I have been away long enough to forget how many wolves can fit in one space without committing violence. I'm nursing whiskey at the edge of the gathering, watching families cluster together with that easy intimacy I used to think I'd have.
The main hall of the pack house is warm with body heat and noise—conversations layered over laughter, the occasional growl from someone's wolf slipping through. Fairy lights someone strung along the exposed beams cast everything in soft gold.
The kids are running wild—Phoenix leading a pack of cubs in what might be tag or might be strategic warfare. She's got her mother's determination and her father's complete disregard for personal safety. Orion's explaining something to a group of adults who look simultaneously impressed and confused. Whatever theory he's developed now probably involves quantum physics or inter-pack diplomacy.
Luna's holding court with the other empaths, all of them probably drowning in collective emotion. She catches my eye across the room and gives me a small wave. I lift my glass in acknowledgment.
Kieran and Thalia move through the crowd like they're conducting an orchestra. His hand never leaves her lower back. She leans into him with unconscious trust, her head tilting toward his when he murmurs something that makes her smile.
I used to watch this and feel like someone was carving out my chest with a spoon.
Now I just want what they have. Not her specifically—just that bone-deep certainty, that partnership that doesn't require constant negotiation. The kind of love that makes two people orbit each other like it's gravity.
My phone buzzes. Caroline: How's Seattle? Miss you, not in a weird clingy way, in a normal human way. Also my dad's being impossible about the contract terms and I need you to talk him down when you get back.
I'm smiling at the screen when movement catches my eye.
New girl. Maybe twenty-five, dark hair pulled back in a braid that shows off sharp cheekbones. She's watching me with the kind of intensity that should probably concern me. Not my pack—I'd recognize the scent—but she's comfortable here, moving through wolves like she belongs. Her posture says confidence. Her eyes say curiosity.
She doesn't look away when I meet her gaze. She just studies me with unnerving directness, like I'm a puzzle she's trying to solve.
"That's Maya," Kieran appears at my elbow, following my line of sight. "She joined the pack six months ago, transferring from the Oregon territory. She's smart, single, and has a good bloodline."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"You've been eye-fucking her for the last five minutes," he hands me a fresh drink. "And she's been asking about you since you got back."
"I wasn't—" I stop myself. No point arguing when he's wearing that insufferable smirk. "Not interested."
"Right… That’s because you're too busy pining over Thalia?" His tone is careful, testing.
"No," the word comes out easier than it should, than it would have six months ago. "Now your brother is too busy being a disaster about someone else."
Kieran's eyebrows rise: "Details, please!"
"Long story, it involves bad decisions and potentially fatal consequences," I take a long drink; the whiskey burns pleasantly. "Your favorite kind of story."
"Try me."
I tell him about Claire and Caroline and the spectacular mess I've made of both situations. About the hunter's daughter who makes me want things I shouldn't want. About feeling stuck between safe and stupid, between a woman who fits my world perfectly and one who could burn it down around me.
He listens without interrupting, which is new for us. We've spent most of our lives talking over each other, competing even in conversation. When I finish, he's quiet for a long moment, staring into his own glass.
"The hunter's daughter," he says finally. "You're serious about her?"
"I don't know, maybe." I watch Luna separate two cubs who are about to fight, her small hands gentle but firm on their shoulders. "She makes me feel like I'm actually living instead of just surviving," I pause. "But it could end with me dead and her family hunting everyone I love."
"Sounds familiar," his voice goes dry. "Remember when I fell for a wolfless girl the entire pack said was beneath me? When every adviser told me I was destroying my future for someone who'd never be strong enough?"
"That was different."
"How?"
"Thalia wasn't actively connected to people who kill wolves for sport."
"True," he takes a drink. "But falling for her still almost cost me everything. The pack fought me, my father threatened to disown me, half the council said I was making a mistake that would weaken our bloodline for generations." He turns to look at me fully. "I chose her anyway."
"And you got your mate bond. Confirmation from the universe that you were right."
"Eventually, but I chose her before that, and you know that. Before I knew she was my mate, before I knew she'd give me three impossible kids, before any of it was certain." His hand finds my shoulder, grip firm. "I chose fire over safety, and it was the best decision I ever made."
The weight of that statement settles between us. Around us, the party continues—music and laughter and wolves being wolves—but this moment feels separate. Important.
"I'm sorry," I say. I didn't plan to, but suddenly it's out there. "For wanting her and competing with you, for all of it."
"I know," his grip tightens. "And I'm sorry for winning, if I can call it so. For getting everything while you had to watch, for being the mate bond's choice instead of you."
Something in my chest unclenches. Years of resentment draining away like water through sand.
"We're good," I tell him. "Actually good, not just pretending for pack politics."
"Yeah," he pulls me into a brief hug that would've been impossible six months ago. His hand claps my back once before he releases me. "We are."
"Though for the record?" I step back. "Maya over there is definitely into you, not me. Seen it a hundred times, and she's got that 'why isn't he noticing me' energy."
Kieran glances at the new girl, then back at me with an incredulous expression. "She asked about you specifically."
"Because I'm mysterious. Give it a week and she'll realize I'm just emotionally unavailable and shift her attention to someone more interesting," I finish my drink. "Besides, I'm too busy planning how to not get murdered by my girlfriend's hunter father."
"Girlfriend?"
"Potential girlfriend, if I don't fuck it up," I watch Phoenix accidentally knock over three other kids, then scramble to help them up with genuine concern. "Which, knowing me, I probably will."
Kieran studies my face for a long moment. "I think you should try fighting for that hunter's daughter. Not the safe option."
"Everyone keeps saying that."
"Because it's true," he claps my shoulder once more. "You deserve someone who makes you want to burn down the world, not someone who makes you comfortable while you slowly die inside."
He disappears back into the crowd, back to his mate and his kids and his perfect life.
I stand there finishing my drink, watching wolves celebrate, and think about Caroline's text still glowing on my phone. About the way she laughs at my worst jokes, about the way her fingers feel laced through mine.
For the first time in my life, I am surprised to admit that my brother is probably right.