I walked into the kitchen and placed the groceries in the fridge. Tonight it was my turn to prepare dinner. I walked upstairs to my room to change into comfortable clothes and then I went downstairs to see if I got mail. Aside from beauty magazines, there was a pink envelope with my name on it written in gold ink. I placed the magazines on the table and opened the envelope. When I saw the handwriting inside I almost choked on air. This can't be true. Not after three years.
Dear Jillian,
I'm sorry.
I regret nothing more in life than what I have done to you. It was wrong, stupid and immature and you do not deserve any of the pain I have caused you.
I've lost the one girl I've ever loved and it was cause of the things I've done.
I feel so bad right now, cause I tore your world apart, and now all I can think about is how I broke your heart.
I know I'm three years too late, but I couldn't find your address. Ethan did a good job of protecting you, it took forever for my detectives to find you.
Please reach out to me when you get the chance and if you want to. I hope you do, because I need you. I seriously need you, pudding.
I don't know if you have already moved on from me, but I didn't. I can't move on from you and I don't think I ever will. You have my heart and you'll always have it.
Love always,
Marco.
I choked back a sob. I had no idea Ethan was protecting me from him. All the time I thought that it was Marco who didn't want to reach out to me. I read the letter once again and the tears kept falling down my cheeks. I have missed him. I have missed him so goddamn much.
"Jillian? What the hell, why are you crying?"
Ethan entered the kitchen and looked worried between me and the letter. "What is that?" He grabbed the letter out of my hand and his eyes widened as he saw the name on the bottom of the letter. "I'm sorry, Jillian."
I looked up at him. "Why are you apologizing?"
He put the letter back down and sat on the bar stool. "I uhm, decided to stop hiding you from him, because I think he deserves to know by now. It has been three years and it's about time."
"I know, I know." I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "I don't know if I'm ready to see him."
Ethan sighed. "Do it, Jillian. He deserves to know. Despite what he has done to you, you can't keep this away from him."
At that moment Irina and a three year old girl with brown wavy hair and piercing blue eyes entered the kitchen.
"Amari!" I squatted down and hugged my babygirl. She giggled and hugged me back. "What did you do with aunt Irina today?"
"She made clothes for my dolls. They all have new clothes now." She said happily. "Right, aunt Rina?"
Irina smiled and nodded.
Amari looked at me. "Why are you crying, mommy?"
I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "It's time we're going to pay your dad a visit."
Jillian Malik P.O.V
Amari wasn't part of the plan. When I decided to go to Jordan, I didn't knew that I was pregnant.
After two months, I suddenly got really sick and I started to vomit constantly. I couldn't eat, because everytime I did it immediately came out again. The idea of me being pregnant didn't even crossed my mind, because I thought that I was getting really sick because of all the things that had happened.
Irina on the other hand wasn't really sure about that. She bought a pregnancy test for me and after a lot of 'you should do it' I finally decided that maybe she was right. In the end, she was afterall. After visiting the doctor I heard that I was already three and a half months pregnant. The doctor told me that if it wasn't about all the stress lately, I wouldn't even become sick.
Ethan suggested that I had to tell Marco about it, but that time I was still so mad at him. I didn't forgave him yet and I didn't wanted to tell him about it, because that meant that he would know where I was. Ethan tried to convince me to call or text Marco, but I was so stubborn that I just didn't do it. I told him that I would do it after she was born. "I'll be ready to face him then." was my excuse.
When Amari was born, Ethan and Irina told me again to send a picture of her to Marco. I was planning on doing it, but things got really hectic. Amari suddenly got sick and had to spend a week in the hospital, that I totally forgot about the picture.
And now, three years later Marco still has no clue that he's a father.
"Mommy, where's dad?" Amari walked into my room while I was packing. I smiled at her and took her on my lap.
"He's in New York, babygirl."
"Is that far?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes. I played with her hair and nodded. "Yes, far far away."
Having Amari in my life changed me. She was my little princess. My little ray of sunshine. Her smile and chattering brightened up my day.
"But why is he not here?" she asked innocently. I let out a sigh and kissed her forehead. "You'll see him in a couple of days, okay. Now, go to aunt Irina and help her with the garden." Amari jumped out of my lap and ran out of my room.
I let out a sigh as I watch her leave. At moments like these I regret that I have never told Marco about her. I really wanted him to see her grow up and hear her say first words. Sometimes I questioned myself if I'm the one at fault here. Sometimes I wished I would just hear him out instead of run away. But now there's no turning back. I already did it and it hurts.
It hurts every day.
Seeing my daughter, who's an exact replica of him except for her hair, growing up brought memories back every time I looked at her. His smile, his laughter, and the way he looked at me in the morning. So loving and kind. It was like I was his world, his universe.
But god, how was I wrong.
I thought fairytales exist. I thought I was the princess and he my prince charming. I thought our wedding was my happily ever after.
But no. Fairytales don't exist. This is reality and here, in this cruel world, there's no happily ever after.