Maeve
“Maeve–”
“I can explain–”
“You’re pregnant?” Brie’s voice cracks, her dark brown eyes wide with shock and then a sudden, choking grief. “What? How? When?”
I raise my hands in surrender, trembling, wondering how to even begin, but Brie steps toward me, her brows furrowed in confusion. “Maeve, you’re massive!”
“Uh, thanks,” I snarl, but tears begin to prickle along my eyelashes.
“You’re–you have to be nearing the end of the pregnancy, aren’t you? Why haven’t you told anyone? I didn’t know. Mom doesn’t know–”
“I wanted it that way.”
“You didn’t tell the family? You’ve been pregnant this whole time, on the tour.” Her eyes widen as she thinks out loud. “You were pregnant during the coronation, weren’t you?”
“I didn’t know yet, not at that point, but a few days later–”
“You found out when the family was gathered, and you didn’t say anything?” Tears stain her cheeks like ribbons of silver. “You didn’t tell me?”
“What the fuck was I supposed to say?” I bite out, the room around me blurring as tears fill my eyes.
She shakes her head, her lips pulled tightly together. “I don’t believe you. How could you–”
“It’s my baby, and it was my decision to keep this a secret for her safety–”
“You’re having a girl?” Her anger shatters for a moment, and it’s enough to absolutely wreck me.
I desperately try to rein myself in, but my entire body is shaking at this point. I nod in confirmation, sniffling, teetering on the edge of losing control entirely.
“I figured it would be best to just introduce her to the family when she arrives. I didn’t want the public to know I was pregnant. It was none of their business.”
“Goddess, Maeve–”
“I’ve been fine. We’re both healthy. I have a midwife–”
“You’ve been going through this on your own–”
“I am fine,” I press, talking over her.
“What about her father? Who is he?”
I close my eyes against the anguish twisting to life, rendering my lungs useless.
“Where is he? Have any of us met him?”
“No,” I whisper, curling my arms around my middle, squeezing tight in an attempt to shield myself from the feelings trying to claw free.
“Is he–he’s helping you, right?”
I open my eyes to meet her astonished gaze. Tears slide free, drenching my cheeks, and her expression fumbles into outright confusion.
She’s never seen me like this–this… emotional. This broken. No one has.
“I had a plan,” I say without meaning to speak. “I’d have the baby, and… everything we know about the Firestone queens points to their use of breeders. I’d say her father was chosen for specific traits and strengths, that I chose him as a breeder, and…” I suck in a breath. “Everyone would understand. That’s what I told myself. I’m cold and blunt by nature. They wouldn’t question my decision because–because I’m me. I don’t feel things like affection and love–”
“Maeve–”
“It was going to be just business,” I say pointedly while tears continue to flood down my face, slipping down my neck and into my robe. “I had it all planned out.”
Brie exhales sharply, her breath rattling.
“And I was going to just forget about him eventually. I tell myself that every day, that I’ll forget. That eventually I won’t remember his name–”
“Oh, gods, Maeve,” Brie says under her breath as I begin to shatter into pieces in front of her, the space of a bath mat between us.
“But I can’t,” I grind out through tears, the words laced with pain. “I hate this. I feel like I’m stuck underwater, and I can’t breathe. I force myself to eat. I haven’t had an appetite in months. I can’t function, Brie. I feel like I’m–I’m living outside of my own body, and who I was before is just gone. I can’t find her.” I brace a hand on the counter to stop myself from falling to my knees. My sister is silent, watching me dissolve into sobs. “I barely knew him, you know? People hook up all the time, and it means nothing, and I figured… I figured what I felt in those first days would pass. The confusion. That tightness in my chest whenever I thought of him–”
“Maeve–”
“I don’t understand why this is happening to me,” I gut out, meeting her eyes. “I don’t get it.”
She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. Her lips shut tight as her gaze falls to her toes, her hair still wet from her shower and curling around her shoulders as she shakes her head. “What happened, Maeve? Where did you meet him?”
“He broke into the castle and stole all of my jewelry.”
“What?”
I laugh through the tears at the absurdity of it.
“You’re joking–”
“He stole my jewelry, and I beat the shit out of him for it, but he escaped, and I… followed him, and then went on the adventure of my life for the next week or so and…” I look down at my hands, imagining Soren’s body pressed to mine in that abandoned building. I imagine him pressing my wrists above my head, his fingers woven with mine. “He broke my moonstone necklace. It’s why I stopped wearing it. I… it was a few weeks before the Rite. I didn’t have power left after chasing him down, and he… he got me home safely.”
Brie looks lost, but… It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing I can say about what happened to me that wouldn’t blow his cover. I promised to take his identity to the grave, going as far as to erase any news about the assassin from the media. Three more Alphas were found murdered over the past few weeks, and I knew it was him. I sent the Ghosts on a wild goose chase in the wrong direction on purpose. I’ve been protecting him.
Even against… my own sister.
“You have to tell me everything–”
“There’s not much to say.”
“Maeve, are you serious? You–you love him–”
“I–” I cut myself off, shocked that that’s what she’s most worried about, not the fact that I just told her the unorthodox way we met and how I was technically missing for week without anyone knowing.
“Where is he now?”
“I don’t know–”
“Does he… know?”
I shake my head, tears flying free. “No.”
“Why not–”
“Because we can’t be together, Brie. For fuck’s sake, I know you can’t understand, and there’s so little I can say, but we… we both knew that there wasn’t a future for us. I’m the Queen of Eastonia, and he’s… he’s not… he can’t.”
Brie steps closer but doesn’t reach for me. Her hand hovers near my shoulder before her fingers form a fist and drop back to her side. I turn to face the counter. I’m not shocked by my reflection in the mirror. I look like I’ve been dragged through hell because I have, for months.
“I can help you find him–”
“No.”
“Maeve, be serious–”
“I’m deathly serious, Brie. He doesn’t know, and I think it should stay that way. He’ll feel like he owes me something–”
“He’s the father of your child–”
“And that’s it. He can’t possibly match the way I feel. I’m obsessed, and it’s unhealthy–”
“You’re heartbroken. It’s obvious. You were so–so disconnected from everyone when the family was in Moonrise for the coronation, and now I understand why. You should have told me what happened.”
“I can’t tell you anything–”
“Why not? I’m your sister!”
“Because his life is at stake.”
That confusion flashes behind her eyes again, but I wave her away.
“Maeve, I don’t like this–”
“It’s not your responsibility–”
“What is he like?”
My heart quakes. Her words are so soft, so gentle, barely a whisper in the steamy, post-bath air. “He’s… annoying,” I whisper, chuckling around a weak sob. “He’s temperamental and brutal. He doesn’t have a filter for his words. He flipped me off once, but I deserved it.” I close my eyes. “He doesn’t ever think about himself. Everything he does is for someone else. He’s loyal to a fault, honestly, but he doesn’t realize it. He thinks he’s a bad man, someone people need to stay away from, but he’s really just… terribly, unequivocally, devoted to those he loves.”
I reach up to wipe my tears. My cheeks are soaked, and my skin is heated, but… a burden lifts from my chest with each word I say. I haven’t spoken about him out loud in so long. It feels good.
“He’s tall,” I continue, sniffling. “Taller than me. My head reaches the crook of his shoulder, and that’s a feat in itself. He’s handsome. He’s young, twenty-six when we met, and… he’s had a hard life. Still does.”
“And what was he like with you?”
My knees start to give out as exhaustion washes through me, dragging me into its current. I grip the counter and slide to my knees then rest against the cabinets. Brie follows me to the floor, her back against the glass door of the shower.
“He hated me at first, I think. I hated him. At least, I thought I did. He was, and still is, the only man outside of the family who has ever looked me in the eyes. He wasn’t afraid of me. If anything, he egged me on. He broke my necklace and wasn’t sorry about it, wasn’t afraid of the promise of what I could do to him when my powers returned. In fact, I think he wanted to see it. And… when it was clear that I didn’t have a way to get back home on my own, he took me in. At first, he was standoffish, but there were a few… situations where… where he was possessive of me. Protective.” I close my eyes against the detailed memory of killing Duke and the event leading up to, and following, that night. “But he was also… funny, and sarcastic. He’d tease me constantly, and I feel for it all the time. He loved getting under my skin, and I loved that he could.”
I lick my lips, finding them impossibly dry.
“I saw a different side of him the night we…” I taper off, my cheeks glowing red. “Afterward, I made him tell me everything–everything that made him the way he is, and I learned… too much, I think. If he were really as bad as he thinks he is, as bad as he wants me to believe, I could have pushed past these feelings, but… he’s just trapped in a cage, and he can’t get out. He knows it. I know it.” Fresh tears spring free. “And he wouldn’t drag me down with him even though I begged him to come with me. He wouldn’t. We went to bed that last night, and… for a moment I had everything. I was warm, safe, and loved. And then we woke up, and I think we both knew it was over.”
“And I… I grew up knowing I’d never find a mate. It’s not in my blood. I let myself grow cold and emotionless, thinking I’d never be able to feel that strongly for someone else, but then I saw you and Logan together, and I… I was jealous,” I admit, meeting her eyes. “Seeing him love you. Seeing him love the child you gave him…. I want that. But… I left my heart in the Roguelands, and I don’t know how to find it again. I think it’s gone forever.”
“Then let me help you find him–”
“We can’t.” I sniffle, sitting up and shaking my head. I know Brie wants every detail, but there’s so little I can say.
“Is he… in danger?”
“Yes.”
“Our family–”
“He’d be in danger around our family, too. More so, I believe, if…” I shake my head again. She can’t know. I swore to myself I’d take his identity to the grave. His past, his future, and his name.
Brie scooches closer to me, reaching a tentative hand toward me. Her touch is warm and soft, a comfort I hadn’t realized I needed.
“You’re using your magic to shield the pregnancy, aren’t you?”
I nod, and she smiles sadly.
“I won’t tell anyone, Maeve, but Mom is going to be heartbroken.”
“I know. I just can’t.”
“I get it. It’s going to be okay. You should have told me. You should… find a way to tell him.” When I start to protest, she shakes her head, continuing, “I just mean that he should know. He should know you feel this strongly about him.”
“It’s crazy, isn’t it–”
“Not at all.”