POV: KATHERINA
Later in the evening, Sheriff Newman came to talk to Dad about the safety measures he’d taken in the Amalfi to keep us safe for the time being.
Even though he’d tightened security, I couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t enough.
Edward’s skills would leave the cops in the dust. Parker could break into anything. Cruz was crazy enough to drive off the highest cliff on the Coast, and Luca’s gaze could burn us all alive.
Dad seemed pretty convinced by the sheriff because the whole town had put their faith in him, and he never let them down.
He gave me a knowing look when the sheriff promised to “kill that bastard” before giving his final orders to the patrolling guards and leaving the cottage.
We ate dinner in silence, and everyone went to bed early. Once Ara fell asleep in my arms, I quietly released myself from her and went back to the living room.
I sat near the window, looking out into the night. It was almost midnight when it started to snow softly.
With the moon shining so bright in the sky, the snowfall looked beautiful, reflecting the lights of the town.
“Merry Christmas, Kat.”
I turned around to Grams, who was smiling widely at me with a cane in her hand to support her.
“Merry Christmas, Grams.” I smiled back, and she started walking toward me slowly, the cane thudding softly on the wooden floor.
“It’s started to snow,” she said, taking a seat beside me and looking out into the beautiful night. “Last year at this time, we were in church, singing our hymns to Christ.”
I nodded. “I don’t believe we’ll ever have Christmas again, Grams.” My voice sounded defeated.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn’t pretend I was tough in front of her. I let the tears flow down my chin and let out a sob of despair.
“Beautiful night, beautiful tears,” Grams whispered, looking out at the snowfall. “You miss him, don’t you, Kat?”
I nodded furiously, wiping the tears. “Very much. It’s crazy, I know, but I can’t help it.”
“Of course, you can’t help it. After all, you lived with him,” Grams replied softly.
“I didn’t,” I snapped back. “He forced me to stay with him and made me conform to his lifestyle. I had no choice because I was afraid he might hurt my family like he hurt Chris.”
“Then why do you miss him?”
I couldn’t find the answer to her question, so I told her everything that happened between Luca and me, the terrifying moments to the rare good ones, and she listened to me carefully.
“I haven’t submitted out of willingness,” I said.
“I submitted myself to him because I didn’t have a choice, and though he didn’t demand it later on, I said the words because it seemed right.
“I’ve gone crazy, and I cannot think of anything but him. It’s… it’s like he’s in my mind, consuming my thoughts and molding me to his desire.”
“You haven’t submitted to him out of choice if you have let him in your thoughts,” she replied softly, her hazel eyes shining brightly under the moon’s reflection from the mirror.
“You are fascinated by him.”
“I’m not,” I replied quickly. “How can I be fascinated with a killer?”
“What he does for a living is what concerns you?”
“No… Well, yes. He’s a criminal. People want him dead. He’s committed terrible sins. I believe he’s beyond redemption.”
“If he was beyond redemption, he wouldn’t have the strength to live a life of purpose, Kat.”
Grams seemed right, but I didn’t want to believe her. I remembered the times he slept peacefully at night with me in his arms. How can someone who kills ruthlessly for a living have a peaceful sleep?
“His purpose is to live in others’ misery. He’s a sadist,” I said.
“Look closer, Kat. Do you see a monster in him just like others, or do you see something beyond that?”
The events of the past months played in my mind like a film, from the night he saw me in Morte to the day I left him.
A man like Luca couldn’t change overnight, but when I started adjusting to him, his gentle side seemed to ooze out of him naturally, like that’s what he wanted me to see right from the beginning.
“I guess he’s grown on me, and I’ve grown on him,” I said.
You’ve grown on me and I on you, tesoro.
“And why’s that?” Grams asked me gently.
You’ve grown on me and I on you, tesoro.
I remember his angelic face and his beautiful laugh and those dark eyes sparkling with desire and care for me.
He owned me in his dark soul and gave me the power to own him as mine. I overlooked the permissions he granted me. I overlooked him.
You’ve grown on me and I on you, tesoro.
“He’s grown on me, and I on him,” I repeated. “He’s grown on me. He… needs me.”
I looked at Grams in astonishment, and she smiled at me.
“It’s wrong if we don’t work it out. It’s wrong if I don’t work this out,”
“Nothing’s wrong in this world if you’re willing to do it with your heart, Katherina. Don’t tell me you’re doing this because you hate me and don’t want me.”
I remember the look of determination and confidence in his voice. He was willing to work things out, but why?
“But what if I don’t want to accept him for the way he is? What if I don’t want him at all?” I asked, perplexed.
“Then why are you crying in the middle of the night thinking about him?”
“I don’t love him,” I said, the only thing I was sure about.
“I never said you did,” Grams replied quickly. “If you were in love, you wouldn’t be in this confusion and heartache, and everything would be crystal clear to you.
“Sometimes, we don’t understand our own feelings, Kat, and often, it’s because we don’t accept it due to many reasons that actually hold no importance in our lives.
“You’re figuring yourself out when you should be figuring him out. He started all of this, and if you want to end it, askhim what he needs.
“In spite of hurting you and your loved ones, he developed feelings for you, like you are someone of importance to him.
“You submitted yourself to him because that’s what he wanted, but he refused that submission when you were in tears. There has to be an explanation, Katherina.”
“But none of that matters because he kills for a living,” I tried to reason.
“He kills for a living, not to survive. You see, Kat, the way of living can be changed, but the way of survival can never be changed, and you lived with him, not only survived. You surely know that.”