“You are one heartbreak closer
to being the person you were meant to be.”
~Anonymous~
Valerie
It was a kick in the gut is what it was. Maybe, if Valerie hadn’t had a few beers in her, she might’ve thought twice about reacting, but she didn’t.
Nadine was and always had been a two-bit whore. Valerie and Alex may not have been an official couple, but they’d had a thing for years. Nadine knew this. In fact, anyone who’d seen Valerie and Alex together at the college parties or football games had to have been buried under a rock, or pretending to be, if they said they didn’t know it. After getting her AA, Valerie had had enough of college, so she was working on getting her real estate license now. But even though she was done with college, she still attended many of the college events like tonight’s party.
Most people didn’t get the understanding between her and Alex. It frustrated her cousin Sarah and her roommate Isabel to no end because often times Valerie ended up hurt and there was no denying it. But Valerie assured them both she’d always snap out of it. This was just how things had always been between her and Alex. Both were too busy with other things to demand a formal commitment. It was something that after all these years just worked for them. And it was better than the alternative—demand more and threaten to end things if she didn’t get it. The possibility of Alex possibly calling her on her bluff was too great, and that’s exactly what it would be. A bluff.
Valerie had tried walking away before—more than once. Of course, Alex didn’t know this. It was a good thing, too, because she’d never been strong enough to actually follow through. Alex had a way of convincing her he really did care about her. But there were other reasons too.
It wasn’t just the amazing sex. He was amazing. And when he was being Alex Moreno, the fiercely protective but ever-so-sweet guy she’d fallen in love with back in her senior year of high school, he was everything she could ever ask for in a man.
Except for when he disappeared on her—which was often—he made her feel like she truly was the only one. It was so hard not to believe his unspoken promises, but she saw them in his eyes—felt them when he kissed her, held her, and made love to her. She just couldn’t bring herself to believe he might be doing the same with someone else.
Valerie was the only girl he actually ever arrived with at these kinds of parties hand in hand, making no bones about it to any guy who might wonder that she was with him. Valerie, in turn, did the same. So on nights like tonight, where he’d blown her off because he claimed to be too busy working or studying to be able to see her and she went out with her girlfriends, she had no choice but to hope it was true. All the times in the past, when she’d chosen to believe he was really working or studying, rumors of him having hung out with other girls those nights always surfaced days later. It was as infuriating as it was painful. Yet the rumors were never confirmed, and Valerie purposely avoided digging for answers or even asking him about the rumors—most of the time. Still, she refused to stay home, feeling dejected.
Of course, she never actually went out with any other guys alone. But she did make sure she did enough flirting at these parties that it would likely get back to Alex in case he thought she might be waiting around on him pathetically.
Seeing him stroll in tonight with that whore hanging all over him was more than she could stomach. Valerie had been trying for some time now to stop with the games, but this stung like hell. Hearing about him with other girls was one thing. This was different. It’d been hard enough to catch her breath and not give into what actually seeing him with someone else did to her. She wanted to lunge at the bitch and scratch her eyes out. As many times as she’d been tempted to, she’d never lowered herself to that, and she wouldn’t now. Though, lately, the entitlement she’d begun to feel about being the only girl allowed to touch him had reached new heights.
There was a better way of showing Alex what she was feeling. After managing to pull her eyes away from them, she turned back to the guy she was dancing with on the dance floor. As with every guy she ever danced with when Alex wasn’t around, she only danced fast songs. Nothing that would allow them to touch her—ever.
Hearing about her dancing even like this would be enough to piss Alex off, but there was no way he could complain. She’d heard rumor after rumor about him with other girls. More than once those rumors had been about Nadine’s skanky ass publicly throwing herself at him and, like tonight, him clearly not rejecting her. But there was never any real evidence that he’d actually been with someone else or Nadine. It was all hearsay. Valerie knew she was delusional to think he hadn’t, but until she knew that he had for a fact, she’d hold out hope. This understanding between the two of them had been going on for so long now everyone knew Valerie didn’t even like to hear the rumors anymore unless they had something concrete.
Her cousin Sarah was the only one who bothered to still mention the rumors to Valerie. Unlike Valerie, Sarah had been in a long-term committed relationship and was now engaged, ironically, to Alex’s younger brother, Angel. So a lot of times she would get the inside scoop on what Alex was up to. It worried Sarah that Valerie was going to get her heart crushed, so she always said she just wanted to give Valerie a heads up. Sarah didn’t want Valerie to be blindsided.
That’s exactly how she felt now. Though she reasoned that Alex didn’t appear too thrilled to have Nadine hanging on his arm as they walked in. He looked distracted—annoyed even—as if he’d been looking for someone. Possibly Valerie.
Delusional.
In any case, she’d let him find her all right, and when he did, he’d get an eyeful because the image of that bitch sashaying in with him was already burning a hole in Valerie’s brain. And that burn was spreading fast. She could hardly stand it. As immature as this was, she wanted him to feel the raw burn too.
Shaking her ass a bit more seductively than she ever did around other guys, she danced her way up to Ivan, the tall well-built baseball player she’d been dancing with for a while. She’d danced with and hung out with Ivan before. He was sweet, but, most importantly, he was safe. He wasn’t aggressive like some of the other guys she sometimes flirted with at parties. Though in the past he had insinuated more than once that they should maybe go back to her dorm room or his, he’d never been pushy or rude about it.
The look in Ivan’s eyes said it all when she danced up to him and slipped her hand in his. He was surprised but pleased. Immediately, he swayed his hips against hers, bringing his other hand around her waist and pulling her closer to him. Valerie’s heart spiked when she glanced up casually to see Alex already heading toward them with that ever-menacing expression on his face.
She practically jerked away from Ivan when her eyes met Alex’s. “Let’s go,” he said the moment he reached her, too matter-of-factly.
“Go where?” she asked, pulling away from Ivan and dropping his hand.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said, turning to give Ivan a purposeful glare. “You’re drunk. I’ll take you home.”
It was only then that she saw Romero rushing through the crowd behind Alex. “Why would I leave with you?” she asked, the image of Nadine all over him still scorching her brain.
“Why wouldn’t you?” Alex raised an eyebrow then turned to Ivan. “Or does he think he’s taking you home?”
“First of all, I’m not drunk,” Valerie spat back, angry again about who he’d arrived with though the bitch was nowhere around now. “And why not? You really expect me to leave with you? I saw who you came here with, Alex.”
“I came here with Romero,” he said quickly.
“Yeah,” Romero said sauntering up from behind him. “But don’t worry”—he smirked—“I already have a ride home.” He winked at Valerie, who had to refrain from rolling her eyes.
For years, she’d known Romero and Alex were one and the same. How and why she continued to believe Alex might soon change when he never had was beyond infuriating and humiliating. She should’ve walked away a long time ago. Why she stuck around only to continue torturing herself was just stupid.
To her dismay, Ivan didn’t stay quiet. “If she doesn’t wanna go with you, man—”
“Stop.” Valerie jumped in front of Alex instantly, her open hand firmly against his hard chest.
The moment Ivan had spoken, Alex had taken a step closer to him, fisting his hand. The tightening of his jaw was a clear indication of one thing. Either she jumped in front of him as she had or Ivan was about to see stars.
“Don’t do this, Alex,” she said, her voice full of emotion, both anger that he’d have the nerve to act like this and seething jealousy from seeing him with Nadine. Valerie should be used to it. Their back-and-forth thing had been going on for too long.
“Then let’s go and I won’t do this,” Alex said, glaring past her and no doubt right into Ivan’s face.
“You came here with Nadine,” she reminded him pushing his chest.
Alex’s eyes were immediately on hers. “She walked in with me. I didn’t bring her here. She latched onto me the moment she saw me get here.” He lowered his voice, slipping his hand into hers and squeezing. “I was done with the paper early, so I came here to look for you.”
Valerie stared at him. This wasn’t the first time he’d blown her off only to come searching for her when she’d made it clear she wouldn’t be sitting around at home waiting for him. Tonight he said he had a paper to work on, and she respected that. But seeing him arrive tonight with someone else when he’d said he’d be too busy to see her at all tonight had been what she’d always known she’d eventually get—confirmation of his lying, cheating ways. Now he’d explained himself, and, as usual, she was so ready to believe him.
Ivan began again. “You don’t have to go, Val, if you don’t want—”
Valerie spun around immediately, knowing Alex’s fists were too ready to go. “I’m okay, Ivan. I’ll talk to you another time.”
She turned around, squeezing Alex’s hand, and pulled him along with her. Alex’s mouth was immediately at her ear. “You’ll talk to him another time?”
Valerie was about to respond when she spotted Nadine with a few of her equally skanky friends, grinning wickedly their way. If Valerie couldn’t stand her before, she hated her even more now. There’d been rumors of Alex having slept with the whore, and Nadine sure as hell did nothing to negate said rumors. Like tonight, she’d likely approached Alex the moment she’d seen him. The fact that Alex didn’t just tell her to go to hell, allowing her to latch on to him as she had tonight, was infuriating. The question begged to be asked, but Valerie didn’t dare do it. Had he really slept with Nadine? The thought alone made Valerie’s skin crawl.
It wasn’t unheard of for Valerie to have an unladylike reaction in a situation like this. The obnoxious behavior of these girls around Alex right in front of Valerie was infuriating. It didn’t matter that they weren’t an official couple; they’d been seen together enough times. As far as she was concerned, it was disrespectful. Alex sure as hell demanded that respect from other guys around him when it came to Valerie. But Valerie was doing her damnedest to be mature about this. So she didn’t give Nadine the pleasure of even glancing her way as they got closer to the front door of the frat party where Nadine and her friends stood.
“Call me when you’re free later, Alex,” Nadine purred as they walked past her and her friends. “You know I’ll always wait up for you.”
Her stupid friends laughed, sparking something in Valerie’s head. So she reacted the way any normal hot-blooded girl would when a slutty bitch like Nadine was blatantly inviting her man over to her place right in front of her face.
“He won’t be free later, you filthy cunt!”
None of them saw it coming, least of all Nadine, but the resounding slap across Nadine’s shocked face gave Valerie the most satisfying feeling ever. Valerie only wished she could’ve done it again, and she would’ve if Alex hadn’t wrapped his arms around her from behind and lifted her away as she kicked and struggled to come loose.
Romero and a few other “good Samaritan” guys did their best to calm Nadine and her belligerent bunch of ready-to-fight drunken friends.
As good as it felt that her palm still stung from how hard she’d hit the bitch, she was livid now. “Let go of me!” she screamed, feeling on the verge of losing it.
Valerie didn’t even care that she was making a huge scene. There was always at least one of these sorts of scenes at drunken frat parties. So after two years in college and all the damn girls continually throwing themselves at Alex, she’d finally gotten the satisfaction of doing what she’d wanted to do for so long. So what if she’d made a scene.
Fuck Nadine!
Alex hurried past all the gawking and laughing people in the front, refusing to put her down until they reached his truck up the street.
The moment he let her go she pushed him away. “She always waits up for you?” Valerie asked, glaring at him while she desperately tried to calm her breathing. “What?” She pushed his chest again with both hands though he didn’t even budge. “When you’re done with me you go fuck her too? Is that it, Alex?”
“Never,” he said so infuriatingly calmly and convincingly it only made her madder.
“Then why did she say that? Why—”
“Because she’s a bitch,” he said, taking a few steps closer to her and giving Valerie no choice but to take a few steps back because she absolutely refused to let him touch her. “She was trying to push your buttons. Piss you off.” He shrugged. “And it worked.”
“Yeah, well, she got what she deserved.”
Alex moved in even closer until Valerie was backed up against his truck. She lifted her hand against his chest. “Don’t touch me.”
“I won’t. Just calm down,” he said in that tone that drove her crazy. He was way too calm again, almost as if he’d enjoyed seeing her slap Nadine.
He purposely leaned in, knowing how weak she was for him. She hated it, but just having her palm flat against his hard chest was already doing things to her. Being this close to him and feeling the warmth of his body against hers calmed the fiery jealousy that had consumed her just thinking about Alex meeting up with Nadine later.
“Bad girl,” he whispered as he leaned in even closer against the side of her head but remained mindful not to touch her. “Why’d you do that?”
Gulping back what she was feeling because she didn’t want him to see how easily he managed to calm her anger yet awaken her hunger for him without so much as touching her, she turned to him with a purpose, their mouths close enough to touch now. “Same reason you were getting ready to do the same to Ivan.”
He pulled away from her, his expression instantly hard. “Ivan?” he asked, and if disgust were a tone of voice, he nailed it with just the one word. “I would’ve done a lot more than hit him once.”
Valerie lifted a stubborn chin. “If you hadn’t carried me away, I would’ve done more to that bitch.”
Alex shrugged. “She asked for it. I’ll give you that. But I wasn’t gonna let you get arrested for her stupid ass.”
Calmed considerably, Valerie’s chest still heaved. The question burned at the tip of her tongue. Had he actually slept with Nadine? She gulped hard, staring into those eyes she’d loved staring into for years. Those beautifully intense eyes had melted her from day one.
A part of her was so tempted to just ask him—get the truth—but she was still pumped. Even as her heart continued to pound in her chest, she already knew one thing. Just like all the other scenes and confrontations their tumultuous relationship had endured over the years, tonight’s incident was already another one for the books. Alex was gazing into her eyes in that way that always made her feel so weak—weak because she knew what it meant. He could hardly wait to be alone with her. And this was the reason she was afraid to ask. It was the same reason she’d always refrained from asking direct questions about all the rumors she’d ever heard. She knew what would happen if the answer was yes, he had slept with Nadine. Maybe even recently. This night—maybe more—would be ruined because she’d lose it.
“Let’s go back to my place,” he whispered in her ear. “I have something I wanna show you.”
Valerie shoved him playfully unable to refrain from smirking. “You always do.”
Alex laughed that sexy laugh that never failed to make her melt. “No, not that. Sofie came by today and dropped something off. I think you’ll get a kick out of it. It’s why I came down to get you.”
That piqued her interest and Valerie tilted her head, peering at him curiously. His sister had brought something to him he thought Valerie would get such a kick out of he came looking for her at a party? Not that this was the first time he’d showed up unexpectedly at one of these parties to whisk her off, but, still, this was different.
“What did she drop off?”
With a click, Alex opened the door to his truck behind her. “Get in. I’ll show you when we get there.”
For a moment, Valerie pretended to consider it. That prompted Alex’s usual pleading eyes, and she was done. She smiled, nodding, and he leaned in and kissed her softly, sweetly, like the Alex Moreno she’d fallen for so many years ago.
Who was she kidding? He’d had her at “Let’s go.”
As usual she’d had to play a part, the part she’d been playing for years with him: That she was okay with this arrangement. That like Alex, she too, could go out and have a great time with someone else and not be thinking about him the whole time. That she too was a bit on the commitment-phobic side and that’s why this arrangement was perfect as is. No promises. No exclusivity. Just uncomplicated fun times. Yet many who knew them would argue that their relationship was anything but uncomplicated.
After tonight, after seeing him with someone else, not just hearing about it, Valerie had confirmed the one thing she’d feared from the beginning. Even though she’d yet to admit it even after all this time because she was sure it’d have him running for the hills, she was in love with him. And if she ever got the proof she refused to seek out—that he was in fact seeing other women when he wasn’t with her—it would break her as none of the unconfirmed rumors had ever done before.
All this time her heart had held on to the gut feeling that he did care about her as much as she did him. Just as she couldn’t bring herself to so much as kiss another guy, she hoped he felt the same way about her. The gut feeling was still there, but now she knew one thing for a fact. If she ever got proof that all those rumors were actually true, whatever thiswas she had with Alex for years now would be over. As much as she’d tried to convince herself that she’d be able to handle it, she now knew she was dead wrong. She’d never be able to handle seeing him with someone else.
Ever.