“Have you decided?”
Nellie still couldn’t see who was asking, but she’d gotten used to it. “I think I have.”
There were parts of her life in that other world that were blurry. Some were very clear: she had no children, she was no longer married, and she lived alone. But there were other things equally as clear: her parents, Roni, Gus. They all loved her, but none of them needed her to come back. Her parents had each other. Roni had Noah and Jack now. Gus had his grandparents and Courtney. Yet there was a nagging feeling in her gut. As peaceful and wonderful as it was here, something told her she needed to go back. She’d begun to once already, but the pain in her chest was like fire in that other world, so she’d quickly run back to the peaceful painless world she’d been strolling in for who knew how long.
“I think . . . I’m going to . . . stay here.”
“But your baby.”
“I don’t have a baby.”
The voice changed again. She’d heard it before. It sounded so pained that it hurt her heart.
“You’re having my baby, our baby, Nellie. Please come back.”
Suddenly recognizing the voice, her heart ached even more profoundly, awakening the memory of the only other time when her heart had felt this kind of unbearable pain: Not when she’d found out about Rick and Courtney’s betrayal. Not when both her grandparents were killed in a car accident a few years ago. Not even the fire she’d felt in her chest when she’d almost gone back to that other world. A visual came to her out of nowhere, a visual of a man hitting the floor so devastatingly hard that his head bounced. It hurt more than any pain she’d ever experienced in her life because it was her fault he’d gone down, and she needed to get to him now. He was hurting too, and only she could help him.
In the next instant, the pain in her heart was drowned out by the burning in her chest, a burning that got worse with every breath she took as her entire body now bathed in the torturous pain. She couldn’t go back to that peaceful place anymore. She had to come back, and now she knew why. There was no question in her mind that this pain was worth it, even if it was spreading. The pain was in her head now too. It was in her throat like scorching lava and seared through every vein in her body. If she had the strength to scream, she’d do it until her voice ran out.