Ryan stared into the depths of the amber liquid in his glass and asked himself for the umpteenth time, what he was still doing here.
The plan to drown out memories of the kiss that wasn't supposed to happen, had failed abysmally, if anything, the alcohol now buzzing through his system had only made things worse, taking a simple memory and amplifying it a million times, carrying events a step further by not only recreating the kiss, but now pictures of what could have happened if Sam hadn't stopped him, tormented him.
Maybe he would have stroked his way up her thighs till his fingers touched the heated spot between her legs. Maybe he would have swallowed her moans as he cupped her there, caressing through her soaked panties, while she held onto him for dear life, pleading against his mouth for more until he gave her what she wanted by slipping her panties aside and burying his finger in her hot, dripping pussy.
Maybe he'd add another finger, thumb stroking her clit, her cries of pleasure echoing in the small space while she rode his hand to an orgasm. He wouldn't just stop there, he'd go on his damn knees and taste, lick and suck until he made her come a second time, drinking in her juices as she screamed his name over and over again.
A burst of laughter from the other occupants in the room, pulled him back to reality, and for one terrifying moment, he thought they were laughing at the fact he was sporting a massive boner while indulging in lustful thoughts about his colleague.
He relaxed when he realized Jax, engaged in telling anecdotes about his adventures on the field had said something funny to set them off.
He sighed, shifting in his seat to ease the discomfort in his jeans, which were certainly not tailored to support a raging boner.
I should take up Landon's offer to hook me up.
He eyed the five women currently sitting beside two other of his college buddies; Jax and Lucas, who had been invited as well.
The girls were pretty enough, he thought, lifting his glass for a sip, as he studied them from above the rim.
The platinum blonde seemed besotted with Jax though, practically hanging onto his every word, and half draped over the NFL star.
Lucas, an applications manager at Apple, had come with his girl; a pretty redhead he'd introduced as Christie, and the two sat slightly apart from the group, engrossed in their own world.
He studied the pair, noting the attraction that swirled between them and shook his head.
That had once been Nicky and I.
He could remember the two of them, spending countless hours wrapped in a cocoon of what he'd assumed to be love but had turned out to be a fucking sham.
Love didn't exist, as far as he was concerned. It was just a side effect of one's brain short circuiting and sending warped signals. It was just lust, magnified, with a thick veil over its victim's eyes, blinding them to harsh truth.
Ah well. He hoped Lucas didn't come to discover that the way he had. He was a good guy, but a little too naive where women were concerned.
That left three out of the five. Two blondes were currently wrapped around Meyers, and Ryan didn't do blondes - not anymore, and the third, the woman who'd met him at the entrance, a lovely brunette named Heather, had been giving Ryan inviting looks, but for the life of him, he couldn't muster any interest.
He sighed again. Maybe it was time to leave. Just go home, take another cold shower and get some sleep. His stomach rumbled, and he amended the plan to include grabbing a bite to eat, before hitting his bed.
His cold, lonely bed. Ryan grimaced, gulped down the bourbon in his glass and amended the plan yet again.
"You okay man?" Meyers asked, noticing the grimace.
"Yeah," Ryan replied, and cleared his expression. He didn't want to give his friend the impression he wasn't enjoying himself tonight. In explanation, he lifted his glass. "Shouldn't have drank this neat, it burns like a mother."
Jax chuckled and shook his head at Ryan. "Getting old, Silverton? You used to toss them back like a champ in college. Pretty soon you'll be drinking only orange juice."
God! College seemed like a lifetime ago, but Jax was right. Back then, he'd been the envy of his friends for the ability to consume insane amounts of alcohol, get stinking drunk, but still able to function like a sober person, no hangover in sight.
After college, he had cut down on his drinking, until the night of the big, fucking disaster. He'd gotten wasted, and his body had reminded him he was no longer a stupid 22 year old kid.
"I can still drink you under the table any day," Ryan retorted, and turned to Lucas. "Who was it that couldn't hold his alcohol and mooned the cheerleading squad?"
"Man, that was epic!" Lucas replied, a wide grin on his face as he recalled the incident that had nearly gotten Jax kicked off the team. "Poor Maddie Wrinkle couldn't decide if she should kick his ass or drool over it."
Jax took the ribbing good-naturedly.
"She drooled all right," he looked smug and winked at one of the girls. "Once she caught sight of my other package, that was it."
"Speaking of packages," Meyers, who was busy looking down at the floor below piped up. "Check that out."
Ryan followed Meyer's pointing hand and looked down, his gaze falling on two women walking towards the bar. From this angle, he couldn't see their faces, and the dim lighting didn't help much. But there was no arguing their killer bodies, or the confidence they exuded like an aura around them.
Jax whistled. "Fuck me."
Despite the fact that the large, circular bar had six bartenders working as efficiently as possible, there was still a large crowd gathered around it. However, the two women made their way to the front, and just as miraculously, two bar stools became vacant for them, the poor guys who'd occupied them looking like they'd just won the lottery.
This new angle afforded the guys watching from above a good look at their faces and this time, it was Meyers who whistled in appreciation.
Ryan frowned, the face niggled his memory and he couldn't help but stare, as he tried to remember where he'd seen her before.
Then it struck him.
"Kimberly." Unaware he'd said the name out loud he missed the surprised looks his friends threw his way, his mind busy dredging up info on the woman, one thought in particular, ringing loudest.
Kimberly was friends with Nicky. Bitterness welled up in his throat as he recalled the first time Nicky had introduced Ryan to one of her bridesmaids at their engagement party.
Christ! He'd been such a besotted fool then, counting himself damn lucky the woman by his side, would soon be his to love and cherish.
How stupid he'd been, when Nicky looked up at him with eyes brimming with what he'd thought was genuine love and affection. If she had asked him to give up everything for her that night, he would willingly have done so. From the moment he'd met the lovely Nicola Gosling at one of his mother's charity galas, Ryan had taken one look at her and fallen. Hard.
Three years, four months, and six days later, he was still struggling to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.
"You know them?" Jax's question drew Ryan back to the present.
He took a moment to consider his answer. If he said he knew Kim, chances were the guys would want to know how, which would lead to a crap ton of explanations he wasn't ready to offer. Still, he couldn't outright deny it, since his fool mouth had blurted out her name.
He opted for evasiveness. "Only the one on the left. She's a…"
The word 'friend' stuck in his throat and he backtracked. "She's just an acquaintance."
When no one seemed interested in pursuing it further, he finally breathed easy, though his mood had turned to complete shit.
"I need to meet her." Meyers declared and stood, brushing off the blondes with a shrug and was out the door before anyone knew what was happening, leaving two very pissed off women behind.
"What the hell?" The one in a green dress stared in disbelief at the empty doorway. "Who the fuck does he think he is to treat me like a fucking dishrag?"
Ryan was pissed off as well at Meyers casual dismissal of the women, and from the look on Lucas' and his girl's face, he wasn't the only one. Even Jax, a bigger player than Meyers, looked disappointed.
The other blonde merely sniffed haughtily and with a glare that encompassed everyone in the room, she stalked off.
Jesus! Should have gone home while I still had the chance.
"I'm sure he didn't mean to treat you like that." Lucas was saying, his tone apologetic. His effort earned him a glare from Christie and he winced, knowing he'd made things worse.
The blonde thought so too. Her eyes narrowed, and she planted her hands on her hips. "You're making excuses for that asshole?"
"No, he's not." Ryan stepped in before Lucas landed himself in more shit. "Meyers acted like an asshole, and no one is arguing that."
"Well, tell him he can go stick a knife up his ass. I'm out of here."
Taking that as his cue, Ryan stood up to leave, spared one last glance at the floor and froze.
The women had left the bar and joined a small group seated close by. His blood turned to ice even as his brain struggled to accept what his damn eyes were seeing.
Holy fuck! Was that Sam?
She was sat next to some guy sporting a buzzcut and a leather jacket. Ryan spared him a glance, mouth set in a thin line as he noted the generic nice looking face and muscular build, and the besotted look in his eyes as he flirted with Sam.
So, that's the fiance? Lucky bastard.
Jesus! She looked so beautiful, his entire body ached. From his vantage point, he had a good view of her cleavage, and fuck if he wanted to go down there, gather her in his arms and take her away.
Still, knowing Sam, she'd tear him a new hole, if he so much as acted on his desire. She looked to be having a good time, though, and laughing at something…
Erin? Erin Gosling? Nicky's bosom friend and cousin?
What the hell was going on? And why did it feel like he'd stepped into the twilight zone, where his past and present clashed and erupted in a blaze of disaster.
His hand, still wrapped around the glass, sent tiny pin pricks up his arm. Looking down at his knuckles, white from gripping the glass so hard, he blinked, relaxed his grip and set the glass down, fully aware of how his body trembled.
"Hey, are you okay?" Lucas asked.
Ryan kept his gaze from the scene below and nodded in the affirmative, not trusting himself to speak. He sat down again, his mind torn between going down there and finding out what was going on, and just staying put.