CARL
It's been two days, and I'd rather wrestle a bear than go home and live under the same roof as Linda, ever. After her little rendezvous at the interview, I had been left with my last straw, and that was just the fact that she was pregnant.
Besides that, I couldn't face it anymore. I relived the disrespect over and over again but couldn't come up with an excuse for her actions as I normally did, all days of my life to make the torture just a bit easier to bear, but this time, it wasn't working out very nicely. Rather than anger, I was filled with disgust and repulsion for her. Being with her would only result in my outburst, and I had a lot to say to Linda, none of which was nice.
That wasn't all the problem. Alma haunted me like she was all I was made to think about. The five years without her had completely vanished from my eyes like it never fucking happened, and I continued to question how I even survived so far without her. There was just a pull that I could not explain, and it drove me mad!
It gnawed at my soul. My sanity was worn thin and slacked out. The guilt alone ate me alive, and every single time I thought of how she looked at me, my heart sank. I was completely enveloped by the cold hands of pain, and it wasn't a good feeling. Every single morning, I lived with a heavy heart that was barely beating.
I slipped out of bed and pulled up the blinds, gazing over the streets of fleeting cars and busy people. A few minutes more, and I'd be one of those, again. Life was beginning to appear meaningless. Everything was wrong, and the biggest mistake I made was waiting too long to go after Alma. How did I think I had it all?
Why was I stupid enough to sign those divorce papers, only to wait five long years before preparing to sign another? My fingers racked my hair and angrily pulled down the blinds. I was busy by the coffee table when the sound of my ringtone filled the room, and I turned back to the bed to pick it up. Not like I didn't already know who it was.
I sighed as I glanced over the seventy-second missed call from Linda, followed by the fifty-sixth text. I swiped it off my screen without bothering to check. After my meeting with my lawyer, I'd be willing to go home for whatever time we had left, but I needed to go with the papers.
The divorce papers. Whatever this relationship I had with Linda was, it had to end here before it was too late. I wanted Alma back, but that wasn't all the reason I wanted a divorce. Linda was way too exhausting to deal with, and I was done with her attitude problem.
It was over now. If my child came into the picture, then I'd be there to support him like a good father would, but I didn't want to have anything to do with Linda anymore.
*
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Beverly asked. We went through the paperwork together. I had invited her to the suite. Beverly was the best legal practitioner I knew and also my lawyer. She'd worked with me for what seemed to be an eternity, and she knew all of my business, including my pending divorce.
Weighing the pros and cons, I was sure as hell that I wanted nothing to do with Linda. I shook my head slightly. "I'm sure, Beverly. Let's get this over with."
"I watched your interview," she said as she slouched against the chair. Note to self, Beverly was as much of a social psychology analyst as she was a lawyer, and that look on her face showed that I was being psyched right now. She must have noticed something. "It was nice."
"Nice?" I scoffed as my brow pinched together, and I brought the cup of piping hot coffee to my lips. It was the third cup I was having. Sue me. "What do you have to say, Beverly? What am I getting diagnosed with this time?"
A knowing grin crossed her face, and there was that tinge of mockery spread across it. I rolled my eyes so far back as I expected the words.
"I told you so," she declared triumphantly, and it lingered in the air. "Aside from being your lawyer, I'm also the closest thing you have to being a friend, and I...told you so! I told you it would come to this when you came for the first papers, and boyyy! Was I right?"
"Stop sounding so cocky!"
"I'm only mirroring you, Dear Mr. Harrison!" She exclaimed, still sneering. "Do you want my advice as a friend or as a lawyer?"
"You're not my friend."
"Oh, as a lawyer then--"
"No, wait!" I sounded way too eager. "I mean, I suppose you could pretend to be my friend for just a little time. Go crazy with your...diagnosis and judgment."
"Oh! Free reigns," she rubbed her hands together to emphasize excitement, and it just pissed me off. "So here it is, any relationship that was built on the basis of chaos is doomed to break apart the same way, Carl. Now look at this, you're on the verge of another divorce, and it was something you could have avoided!"
"I suppose I could change the past then. I would Barry-Allen my way through it," I complained with clenched teeth as my tone dripped with sarcasm. "Beverly, my decision kills me every night, and yes, you are, once again, correct. I could have handled things better. I could have not hurt Alma like that, but I was blinded by something so flashy that I buried my true feelings, and now, it was back to bite me in the ass!"
I was breathless, pained, sweaty, annoyed. There were so many emotions, so much hate that was directed toward myself more than anyone else. Beverly's smile disappeared.
"Oh, you do have a heart!"
"Surprise," the word fell out empty, void of any enthusiasm. "So if you're going to ask me if I regret it? I do! I fucking regret letting Alma go. I regret it every day, and yes, I'm so sure I want a divorce. I can't keep folding myself into something I'm not for Linda, and I don't want it to get worse than this, either. If I can't be honest now, I'd be making the same mistake I made five years ago. We both know that speaks nothing of growth or dignity."
Beverly smacked her lips and pressed her glasses tighter to her nose bridge. Her eyes flicked to mine, and she looked at me like anyone would as a puppy in the rain. "No, we're not doing that look," I defended. "Don't look at me like that."
She pouted. "You just remind me so much of my son when his kindergarten crush didn't like him back!" Beverly finally said, and I couldn't keep from laughing.
Seriously? The last time I'd genuinely laughed was when I met Alma's daughter. "You just likened me to your six-year-old."
"Seven," she corrected. "My baby is a big boy now!"
I couldn't help but think that if I hadn't messed up terribly, I might have been opportune to call someone my child. For no reason at all did my mind keep drifting to Velma. Her green eyes, and her keen interest in everything, just like her mother. Her brilliance and curiosity. Was I going mad?
Was I trying to tape bits and pieces of information just to make myself feel good?
"Oh! I got to run!" Beverly jumped from her seat as she glanced at her wristwatch. "I have to pick my son up in an hour, Carl. His father is out of town for today. I'll send you the paperwork and hers, too. Since you're sure of it, then I guess it can't be helped. I really hope it gets easier for you from here on out, and with Alma, too."
"A-Alma? What has she got to do w-with anything?" I stuttered.
"You should see your eyes lit up at the slight mention of her name. You are down bad!"
"Down bad?"
Beverly rolled her eyes. "You should really join TikTok."
I stuffed my hand in my pocket as I escorted her to the door. "Oh, I know TikTok, alright. I know every social media application there is. I am awake."
"You mean woke?"
"Potato potato."
I walked before her and helped her open the door. Rather than Beverly's going out, I made the mistake of letting a devil in. Linda was right before the door, her knuckles out as though she were about to knock.
How did she find me here? I was flabbergasted, and she pushed her way in like an insane person, yelling incoherently. "What are you doing here!?" I barked at her. "What the hell are you doing here?"
The door was trapped shut, and Beverly was behind me, but Linda's presence still had me so deeply unsettled that I could think of nothing else.
She eyed Beverly as she panted. "Is this her? Is this the reason why you left me for fifty-six fucking hours, thirty-seven minutes, and four seconds!? Your break is fucking over, Carl! Did you bring her here to fucking cheat on me, Carl!? Is this what I have to deal with now? You're fucking old women in suits now, Carl!?"
She pointed accusatory fingers at Beverly, who remained quiet, although flustered. Linda flung her bag in Beverly's direction, and it hit the wall with a loud thud. "You shameless whore! You wanted a bit of that billion's dick, didn't you!? How are you so fucking shameless!?"
Fucking hell! "Are you insane?!" I grabbed both her arms and held them over her head, and she dropped to the floor, kicking like she battled unnamed spirits.
"I'm pregnant! I'm carrying your child, and you're brave enough to cheat on me with this arched-back bitch!" She cried. "Carl...you cheated on me! You fucking cheated!"
I turned to Beverly briefly. "Christ, Beverly, I'm so sorry you had to witness this. I'll give you a call. Password is 1244. Please take your leave. I'm so sorry!"
"Let go of me! Let me go, Carl! I need to teach that gold digger a lesson!"
Beverly gave me a curt nod while I desperately held on to the wild animal I called a wife. "It's okay, I understand. Thank you."
"You understand!?" Linda kicked again, flinging her heels off her legs. "That's how you'd get understood in the mental hospital, you low-life whore in a fucking suit! I will find you, I swear! I would fucking ruin your life, Beverly! I'd get you!"
I waited until Beverly was out the door before I let Linda go and blocked the door while she tried to claw her way out. What a fucking wild dog! My brain was going fuzzy, and thank God for self-restraint; I'd love nothing more than to send just one punch across her small face and have her shut the hell up!
Linda grabbed my collar and shouted. "You could have added it in the vows then! You should have added how much you'd like to cheat with a woman who can barely see your dick without those stupid spectacles!" Her hands slipped down, and she crashed to the floor again, resuming another round of weeping that irritated the hell out of my ears. "You should have told me you liked to fucking women in suits, and I'd have worn a suit for you every night of my life! I'm pregnant, and you do this to me? Carl!?"
"How did you find me here?"
"Your car!" She blurted. "Your car gave it away, you..." then, her voice faded into nothing.
There and then, it clicked in my head. My eyebrows furrowed, and I thought to myself. No, she's not that unhinged. But it was Linda; being unhinged was her forte.
"Don't tell me...you had a tracker placed on my car?"
"Carl, I'm preg--"
"LINDA!" I growled as I went down to her level and lifted her head up to mine with my index finger. "Did you have a tracker placed on my car?"
"All that matters right now is our baby and the fact that you cheated on me!"
She did. She tracked my car. My mouth fell agape. What else did she fucking do?! Oh, no. No way. No freaking way. "Get up."
"But Carl--"
"Get up this instant!"
Linda shuddered, fear crossing her eyes, and then she picked herself up off the floor reluctantly. "Carl, please, I--"
"Get out!" I placed my hand on her lower back and pushed her as gently as I could, contrary to how much rage I tried to bottle.
"I'm sorry."
I forced her all the way to the door and opened it, giving her one last push until she was out in the doorway. "My lawyer, Beverly, will reach out to you with our divorce papers. I do not ever want to see you again, Linda. Not in this life or the next."