“I hate you. I hate you so much,” I cried.
Shane didn’t say anything. He clenched his jaw as he stared back at me.
“Is that how you like it?” I asked.
“Oh, Adea,” he groaned. “I’m a sick man, but I’ve tried to be good for you. I’ve tried to be… I’ve tried to be something I’m not. You’re so innocent, so precious. As much as I wanted to soil you, tarnish you, dirty you, I can’t.”
“Is that why you haven’t taken me yet?” I asked.
“It’s one of the big reasons.”
We didn’t say anything more that night. We didn’t mention it and we didn’t mention the women, but after that night, Shane never touched me again. Sexually at least. He didn’t take anything and didn’t give any. We cuddled, we snuggled, and we held each other, but after that night it was as if we’d pulled apart. Stayed apart.
As soon as I knew about the other woman, I couldn’t bring myself to touch him, taste him, kiss him, but I still loved him all the same. He visited me every night and stayed until sunrise, but he never made any moves to do anything more. I still wanted him to be my first. I still wanted him to take my virginity. I didn’t want to go to Ethan with that intact. I didn’t want Ethan to take that from me.
*** six months later **
One more week and I would be of age. It took me months before I could forgive Shane. He promised he’d stop. He’d hurt me and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be okay. My ego didn’t believe him, but my heart knew he was telling the truth. He didn’t want to hurt me like he did that night six months ago. The darkness grew in him while he waited for what.
Two months ago I started to hold hands with Shane again. The time was nearing for me to leave with Ethan, and I wanted Shane to take me. We still hadn’t done anything physical since the night I found out about the women, but knowing that next week I’d be taken away, shipped off, scared me. I needed to feel him, needed to be close to him before I left. Before I was sent off, never to see him again.
The last two weeks had been fun. Shane had been sweeter, kinder, and touchier. I’d enjoyed my time with him. Things were starting to feel the way they used to.
The date of the celebration had been pushed back due to an issue. I’m not sure of the exact reason, but I had a feeling it had to do with Ethan and his pack. Something was going on and I know we were not supposed to wish harm on others, but Goddess, I prayed he died. I didn’t care how, but I’d thought of many different ways. A rogue could cross his path, a traitor could be in the midst of his own warriors, and a jilted lover could hurt him before he could come for me.
Maybe that’s why I was fated for misery. Maybe it was because I was a wicked girl, well, a woman now. It didn’t stop how I felt; it didn’t change anything. I wanted nothing more than to hear news of his death.
It had been two weeks, two whole weeks and Shane still hadn’t taken me. I was starting to lose my mind. We hadn’t heard the news of when the celebration would be held, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be held. If anything, I would be fine if it was canceled. I didn’t care for parties in my name. I didn’t want the attention of perverted men, and I didn’t want to be sold off like cattle.
I took a deep breath and banished these thoughts.
The dresses had shown up in my room one day while I’d been out. They’d been in boxes, and the one for the celebration had been put up in my room. It was beautiful and I wished I could wear it for Shane instead of Ethan.
What was going to happen on the day of the celebration? Would I get to say goodbye to Shane or would I be taken away?
Gabriel hadn’t reached out to me again, but there was a note in the box of dresses.
I’ve got an idea.
I wanted to know what he meant, what he had planned, and if it could really work. I didn’t have much hope now that the date of the celebration was drawing nearer. Two days before the celebration, I would turn eighteen. I would be an adult, and I would have one day of freedom. One day to myself before the celebration. Before Ethan came here and before I became his.
I had to get rid of my virginity this week. I had to. There was no way around it. Tonight, I would wait for Shane.
I brushed my hair out and got myself ready. Butterflies fluttered in my belly as I pulled the nightgown over my head. I waited for him on the bed, and as the moon started to sink under the horizon, I realized he wasn’t coming.
I closed my eyes and when I woke up, the sun was high in the sky. He’d spent the night out and I bit my lip at what that could mean.
The next couple of days went by quickly and Shane didn’t show up again. Night after night. Two, then three days. I was starting to worry. I wanted to reach out to him, but I didn’t want to seem desperate. I waited for him every night, and every night he didn’t come, I was disappointed.