Maeve
“It’s stunning. Just stunning,” Mom says as she walks a wide circle around me, her eyes glued to the gown taking up what feels like half the room. Muted pink wallpaper with gold trim takes up my vision while I stand with my back to a row of floor length mirrors, looking over the heads of Mom, Misty, Sarah, Maddy, and Aviva, all of whom are working in tandem to stretch the train the length of the room–the largest sitting room in the private royal suite on the sixth floor of the castle.
“We’re running out of room back here,” Aviva says a great distance away, her voice lifted in a soft laugh. “How is she supposed to walk in this?”
“It won’t be that far of a walk,” Mom replies, matching Aviva’s smile, but her eyes give away the crippling anxiety she’s feeling as she gazes down the train that easily weighs a hundred pounds and stretches over a hundred yards–at least. “Plus, she’ll have attendants to carry the train for her into the temple, and from there, the procession is only a few dozen yards, I believe… I should measure.” She whirls away, murmuring under her breath, but I watch my family members continue to look at the train, scratching their heads.
I don’t feel the weight of the train biting into my hips hard enough to leave bruises–the deep, angry kind that’ll take days to fade. I barely feel the pinch of the impossibly tight corset or the way the boning pushes my breasts to unbelievable heights. I know I look stunning. This gown has been in production for months now, every stitch perfected, every bead of ruby, crystal, and moonstone carved, polished, and stitched in place with impeccable skill. The fabric is a deep, burnt crimson–dark, and heavy–and brings out the golden sheen to my skin. I slowly, carefully, turn just a touch to face the mirrors, running my fingertips over the neckline, which is wide, showing off my shoulders, before long sleeves of the same heavily beaded material cinch at my wrists.
“And once the ceremony is over, I think Sarah and Aviva should be the ones to take her aside and remove the train. You two are the strongest,” Maddy says over the soft chords of conversation bouncing through the room. Sarah smirks at Aviva, her violet eyes dancing with both mischief and pride.
Misty scoffs at her mother, but Maddy waves her off, mentioning something about Misty needing to be ready to help stuff me into the car that will race me back to the castle where I’ll step out onto the wide balcony overlooking the city and show my face to my public, my people, as their queen–for the first time.
The coronation is a private event–a sacred one. I’m not sure who all will be in attendance other than my family, but I do know my grandma Ella has been fielding press for days now, everyone clamoring to get their cameras into the temple to broadcast the ceremony.
“Maeve?”
I jerk, startled out of my mind as I turn to Maddy who appears at my side with Sarah. “Yeah? Sorry, I was just–just thinking…” My voice breaks as I turn away from my reflection. The dress is beautiful. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever worn. I picked the color out myself, spent ages going back and forth about the design, the details, the way it should fit.
But my reflection in the mirror was different then. While my powers are steadily, but slowly, returning as the moon cycle drifts closer to the full moon, the light in my eyes is gone, my cheeks hollow, my skin pale.
It’s been easy enough to get away with it–with the eternal frown that now pinches my brows together like I have a constant, blinding headache. My family started arriving at the castle a few days ago in droves, everyone settling into their private, dedicated suites and preparing for the coronation and Sacred Rite to follow. The castle is busier than I’ve ever seen, and the noise is the distraction I needed from the agony tearing my heart to shreds.
I try to ignore it. I’ve been trying to ignore it since I came home two weeks ago. I’m used to wearing a mask of indifference, burying my feelings, pretending I’m a goddess, the fearless, all powerful witch, instead of just a heartbroken girl who just realized my life was broken into two parts.
Before him and after him.
“Let’s get you out of the dress, honey,” Maddy says gently. “It weighs a ton.” Her silver hair is pulled back in a ponytail that shimmers against her shoulder. She and Misty start removing the train, with me gripping their shoulders to hold myself steady.
I watch Mom, Aviva, and Sarah on the far side of the room, a shouting distance away, while they stretch a tape measure across the width of the fabric, Aviva crawling on her hands and knees across it with the tape measurer clamped between her teeth while Sarah points at places without bead work, and I smile at the sight.
No one knows I was gone. No one knows I killed one man and fell in love with another.
It’s killing me.
It takes them thirty minutes to get the gown off. Maddy helps me into a robe, wincing at the deep, red marks the boning left on my hips, breasts, and thighs before cinching the robe in place. “You look tired, Maeve. Are you feeling okay?”
“I haven’t slept much,” I admit, which is true. I smooth my fingers over my stomach, over the ache where the train rested on my hips. It was a bit tighter than before, but there’s nothing I can do about it now other than make Jane force me to stop lying in bed, stuffing my face with chocolates and those croissants filled with vanilla cream I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, which is the only time I’m not thinking about Soren.
“Go get some rest. Your grandma is handling the business end of things, so you have the night to yourself. We’ll get you up bright and early to begin getting ready, however. Do you still want your hair up?”
I nod, bleary eyed, my gaze sliding to the windows where the golden light of sunset is starting to paint the sky.
This time tomorrow, I’ll be kneeling in front of the High Priestess of Eastonia, the head of the church, while she crowns me queen.
My heart skips a beat as I hurry out of the room, nodding and giving tight smiles to the maids scurrying in every direction. I take the main stairs to the fifth floor, and in the wide, open stairwell that drops a dizzying all those stories from ceiling to the grand foyer, I can hear the ever persistent hum of the growing crowd beyond the castle gates.
I cut into a servants’ hallway to make my journey to my private rooms a little shorter. At least, this is where I’m staying tonight before I officially move to my grandparents' old quarters, now that my renovations to the place are nearly done,
I slide through the door to my royal apartment and close it behind me with a sigh, drinking in the silence, but it’s painful.
Beneath my feet, the carpet–the white, fluffy carpet Jane somehow managed to clean of Soren's blood, leaving not a single trace that he was here once, catches my attention, and I feel the tears I’ve been fighting every damn day since I came home burning along my lashes. I temporarily give in.
A single tear floats down my cheek. I wipe it away at the perfect moment because Brie huffs a breath as she comes into view, carrying a small suitcase of mine that she must have just fetched from my room.
“Oh, good. I wasn’t sure they’d let you go yet.” She smiles, looking radiant as usual.
“Where’s K?” I ask, my voice like gravel, but I straighten and turn toward the sitting room where the view of the city, and the enormous crowd below, is now blocked by heavy curtains to shield us from view of the public.
“He’s somewhere with Logan. I think all the guys have gathered upstairs for the day. Everyone’s a little nervous,” she adds under her breath, glancing at the windows as she sets the suitcase down. “I was just packing you something to wear to have handy after you go out on the balcony tomorrow. I figured you didn’t want to have to walk through the castle in that heavy gown a second time just to change. I know the Mystics will have you in white when you bless the couple performing the Rite tomorrow night, anyway, so this is just a new shift, some slippers, socks, you know.” She lifts one shoulder in a shrug, but her eyes are on the floor between us, on the carpet.
I haven’t told Brie what happened. I want to. I curl my hands into fists at my sides as the agony of my heartbreak becomes too much to bear, but I just… can’t.
I swallow it, burying it, adding another brick to the impenetrable wall of emotion now spiraling through my increasingly empty heart.
“Jane just dropped off a whole platter of pastries–”
I speed past her, nearly knocking her over in my haste to get to the little tea room where I normally take my meals, alone, because I’m constantly going to be alone here going forward, which is something I… I expected. Something I planned for without emotion, without feeling, because I’m already so alone in this world, even surrounded by family.
I grab one of the pastries, stuffing it into my mouth, not even tasting it.
“Are you okay?”
I wave Brie away. “Just hungry.”
She gives me a look. “Are you sure? You’ve been… kind of off since we got here–”
“I’m fine, Brie. Goddess. Why is everyone asking me that? I’m being crowned in less than a day, and people want to know if I’m fine?” The words come out sharp and tangled.
My sister stares at me, wide eyed.
I huff a breath, closing my eyes and counting to ten to try to relax. “I’m just–I’m just due for my courses any day now, of course, and about to be stuffed into that monster of a gown and paraded in front of everyone. I’m tired. I’m hungry. I’m–I’m not feeling like myself.”
“It’s a lot of pressure, I totally understand,” Brie begins, but I snap at her, again.
“You can’t possibly know how it feels to be me.”
She swallows back whatever reply she was about to say and sighs, plucking a pastry from the dish. “Maybe you should go to bed early tonight. It seems you could use it.”
“There’s no time. I have too much to do.” I bite into another pastry before turning away from her. “Is Blake here yet? I need to talk to him.”
“I haven’t seen him, but I know he’ll be here tomorrow for the coronation.”
“Do you talk to him much?” I ask, perching on the armrest of the couch along the wall. “I’ve been trying to get face to face with him for months, but he’s ignoring me. I haven’t seen him since the family gathered for Solstice last year.”
“That’s the last time I saw him,” she replies, eyeing me wearily. “Maeve, you’re kind of worrying me. Your coloring isn’t good. You’re a little gray.”
My stomach pitches, but I ignore it. “Like I just said, I’m due for my moon cycle. Of course, it’s the worst timing possible. I’m a few days late, actually, so I’m just–” I look down at my hands. Tell her. Just fucking tell her everything. She’s your sister.
“Do you need anything? Tea? Something for the pain?”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”
“I know this is a lot, Maeve. I know having the entire family here is also… overwhelming. Trust me. I feel it, too.” She lays a supportive hand on my shoulder. “But you’ve been waiting for this for years. You’re ready. You know exactly what to do. Being queen isn’t the hard part.”
“Then what’s the hard part?” I laugh, but tears fill my eyes against my will.
“Remaining you,” she answers, a sad smile touching the corners of her mouth. “Being Maeve, not just Queen Maeve.”
She has no clue. No idea that I spent a week free, untethered by my status, our family, the crushing responsibilities now saddled on my shoulders.
She has no idea I met someone who changed my life, and I have to take the secret of him to my grave.
He also… knew that there was no future with us together. He’s a murderer, a criminal, and I’m… this.
“I love you,” Brie says softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “You’re going to be fine, whatever comes.”
The next morning, the city descends into organized chaos with me at its center.