There was no time I didn’t think of him. What's worse is that I'm looking for his smell.
"Jenn do you have any men's perfume? The same as C-Clinton?" I asked shyly. I can only imagine the smell of him making me salivate.
"Seriously ?I don't even know what he smells like. " Jenn put away her things. We had just finished eating and I had no intention of going out.
"C-Calvin Klein is his perfume." I said tearfully and lay down on the bed.
"I said it's hard to conceive yesterday you want me to cook fried chicken without chicken and now Clinton's perfume? What if I call him? " she was about to pick up his cellphone but I stopped him.
"Are you crazy? I really don't want to see his face. He’s disgusting!" I hate to say that because that's the truth. I blocked him in my contacts. I buried all his pictures in the trash bin.
She grinned. "God! You're conceiving Clinton."
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
I was in Jenn's room all day. Lying down and getting up when vomiting. I really hate every morning and when I eat a lot but I throw up right away.
I just woke up in the afternoon. Jenn is gone because they have a date with Brandon.
I remember the last time I met Clinton. I always wonder what is he already doing? But everytime I think of Shantal's kiss I was disgusted.
I cupped my belly and caressed it.
"Baby, I'm sorry if mama gets emotional, huh? Because your dad is a womanizer. Mama is annoyed with him." I talked to my belly because the OB says it's better If you baby talks and sings. 'It's also nice to breathe fresh air.
I feel like I am alone and have no ally. I only remember one person that I might lean on.
I picked up my cellphone and called mama. We have also had no communication for a long time.
Three more rings before she answered.
"Oh hello?" she answer seemed uninteresting. I swallowed and was nervous.
"Hi m-mama how are you?"
"I’m good. How about you there?" she asked back.
I smiled because somehow she asked me that.
"I'm fine ma. But I have a problem." my hand is sweating with nervousness.
"What?"
"Mah,I'm pregnant." I closed my eyes for a few more seconds before she could answer.
"Y-You're such a disgrace Kylie Nicole !! How? I-I don't know what to say ! What will my friends there and your aunts say? Are you thinking ?! "
My tears flowed and covered my trembling mouth. Why is it hard for them to understand me? I am her child.
My chest curls up like it's being squeezed. A young woman like me who is going to be a mother needs the companionship of a mother who knows. But why is this? I know it's my fault.
"M-Ma I need you. Even just now." I sobbed and sighed.
"How many months has that been?" instead she asked.
"I-It'll be two months."
“Do an abortion. That's just blood for now! By the time it grows up that is hard to abort! If you don't want to be a young mother! Abort it! "
"W-What are you saying ma? Do you hear what you're saying?" anger welled up in my chest because instead of her helping me and being my mother, is this what she would say?
"Don't embarrass our family Kylie! Haven't you thought about using protection before bed your man irresponsibly?"
My head heats up at what he says. I don't think she's my mother!
"It's better to be a young mother mama than to have an abortion to be called a saint !I don't want to kill my baby! If you think I'm a disgrace then reject me! I do not care! Because now I'm rejecting you as a mother! "
"What-!"
I immediately turned off the call and started to cry. Just the other day I called Natalia. it was like I wanted to punish myself because I said I wanted to have an abortion. But every day that passes waking up in the morning and I feel him harden on my tyan makes me happy. I know I thought that wrong but I would never do that.
I picked up my cellphone again and I didn’t on my own called papa who answered right away.
"Hello hija." I just heard papa's voice squeezing my heart. It's like I'm looking for an ally.
"P-Papa."
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm -pregnant."
He was silent on the other line. I know he's scared too.
"Is Clinton the father?" there was a temper in his voice.
"Yes papa."
"Then why are you crying?" I stopped crying at what I heard.
"Aren't you angry?"
"Why would I be angry ?Do you know that your mom got pregnant with you when she was only seventeen? "
The guts of her to tell me to have an abortion because I was still young? She turned out to be seventeen pregnant back then!
"W-What am I going to do papa?"
"Let me talk to your boyfriend." he finally told me.
"We're not in good terms yet. I don't want to see him."
He took a deep breath. "I'll support you . Who's taking care of you there?"
"My friend. I'm sorry papa I can't finish studying."
"I know .I have no right to scold you because I know in myself that I have great shortcomings as your father. But remember, child, even though I am not by your side now, I always pray for you and I worry about you. That's why I work hard to give you everything you want. You will come back to school after you give birth, don’t worry. "
My tears flowed incessantly because I found a companion. For a pregnant woman like me I need that.
"Thank you papa .."
"I am worried about your condition hija. You know your aunt Magda has a hacienda in Tagaytay right ? It has a fresh air there and lots of flowers and fruits in the hacienda. Your aunt is an old lady so she'll be happy if you're with her. "
I seemed to live by what dad said. I feel like all my burdens have been thrown away in my mind a few days ago.
~~~~
"Are you sure? What about Clinton?" Jenn asked as we dined. I'm leaving for Tagaytay tomorrow.
I can drive even if I'm pregnant.
"I don't want to talk to him or see him."
"Don't you think that's unfair to him? You're keeping your baby away from him..you know you can torture him and find the food you want. "
I shook my head and laughed.
"I'd rather not see his face."
She smirked and looked at her cellphone again and suddenly screamed so I almost choked on the milk I drank.
"What is it Jenn?!" I'm still coughing.
"Oh my god! Your Clinton is oh so hot really Kylie!" thrilled she said and showed me the cellphone.
She was online. I saw Clinton stumble upon a stolen shot was tagged with him.
His old hair is gone. He got a haircut!
In the pictures he is wearing a black shirt and pierced pants. His chest tattoo was visible on his shirt. His muscles were scratched. He’s so obsessed with these pictures and I admit he’s too badboy to look at.
He was at the bar and his arm was leaning on the sofa in the pictures. His cousin was with him, only Sebe was missing.
"Your saliva is dripping." I realized what Jenn had said so I stared at her.
"Save it and hand it to me." I command here that she laughs.
At least, more remembrance before I leave tomorrow.