I’d been staring at the wall for the last hour, maybe two hours. The paint was chipping and I knew what I looked like. I was a sacrificial lamb awaiting to be offered up for the guest.
What they didn’t know is that I’m going to gut the guest. What they didn’t know was that I was not going to take it lying down.
Today I had my game face on. Iwas not going to let anything show. I was not going to let them know that I was hurting and I was not going to let it show that I was affected by them having Shane. Even though it was all that I could think about.
I cried so hard last night that my eyes were swollen this morning and my head was pounding.
I didn’t lock the door last night after Ava left. There was no point in continuing to pretend that this room was my safe space. I was never safe, and if anything, they could have broken my door down. The child in me wished and believed that I was safe in these four walls, but the adult I needed to be needed to accept the fact that this room was not my safe space. I needed to accept that I was never safe, and that it was all an illusion.
When Ava pushed the door open this morning, I didn’t look her way. I didn’t want to see her, and I didn’t talk to her unless it was absolutely necessary. I was angry at her, yes, but that’s not why I wasn’t talking to her. I was done wasting any energy on her. I was done expecting anything like a familial bond from her. It was pointless.
She didn’t come alone. She came with a handmaiden she used when she got ready. She’d already gotten dressed and was ready for the day. She was dressed in her new dresses and she didn’t hold back on the rouge.
She snapped her fingers and her servant was on me in an instant. She guided me to the chair in front of the vanity. I couldn’t stare at myself, so I opted for the wall as she powdered, fluffed, and brushed. I was nothing more than a doll, a prize, a gift that she needed to prepare and package. No, I wasn’t just a gift or a prize. I was a woman they were prepping for breeding.
There were seven hours left until the start of the celebration. Seven hours until my fate would be sealed. I was aware of my father’s intentions for me today. I was going to be offered like the sacrificial lamb that I was. Ethan would take my hand, and they would announce that I was officially his. Then he would announce that I was his mate and everyone would cheer for us and our “happy future”.
“What bullshit,” I whispered.
“What was that?” The girl asked. The brush on my cheek froze as she looked at me.
“I misspoke,” I said.
She continued her brush strokes and stepped back to admire her work. It was only when Ava gave her approval that she walked around me and started to braid my hair.
“Make sure to braid it tight. We don’t want it to get loose at any point today,” Ava said.
“Understood,” she said.
I sat still while the handmaiden proceeded to rip my hair from my scalp. At least that’s what it felt like. It felt like it took hours, and when she was done styling my hair, my eyes burned at the pressure and pain from her pulling my hair.
I watched Ava as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her hand slowly smoothed down her seaweed green dress over her curves. Her hair ran down her back in two separate braids. Her dress was cut low, so low that if she leaned forward her nipples would likely pop out.
She was dressed to impress, and I was hoping she succeeded.
When the servant was done with my hair, I finally looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was in an elaborate updo and sat firmly atop my head. My neck and shoulders were bare, and I felt naked.
Ava’s eyes darted to me and I didn’t miss the way she nervously bit down on her lip. I wasn’t even dressed yet, and she was already nervous that I would steal her beloved Ethan’s attention.
Ethan was handsome, but he was cruel. He was sick, and had an ego to match that big head of his.
What was she going to do when I was dressed and standing up front with him by his side? If it bothered her so much, why didn’t she say anything? If she loved him so much, why didn’t she fight for him? I didn’t understand her or Ethan’s logic.
Just the thought of him even looking my way made me want to puke. I didn’t even want to think about tonight when he would announce that I was his mate. All I wanted was to make sure that Shane would be safe. That’s all I wanted.
The inevitable future I’d dreaded had finally arrived and I would face it head on. Ethan thought he was going to be getting a faithful obedient Luna. I couldn’t wait to prove just how wrong he was. I would follow along until Shane was safe. When I was alone with Ethan, I’d bare my fangs and fight him tooth and nail.
Ava stepped up to me, and I stared at my dress as she carried it over. It was a beautiful dress, but it was picked with Ethan in mind. That alone was enough to make me hate it. If things were different, if my future hadn’t been mapped out for me, I would have worn that dress happily. I would have looked forward to the day I found my mate. I would have looked forward to being with Shane. I would have bounced on the balls of my feet knowing that the night would end with Shane’s mark on my neck, but that was not how tonight would unfold.