I wake up to the gnawing and strange aching sensation traveling across my belly and try to turn over to relieve whatever it is. I am struggling now that my bump is fully formed and weighing me down while Colton’s arm across me isn’t helping. The room is completely dark and silent, so it must still be the middle of the night, and his even, peaceful breathing signals he’s out cold.
I maneuver his forearm over my boobs and roll sideways away from him, so my butt is jutted against his groin to stop my stomach from hanging over the edge of the mattress. I get frustrated at my inability to move around like a normal human anymore.
I have reached that stage where I’m begging them to come out quickly because I can’t take much more of this endless beached whale sensation. It has limited any movement and being independent. I feel like my days consist of peeing multiple times, being eternally hungry, cranky, and uncomfortable, and bursting into tears over the most insane things.
I still haven’t settled into sleeping in our new room here in the valley, either. It’s been three weeks since the renovations were done, yet I still don’t feel like it’s home. New surroundings, atmosphere, and bearings to get used to again. I miss the homestead, where Sierra and Radar decided to stay and govern in our absence now they are planning to produce pups and live happily ever after. In their cocoon bubble of love where life is rosy, they want to raise siblings for Colton under the shadow of the now vampire-free mountain.
The pack split and some stayed over there for the peaceful rural life they had nurtured, although a vast amount came home to be reunited with the valley wolves, and things have been slowly becoming normal. Rebuilding, fixing, and bonding once more.
“Ahhhhh.” I let out an involuntary groan as shooting, stabbing pain rips across my lower pelvis and grip Colton’s arm so tight I almost pierce him with my nails. It’s bone achingly awful as pain goes, and try as I might to bear down and grit my teeth, I can’t hold it in.
“What is it? I’m up. I’m awake…. What’s going on?” Colton’s frantic scramble to upright, his eyes instantly amber as he scans the room for danger and realizes I am the one assaulting him as he relaxes back down. Pulling me to him in a protective hold.
“Pain,” I murmur, pushing the words out in a strangled breath, screwing my eyes shut and releasing his forearm from my grip to point downwards at my stomach with a jerky motion. It’s about all I am capable of doing.
“As in….. are you? Tonight?” Colton’s tone swiftly shifts from sleep-addled and confused to panic-ridden. His brain shifts into alert as he realizes what this could be.
“Hmmm.” is the only reply I can give as I try to deal with this cramping. It’s like having my periods, only amped up by fifty times the pain. And everywhere, not just my abdomen.
“Okay, okay… do you want to get up, lay differently. Shall I get the midwife? Do you need a massage, a hug, or something to grip?” Colton goes into nervous overdrive, spewing out every instruction he memorized from our birth lessons with the midwife the past couple of months. Suddenly awake and buzzing and ready for action.
“Shhhh.” I raise my finger to my lips, screwing my eyes tighter, and try to quieten him while I bear this internal agony. Every single sense and urge in me is crying to turn wolf to help ease it, but I know I can’t. I’m fighting that inner need to protect myself from something excruciating. Even though I’m in labor and the danger to them is probably no longer an issue now they are fully formed, I can’t risk it. I have to birth my pups in human form.
“I’ll link her. I’ll get her here fast.” He whispers it gently and pats my shoulder as I breathe through what feels like my insides twisting into knots, then slowly subside until I can bear it again before fading to a low ache. It goes from storm to gentle waves in minutes, but for the one suffering, it felt like hours.
“It’s passing.” I exhale heavily, and my whole body begins to relax again, away from the tense wooden posture I held without realizing it. Colton moves away from me, starts arranging the bed covers, and places a cushion under my feet to get me into a comfortable position.
“If this is the start, it will be a long night, baby. They’re coming. I asked Meds and Carmen to come too, as I know you want them both here. Tell me what you need.” Colton seems in control and on form as bossy Alpha, but I can feel his angsty tension radiating at epic levels, and his slight voice tremors give him away.
“It might come to nothing. They said we could have false starts.”
“Let’s just play this as if it’s real. No one will care about losing some sleep if it’s a false alarm. I’d rather be prepared and disappointed than something going wrong.” He moves around the bed, tucks me in, feels my forehead, and pours a glass of water on the bedside before dimming the lamps. He creates a low cozy glow that barely casts away the shadows, and I blink toward our wall of curtains.
“I want them open. I want to see the moon and stars while we wait.” I have no idea why, but I feel it will keep me calm while waiting to see if this pain returns. There’s a myth of our kind that pups should be born under the moon to ensure a healthy start, and I hope seeing it will keep me calm, whether a fable or not.
Colton does as I ask, wanders to pull the expanse of dark velvet away from the rows of windows, and exposes the blackest night. The sky is as close to the purest onyx as I have ever seen. Stars twinkling high in the sky and a full moon to set the mood. The air is crystal clear, no clouds in the sky, and it’s almost a perfect night for stargazing.
“Are we going to do this here? Or do you want to go to the infirmary?” Colton walks back to me and sits on the bed to stroke my hair.
“Here. If we can, if anything happens, then make the decisions to ensure the safety of our babies.” We have had this conversation before, and Colton looks away, frowning because it’s a topic he doesn’t like. I have told him multiple times that should anything go wrong. The babies come first. I won’t die. I know this. I have Colton with healing abilities, and as soon as the babies are out, I can turn wolf and heal myself. I’m willing to take whatever pain or complications and push myself to near death to get them safely out. He knows this and agrees, but he still doesn’t like it.
I don’t get another word out as another pain sears across my body, with a much stronger intensity than before, so fast, considering it’s only been minutes since the last one. I gasp and crunch my body up to try and combat it, but it’s like being sideswiped by a bus.
“Breathe through it. Pant like Marda showed you.” Colton’s hands are on me, but I try to blot out the world by closing my eyes and focusing on the agony ripping me up inside. I didn’t know what I expected childbirth to feel like, but this wasn’t it. There’s nothing to describe how much it hurts.