I watch my brother across the room, listless and lost about how to approach him. Colton is pacing around, hand gesturing angrily as he thrashes out whatever dialogue they are having, and Jasper keeps glaring his way. Arms folded across his chest, face tight, expression grim in an ‘I’m not interested’ pose and watching as my mate talks about what happens from here on in. Whether my brother likes it or not, he’s stuck with us and life in this pack. I should be over there, contributing, coaxing, but I couldn’t stand it any longer.
Sensing Jasper’s pain and reluctance to start to let go of a decade of ingrained hatred and hurt was overwhelming me to the point of sheer exhaustion. His head is full of vengeance and blind belief that the only cure to his emptiness is to make somehow the entire Santo pack suffer. Never return to being Lycan among a pack who would embrace him as a family again. He sees only a name and a bloodline, and the details of the past do not seem to matter. I don’t even know how to begin to get through to him when he’s so far brainwashed into seeing us as only the enemy. He’s forgotten his roots, his own needs as a wolf. Nothing I said dented that giant bubble of refusal he shrouds around him like an impenetrable fort of darkness. I know it’s a form of self-defense, but it’s not good for him.
He’s had years of conditioning and brewing over this pain and fury, with a daily dose of ‘we will seek revenge’ from his vampire carers. A diet of constant hate and plans of war. He can’t comprehend any other kind of existence or path. Can’t bring it together in his mind to latch onto the fact that there could be another way to end his suffering. His wolf gifts are dampened, and his mind turned dark with only the goal of his vendetta in sight. Lycans aren’t built that way, and it goes against our very nature to hold onto something self-destructive. It’s no wonder he’s so conflicted.
How do you unravel all that and prove that he can live a normal and happy life again, among his own kind, if he just tries? That he has a mate willing to come to him and help him through the worst of the confusion. She’s within his reach. Carmen knows the kind of pain and suffering he is experiencing too. She’s part of the bigger picture with her own wounds and pain and could be a healing balm if he lets her. Just like he could be what she finally needs to start to repair her scars.
He needs a therapist, not Colton issuing orders and his imprinted mate hiding in the shadows for fear of rejection for a second time. Both are dealing with him in the wrong way.
I’m no better, though. A decade apart, he’s not exactly the brother of the past that I loved so much and looked up to. We have both grown and changed in our own way, and I am at as much of a loss as how to deal with this version of him. The one raised by creatures we warred with for twenty years is merely an image that looks like the Jasper I loved.
Carmen wanders in, drawing my eye, and watches them for a second by the door, for the third time, with that look of unreadable blank all over her face that hints she is burying intense emotion again. She’s turned inward since Jasper appeared and seems like she keeps running away from face-to-face interaction with him. I know this is what she does. Avoids confrontation when it’s painful and deflects to other things. Her emotions are all over the place, and even at this distance, I can taste the heartbreak and indecision about what she should do. She blinks his way, eyes damp with unshed tears, and then turns and walks back outside once more. My heart sinks, knowing she is afraid to approach him, but every instinct in her keeps pulling back to him. The agony of imprinting and the fact it only gets worse the longer you deny it.
I watch Jasper and see only a subtle tensing of his shoulders as he senses her come and go. I know he will smell her scent at that distance as he’s so in tune with everything that has been her since the imprint. He can’t deny it’s hurting him too, but he’s stubborn as hell, maybe more so than Colton ever was, and I think it’s going to take more than Carmen shuffling in to peek to make a dent in his armor. She needs to get up close and personal and make it impossible for him not to touch her, cling to her, and want her so badly it turns his head inside out. That broke Colton; maybe it’s how I should tackle my brother. Force them into proximity. Use the bond and its sheer overwhelming urge to bring him out of his head and chase after the one destined for him.
The subs are clearing up the fallout of a long battle night, so we are pretty empty in this great hall now. Varro and Darrius are gone, and the hybrids are too. Outside is eerily quiet, and as a new day dawns, it feels like last night was nothing but a flitting dream. The witch has vanished into thin air, which is still grating on my nerves.
The sun began to rise about an hour ago and, like we expected, turned all the remains of our enemy to dust as they blew away on a gentle wind as if they were never lain there at all. Leaving only our dead to contend with. Leaving the hanging sadness and silence in the area around this desolate place as we begin the long process of bringing this valley back to something resembling a home. Taking away the evidence of our battle and leaving only the pain of the fallout. I need one thing to go better today, so I feel like this all wasn’t so pointless.
“Jasper,” I call out with hesitation and only a half-formed plan in my head, but it’s like grasping at straws. I have to take the plunge and go for it. My brother is on top of the to-do list because it’s one of the problems right here in front of me now.
Colton and Jasper stop their combative narrative at one another and turn heads this way with a look of ‘what?’. So similar in build and pose, booth oozing subtle aggression as they hit head-on with equally stubborn personalities.
“Go help Carmen scout outside and take in how much damage has been done to the perimeter fences and overall buildings now it’s light. She knows this place well and was part of the permanent patrol. Get her to pick out immediate repairs needing taken care of.” I try not to give away any kind of expression and look deadly serious, seeing Colton narrow his eyes at my absurd command. He already sent Meadow to scout and report on damages that need to be fixed first. And with our Vampire war now hanging to a peace treaty, it’s not like we are in any imminent danger that requires the fences anymore.
“I’m sure it doesn’t take two.” Jasper digs his heels in, bristling up with attitude, eyes narrowing at me, but it only serves to push the stubborn little sister out of her hiding place. “She can probably do it alone.”
“Like it or not, now you’re in this pack and by my side to command. I am your Luna, and you were told to protect me. Do I have to make my mate alpha tone you to fall in line? I’m tired and hungry and want to go home, so help and we can do that before the sun’s fully up. Do your part!” I grit my teeth, knowing this will not likely win him over. He never responded well to bossy and commanding in the past, but he always had a soft spot for me, and wrapping him around my little finger was my forte.
“Whatever.” He ‘pfffts’ under his breath, throws his arms down to his side, and marches off towards the main door, visibly sulking with a glare that could melt steel. It seems despite his standing against my mate, I do have some more sway at times. There’s hope for him if I can play his heartstrings a little more. He obviously still cares enough about me.