Chapter Nineteen
Tia came to with a start, realizing she was tied to a chair, facing a stove in a dirty apartment. The sun was just starting to come up by the shadows on the wall, and hell if she wasn’t surprised that she was still alive.
Blondie. Tia looked around and found Kate on her left, bound to a chair. Damn it, the bitch made bondage look good, the ropes crisscrossing her body, accentuating her breasts, her waist. Her hair was loose now, shoulder length with not a snarl. The younger woman took in a deep breath, her eyes closed, her face white but calm. Fearless, even.
“Blondie, why didn’t you run when I told you to?” Tia couldn’t believe the bitch didn’t run. She could have saved herself. But no, Blondie had to protect Tia instead. Stupid blonde.
“You’ve come to?” Blondie faced straight ahead, eyes still closed looking way too peaceful for a hostage situation.
“No, I’m cursing you from unconsciousness. What happened?”
“He knocked you out. I had to wait until he had his knife clear of your throat to run. But he jumped me and I went down. He knocked me out, too. And here we are.”
“Lovely. You know where he went?”
“No. I’ve been awake for a while, though.” Blondie shifted as much as the ropes would allow and opened her eyes to glance at Tia. “I think he used some chemical to knock us out longer, though. I don’t feel so good.”
Tia rolled her eyes. Of course he used something. She tasted inside her mouth. From the slight sweetness, she guessed plain old chloroform. “Didn’t they do that to you as practice? So you’d know what it was like, and so you’d know how to use it yourself?”
A faint smile passed her perfect lips. “I doubt Chase would allow anyone to knock me out on purpose.”
“Yeah, well, he should have.”
There was a long pause. Blondie closed her eyes and went back to looking fearless. Then she opened them and looked at Tia.
“So when he comes back, you know he’ll rape me first,” she whispered. “Just let him. Please. I don’t have the strength to fight him. If you let him take his time, Chase and Jake will come by then. They can save you.”
“How do you know they’ll come?”
“I have to apologize—I got myself into this, and you’re my collateral damage. I knew I was being followed, and I was stupid. I was going to prove to Chase once and for all I could take care of myself.”
“What did you do?” Jesus, no wonder she made a great partner for Jake. She was every bit as crazy.
“I lied about being tailed. I was, I knew it, and I wasn’t going to let Chase know. I was going to handle things on my own. And obviously it backfired.”
“You think?”
“Hindsight is twenty/twenty.”
Yes, it was, but it didn’t solve how they were going to escape. Tia struggled a bit, testing the ropes. Too tight. “How are they going to find us? We don’t even know where we are.”
“Am I still wearing a locket?”
Tia strained to look over. The gold locket was there, hanging from the perfect neck she wanted to strangle. “Yeah.”
“I installed a GPS chip in it. I left Chase directions on how to use the program I made to run it. It will get them close enough to find us if the battery doesn’t die.”
Tia stared at her. “You did all that, but you couldn’t just tell him you were being followed.”
“Did Jake tell you what Chase did? He planned my pregnancy so he could banish me from danger. He took away the last thing I had control over—whether or not I would be a mom. And quite honestly, I didn’t want to bring a kid into this. Any of this. I wasn’t going to let him lock me away in the house for six months.”
“You married him knowing he was controlling.”
“It’s what I love and hate about him.” Kate went still again, her face quiet. “All I wanted was to show them I wasn’t a damsel in distress, that I was stronger than they thought. I was wrong. So just tell them I’m sorry. Please?”
They. Them. She meant Jake as well as Chase.
“That’s it? You’re not going to fight.” Tia stared straight ahead at the dingy stove, wanting nothing more than to kick her ass from here to China, where the stove was made.
With a start, Tia finally understood what Jake meant in the danger of giving up. To give up the power meant there was no chance, like now, when Blondie just admitted that she was done. If Kate were to give in and accept the situation, she would still hold control. No way in hell was Tia going down without a fight, not when Jake waited for her.
Did she believe? Tia swallowed, hard. She didn’t know if she believed that Jake loved her, but she knew he was out there, somewhere, trying to save them. She was his partner and that right there was reason enough for him to hunt them down. And Chase would go to the ends of the Earth to find Kate. If they fought, then maybe…maybe there’d be time in the future for Tia to learn to trust. Learn to believe.
Somehow, Tia had to get Blondie to give in, accept their situation, so she could fight when the time was right. “Damn you. You hold both Chase and Jake’s hearts in your hands, and you’re going to surrender.”
“I know. I m weak. Pathetic even.” The faint smile appeared again, her eyes still closed.
“Get off your ass and fight him, so we can get out of here. Be a real spy, for Christ’s sake. You have two men who want you. A baby on the way. Fight, damn you.”
“It’s all I can do to sit here and not scream.”
Tia snorted and looked away. Weak, rookie Blondie. “I don’t know why they love you.”
“You think what you want to think, but I know Jake loves you. You have his heart, now. Not me. He took you home.”
Yeah, right. Stupid, possessive house. “And what about Chase?”
“He’ll be sad.” Kate sucked in a deep breath, one that made Tia look at her with a growing concern she really didn’t want or need at this point.
“What’s wrong with you? I know he didn’t shoot you. Did you break something when you fell?”
“I’m having a miscarriage, I think. Chloroform and babies don’t mix.” She shifted in the chair.
A miscarriage… Tia stared, her heart hammering in her chest at those words. Not a glimmer of the pain Kate must be feeling showed on her perfect face. Tia knew pain. If Kate could lose a child and not scream, she was one tough cookie. And unfortunately, Tia had a thing for tough girls.
Kate sighed. The pain must have passed, but she looked sickly pale and green, all at the same time. She gave Tia an apologetic look. “I’m surprised you didn’t realize. They tell me I can’t lie for beans.”
“You’d make them proud.” Tia reached over with her fingertips and brushed Kate’s hand. Kate took Tia’s fingers in hers and squeezed, hard.
“Well, I have to hide it, or when he comes back, it will be fast. We don’t know if he’ll rape you. He could just slit your throat and move on to me. And then where would our men be?”
Kate had a point. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“Why not? I’m not going anywhere.”
“What’s your safeword?”
“Christmas. Why?”
“Because Jake said a safeword once, and I thought it was yours.”
Kate inhaled sharply, and from the look on her face, it wasn’t because of the pain. “He told you about Paris.”
“Yes.”
“Then he loves you. He wouldn’t tell me about Paris. Not without Chase’s permission, and then he just made Chase tell me. I still don’t have all the details, but enough to know the hell Chase went through, and that Jake is the best friend a man could have.”
“I didn’t believe him when he said the safeword wasn’t yours.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell when Jake’s full of crap and when he’s being honest. He lies, he cons, he sweet talks, and he always gets what he wants.” Kate squeezed her hand then. “But he won’t lie to you about the important things. Not the things that matter.”
I don’t lie about the important stuff. Like loving you… Tia squirmed, wanting to believe them both.
“It explained a lot when he told me about his cover with Chase.” Tia shifted. “Why we all hate Paris for various reasons.”
“Yes.”
“Did you ever go home with Jake?”
“Not with Jake. Chase took me. That’s where he proposed, because I would have to follow the crazy house rules and say yes if I wanted sex. I sent Jake an engagement announcement photo taken in front of the house. I thought he’d like it.” Kate shifted.
“You didn’t ask how we got around the rule.”
“No, because Jake told me when he called Friday morning. He was upset with himself, and he didn’t know what to do. He hasn’t been in love in a long, long time. He used to talk about a Maria in his sleep, and I guessed she hurt him enough to make him the way he is. I never asked, though. I wasn’t brave enough.”
Tia never thought she’d feel anything but hatred for perfect Kate. Not anything that resembled a growing respect. Maybe even one day, a friendship. “You don’t love him.”
“No.” Kate bit her lip then, her face contorting for a long moment. It passed, and she gasped. “He’s all yours.”
“How much pain are you in?”
“An eleven on a scale of ten.” She breathed deep, and it was hard to believe she could get any paler, but she did. “I’m upright because I’m bound. The minute he unties me…” She shuddered. “It hurts more, because I know a part of Chase is dying. A part I hadn’t wanted, until right now. Sad, huh?”
“What about the part that is you?”
“It’s already gone.” She smiled very sadly. “Just tell them I’m sorry, okay? Tell Chase I love him, and I’m sorry.” And another wave of pain came, one she couldn’t hide. Tia squeezed her hand, harder, and felt like such a bitch. Kate didn’t deserve this, or anything Tia had felt for her. The anger, the hatred. The jealousy. She wasn’t the monster Tia imagined her to be.
The door rattled, and the key engaged in the lock. Their captor entered with a grocery bag in his arms. Tia hadn’t seen him before, because he’d been behind her the entire time. He was about five-ten, lean and disheveled looking in a short-sleeved button down shirt and jeans. His hair was dark brown and fairly short, the goatee and mustache well-groomed at one point but now starting to look unkempt. “How are my girls?”
Kate closed her eyes again, and said nothing. He set down the bag on the table and came to inspect them with a leering grin. “You not so glad to see me, pretty girl?” He kicked Kate’s leg, and she flinched, her eyes squeezed shut.
Tia knew then and there she couldn’t give up, let this man hurt Kate and then face Jake. There had to be something she could do, a way to lure him to her, to make him want her, first. She could make it last somehow and give the guys enough time to find them.
“Leave her alone,” Tia demanded.
“Why?” He arched a brow, and a shiver of fear rattled through Tia’s soul. His eyes held a hint of madness in their depths, madness that hinted of dark things to come. She reaffirmed her vow to save Kate. This man would rip her to shreds.
“She’s sick to her stomach, that’s why. She wants to barf.”
Kate opened her eyes and stared at her, the coldness there demanding Tia to go with the original plan. Tia shrugged in answer. She was doing this her way, not Kate’s.
“Yeah?” He grabbed Kate by the back of her head and made her stare up at him. He grinned down at her, his fingers delving deeper into the blonde strands, clenching harder. “When I’m done with her, she’ll do more than barf.”
Kate closed her eyes in surrender.
“What about me? What will you do to me?” Tia drew his attention the best way she could. He looked at her, assessing her with calculating eyes that made her skin crawl.
“Don’t,” Kate warned.
He laughed, but let go of Kate’s hair and stepped over to stand in front of Tia, his shins touching her bound legs. His fingers dove into her hair, his nails biting her scalp. She counted the buttons on his shirt to keep herself calm—there were six she could see.
He leaned forward and breathed in her ear, “You’ll die, too.”
“But you don’t have an issue with me. I can make things very enjoyable.”
He yanked her hair, pulling her head backward. She met his brown, insane eyes, unflinching in the gaze of madness although all she wanted to do was run like hell and take Kate with her.
“Maybe I like it rough,” she whispered, baiting the trap.
He tightened the hold on her hair, as if to call her bluff. “How rough?”
“How rough can you make it?” Tia asked, glad for once she didn’t mind pain of certain sorts. “I like it really, really rough. If you raped me, I’d love it. I’m a pain slut.”
He looked confused for a moment and released her with a small shove, as if disgusted. “Fucking Americans.”
Tia laughed softly. He had a little sanity left it seemed. But his madness liked the idea of her screaming in pain, enjoying the blood he’d spill. There’d be a lot of blood, from the look he now gave her from across the room. She tried not to think of how Jake would react, when he finally found her. She had a job to do.
“I like blood,” she whispered. His head snapped up from the bag on the table, his snake gaze absorbing hers. “I used to cut myself, all of the time. I made a man choke me once, to get me off. You could use me several times. Cut me, hurt me. I’d last a long, long time. If you did it right, I’d come as you killed me. Have you had a woman come as you killed her before?”
Asshole licked his lips, the madness intrigued. Tia shook away the pain, because it hurt to share her secrets with a madman, even if it was to save another. Suddenly, she was thankful she could compartmentalize her emotions. Fuck him or die now became an act without a safety net. She hoped she lived, though. She had so much to tell Jake.
Kate was staring at her now, all sorts of shocked, like Tia had killed her pony and trampled her flowers.
Their captor stared for what seemed like forever, the battle between crazy and sanity heating up behind his eyes. His breathing ratcheted up a notch, his chest rising and falling. She didn’t want to know what madness pictured doing to her, because his gaze was cold, slimy, and hateful.
Then sanity burst through for a second, looking confused, shocked, until madness took the bait she offered and shut down any hope Tia had of him releasing them.
She’d just sealed her deal with a monster, and the last minutes on her life’s clock were counting down at Mach ten. Fuck him or die had just become fuck him and die. She hoped Jake would hurry, but was losing faith. Very quickly, losing faith.
He withdrew a knife from a sheath attached to his belt, and instead of going to Tia, he went to Kate and stepped between her legs.
“I can’t wait for you to bleed, pretty American,” he said to Kate. He ran the tip of the blade along her jaw to her chin. He dug the point in so she had to tip her head up to look into his eyes. “I should just kill you first, and then use the high from revenge to make killing your friend even sweeter.”
No no no. Fuck. The deal wasn’t for Kate.
Tia cleared her throat. “She’d hate it if you made me bleed first. Killed me first. You want revenge? Real revenge? Make her suffer by using me first. It’s her fault I’m here. You think she’s happy about me being here? She’s scared shitless because if she survives this, her husband and boyfriend will kill her. She’s weak. That’s why you caught her. Use her weakness to make revenge even sweeter. She’ll be in agony.”
The knife point dropped from Kate’s chin, leaving behind a dribble of blood. He looked from Kate back to Tia, unsure. Damn it, this was not the time to go sane on her. Sanity led to trouble in this case, not release. She had to tempt madness again.
“My blood is just as red as hers. Use my blood to take revenge.” His pupils dilated, and a look akin to desire crossed his face. Tia knew she had him. “Untie me. You can’t use me, tied up like this.”
Asshole closed the distance, and his knife traced her jaw, the blade sliding under her chin to tip it upward so he could stare down at her. The madness was full-blown now, promising her pain like she’d never felt before.
His lips twitched, and he dug the tip of his blade deeper into her chin. Tia fought to be still. “I’ll kill your girlfriend if you give me a hard time.”
“I know. I’ll behave.”
He worked Tia’s bindings and dragged her to her feet, her hands still tied behind her back by an independent set of ropes. The knife glinted in his hand. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, the blade cold at her throat, the blade sharp but painless for some reason. It should hurt more than this. A dribble of wetness trickled down her chest. Then he released her and shoved her forward. She stumbled, almost going to her knees.
“On the bed.”
Tia cased the room, looking for anything to stop him. It was only one room, a single bed, a dingy kitchen in the corner, a TV at the end of the bed. She and Kate had sat closer to the kitchen area, bound next to each other.
And out the single window behind the TV, was a rooftop adjacent to this building. One perfect for a sniper’s shot. The fire escape scaffolding could make the shot harder, but Tia had faith in Chase. Jake trusted him with his life. Tia now put that same trust in Chase’s hands.
Her captor grabbed the bedding from the mattress and tugged, ripping it down to the fitted sheet. He tossed them to the floor. “Your blood will be beautiful on my white sheets,” he whispered.
Kate sucked in a breath, and Tia prayed she’d keep her mouth shut. She couldn’t let him do this to her and her child.
“I hope you make me come as you kill me,” she offered madness, hoping it was enough to distract him from anything Kate might do.
“Yes. That would be nice.” He sounded like he was addressing the weather, that a sunset could be just as incredible. Madness, Mach ten.
Kate kept still, and Tia sank to the bed at the foot. He stepped up, his hand brushing her shoulder. Then he sat down on the bed next to her and shoved the point of his knife into her left side. The blade sliced in tip deep, and she closed her eyes on the flash of pain. It was nothing. She could handle it. If she waited for the perfect moment, she might be able to take him, even with her hands behind his back.
“You do like the pain,” he whispered almost reverently as he stared at her. “Most women would scream by now.”
“Aren’t you glad you chose me first?”
Kate made a strangled noise from her chair, but said nothing. Asshole didn’t seem to notice.
“Yeah.” He leaned in and kissed her then, biting her lip, forcing his tongue into her mouth. She tasted blood—hers—and it excited him because he shoved the knife into her side a little deeper, his hand trembling. He kissed her harder, and Tia retreated deeper into the emotional compartment, locking away any dignity she had. He could have her body, but not her heart. That was Jake’s.
Asshole broke the kiss. “How will I make you bleed first?”
She slid up the bed, away from him, and opened her legs in invitation. “Use me. Rape me.” If he was over her, one of them might get a shot off without harming her or Kate. If he raped her a few times, Kate would have more time. She didn’t see any other solutions. She had to wait for him to make a mistake, or she had to wait for Jake. Not very good odds. “Make me scream.”
“I don’t want you to attract attention, pretty girl. Maybe you shouldn’t scream at all.”
“Whatever you like. I can be whatever you want.”
“Maybe I should kill you.”
“Dead women aren’t much fun.” Tia looked up at him, meeting his sadistic gaze. “Why don’t you use that knife to cut off my shirt?” She’d rather have him cut off her shirt than stab her deeper. The wound was on the left. He’d just hit intestines or something boring. But it still would hurt like hell.
“Don’t,” Kate whispered.
Tia tried not to think of how it had felt when Jake had used his wedding knife to do the same thing. Asshole slid the bloody knife though her shirt, up the middle, the back of the blade grazing her sternum. When he broke through the seam at the collar he pushed the tip under her chin and lifted her face to look at him. “Very pretty. I like your blood on my knife.”
“I bet you do.” She swallowed, and over his shoulder, she saw movement through the window, across the way, something so faint she could brush it off as pigeons taking roost. She hoped to hell it was Chase.
He wouldn’t take the shot if she was in the way, so she leaned back on the bed. If they shot Asshole, she’d be clear as long as the angle was right. She prayed the angle was right. “Why don’t you strip for me?”
He looked confused again. “Crazy American.”
Damn sanity for popping up. Sanity would take the madman back to Kate. “Where am I going? If I roll, you’ll get me. I can’t make it to the door faster than you can with my hands behind my back. I can’t kick or hit you from here. So just strip for me. Blondie would hate that.”
“Don’t,” Kate said again.
“See? Strip for me,” she said on a breath, watching over his shoulder. She couldn’t see much. Chase would know better than to be visible. So would Jake.
Her captor ran a hand through his dark hair. Then he took one lick of the blood on his knife—her blood—and placed it between his teeth like a lover would a rose stem. He began to unbutton his shirt, his brown eyes boring into her, taking in her curves.
“That’s it,” Tia encouraged. “Strip. Then come give me the ultimate orgasm.” If you’re there, take the shot.
He tossed his shirt and undid his belt, then unbuttoned his pants. He slid them down his hips, off his legs, and kicked his feet out, never taking his eyes off her. He was aroused already, and Tia looked away, knowing her time was almost up. At least this time, she’d be a whore for a noble reason. To save Kate.
He crawled on the bed, between her legs, knife still between his teeth. Over his shoulder, she saw a finger at the window, giving her a signal. Pointing to the left with a jab. They wanted her to roll. Her heart should be hammering, but she felt nothing but cool, calm as she looked back at Asshole and smiled. “You forgot to undress me.”
He took off one sneaker, then the other. Then grabbed her pants at the waist and yanked. She lifted her hips, and the second the material cleared her feet, she kicked him square in the chest. He grunted and fell back, and she rolled to the left, and prayed. Asshole roared with anger as he stood, and a nanosecond later, the bullet streaked through the window and into her attacker. He looked at her for a moment, his anger turning to confusion. Then he slumped to the bed.
Jake lifted the window and climbed in from the fire escape, wearing body armor over his street clothes, and a full body harness over all that. On his head was the hat she’d made him, and she gaped, shocked because he looked like an ass and all sorts of wonderful all at the same time. He assessed the room quickly, gun in hand, and then his gaze locked with hers from her spot on the floor.
“Tia?” He rushed to the bed, first checking vitals on Asshole. He holstered his gun and knelt, his gaze searching hers, then her body, his hands flying across her skin. “Did he hurt you?”
“I’m fine.” More than fine, because Jake had come to her first. Which was sad, because Kate really needed him right now. She wanted to cry, ask him to hold her, but she sucked it all back and said words she never thought she’d utter. “Kate needs you.”
“You’re bleeding.” He touched her stomach right above the wound the asshole had given her. Then he touched her chest, and her chin with a hand that trembled. “Jesus, what else did he do to you?”
“It’s small. Please, you need to help Kate. She’s losing the baby.”
Fear crossed his face, but he lingered a moment, his hand on her cheek. “If anything had happened to you—”
“Now is not the time to put me first, Jake.” She kicked his ankle. “Go to her.”
He rose, and she called, “Wait. Cover me, first. Please.”
Jake must have realized then she was naked and inhaled sharply. He grabbed the sheet Asshole had chucked to the floor and covered her gently. Then he went to Kate.
“Sweetheart, you with us?” He touched her cheek, then her throat for a pulse as phoned out. “I’m in. You know the shot was good. Send up medical.” And he hung up. Tia could hear Chase hollering questions into his phone as it disconnected. Jake looked at Tia.
“Make sure she’s okay. Don’t leave her until Chase comes.”
Jake went back to work. But moments later, Chase kicked the door in, pistol in hand, a herd of SWAT members behind him. He took a moment to assess the room, holstered his gun and crossed the room to Kate. Jake was working at her bindings. Chase tipped her chin with trembling fingers, then slid a hand to her throat to check her pulse. “He’s dead?”
“Yeah. Tia says Kate needs medical attention.” Jake finished untying her and laid her on the floor. “Vitals are okay, no visible wounds.”
Chase radioed down to medical support and then turned to look down at Tia. “You okay?”
“Yes, just get her to the hospital.” Tia hesitated. “It’s the baby.”
Chase paled as he turned back to Kate, and the medical team arrived with a stretcher and other equipment just as Chase moved his hand to the radio. He barked directions at the medical team, at the SWAT team, at anyone in the way, as if ordering people about would heal Kate faster.
Then Jake was kneeling next to Tia again, rolling her to untie her hands, so close she could smell the gun oil and salty tang of his sweat. He rubbed her wrists gently to get the blood flowing again, and Tia yanked them from him and hugged him, holding him close.
Jake sank down to the floor and pulled her onto his lap, sheet and all. “I was so scared for you,” he whispered in her ear. “I heard what you said to him. I don’t know if you’re brave, crazy, or what, but you saved yourself and Kate. Jesus, you were so goddamned brave.”
She’d never had anyone scared for her before, not like this, so scared he trembled around her. Or think she was brave. Maybe he did love her. “I couldn’t let him hurt Kate. She was the brave one.”
Jake held her closer, and one of the medics squatted down next to them and said, “I need to look at her.”
“Tell him I’m fine,” she whispered against Jake’s chest. She didn’t want another man touching her. Not right now.
Jake cupped her cheek, holding her closer to him. “She’s fine. She needs some stitches, but she’s fine.”
The medic hesitated. “It’s going to be a bit before we can transport her. The hallway is a mess with SWAT, and we need to get her friend down first.”
Jake set his jaw in his stubborn way, and for once Tia was thrilled to see him do so. “I’ll carry her down. You put her in the ambulance.”
“I’m not going without you,” she whispered. “I can walk.”
“Like hell.” He looked into her eyes, and she wanted to drown in the emotion there, wanted to believe his eyes were so dark with love. “I’ll drive you if I can’t go.”
“Okay.”
Jake stood and lifted her, wrapping the sheet so she was covered. He kissed her lips then, very gently, as if afraid of hurting her any further. “Chase. I’ll see you at the hospital.”
****
“How are you hitting every light green?” Tia asked from her side of the truck.
Jake looked at her and thanked God for the millionth time that morning since Chase had gotten the shot off. Looking in from that fire escape landing, seeing that asshole leer at her, slicing the shirt from her body, then climb onto the bed to take her had made him see red. He had wanted to charge in, and if it weren’t for Chase in his ear telling him to stand down, he would have rushed in and given that asshole a piece of his fist, then a bullet from his .45. Of course, Tia probably would have died. Jake ground his teeth. Thank God for Chase.
He’d carried her down the four flights of stairs still wrapped in a sheet, her arms wound around his neck like she was afraid he’d let go. Or maybe she was afraid he’d disappear, and she’d be alone with that fucker again. Jake had laced through the throng of squad cars and under the police tape, bypassing the second ambulance, giving only a gruff, “She’s fine,” to the EMT before taking her to his truck.
Her bag was still in the back of his truck, and she was able to slide on the skirt he loved. He patched up her wound with his emergency medical kit and she’d put on one of his darker shirts that wouldn’t stain if the blood soaked through. The shirt was roomy and comfortable for her, and the sight of her in his shirt made him even more protective. She was his, damn it.
She didn’t want to go to the hospital at all, but Jake wanted them to clean out the wound, give her some antibiotics, and maybe put a stitch or two in it. She just wanted him to take her home. He hoped home was with him.
Jake looked at her. “You’ve never gotten to do this before? Go green?”
She smiled a little, most likely because he’d said green in a dirty way, like when it was part of their sex play. “Not green like this.”
He shot her his smuggest smile. “Chase had the tech team change the lights for us. We also have a free pass for speeding, as long as I’m driving sanely.”
“I’m glad I’m so important.”
If she only knew how important she was to him. He’d tried to tell her. She didn’t believe him. “You saved his wife. He’d arrange a mountain moving if you wanted it.”
She brushed that aside with a wave of her hand. “So what happened on your side of this?”
Jake drew a long breath. The night had been a fucking nightmare. “Kate left Chase a note in one of his gun cases—she knew him well, that if she was taken, he’d go immediately for that gun. We tracked you with Kate’s GPS system, but we ran into problems. The program was finished, but the directions she’d started weren’t. So we had to wait for a tech support geek who understood what the hell she did. Then there’s only so much battery life, and her GPS battery was dying. And then a satellite went down, so Chase had to get a different one back up to triangulate your location.”
It had been stressful, but at that point, Chase had regained his footing and had been in full-blown boss mode. His buddy could make mountains move when he was in boss mode. Only the mountains he wanted to move were slower than molasses in January, and both of them had been frustrated as hell.
“Once we got through that, it was a piece of cake, except the guy was crafty about hiding his identity. Despite all the angles Kate had surveillance cameras in, we never got a clear shot to ID him. So we had to be careful. Once we made your location, I rappelled down from the roof because the fire escape was broken, but I was in place just as he returned, and I couldn’t get a clear shot without killing you or Kate. Chase and Charlotte were both in place to take the shot from different angles on the adjacent roof, but we couldn’t get one until you lured him to the bed.”
“He went for groceries and came back.” Tia looked so small in his front seat, pleading, like a child not wanting to go to the dentist.
Jake sighed. He wished like hell they could have taken him then. He would have done anything to spare her the pain of luring that man to bed with her. Even to save Kate. “We weren’t sure it was him. Chase is a stickler like that. He couldn’t shoot until he knew for sure. And we weren’t in place that long before he returned. Like I said, we had problems.”
He looked at her. Her dark curls were tangled, blood smudged on her chin and cheek. But she was alive, and so heartbreakingly beautiful he had to fight to breathe. “Did Kate know who he was?”
“She said he was from your first mission together. He was the guard she didn’t kill, and he was at the airport when you came back from Paris. He started following her after that.”
“Damn.” He glanced at her again. “Please tell me that if you’re being tailed, you’ll be smart enough to let Chase handle it?”
“I promise.”
“Good. Because I can’t go through this again.” They parked in the parking garage next to the elevator, and Jake got out and pulled over a wheel chair. He opened her door and gestured to the seat. “Get in, on, whatever.”
“Can’t I walk?”
“No, and I can’t carry you forever. You’re light, but I’m tired. I need another vacation from my one day back at work.” Monday had been stressful—a ten mile run, then up all night in the office finding them. He didn’t know how much more he could take. He was only human.
She sighed and slid into the chair. He wanted to hold her, make love to her for hours and hours, but instead he did the husband thing. The right thing. He touched her shoulder, she looked up, and he dropped a quick, possessive kiss on her lips. “Let’s get you stitched up, and we’ll find out about Kate.”
****
After a round of steri-strips to seal her wound, antibiotics, and blood work, Tia had been released under Jake’s watchful eye. They had seen Chase in the hallway briefly, barely under control. Kate was still unconscious, and they were running tests. He’d been grateful for all Tia had done, which made her blush hotly and want to squirm. She’d done what she had to do, nothing more.
Jake took her to his apartment, which was nothing like the farmhouse. This was all bachelor and contemporary with not a single bit of eyelet lace or flowered quilt in sight. It made her wonder who decorated the farmhouse, or if this was yet just another separation between work and home.
“Did Chase text you yet?”
Jake carried her in and deposited her on the leather sofa. He looked at his phone, and scanned the screen with a questioning look. “Yeah. Kate’s in surgery. The baby is fine, but Kate has appendicitis. He’ll text us later, when she’s out, but everything is going to be fine. She even woke long enough to send him home for her ring.”
“Miracles do happen,” she murmured as Jake covered her with a blanket. He’d probably want to go, to be with his friends now. “Shouldn’t you go back, and be with him?”
“His aunt showed up. She’s the equivalent of his mom. He’ll be fine. You need me more. You hungry?” Before she could say anything, he was gone, out in the kitchen, rustling around. He came back a few minutes with a sandwich for both of them. “Tuna. Not my favorite, but I don’t have much food in the house, and I’m not leaving you.”
“That’s fine.” She picked at it, not wanting to hurt his feelings, but she wasn’t very hungry. She just wanted to sleep and forget.
“You’re not fine.” He frowned. “Would you like a shower? The doctor said you could have one, if you don’t get the steri-strips too wet.”
“Whatever you want, Jake.”
He drew in a sharp breath but picked her up again, ignoring her protests as he strode to the bathroom. He slammed the toilet seat closed, deposited her there, and began stripping her.
She batted his hands away. “I can do this.”
“No, you can’t. Just let me, okay?”
“Whatever you wish.”
He stripped her and tucked her into the warm shower on a seat at the end. He followed, naked. He washed her gently, his hands massaging, kneading, washing her hair, rinsing, applying conditioner. Who knew a guy cared about conditioner?
His hand slid between her legs and he washed her with a cloth, so impersonal she wanted to cry. She wasn’t aroused but she wanted him, needed him to make love to her so she’d forget the pain of the morning. For a change, he showed no interest, just gentle compassion as he toweled her dry and wrapped her hair in another towel. He encased her into one of his clean T-shirts and then into his huge bed.
He slipped onto the bed and wrapped her discreetly in his arms so nothing important brushed anything of hers that was equally important. He kissed her neck and then said nothing, his body so still. He had to be exhausted. At least she’d been unconscious for part of the night. He’d been awake and tense.
And as he held her, the numbness she’d felt since he carried her down the four flights of stairs, wrapped in a sheet started to fade. Pain returned on the heels of fear, along with some other emotion she couldn’t name.
“Tia, what’s wrong. You’re shaking.”
Was she? She didn’t realize it until he said something. Her entire body quivered against him, the nerve endings so sensitive under her skin. Her mind raced back to everything she said, everything she had done, and she bit back a moan of pain. Disgust. How could she have said all that to Asshole? That she wanted to come as he killed her, that she wanted her blood on his sheets…
The sad thing was there was a time she would have wanted that. All of that. Jake’s love had made her see the difference. Pain like that wasn’t healthy. She wasn’t healthy.
“Shh,” Jake said.
Was she saying something? And then she realized she was whimpering, still shaking, and tears flooded her cheeks, rolled down her nose, dripped in her ears. Her teeth chattered. So cold, and the shaking hurt. Why wouldn’t it stop?
“I feel so dirty,” she whispered in between sobs. “Make it stop.”
“Oh, honey,” Jake breathed in her ear, kissing her cheek. “I’d do anything to stop the pain.”
“Make love to me. One last time. Please.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Besides, I don’t plan on letting you go.”
Oh, no way was she staying now. If he loved her, she couldn’t taint him with how dirty she was. She was sick, a sick woman, and despite hating herself, she needed him more. She rolled so she faced him and pulled at his shoulders. “Make love to me. Please. Now.”
“Let’s just go to sleep, honey. In the morning you’ll feel like a new woman. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’m a masochist. It already hurts.” She drew his head down to hers and kissed him then, letting him into her mouth, her soul, pouring out the pain, the sorrow. He resisted, trying to pull away, and she kissed harder, angling under his hard body, his erection firm between her legs. “Jake. Give in. I need this. I need you to erase his touch. His words. My words. Please.”
His jaw shifted, and not in a stubborn way as he stared down at her. “I love you. I was so scared for you.” He kissed her lips then, so gentle, yet fierce at the same time. He kissed her chin, now clean but raw from where Asshole’s knife had dug into her. Then he kissed her chest over another wound, and then lower, his mouth claiming every inch that Asshole had touched. What would it have been like for him to watch that man hurt her, touch her? He kissed right above and then below her steri-strips on her side, then kissed her hip. His head darted lower, his mouth hotter, wetter, and she gasped.
Pain inside her dueled—the pain of shame, Jake’s love, denial that she felt the same. So tired of running. So tired of giving up. She’d prefer Jake’s love over shame anytime. She reached down and tugged at his hair. “No. Make love to me. Now.”
He slid back up, using his arms to support himself, his hips pressing against hers gently, avoiding her injury. “You sure?”
“Now.”
He angled between her thighs and lifted her hips. He stared down at her as he slid home, so thick and hot in her pussy, stretching her slowly. Oh, the look in his eyes… Worry, lust, and something else. Maybe that was the love he’d mentioned. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tugged him down, closer, so he covered her.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Please. Just—”
“Love you? Honey, I do. I know you don’t believe me, but I love you. It hurt to hear you this morning, knowing your past. You’re not a whore. You’re not cheap or dirty. You are one brave, tough girl. You are everything that is good for me, and what you hate about yourself makes you woman enough for me. I love you. Just let me love you, Sarah. Please. Let me take your pain.”
“Yes,” she whispered, driving her hips upward, wanting him to thrust, move, do something. He responded with a slow, measured tip of his hips, one that demanded she take it slow. His hand cupped her hip, pinning her down, keeping her from driving against him so she didn’t hurt herself.
“Lie still,” he commanded. “Lie still, and let me love you slowly. Lie still or I will bind you so I don’t hurt you.”
The threat should have made her scared, after this morning—shouldn’t it have? Her pulse quickened along with her heart. Lust swirled around the pain, and instead of lacing in around the sharp stabs, lust quenched the pain. This was a command because he loved her, not because he wanted to be kinky.
Like a good girl, she stilled her hips and angled them so he could do all the work. It was still divine, the way he thrust, in, out, occasionally swiveling his hips side to side, the sensations varied.
“I can’t help you if you need more to come,” he whispered. “Touch yourself. I need you to come for me.”
He needed her to come. Obediently she reached between them and stroked her clit as his cock danced in and out of her pussy. Her tummy tightened with each stroke of her fingers, the pleasure climbing higher, up that path to where the sky met heaven, driven by the need in his voice. He needed this orgasm, as much as she did. She grit her teeth on a moan, wanting nothing more than to come for him.
“Moan for me, honey. I need to hear you.” He bent his head and planted kisses on her breast, then nuzzled until her nipple slipped between his lips. He sucked, his tongue twirling, teeth nipping. Pleasure twirled at the end of his tongue, shocking down her body, spiking in her pussy, curling at her toes.
“Jake,” she moaned, letting go, giving in to the desire.
“Good girl,” he said as he lifted his head.
She looked into his eyes—so serious, so unlike Jake. Or maybe it was like Jake, the new Jake, the one who held her heart, but didn’t know it. He kissed her, and as she closed her eyes she pictured him climbing through the window from the fire escape, all business dressed with fear. How he’d come to her first, without even looking at Kate. She remembered his arms around her as he carried her four flights down. His embrace as the doctor looked at her wounds.
It was hard to believe an orgasm could grow from such gentleness, such control, but it did. She stroked her clit faster, and Jake upped his tempo, his breathing harsh, muscles tense. Pleasure and pain locked together and the pressure inside her built at a dizzying pace until she found she was holding it at bay instead of welcoming it.
“I’m so close,” she warned.
“Good. Come with me,” he begged. Not a command anymore. “Give in, and come with me.”
Come with him… He’d asked her before, but this didn’t feel the same. He’d always felt higher, farther away, but now she could feel him there, with her, as if he held her hand, at her side instead of dragging her forward and along up the path. Her muscles tightened, and her body dampened with sweat.
Pleasure spiked higher, higher, as if they ran to the top of a castle tower, side by side, up the spiral staircase, her hand clenched in his. They hit the top, and she looked out, so exhilarating, so peaceful. The pain there good. Wholesome. But she couldn’t hear him.
“Jake?”
“Come with me,” he breathed, so gentle. Right there, over her, making love to her. “I love you.”
“I believe,” she whispered.
And they jumped from the tower wall. Together.
****
Tia woke, alone. The clock said ten-fifteen a.m. They’d fallen asleep after making love, not talking, just Jake holding her, stroking her hair, raining kisses along her body when the need struck him. She’d never felt so safe, sated, comforted before. Perfect.
But why didn’t she wake feeling just as perfect? She looked around.
Jake had left a note on his pillow. Gone to work. Paperwork from yesterday. All is good with Kate and the baby. Be home for lunch. Love you, J.
The you was underlined three times, and he’d drawn a heart next to his name. A heart. Her Jake, who doodled stick figures killing each other, had drawn a heart, with shading and a little highlight bubble in the corner.
Yes, he did love her. She believed that now. But she wasn’t worthy of that love. Not when she needed so much help. She felt trapped. What could she do? Where could she go? Jake stood in the way of her flight, because he’d view this as running again. She frowned, and realized how right he was. She did run. All the time. If she couldn’t run, she hid.
Whatever you want, whatever you need…
What about what she needed? Wanted? She needed help. She wanted Jake. What if she stayed and let him help her? He said she was worthy. Was she?
Jake came back in an hour later, slamming the door as she was folding the clothes he’d tossed into the dryer. She didn’t know what to say. She had his underwear in her hands, and it felt awkward to face him that way, in a domestic capacity. But he didn’t look the least bit playful, or fun, or Jake-like. She frowned and dropped his undies back into the laundry basket. He filled the doorway, golden goodness with a touch of frosty attitude in his eyes.
“Jake?”
“We need to talk,” he said, almost growling.
Tia blanched. This wasn’t her Jake, not in any capacity. Not Mr. Persuasive, not the Dom, not the man who bound her to a farmhouse bed, not the broken man she’d held by the lake. Not even the agent who had burst in through a window, wearing a winter hat, carrying a gun.
This man was…pissed. Cold. Hard. His eyes blue steel, the set of his jaw more than stubborn.
“Sit.” He pointed to a chair at the kitchen table. She sat warily.
He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. Oh, Chase had nothing on pissed Jake. She’d never be afraid to face Chase after this. “When were you going to tell me about Europe?”
She felt the blood drain from her face. She had forgotten to call Chris, to tell him to forget it. So much had happened. “How do you know?”
“Christian Martin made a few phone calls.”
Shit, her old boss had to go and move on this. “To you?”
“No, to Chase. Who called me, wanting to know what the fuck was up. So what’s up, Tia?” So soft, his voice. Deceptively soft with a note of titanium underneath.
She stared at her hands, at the bare finger on her left. “He made the offer last week.”
“You called him Sunday. After the lake.”
“I was scared.”
“Are you still?”
She looked up then. “Jake—”
“You leave Friday. Which means I can have you on a plane to Vegas tomorrow.”
Oh, no. No. She flashed back to Friday, under a tree in a certain possessive house’s yard. “I’m not going to Vegas with you.”
“Then I’m going to Europe.”
“No. The point of Europe was—”
“To run, right? To run like hell, after you told me it was time for us both to stop running.” Damn him for being right. “So what happens after Europe?”
“I don’t know?”
“Because I’ll follow you there.”
“You can’t.” And she remembered when she had thought Europe was far enough, and he’d never follow. The look in his eyes told her how wrong she had been.
“I will. I have skills that would make a stalker weep with envy. I have access to a very rich man who thinks the world of you, because you kept a madman from torturing his even richer wife. Chase happens to think you belong with me. So. What happens after Europe? How far will you run, Tia? I have my own money. How far will you make me chase you? Because I will burn through three fortunes to make you mine.”
“Jake—”
“Tell me you don’t love me,” his jaw set, harder, more determined, “and I won’t follow.”
Could she? No, she couldn’t, because that would hurt more than running from the truth. But he wasn’t going to like what she had to say.
Desperation grew, and he stood over her, his size so menacing, even though she knew he would never hurt her. Not that way. Not unless she begged.
He smacked the table with his hand. “I love you. Tell me you don’t feel the same way.”
“You need to sit, Jake. You need to sit so I can talk to you, without you looming and wanting to yell. I can hear it in your voice, and you’re scaring me.”
My God, where did that come from? Jake flinched, then took a seat at the kitchen table. His gaze softened, but his jaw was still clenched, set in its stubborn place.
Tia swallowed but squared her shoulders. She took a deep breath and gave in to the pain of loving him. “I…care. About you. A lot.” Not quite what she wanted to say, but it was a start.
Relief washed over his face, the tension leaving his eyes, the stubborn set to his jaw sliding into a wide grin. He was so happy, and the pain of loving him grew. “I knew it.”
“It doesn’t mean I can stay with you.”
“Tia—”
“Just listen. Please?”
He sat back, his eyes hard again. She took his hand in hers marveling at how large his hands were, yet how gentle they could be on her skin. Hard yet gentle, that’s what she loved about him.
She stared at his hand and how his fingers laced with hers. “One thing I’ve realized over the weekend, and it hit home yesterday, is that I need help. I think I need help first.”
“Help?” Confusion crossed his face.
“I need to talk to someone. Not you. Someone who can help me, because I don’t want to be a danger to myself again. I can’t love you if I can’t learn to love myself, first. And I don’t love any part of me.” It felt good to admit it, like she’d started swimming toward shore, and someone was holding a life preserver for her, still out of reach, but she could see it.
Jake sat back and nodded, looking pleased. “Chase can recommend someone safe to talk to. A professional. I’ll go with you, if you want.”
“I can’t do this with you. I’m sorry.”
He snorted. “Why? I love you, damn it. For better or worse, and I know I said no sickness, but I don’t feel that you’re sick. Yeah, you need to talk to someone. But I don’t see it as sick. You had a shitty life, and it twisted your soul. I love you anyway. Love me back.” The last words were a command, said in that voice she loved so much.
How could she resist? “I’m too twisted to deserve your love.”
He leaned forward. “But you do deserve it. I love that you’re twisted, because you’re insane enough to put up with my fake weddings and house rules. I love that you are wild in my bed, because I know I’ll never, ever be one of those men who has to look somewhere else for entertainment. You are all I can handle.
“I love that you are so beautiful that my heart aches when I see you sleeping in my bed, wearing my T-shirt, riding my horse, and sitting under my tree. I love that you are brave and scrappy, so I don’t have to worry about you when you’re working. It will be just like if we had normal nine-to-fives in a big office. You deserve my love. Every ounce of it. I deserve yours. Give it to me.”
She wanted to give in, so badly. It had been so long since she’d been loved, and loved back that she had forgotten how. How? “This hurts so much.”
“How much pain?”
“Ten.”
He gave a short laugh. “That’s it? You call yourself a masochist? This should be easy for you.”
So smug, he was. A part of her couldn’t help but smile, just a little. “There are limits.”
“Push them. Give in to them. Let me love you. Isn’t this pain better than the pain you felt yesterday, from that shithead? Didn’t my love take that away?”
“Yes.” Oh, yes.
“Then damn it, Tia. Love me. Don’t be afraid, because this is a good pain. You’re supposed to want this. It won’t kill you or make you bleed.”
Yet, she still felt small. Alone. “I feel as if you’ve wrapped my heart in bondage tape.”
“Bondage tape is nothing to be afraid of.”
No, perhaps it wasn’t. But she felt so alone, and she had to be insane. Love shouldn’t hurt, should it? “Does it hurt you to love me?”
“Yeah.” His answer surprised her. “It hurt more before I confessed. I love you enough to chase you across Europe. On foot. That hurts like hell, because that would be a lot of running. But I’d do it, for you.”
Oh, how he hated running, and the thought of him running, pissed, across Europe made her smile. “But there’s bondage tape.”
“Fitting, isn’t it? Kinky me, loving twisted you with bondage tape? I’ll change the color if you want—yellow? Blue? Red? I’ll wrap it tighter, if your masochistic heart wants it.”
She stared at him, her heart in her throat, tears in her eyes. He loved her enough to wrap her heart in harder bondage tape. She closed her eyes and breathed. In, out. Measured breaths that she took when she was trying to keep from coming under his skilled hand.
Do it. Love him.
She shook her head. “I—”
“It’s three words, Sarah. Three little, easy words, none of them dirty. And when you finally open your heart, it may hurt, but it will be more like the pain you seek. Not this pain. This pain is happening because you don’t believe.”
She believed, though. In him. “You’d be enough of a sadist to love me the way I need to be loved? You’ll wrap me in tape and never let me go?”
“I’ll love you so much, your heart will bleed.”
Oh, those words were music to her ears. She had once thought she wanted him to love her enough to die for her, like Kate loved Chase. But that wasn’t right. Wasn’t twisted enough. This, though. His love would be just as twisted as she was. How very fitting that her love be the same—twisted.
“I love you.” She breathed again, around the pain, around the bondage tape, around the tiny wings her heart had sprouted at one point. He was right—the pain changed, became hotter, brighter, but lighter. This was pain she liked. Pain she could gladly keep. “I love you.”
“Come here,” he commanded softly, his arms open. She went to him, and he pulled her to his lap, kissing her cheek, her lips, her hair. His arms were like home, warm, comforting. Full of love. “Pain?”
“A ten, but you were right. It’s good. Green.”
“No Europe?”
“No Europe. I hadn’t planned to go. I was going to call him this morning and tell him. I’m sorry you got so pissed.”
Jake nodded and pushed her off his lap. He then shifted to the floor on one knee, her hand still in his. “After you’ve sorted out things and have had time to breathe, you’ll marry me?”
Marry?
“I don’t know, Jake. I can’t commit to that yet.” Tia needed time, time to get her head together. But she knew deep inside she wanted nothing more than to marry him.
“You don’t have to commit to any more than just being mine. For now. But when and if you’re ready, I want to marry you. For real.” Jake reached into his pocket and pulled out his old class ring, the bottom portion wrapped in the yarn from his hat. He slid it onto her trembling finger.
“Yes.” The tears began to fall, and Tia pulled him up by his hands. They stood, and he hugged her. She winced, more from the pain of his love than the fact that her side hurt.
“Too much,” she breathed. Way, way too much, but she closed her eyes and leaned into him, inhaling his scent, warming to his heat.
“You married me once, under a very nice tree. As far as I’m concerned, we’re still married. It’d just be formal, that’s all. More for my mother’s sake than mine. She never thought this day would come for me.” He kissed the back of her hand, then the finger that held his ring. “We can pick out something more fitting later.”
She didn’t want to pick out anything else—this was fine with her. She’d fight that battle later, though. “Will you write our vows again?”
He smiled, sort of smug, because she obviously had liked what he’d done at their impromptu wedding. “Do you want me to?”
“As long as you take out the ‘until Monday do us part,’ sure.” And then she laughed, so happy, so…free. The Sarah part of her was free at last, allowed to love. “Pink boutonniere?”
“Pink boutonniere.” He closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose. But then he opened them, and his eyes now crinkled at the corners from his wide smile. “Pink roses for Mrs. Tatiana Sarah Anderson, my wife for real.”
How nice it sounded, to have all of her joined under one name, to one man. “Then I’d be all yours.”
Jake kissed her softly. “Twistedly mine. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”