Carter
Declan, 20
Carter, 17
"Doesn't it scare you? Doesn't death scare you?"
"No, Carter, it doesn't. Not really. I've made it so there's nothing else left for me to do but die. I don't have my whole life ahead of me like you do."
"You can't say that—you can have a life—"
"Not like you can. So live it, all right? Find whatever I've been missing out on."
#
The MASH theme song is playing quietly, but no one's whistling. Where's Gabe? He always whistles along with it, no matter how many times he's heard it. It's his favorite show—a show he would probably pick to watch until the end of time if he had to. It's the show that made him decide to want to be a doctor and also the show that talked him out of being an army doctor.
"Gabe?" I whisper. My throat feels as if it were full of gravel—the sharp rocks suffocating me.
I feel movement somewhere beside me, but I can't open my eyes. They feel as if they were glued shut. "Carter—Gabe, I think she's awake."
Kara? This time my voice won't work. Where am I? What's wrong with me? I try to see, try to think, but nothing. Just bleak, black, darkness. Why do I feel like this? Waking up to MASH is a thing from my childhood. For a while after I moved in, I would wake up worrying about Tish, Declan, and Boone, or afraid someone would sneak into my room, so I’d go downstairs, curl up beside Gabe, and fall asleep while he watched TV. I stopped doing that a long time ago, and I usually leave him when he turns on MASH, so I can get some sleep before work.
"Honey, it's okay," Kara says, running her fingers over my face. "You're fine. Gabe, I think she's confused. She's panicking."
A hand squeezes my own, and then I feel lips press against my forehead before a deep voice, rumbling and rolling, whispers into my ear. "Pretty girl, open your eyes for me. You're safe, but you're in the hospital. C'mon, look at me. See you're safe." Boone.
His commanding voice forces me to open my eyes and look at him. At first, my vision is blurred, almost foggy, but then it clears. The first person I see is Boone, looking ragged and unshaven. He's obviously exhausted, and his eyes are wet, as if he'd been crying. He's sitting in a chair, his back bent and his neck craned uncomfortably so he can be close to me. Kara is on my other side with Gabe; they look just as terrified as Boone.
"You were shot, Carter. Do you remember that?" Boone asks.
Shot? I shake my head. I want to ask what happened and how and why, but I can't seem to.
Gabe clears his throat, somehow hearing my thoughts. "It was Tish and her dealer. They were looking for quick cash. They're both in custody now for this and other charges."
Kara grimaces. "Hopefully they're locked up for a long, long time. I don't understand how she could … she's so disgusting …"
I cover her hand with my own when she trails off on the verge of tears. It's sort of coming back to me, but not really. What I do know is Tish will do anything and everything for drugs, but not for me. The fact that Kara doesn't understand that shows she cares about me more than my mom ever could.
"You did some quick thinking, Carter. Saved your own life before anyone else could. You gave them your black card, knowing it would be traceable," Boone finishes.
Suddenly, it comes back to me. The whole night, along with why my shoulder is throbbing. I remember bleeding out on Declan's grave, worrying about Gabe, Kara, and Boone, and praying Tish would grow a heart.
It wasn't brave that I gave him the limitless card my dad gave me. It was just my last-ditch effort to survive. In a way, I was giving up by giving in to his demands. Kara forced our dad to give it to me when I was fourteen, telling him, "You've never given her anything, so it's time to give her everything." Dad verbally beat into me that it was to be used only for emergencies, but from his tone there was a definite but not even then. Putting his money in jeopardy was the only way for her to punish him for abandoning me. I hid it away in my wallet in a little slit you probably wouldn't even notice, trying to put it as far out of my mind as possible. I kept it for Kara, but I never planned to use it.
I gave it to Tish and her dealer, hoping it would give them what they wanted so they'd either kill me or leave. Honestly, I never considered the police could track the card. Even if they didn't know to do so, Dad would have definitely caught onto it being used. He wouldn't care because of me, but because someone was spending his money.
"They were going to buy and pawn stuff for cash," Gabe explains. "Thank God you thought to give them that after … How's your shoulder?"
On cue, my whole arms pulses with a sharp, hot pang. It's almost searing, like fire diving through my veins. Holy heck, I was shot.
Gabe stands, his chair skidding across the floor. He looks as if he can barely contain his emotions. “I’ll go get the doctor so he can check you over, then they can give you something for the pain.”
He leaves on his mission. Boone leans in and lays his head on my legs. I don’t realize until Kara reaches down to rub his back that he’s crying. Sobbing. That’s all it takes for my eyes to liquefy into tears.