For a moment, Abel thought the growl he’d heard had come from deep inside him because he sure as hell felt like growling, until Noah leaped in front of him, and he realized it’d come from his friend. Just like Abel, Noah looked ready to spit. “Damn it, Abel!” he said, shoving his chest with both hands. “Don’t you fucking do this! You said you had your shit under control.” Noah shoved his hand in the air, now pointing toward his house. “My wife has lost sleep over this. And I knew it. I knew it. God damn it! I knew it the day I told you about her date, and I knew it this whole past week when you walked around looking ready to detonate.”
The only reason Abel didn’t shove past Noah was because Nellie had already gone in the house and the guy she’d just kissed was long gone. “I will not let you do this.” Noah said almost through his teeth. “Do you hear me? Either you talk to her and tell her how you’re feeling or you suck it up.”
“I can’t tell her,” Abel said, stalking back toward the garage now. “It’s not what she wants. Hell, I don’t even know what I want. I just . . .” He glanced back, grinding his teeth as he felt the image of Nellie kissing someone else literally slapping him.
“You just don’t wanna hear about or see her with anyone else?” Noah shook his head. “Well, too fucking bad! You knew what you were getting yourself into when you started this. I warned you that this would happen. And how do you know it’s not what she wants?”
“Because she’s told me she’s great with this arrangement more than once,” Abel said, still trying to calm his breathing, his twisting insides, but the more he thought about it, the more incensed it made him. “And now this,” he said, pointing down the driveway. “This is exactly how she said she wanted things to be. Said it was for the best. How much clearer does she need to be? This is the second guy she’s been out with this weekend alone.”
Third if he was counting himself. Fuck! Running his fingers through his hair roughly, he struggled to remain calm. Had she been with this guy all day? And why the hell was she dressed so damn provocatively? The shoes alone screamed fuck me.
Hearing the girls giggle in the kitchen only ignited him further. Was she filling Roni in on her fabulous date?
Gnashing his teeth, he reminded himself he had to think rationally before he blew in that back door and told her off. Noah would never forgive him, and there was no faster way of killing this thing than doing just that. He thought back to what had been bothering him before he found out she’d been on a date today. If it really didn’t matter and she was really great with this arrangement, then why the hell would she feel the need to lie to him this morning about her plans for the day? Why wouldn’t she have at least mentioned she was meeting a friend or something? She specifically said she had noplans. She was working on the mixer and doing laundry. Period. So either she didn’t want him to know about her date because she already sensed something like this would upset him, or she didn’t have plans until she saw the photos of him and Rachel, which meant that she’d been pissed too because she was feeling the same thing he was.
This rationale should calm him, but it didn’t, not at all. And there was still a whole lot of giggling coming from the kitchen window. There was no way he was staying at her place now tonight, not the way he was feeling. He needed time to calm down, or he might snap and spill his guts. As angry as this made him, he still couldn’t bring himself to say he was through with her for good, and if she found out how he felt, this could be over. He turned to Noah. “Don’t tell Roni about this.”
“Are you kidding me?” Noah said, lowering his voice. “I don’t want her to know. She’ll be a mess, waiting for things to blow up. And don’t tell me they won’t, because they almost did today.”
“It was just a surprise,” Abel insisted, trying to sound convincing. “It caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting that, but now I know.”
Noah rolled his eyes, looking completely unimpressed as the back door opened. Roni stuck her head out. “Babe, Jack’s napping. Can you keep an eye on him? I have to give Nellie a ride home.”
Noah looked confused for a moment. “Didn’t she leave her car here this morning?”
This morning? She’d been with this guy all day?
“Yes, but she’s had a little too much to drink. So I don’t think she should drive.”
“I’m fine!” Nellie said from inside.
“I’ll take her,” Abel said as his mother’s words instantly came to him. Only three types of people tell the truth: Kids, the drunk, and the angry. She might say more than he wanted to hear, and as pissed as he was, he might spit out a few truths himself, but at least it’d be out there. They could move ahead or end this because obviously this wasn’t going to work anymore. Immediately, he saw the look of resistance on Roni’s face. “I was spending the night at her place anyway. We have some business in the morning.”
Roni lifted a brow then turned back and said something in a voice too low for him to make out what she was telling or asking Nellie. Then there was an awkward silence and finally Roni asked. “Honey, what’s wrong?” Abel and Noah exchanged glances as Roni closed the door, rushing back in.”
“God damn it!” Noah muttered, rushing toward the back door.
Abel followed with his heart completely twisted. Was she crying? Upset? About him and Rachel maybe? He followed Noah through the kitchen and up the hallway where Roni stood outside the bathroom door, talking in a hushed voice. She motioned for Noah and Abel to go away when she saw them coming.
They walked back into the front room, Abel’s insides tightening at the sight of Nellie’s extra-high-heeled shoes on the floor. Both he and Noah turned when they heard Roni’s voice just behind them. “She says she thinks it’s mixture a few too many mimosas that she had with brunch and car sickness from the long drive back.”
“Long drive?” Abel asked, immediately getting a warning stare down from Noah.
“Yeah,” Roni said, rushing to the purse next to Nellie’s shoes on the floor and dug through in until she pulled out an inhaler. “They went to a restaurant down in the San Diego area. La Jolla, I think.”
La Jolla?
Roni headed back toward the bathroom, turning to Abel. “But she will need that ride home, so if you don’t mind giving her one a few minutes, she’ll be out in a little bit.”
“We’ll be outside,” Noah said before Abel could respond. Roni was already down the hall. “Outside.” Noah motioned with his head and walked out before Abel.
Abel followed, knowing he was in for one of Noah lectures. Noah just better keep it short because Abel was in no mood for anything lengthy. Noah walked all the way down the porch stairs and onto the sidewalk; obviously, whatever he planned on saying to Abel, he wanted it as far away from Roni’s earshot as possible.
As soon as he stopped walking, he turned to Abel with a purpose but spoke in a lowered voice. “First of all, if you think seeing her with other men is something you’re gonna get used to, let me tell you right now that you’re out of your mind. It’s only gonna get worse each time. And I don’t think I need to tell you that this couldn’t be happening at a worse time. You’re in training for the biggest fight of your life, man. You really wanna blow it by having this shit messing with your head?”
“It’s not.”
Abel didn’t even know why he bothered to try to sound convincing. He knew Noah wasn’t buying anything from him now.
“Are you kidding me? You don’t think I’ve noticed all week how off your training has been?”
“I told you. The closer the fight gets, the heavier the hype and paparazzi are getting.” And again he didn’t know why he bothered. The bored look on Noah face said it all. “It’s what I’ve been trying to adjust to. It threw me for a loop this past week, but I’ll get back in the swing of things.”
“Really?” Noah crossed his arms in front of him. “So if that dude—the one she kissed,” Noah emphasized that last word as if it were necessary to have Abel instantly lit again, “comes back here right now and offers to take her home, maybe even to spend the night, and she sends you packing, you’d be cool with that?”
Swallowing hard, Abel glanced away. The thought of Nellie kissing the guy alone was enough to jumpstart his already wounded heart and had his nostrils flaring. Noah was just being an asshole now by taking it a step further and suggesting that maybe Nellie was sleeping with the guy. Abel wouldn’t—couldn’t even pretend he’d be cool with that.
To his relief, noise at Noah’s front door got their attention. Roni and Nellie stood by the door, still talking. Nellie held her shoes in her hands and appeared to be reassuring that Roni she was fine.
“Either you come clean and tell her how much this bothers you—try to change things so they’re not as casual as she seems to think they are since she’s obviously still seeing other guys,” Noah warned in a hushed but urgent voice, “or you end this shit now. I don’t care what you say, Ayala. This is already making you crazy, and it’s gonna fuck everything up, not just any kind of delusional friendship you think you might still be able to handle once this is all over but this fight. You could seriously get hurt in that ring if your head’s not all there.” Noah took a step further as Nellie started down the long porch toward the steps. “Are you listening to—?”
“I heard you!” Abel snapped through his own clenched teeth.
The image of Nellie kissing that guy was already making him breathe hard again. Noah made some excellent points, but he had no idea how impossible both his suggestions were. For one, infuriatingly, it was true. Obviously, Nellie was still great with this arrangement since after the night and morning they’d had, she got all dressed up to meet with a guy she was on kissing goodbye terms with—more than just an acquaintance. If he did what Noah said he should, tell her how he felt about this, she may suggest they take a step back and slow things down. He may very well be forced to do the other impossible thing Noah had suggested: end this—stay away from her—something he didn’t think he was capable of doing anymore.
He turned to Noah just as Nellie made her way down the porch steps. “I’ll handle this. Don’t worry.”
~*~
Nellie waited with baited breath as Abel, who didn’t look at all thrilled, walked around the car after letting her in the passenger side. She’d forced herself the entire day to look at the photos of him and Rachel on her phone as often as she got the chance. The guilt she felt for being out with Sam was unreasonable. She and Abel had never agreed to anything exclusive, and those photos of him with his juice bar girl were painful reminders of that.
She hadn’t even realized that Abel was there until Roni mentioned telling Noah that she was giving Nellie a ride. Hearing his voice had been enough to choke her up. The alcohol mixed with all the agonizing she’d done all day over those damn photos had really done a number on her. But hearing him say he’d take her home—that he was spending the night at her place—so matter-of-factly, knowing she’d been out all day with another man, had finally done her in. Claiming to be carsick and needing to throw up so she could run out of Roni’s sight before the tears really started flowing, had been her only choice.
Now she couldn’t be sure, but she sensed that he wasn’t as casually okay with this as she first thought. The memory of how he reacted to Logan in her office came to her. Was he really going to have the nerve to go all caveman on her after his sweet morning greeting with the juice girl?
“That wasn’t Logan,” he said as soon as he got in the car. “Noah thought maybe you were out with the guy from Friday night. I thought you went to the concert with Logan?”
He started up the car but was still staring at her, so she sat up straight, lifting her chin. Not that she owed him any explanations but she wouldn’t make a big deal of it. “I did go to the concert with Logan. He had an emergency and had to leave early. His friend offered to take me home and then asked me if I wanted to have brunch today.” His already outstretched brow went more severe. “Logan and I are just co-workers, nothing more.” Lifting a shoulder, she glanced away from his pressing eyes. “Sam seemed like a nice enough guy, and I had a good time with him Friday, so I figured, why not?”
“This morning you said you had no plans,” he reminded her as he pulled out into the street.
“I didn’t because I hadn’t heard from him yet, and I hadn’t confirmed for sure that I’d be going.” Nellie wasn’t sure what to think of this line of questioning, but one thing was for sure: Abel wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that he was irritated about all of this. The giant balls of brass on this guy! “He texted me this morning, so I agreed. He’d told me about this restaurant Friday night. It was as good as he’d heard it was, totally worth the two-hour drive.”
Nellie continued staring out her window, refusing to look his way. Her mind was made up, even if her heart wasn’t quite there yet. This ended now. She’d been naïve to think she could actually do this—that the incredible sex and the temporary times she got to pretend he was all hers were worth it.
“So you just met this guy Friday and agreed to let him drive you home that same night and then take a two-hour drive with him today? Kind of dangerous, don’t you think?”
“He wasn’t a complete stranger,” she clarified, the annoyance with his tone growing heavier with each question. “He’s a friend of Logan’s.”
“And how long have you known Logan?”
“What is this? Twenty questions?” she snapped, glancing back at him, sounding more defensive than she’d planned.
Truth was she hadn’t known Logan for too long or very well at all. She still thought him a bit peculiar. When she’d spoken with him yesterday morning to ask him about his ex and how she was doing, he’d been vague. She thought maybe he’d been embarrassed since Sam did say his ex was dramatic and that’s why he’d changed the subject so abruptly. Oddly, he’d seemed more interested in hearing how things had gone with her and Sam, but not in a prying, questioning way as she would’ve thought. He sounded genuinely pleased that Sam had called him that morning to tell him they’d really hit it off. He even asked if she’d be seeing him again.
Her sudden snap in mood seemed to have rendered Abel speechless for a moment because he was staring straight ahead, his jaw working, and he hadn’t responded. So she was glad for the interruption when her phone buzzed. Her mom had already called her once earlier, and not wanting to be rude to Sam she’d sent it to voicemail, but her mom hadn’t left a message. She had a thing about not wanting to take up too much of Nellie’s time, so she rarely called twice in one day unless it was important. At that moment, the last thing Nellie was worried about was being rude to Abel, so she answered.
“Hi, Mom, I was gonna call you as soon as I got home.”
“I know. I wouldn’t have called you again, but your father and I are about to board a plane, so I was going to leave a message.”
“Board a plane? Where are you going?”
Her parents were hermits, and if they ever did take a trip, it was planned out and talked about for months in advance. She’d just spoken to her mom the other day. Never once did she mention a trip.
She heard her mom sigh heavily. “It’s a long story, honey, but basically, Courtney is in mandatory rehab. I don’t know if you knew anything about this.”
Nellie straightened abruptly. “No, I didn’t. I haven’t talked to her in forever. She never answers or returns my calls.”
If neither having to run to Roni’s bathroom to try and compose herself nor Abel’s questioning hadn’t sobered her up completely, this did.
Her mother filled her in quickly on Courtney failing to pick up Gus at the daycare center one too many times and custody having been given solely to Rick. As far as Nellie knew, the jerk was a deadbeat dad who didn’t do half his part of spending time with Gus as Courtney had hoped. But it’d been so long since she’d actually spoken to her sister that things might’ve changed.
“Anyway, Courtney’s been in rehab for weeks already, and Rick is just now calling to tell us because he says she made him swear he wouldn’t. But he says he’s been struggling with Gus because his job requires him to go out of town a lot and was hoping to hire a nanny soon, only he can’t afford one yet.” Her poor mother sounded so worried. All those feelings of hatred toward her sister and Rick that she thought were long behind her came rushing back. “In the midst of the conversation, he mentioned how already he’s had to leave him in the care of neighbor for a few days at a time more than once while he goes out of town for work.”
“What?” Nellie squeezed the phone tighter. “A neighbor? Which neighbor?”
“Those were my first questions, Nellie, especially because Courtney told me just a few months ago that Rick had moved out of his girlfriend’s place and gotten his own apartment. If he’s only lived there for a few months, how well can he know these neighbors, and he’s leaving my grandson with them for days at a time?”
“What did he say?”
“That he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do.”
“That selfish bastard,” Nellie muttered. If she didn’t already, she now had Abel’s full attention.
“He leaves again day after tomorrow for a week.”
“And you and daddy are flying out to stay with Gus?”
“No. We’re bringing him home to stay with us until Courtney gets out. She only has a few of weeks left to go. When I voiced my concerns about him leaving Gus for a week with near strangers, he said, ‘It is what it is.’ Then he said if it bothered me so much and we wanted to come get Gus he was all ours. He’d even sign guardianship over to us.”
All theirs? That’s how much he cared about being near his son? Nellie brought her hand to her mouth, closing her eyes. She felt completely ashamed that she’d once been married to this man.
“Something wrong?” Abel asked, the tension that had filled that car just minutes earlier now replaced with a feeling of urgency.
Nellie nodded but waved at him to give her a second. After her mom gave her all the facts about how long she’d be in Seattle and how and when she’d be back with Gus, Nellie got off the phone. Everything she’d been so worried about all day regarding her love life now seemed so trivial in comparison.
She shamefully explained about her sister in rehab and her asshole ex-husband pawning their son off on her parents. “They’re on a plane now to go bring him home until Courtney gets out and she can get custody back.”
Abel frowned, looking very genuinely concerned. Any resentment he may’ve been feeling toward her earlier was completely gone now. “Anything I can do?”
“No, there’s nothing.” She smiled softly then felt sadness deep in her heart for what she had to say next. “But I think maybe it’s best if you don’t stay tonight and I skip your radio interview tomorrow. I didn’t get the work done that I was supposed to on the mixer today, and now I have a few more things I need to look into for my parents, regarding my sister and Gus.”
Abel pulled up into her driveway without even looking at her, and without turning off his car, he nodded, his moving Adam’s apple once again catching her attention. “That’s fine. You take care of what you have to take care of. If you need to reschedule anything else you have going on with 5th Street or even going on with the fight, that’s fine too, Nell. I don’t want you stressing over any of that when you have this to worry about now.”
Feeling the enormous knot in her throat nearly suffocate her because this totally felt like the beginning of the end, she shook her head. A part of her, that pathetic little part of her heart still held out hope—hope that she could just shut off the hurt of knowing that as with Rick she alone would never be enough for Abel—hope that she could just accept this arrangement for what it was and that she wouldn’t have to walk away to save herself from further pain. That same pathetic part of her aching heart had also actually hoped that he might insist on staying. As strong as she was trying to be, she knew with all certainty that if he stayed with her she’d be in his arms all night. Once again, she’d give into him entirely despite the amount of time she’d spent agonizing over those photos today.
Swallowing back the knot that was still lodged in her throat, she fought the urge to take him up on the offer to cancel everything and just stay in bed for the next few weeks instead. Unless she was planning on cutting Abel along with her work with 5th Street completely out of her life, which would kill her best friend, she may as well face the inevitable. “No, they won’t be back for a few days. They’ll be renting a car and start driving back tomorrow. My mom said she has no desire to be anywhere near Rick for any longer than she absolutely has to be. But we should have everything squared away before the fight and the other things I need to work on.”
“They’re driving back from Seattle?” Abel asked wide-eyed. “That’s a hell of a drive.”
Nellie nodded in agreement then explained why. “They think it’ll be less dramatic for Gus than taking him through the whole airport and flying experience. And they figured the long drive home would get them better acquainted with him.” She opened the car door, her heart aching with every move that she made to end this night with Abel. “They haven’t had a vacation in a while. This will probably be it for them for a few years.”
“Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow at the gym. You said eight, right?” he said as she got out, making no attempt at all to reach out for her and kiss her madly as he normally did.
“Yeah, eight.”
With the realization that she was really walking away from Abel for the first time in weeks without so much as a peck goodbye and that he was perfectly fine with it, she couldn’t even turn to face him now as she closed the door.
“I’ll be on the lookout.”
He didn’t even wait for her to go in before revving up his car and pulling out in a hurry. Maybe he figured he still had time for a quick one with the fitness model or whoever else he had lined up.
With her vision completely blurred now as she struggled to unlock her front door, she finally got it open and hurried to her room. The second she made it to her bed, she lay down and let out all the pain she’d felt that day. She knew no matter how much she wanted this to keep going that she had to put an end to it. It was just too damn painful to keep insisting that she could do this. She’d been an idiot for bringing him back home last night even after Roni had told her how he still felt about their relationship. Maybe he did enjoy doing romantic things with her like in San Francisco and even the night they had last night then again this morning. But it didn’t mean he wanted that for an extended amount of time and exclusively with only one girl.
She sobbed into her pillow, the pain smashing into her heart and stealing the air from her lungs so much so that it alarmed her. Gasping for chunks of air through what felt like a tiny straw, she reached for her inhaler on her nightstand. She forced herself to calm down because she could feel herself getting close to that point of no return—a place she’d dove into far too many times when she was a child but only a handful as an adult. If she didn’t calm down now—force herself to take long deep calm breaths—she could end up having another asthma attack that was so bad she’d be in the emergency room all night. That hadn’t happened since she was still married. Before that, she hadn’t had an episode that felt like this one since high school.
As she sat there, still trying to calm herself, taking long slow breaths, she realized something. She hadn’t imagined herself falling so dangerously hard for Abel. This was further proof that she was too far gone to continue with this arrangement.