the wheel, soared with a front seat view. Flew a plane.
Daniel stood over her shoulder and gave clear instructions on what to do next. His calm directions were easy to follow. She was on top of the world. Only a few minutes passed but her nerves were making her stomach do flip flops, not the good ones. “I think that’s enough flying for me, guys. You can take over now.” She glanced at Jared and then back out the window, as if she could run into something if she weren’t attentive. “Please.”
When he told her she was good to let go, she stood and changed spots with Daniel. There were too many buttons and in all likelihood she’d hit one and not the right one either. “Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me. I have a great respect for the job you do and all the people you take responsibility for.”
Something in Jared’s mindful nature warmed her, genuine compassion, not the sympathy she expected. “Are you going to be okay, Isabelle?”
She smiled, leaned over, and kissed his cheek. “No, but I’ve accepted that.”
In unison, they glanced at one another and then back at her with more questions in their eyes. She didn’t know whether to be nervous because neither straightened to look ahead but she figured it probably wasn’t as necessary as driving a car.
“It’s our pleasure. We only have one request?”
She shrugged her shoulders. Why not?
“Don’t tell anyone.” They spoke at once and laughed, punched each other in the arm as if they’d been friends for years.
She wandered back to her seat, speechless. Three sets of curious eyes glared at her when she buckled in. “When the time is right, ladies, I’ll tell you.”
****
She stood on her front porch and waved. Their reaction to her short-lived pilot career would be forever engrained in her mind. She opened the door, wandered in and twirled in slow motion, taking in the room that hadn’t changed since she left. It was a different person who came home.
She placed her luggage on her bed and dragged her feet to the kitchen to make tea. Okay, so some things were still the same. With the warm mug on the table in front of her, she tapped her finger on her phone. It glared at her.
She switched it on and sat back in her chair. Ring tones alerted her to the inevitable. Three voice messages and two text messages, all from him. She raised the phone to her ear and rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, to hold in the tears that pooled faster than she cared for.
“Call me, please.”
Delete.
“Isabelle, please don’t leave. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m such an ass. Yes, I met with Alexis, as I do every year. It’s not what you think. Please give me the chance to explain. She is only a friend and doesn’t even have to be that if you’re not cool with it. Ugh.” Click.
Delete.
“Isabelle. There is a long story you need to hear, please.” Silence “I love you.” Click.
She wiped her tears and read the text messages.
Please forgive me…I love you
My life isn’t complete without you. I’m sorry…
She placed the phone down in front of her. The urge to throw it was intense and wouldn’t take much effort. What she needed to do would come with a cost—her heart. She picked up the phone and hit reply.
Best flight ever. I didn’t kill anyone. Words cannot express what the last several days have meant to me. You will be blessed with one more angel watching out for you. Take care of yourself. Love, Isabelle
She hit the send button before she could chicken out and within seconds, her phone rang. Cole. She hit ignore but another beep signaled a text and his determination to get her attention.
My love, I am pretty sure I have mentioned this before…I would do anything for you, I mean it. I know I screwed up. Second chance? Love always, Cole
Although the mug warmed her hands, the chill in the rest of her body craved the burn of another distraction.
“I need something a lot stronger than this.”
She trudged to the counter with her shoulders slumped and dropped her mug in the sink, cringed when it shattered. A peek in the fridge didn’t reveal much of anything, let alone alcohol. “And food.” She leaned against the counter and the hard surface dug into her back. It only brought back memories of her last time in that position.
“First things first.” She nabbed the phone and dialed before the courage, or maybe the anger that fueled it, faded.
“Hello, Dr. Peterson’s office, may I help you?”
She curled her free hand into a ball, so tight her nails dug in. “Yes, this is Isabelle Chambers. Can you please let Dr. Peterson know he can go ahead and book my surgery?”
Silence.
“Dr. Peterson will be very happy to hear you’ve called. I will give him the go ahead. The second we hear from the surgeon, I will call you back with the surgery date and time. Is there anything else you wish for me to pass on to the doctor?”
She sneered at the broken porcelain in the sink. This secretary was unforgettable, the grumpy one. Only she oozed pleasantness, not a good sign. “No, thanks.” She hung up.
What is it about pending doom that makes people change their ways?
Her stomach grumbled and she placed her hand over it. “Patience. One more.” She scrolled through her messages from him. Now it was her turn. It would hurt him but she didn’t see any other solution.
No second chances necessary. It was just a tour, remember? Please say good-bye to the guys for me. I have a lot of things to take care of, so I need to end it here. Enjoy the rest of your tour. You really have built a wonderful life; cherish it. Love Isabelle.
Send.
The distance between them helped the anger simmer rather than boil, but the taste of guilt in her mouth was sour. After all he’d done, her cold treatment didn’t sit well.
“Wine should take care of that.” She wrenched her purse and keys from the entryway table, locked the door behind her, and strode to the car. This time, she didn’t care to observe the life around her.
Her phone rang but she adjusted the radio instead. Thankful for being behind the wheel, she kept her eyes on the road and let it go to voicemail.
She circled the parking lot many times before a spot opened. “Come on.” She gripped the wheel. The elderly person, who backed out of the spot she waited for, tried her nerves. She counted to ten before she maneuvered into the spot, with a little more patience, and no accident. She picked up her phone from the empty passenger seat she’d tossed it on and dialed her voicemail. The possibility that her mother may have received word she flew home and hadn’t called yet would make the day that much worse.
Her purse spilled onto the floor. “Ugh.” She put her phone down on the seat, placed it on speaker, and picked up the mess.
“Hello Isabelle, this is Dr. Peterson.” Her hand froze, no longer interested in the tube of Chap Stick that rolled out of reach. “I’m very happy to hear from you. I have spoken to the surgeon himself and we were able to schedule your surgery for two weeks from today. I’m guessing this is sooner than you expected, but when you have time, please call my secretary back and she can give you all of the pre-op instructions.” Silence “I am glad you made it home safe. I hope you were successful in your endeavors.” Click
“Ha.”