WEDDING FEVER
"Nah! I don't like this one either." I say, and if I can vividly recall, this is the gown I am rejecting. I feel nothing bad about it, though. I am just after my heart wants. I want something unique. Something that will make me look on my big day.
"You don't?" I shake my head at Rita's question. "Come on, Tania! This is the third shop we are in and you haven't liked any of the gowns you have fitted? Are looking for a heaven-made gown or what? Let me ask, what's the picture of a gown that you are looking for?" Her reaction shows she is getting pissed . I understand her, but what can I do? I just don't like all of these.
This is my wedding we are talking about here, a special day that comes once in a . I want to look my best. I want to look spectacular to Andy. I want him to the best version of me that he has never seen before. I want him to look at me day as I walk down the aisle and fall in love with me a million times more. I his eyes to be always glued on me that whole day. I want to see a different in his eyes that day. I want to be the most beautiful bride that the world has seen. And how can I do that if I don't get a gown that my heart wants?
Something I am comfortable with?
"What am I supposed to do, Rita? Pick just any rag in the tag of a wedding dress to you or the seller? No freaking way I am doing that! If you are tired just . Go home. I will do this on my own." I snap, and I swear it wasn't intentional.
This has been me for the last couple of days. I don't know. As the big day gets , I am becoming more paranoid about the smallest things, and I find myself and yelling at someone without knowing. We are just a week away, and though a lot has been done, I can't explain why I feel so much anxiety. The planners have a very compromising picture of me from my usual self I am always on their necks. I am probably the most arduous bride they ever dealt with. The shop attendants who have come across me today think I a very nagging, picky, snobby, bitchy, name them all. I just can't control myself.
"I am sorry, bestie. I didn't mean to snap." I apologize to Rita, and I feel awful right .
"What's happening to you, Tania? This is not how I know you." She implores, and concerned as a true best friend.
"I don't know, Rita. I just feel like I am under so much pressure right now." I say written all over me because I shouldn't act like a snobby bitch on someone has helped me get where I am right now.
I don't know what was going on in her little crazy head when she decided to bring and Andy together, but I will always be grateful to her for that. Her craziness brought about the birth of the purest and sweetest love there ever will be - the between Andy and me. The love between a caged heart and, what can I the condition of my heart before I met Andy? Clueless? Emotionless? I 't know. I had never been in love, except for that one-time fling I had with
Damian. But when I met Andy, nobody needed to explain the true meaning of love.
The spark was enough.
"Aah, miss?" She calls the shop attendant who catwalks to us right away. My! "It like the bride is suffering from a wedding fever right now. We will just grab bite outside then we will come back." The attendant smiles, and we stride out as I a deadly glare at my friend.
Wedding what?
I'm glad Andy didn't come with us. He so wanted to, but I was so against it. I am a girl with so many beliefs, and one of those beliefs is that it's a bad omen for bridegroom to see the bride in her wedding dress before the wedding day. That, with the fear of what the bad omen might bring, made me convince him . He concurred after a long argument, but that was only after I agreed to vice-versa too - he won't see me in my wedding dress, and I won't see him in wedding suit or attire or whatever he will choose for him and Angel. So now are out there somewhere, choosing their wedding attires with Angel, and
Ambrose and his daughter, Allysa.
"So, talk to me, bestie. What's happening to you?" Rita asks after we settle down in coffee shop nearby and ordered a cappuccino and some marble cake.
"I really don't know, Rita. I feel weird. Something like fear or something. I feel so pressure around me, and at the same time, I want everything to turn out just . I want to look special for Andy that day."
"Everything is under control. The wedding organizers are doing their final touches, , basically, you have nothing to worry about that. And this fear you are feeling, 's called wedding fever. The excitement and anxiety for the big day are what is you, my dear."
"I guess so." I say, sipping on my cappuccino.
"And about you looking special for Andy, you already passed that test when you the walls of his heart. When you made him fall for you, Tania, that is when became special. He loves you, dearly, and that alone should tell you how you are to him."
She is right. I don't have to beat myself over some things. Andy loves me, I am so of it, and that's the most important thing. I know I will look beautiful to him matter the kind of dress I choose for my wedding. So I should try to relax.
"Thank you, bestie. And sorry, for talking like a brat to you back there." I say.
"It's okay, bestie. I knew that wasn't you." She says, smiling like always.
I take another sip of my cappuccino, loving how well it drowns down my fear, but else has been baffling me, and I think it's high time I let it off my . You know, just to let it out.
"Aah, Rita?" I call, ice filling my stomach for what I am about to ask.
"Yes?"
"Doesn't..anybody know the whereabouts of Andy's first wife? She has never tried in touch with anybody. Isn't there a possibility of her returning? I mean, if she fell out of love with Andy, Angel is still in the picture. She might want reunite with her daughter."
She holds my hands.
"Listen to me, Tania. That loser has no right whatsoever to Andy or Angel. That is you should know, and no, she has never tried to get in touch with anyone."
"Isn't that weird though?" I ask.
"There is nothing weird about that, Tania. She would be a shameless sick bitch if dared come back to their lives."
"Alright." I don't know why I have been thinking about that woman these past few , but I think I am worrying myself for nothing. She didn't come back for three , she has no reason to come back now, right?
"You should be happy and excited about your wedding, Tania, not worrying about like these. And if it makes you feel better, I will break her legs before she get to you and Andy."
"And I will defend our love with everything I have got. I will not let anyone take
Andy away from me." I say, and I mean exactly that.
"That, is the spirit, bestie. Now let's hurry because we have to go back there and a gown for you. Or do you want to go somewhere else?"
"No. I love their designs and I believe if I kick aside the anxiety and paranoia, I find something that my heart will settle for."
"Great. Let's hurry because I am missing my hubby too."
I roll my eyes to cut her off before she starts elucidating the details of their last -out session. That's how open she is, and because I don't want to be in a mood right now, I call the shop attendant for the bill and ask her to pack coffee for takeaway. We agreed with Andy not to have sex until our wedding . It's been two weeks now and I am craving him. I am both hungry and thirsty sex. Listening to someone who will not spare even the deepest details of how had hot dark sex last night is a very bad idea for my needy self. I might jump my Andy and spread my legs on his face when I get home and forget all about damn agreement. Darn!