TW: Child abuse, sexual abuse, nightmares
Alyssa
I'm sitting on one of the men's laps, like I always do when Daddy has his meetings. He's sitting at the front, talking to one of the men in his deep voice. They're all wearing black and don't have faces, but somehow, I can still feel them looking at me.
I look down and see I'm wearing my favorite green skirt. I don't like sitting on this man's lap. His hands are big, and they keep touching my legs. It feels wrong, but I don't say anything. Daddy says not to talk during meetings. It's just a game. When it's over, I get a prize.
I try not to listen to the men talking. They say things that make my stomach hurt. "Jax, when are you gonna let me try this one out?" one of them asks, and the other men just laugh. I don't like it. I look at Daddy. He's not looking at me, but he's still talking to them.
"Settle down, boys," Daddy says, his voice strong and loud. "You know she's off-limits. If you want to play, go play with the girls downstairs."
There are other girls downstairs? Where?
The men make noise, but they stop talking. I don't understand everything they say, but it doesn't sound nice. I look up at Daddy again. He nods at me, like everything's okay, and I feel a little better, but not much.
I don't like this game very much, I just want my prize.
After the meeting is over, Daddy tells the men to go downstairs. I run up to him. He's so tall, I have to look all the way up to see his face.
"Can I have my prize now?" I ask, my voice small.
Daddy doesn't look down at me, but he hands me a big, clear bag of my favorite candies. I got a bracelet last time, but I like this prize too. I clutch the bag in my hands, tight.
"Here. Don't tell your mom or you won't get any more, Aly," he says coldly. "I know you don't understand, but she's sick, and this game is the only way we can make her feel better."
I want Mama to feel better. Daddy always brings us to the clubhouse when she's not feeling good. But it's okay because I always get a prize when I'm with Daddy. And Gray is always away with Daddy's VP, Ace. I miss him, but Daddy says he's becoming a man, and I'm learning to be a woman one day.
I nod, holding the candy close. "Okay, Daddy. I won't," I say, and then I skip out of the room.
End of dream*
I wake up with a jolt, gasping for breath, a cold sweat breaking out over my skin.
What the hell was that?
My heart feels like it's about to pound right out of my chest. The room is dark, but I can still feel the warmth of King and Mason beside me. I slip out of the bed slowly, careful not to wake them, and slip out of the room. The hallway is quiet, which likely means everyone here is still sleeping. I head for the bar, trying to shake the unsettling feeling that still lingers.
I make myself a cup of hot chocolate, hoping it calms my nerves a little. Or erases that terrible nightmare I had from my memory. Seriously, what was that? I know it wasn't real, but why did it feel so vivid? Could it be something that I blocked out? The man in my dream...he looked like my father, but he was a complete fucking monster.
I try to push the thoughts aside. No. It wasn't him.
Right?
Feeling restless, I decide to check on Niko and Zuri before heading back across the hall. When I open the door, I'm surprised to find all three of my men inside. Niko is sitting on the bed, holding Zuri. She's wide awake looking up at him, drinking her bottle. Mason's leaning against the wall, his posture somewhat relaxed, but King is pacing, tension coiled tightly in his body. He stops when I enter, his amber eyes burning as they lock onto me. The door clicks softly as I close it behind me.
"Where were you?" King growls, the anger in his voice mixing with concern.
"I just went downstairs to get a drink," I answer, my tone carefully measured. I know I promised him last night that whatever they were hiding, I wouldn't let it come between us. But if that dream was real...I don't even know what to think. And it's been almost seven years since Dad died. Gray really thought he could keep this hidden from me forever? Talk about the biggest betrayal...
King raises a brow. "You were drinking at 5 a.m.?"
I can't help the laugh that escapes. "If hot chocolate counts."
Niko snorts. "It doesn't."
King's jaw clenches, and in two steps, he's pulling me against him, his chest hard as he glares down at me. His voice is low, dangerous, like a storm gathering. "You scared the hell out of me, out of us. We were about two seconds from tearing the entire clubhouse apart. Especially since you left your phone. Don't ever do that again."
My brows furrow. "You think I got kidnapped while you and Mason were literally right next to me? Did you forget I'm in a high-security prison?"
A place where disgusting men touched me, years ago.
No. We still don't know if that was real, I argue in my head.
"She has a point. I told you she couldn't have left the building without us knowing," Mason mutters, moving to lounge in the chair, grabbing one of his books.
King shoots him a glare, then turns his attention back to me. "Why didn't you wake one of us up?"
I bite my lip, not meeting his eyes. "You guys needed sleep. Besides, I don't need a bodyguard everywhere I go. At least, not while I'm here."
"Yeah, I disagree," Niko cuts in, his voice serious but with a teasing undertone. "King has caused almost all the women here to dislike you."
"And you'd think they'd actually do something to me?" I challenge him.
He shrugs, grinning. "Don't know, but I'd rather we not find out. King's hands could change to 'E' for everyone really quick when it comes to you."
I nuzzle into King's neck, causing some of the tension to seep out of him. I know his overprotectiveness should be a problem to me, but it just isn't, not when he's holding me like he's actually afraid I might slip away.
"That's not true because he doesn't hit women and he also knows I can fight my own battles. Don't you, baby?" I ask softly.
King grunts a response, but pulls me along to sit in his lap on the bed. The way his arms encircle my waist, I feel safe and protected again, but the unease from earlier remains. I wish I could tell them about the dream, ask how much of it was real. But I know they couldn't tell me, even if they knew, thanks to my asshole of a brother.
"Mama!" Zuri exclaims, breaking my thoughts and melting my heart into a puddle. She holds out a banana-flavored puff for me.
I take it, popping it into my mouth. "Mmm yummy!" I exclaim with exaggerated delight.
Zuri giggles, clapping her little hands together, and hands me another puff. We repeat the process, laughing together.
Finally, when I've had enough, I offer her one. "Does Zuri want one?"
She nods, and I place the puff into the palm of her hand, watching her shove it in her mouth. Spending time with my baby girl is a welcome distraction from the nightmare replaying in my head over and over again.
I know I need to confront Gray. The truth is buried somewhere in all of this, and I won't stop until I find it. But probably not today. Today, I have to get through this Iron Serpents thing. Then, I'll work on getting the answers I deserve.