CASSIUS
I hadn't meant to ask Deira about seeing Makayla right away. It had just slipped out, my brain still fuzzy from our mind-blowing sex. I regretted the question as soon as I asked, and I felt Deira tense up. She pushed me off and went to grab her clothes off the floor.
Well, I'd said it now. I decided confidence was the way forward.
"I know you probably don't want to think about it, but we have to talk about it at some point."
She pulled on her shirt and started buttoning it, then finally looked at me.
"Well, I suppose 30 seconds after we finished having sex is the perfect time," she retorted.
Her sarcasm irritated me, but I took a deep breath. I had promised in the letter that our interaction wouldn't be like last time in my office, and that meant no yelling and no bitter fights.
"We have to talk about it eventually," I said sternly. She finished buttoning her shirt and looked at me, crossing her arms.
"Do we?" she asked, and raised her eyebrows.
I had to admire that she wasn't intimidated by me like most people were. I wondered if she was being a little defiant to see if I got mad, but I'd already discovered that didn't work with her. I had to approach this like a deal that I really needed to close. I consciously relaxed my expression, and tried a new tactic.
"Do you think Makayla wants to meet me?" I asked.
She blinked, and a shadow of doubt crossed her face. Aha! I'd got her.
"Have you even asked her?" I pressed.
She shifted her eyes away, and mumbled, "No."
"Okay, then. Let's start there. You ask her, and see what she says. Isn't that only fair, to give her the choice?"
Deira looked at me, and I could see that she resented me pushing, but also that she had to admit I'd made a fair point.
"Fine," she said, giving up. "I'll ask her."
There was an awkward silence, and the tension hummed between us. I wasn't sorry I'd asked, though. Makayla was my daughter too, and I wanted to meet her.
"Umm... do you know if the bus runs near here?" she finally asked.
"Don't be ridiculous." I frowned. "I'll take you home."
"I don't need you to take me home. Just tell me where the bus stop is."
"There's no bus stop," I said. "Not for miles. Just let me take you back."
She sighed.
"Just to the coffee shop," she said. "I can take the bus home from there."
I was learning that with Deira, I had to compromise, and take the wins that I could get.
"Great," I agreed. We didn't talk on the way there, and after I dropped her off, I spent the whole drive home daydreaming about what it might be like to finally meet Makayla. I thought about how to make a good first impression. Maybe I should bring her a present? I wasn't sure what she'd like, though.
I didn't figure Deira would call me that night. I was hoping she would call the next day, but I only got calls from work. I went to bed feeling annoyed and dejected.
Finally, the next morning, she called. I let it ring for a moment, so as not to seem too eager. Then I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Cassius," she replied. "Is now an okay time to call?"
"It's perfect," I replied, gripping the phone tightly to try to keep the emotion out of my voice.
"I talked to Makayla about you. She wants to meet you."
I let out a breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding. And then I grinned.
"That's great!"
"Do you know the park near Adams Elementary School?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said. I didn't, but she didn't need to know that. I could figure it out.
"Let's meet there this weekend. Okay?"
"Yes. Works for me. What day?" We talked over our schedules and found a time that worked for both of us. When I hung up the phone, I felt like I had just closed the biggest deal of my life.
The park was easy to find, and I got there early. I had brought a small bouquet of daisies. I finally decided flowers were the safest gift, because I remembered she had liked the flowers I brought to the hospital. I had asked the woman working at the flower show to pick a kind of flower that she thought a little girl would like.
A playground wasn't exactly my natural habitat. There were a bunch of kids running around, and every once in a while, a parent would go darting after a small child that was trying to make an escape. It was loud. I was kind of surprised at how such small people could make so much noise. It was as if all the kids were talking at once. This chatter was sometimes punctured by a shriek of laughter, or the bark of a dog who'd come along for the fun. A mom on a bench nearby was making faces at a baby in a stroller, causing her to giggle uncontrollably. There was the creak of the swings on the swing set, back and forth, back and forth.
The sound of the bus stopping at the corner made me look that way. The doors opened and Deira got off, holding her hand out to help Makayla climb down after her. I made a mental note to talk to Deira about why she wasn't using the car I rented for her. But I could deal with that later. For now, I didn't want to get distracted from meeting my daughter. Technically, we had met at the hospital, but I wasn't counting that because I hadn't known who she was. I watched as they approached me, Makayla holding her mom's hand but looking at me curiously. She looked small for her age, and a lot like Deira, with the same long blonde hair. But when she looked up at me, I saw what Deira meant about her eyes. They looked remarkably like my own.
She let go of Deira's hand and walked right up to me. I noticed Deira looked a little surprised by this, and I remembered she had warned me that Makayla was shy and might not warm up to me right away. But she held out her hand and said, "Hello, I'm Makayla Wilson. I'm five years old. Nice to meet you." It was obviously the way she'd been taught to introduce herself to strangers. It was cute. I took her hand and shook it gently.
"Hi Makayla. I'm Cassius. I'm..."
"My daddy," she interrupted. "I know. Mommy explained it to me." She had a slight lisp that came out when she saidexplained. She looked at the daisies. "Are those flowers for Mommy?"
"These are for you, actually." I held them out.
"Oh," she said. Her eyes widened, and she took them from me gently.
"They're sooo pretty," she cooed, twirling the bouquet so she could look at each individual flower. "Mom, look at these! They're forme!" she shouted, running over to Deira and holding up the flowers for her to look at. Deira bent down and they looked at the flowers together. Then Deira whispered something to her, and she ran back over to me.
"Thank you for the flowers," she said. I crouched down to her level.
"You're very welcome. I didn't know what flower you liked, so I guessed," I said.
"I love daisies! They're my favorites!" she exclaimed. It seemed like everything she said was an exclamation. Her vibrant energy reminded me of Deira. She buried her nose in the daisies to smell them. Then she looked up. "I also like roses and tiger lilies and chrysanthemums." Her lisp came out again on chrysanthemums.
I laughed, and she smiled at me.
"Do you want to push me on the swings?" she asked.
"That sounds like fun. Let's go!" I replied, trying to match her enthusiasm. She turned to Deira.
"Mom, can you hold my flowers, please?" Deira nodded, and Makayla carefully handed her the bouquet. Then she led me over to the swings. Deira went to sit on a nearby bench, but I could feel her eyes on us.
Makayla hopped onto a swing and looked up at me expectantly. Thinking back to my own childhood, I gently took hold of the swing with her on it, pulled back, and then let go. Makayla looked over her shoulder at me.
"Higher, please," she said, and smiled the cutest smile.
"You got it," I said, and pulled her back further this time. I let go and she swooped away from me, giggling. She swung back in my direction, and I lightly pushed her forward to keep the momentum going. I was worried that she would be scared if she went too high, but she seemed to love it. Every time I propelled her forward, she shrieked with laughter. My old memories of playing on the swing set came back to me. I loved going on the swings, and I especially loved going really high. Maybe Makayla had gotten that from me.