Jenny’s POV
Enjoy the ride?
How about you enjoy kissing my ass instead?
It’s a good thing I was too angry to talk back at him the moment he started driving away from the house.
I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking me up on my metaphorical suggestion.
I put my seatbelt on forcibly and crossed my arms against my chest while trying to keep my tears at bay.
He knew exactly how much I hated being forced into something and he still did that to me again.
Why?
I pushed back my tears so I don’t appear so vulnerable and ask him.
“You know how much I hate being forced into something, and you still did it anyway. I thought you weren’t going to hurt me again Alex. Isn’t that what you promised me two nights ago?” I asked him reproachfully.
I saw his hand gripping the steering wheel tightly and his jaw clenching in a hard way.
It took him a while to talk and I thought he wasn’t going to answer me, but eventually he answered gently “I’m sorry if I hurt you. But I forced you because you left me no other choice, you forced me to act that way”
“You had a freaking choice! You could have accepted my decision and traveled alone!” I snapped angrily.
“That wasn’t an option Jenny. I can’t travel alone, I need someone to come with me or I will lose my mind! And the only person that can keep me sane right now is you” he admitted vulnerably.
That caught me off guard, for more than one reason.
Why would he lose his mind? And why would I be the only one he needed to stick by him out of everyone in his life?
He took a deep breath and said quietly “Look, I didn’t force you to come out of stubbornness just because you kept refusing me. I forced you because we have a lot to talk about, because I needed someone by my side, because I’m going through something and you’re the only one I can talk to about this. Non of that would be possible to do in that house. I have to get away for a few days and I needed….. I needed you because I didn’t want to be alone”
I stared at him astonishingly.
He keeps surprising me with how much he came to consider me as someone close to him enough to confide in. Not his brother, or his sister. Not even his mother. He wanted me to be with him.
But the more time I spend with him, the more attached I get, the more my mind plants confusing feelings into me, the more my heart opens up to him and invites him in.
I didn’t want any of that! That’s exactly why I didn’t want to be alone with him, why I didn’t want to go anywhere with him.
But he was making all that extremely difficult by saying that he needed me by his side, because there was something eating at him and he could only open up to me about it.
Selfish is not something I’m known for.
I always try to help those who need helping.
But, denying him my help would keep me safe from those damn feelings, denying him would probably hurt him and piss him off towards me enough, he might turn back and drop me off right now. And he might never consider glancing my way again.
It’s exactly what I wanted isn’t it?
To be totally ignored and left alone by him?
That was the only way I know how to keep myself safe from him, to protect myself.
But at the same time, I was never one to be so cruel and self centered to only care about my own needs and ignore his.
He was really struggling and going through something, and it wasn’t about him and me, it was something else entirely.
Something told me this was about the traitor.
I stayed quiet and looked out the window.
I was going to be the friend he needed on this trip.
I was going to stand by his side and try to work with him on whatever battle he was fighting through in his own head.
A friend.
Nothing more.
Good, now that’s settled.
Friends.
Just like me and Megan.
Perfect.
I can work with that.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked curiously.
I turned to him and saw him watching me intently.
“Right now, I’m thinking I don’t want to die in a car accident because my fake husband keeps looking at me instead of focusing on the road. Ten seconds ago, I was thinking that I…… will agree to take this trip with you without causing anymore problems about the way you kidnapped me right from the dining table and not to mention hit me on…. A sensitive area while you manhandled me in front of everyone” I said firmly.
He smiled a little as he averted his gaze towards the road.
“I can drive through this road with my eyes closed Jenny. You never have to worry about your safety when you’re with me. And can you blame me for looking at my beautiful fake wife? As for manhandling you and the spank, well you had it coming. You wouldn’t come any other way and the spank was because you were hurting me” he said innocently.
“I was hardly doing a thing, You’re like hard as a rock! My fist was the thing hurting actually not your back” I defended myself.
“Well, it’s all in the past now, like you said. However, I apologize for everything and I’m willing to accept my punishment for the uncivilized way I handled you at the house. Name it, I’ll accept it” he said sincerely.
“Anything?” I asked with narrowed eyes.
“Absolutely” he said right away without any hesitation or second thoughts.
I looked at the road, considering how to best utilize that wild card he just gave me.
“I’ll think about it and get back to you” I said professionally.
“The chance to choose my punishment expires by the end of the trip, thought I should tell you” he said amusingly.
“Noted. How long is this trip anyway?”
“Two days, we’ll return the morning of the third day to Snow”
I nodded my head.
“I didn’t pack anything, not even my…” I said in a little fear.
“Don’t worry, Sara packed everything you might need, your medical bag included” he said reassuringly.
He was certainly extra prepared for everything.
I let it go, just like I promised.
After some stretch of silence, something occurred to me.
“I thought you can’t travel out of Snow. Aren’t you wanted or something?”
He looked at me with raised eyebrows and an amused look.
I felt self conscious when he stared at me like that, so I averted my gaze back to the road. At least one of us should pay attention to it.
“I’m not wanted, who told you that I was?” he asked amusingly.
“I don’t know, the town people talk a lot about your family. They say you’re wanted for suspicion of unsolved crimes and illegal criminal activities….or something like that” I said sheepishly, feeling like I shouldn’t have asked him about something like that, but I was curious at the same time. I wanted to know how much was true and how much was not.
“There was something like that a while back, but our attorney Erik got those things cleared out for us. We’re totally legally abiding citizens, don’t worry”
“So, you didn’t actually kill anyone who stood in your way? ” I asked carefully.
“Yes, I killed them” he said simply.
That made my heart beat faster… a little bit.
“How many?”
“Many”
“How did you get away with it then?” I asked rigidly.
“I have a good attorney” he said mysteriously.
I mean a part of me always knew he was a killer.
He had blood on his hands.
But somehow, that wasn’t the first thing that pops into my head whenever I look at him.
Even at first, when I despised him and feared him immensely, he didn’t look like a cold blooded killer to me.
I knew for a fact that the altercation he had with the Walkers after my father died resulted in very few casualties and a lot more non fatal wounds.
It was his orders to his men to shoot to injure not kill, that prevented that battle from turning into a blood bath.
He even made sure his men took care of all the injured Walkers and delivered them to the hospital in their own cars.
A cold blooded killer definitely doesn’t act like that.
“Scared? Disgusted? Repulsed? What feelings do I bring out in you Jenny?” he asked intensely.
There was a certain hint of vulnerability and hardness at the same time in his expression.
I didn’t feel any of those things when I thought of him. I felt….
“Protected” I said softly.
His eyes conveyed his shock at my weird choice of judgment to his character.
“How is that?” he asked tightly.
“You don’t kill unnecessarily. You kill because you’re forced to protect your family and your town. You kill to keep us all from being killed. There is nothing repulsing or scary about that. It makes me feel protected because I know if I ever end up being in danger, you’d do anything to protect me” I answered honestly.
But protect me as my what? Fake husband? Friend? One of his town people?
I felt like I needed to clarify my position in my mind and in his. To draw a line loud and clear for him not to cross during this trip, so I supplied quickly “As one of the town people, I mean. I know I’m perfectly safe to have you as the head of the town because I know you’ll do everything you have to to keep us protected”
He gave me a weird look I couldn’t comprehend as he stared at me.
I kept my eyes on the road while he continued to gaze at me.
All I could think of at that moment, was that he was definitely going to get us into an accident by constantly turning to stare at me and paying very little attention to the road.
But still….. I felt protected, despite his reckless driving.