Valene:
I had lost count of how many days had come and gone while in my mental stupor. Night after night and day after day those dreams…those nightmares would come. It worse during the day, however.
For days since my return home, I had been experiencing this. At first it was tolerable to an extent. So, I’d ignore it, or at least try to, not even attempting to think about or break down what I had seen in those vision. As far as I was concerned, ignoring it would give it less power over me.
I was wrong.
Ignoring these visions was the biggest mistake that I had ever made. I gradually began to realize that it wasn’t just random visuals or night terrors but numerous attempts from Fierya to communicate something to me. Something while extremely important, was something that I was not sure I was ready to understand.
With that in consideration, I guess I realize that…I knew what I was doing in ignoring the signs that she was giving me. I just didn’t realize what the sacrifice would be in doing so.
Fierya had completely sunken into the deep recesses of my mind. I couldn’t reach her for hours-even days at a time and on the days that I could, it was only a sense of her presence-never anything verbal. And I knew why.
She was depressed. Fierya was depressed and she was taking on my depression to keep functioning. It was far too much for her to bear. That much was clear by the visions she had begun to show me. She wanted me to piece together a puzzle.
I didn’t want to face the answers that this mystery of my death would reveal to me but…I had to. For Fierya. And for myself.
“Fier,” I whispered to her through croaked words. It was heartbreaking to see her in pain. “I…please speak to me. I’m so sorry for ignoring the signs. Whatever it is that you have been telling me…that you have been trying to show me.”
I sat there and waited through blinding tears for her to say one word to me. None ever came.
Through sniffles, I stood up from the bed and sat there in my chair. I pulled my cello to me, picked up one of dozens of bows that Ares had gotten for me and I began to strike a chord when a knock at my door sounded again.
Initially I considered ignoring the knock, but I knew that it was him. I knew that he was there to check on me and make sure that I was okay. I also knew that seeing him would do Fierya some good. Admittedly, it would have done me a lot of good as well.
I sat there a moment in silence as he rapped at the door.
“I only need to see that you are alright, mimar,” I heard him say. “Then I will let you be.”
With a sigh, I finally stood from my chair and put my instrument to the side. Might as well let him in this time.
When I opened the door and met his gaze, my terrible appearance reflected in his gaze.
“Oh…Vale,” he murmured with clear concern written across his face.
“That bad, huh?” I attempted to make a joke but at this point, I completely lacked the charm to pull it off.
I walked away from the door, knowing that he would close it behind me. I returned to my chair and pulled my cello in between legs again. This time, I didn’t bother picking up a bow; my instrument being near was soothing in and of itself at this point.
“I’d ask how you are doing but, I can see that you’re not doing that well at all.”
“I’m fine,” I lied.
“You’re not.”
I looked up at him with an amused smirk on my face. Then I chuckled. “Damn, I must really look bloody terrible to you.”
Silence filled the room after I said this. Where I had begun plucking the strings of my Cello, I stopped and looked at him as I thought he'd have had a quick and more than likely snide remark. He was just staring at me, though.
“What?” I said.
“You…you are right,” he said to me. “You look worse for wear. You look unhealthy, and I can tell that you have not eaten. I sense that your beast is not doing so well either. Bain is not happy about this.”
“Neither am I, love,” I replied towards Bain, knowing that in some form, he heard me. “Thanks, by the way…for the kind words, I mean,” I said with sarcasm.
I continued to feel my strings, my eyes lost in the steady vibrations of every pluck. Then I saw his large hands. I looked up at him just as he pulled the Cello away from me. Any other time, I probably would have popped off. I wasn’t too keen on anyone touching my cello.
I did nothing this time, however. I simply waited to see what he would do next. I simply watched him.
“You do not look well, but you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my decades of roaming this earth.”
It was hard to ignore the fluttering uplift in my countenance at his soft words. They had a resounding effect on me. An effect that I could not even put into proper words to explain.
“I should thank you for that, I guess.” I tried to sound stronger than I actually felt. I failed.
“I do not need you to thank me, mimar. I am only telling you what I see.”
“Well..thank you…anyway,” I said in a hushed voice, trying to abstain from crying.
“When is the last you’ve eaten?”
I shrugged. “I….I don’t know,” I said. “To be honest, I didn’t remember to eat. I’ve been….”
I wasn’t ready to go in depth with that subject yet. Not yet. One thing at a time.
“Anyway,” I changed the subject. “How has the uh, the…patrol been going?”
“Should you be worrying about that?” he asked me.
“Yes,” I readily replied. “Shadow Veil is…technically my home.”
“There is no technicality,” he said with a smirk as he pulled out five blood bags. He handed me three. “Shadow Veil is your home. Despite the setbacks.”
“I guess,” I sighed. “I…I guess it’s hard to consider a place where I was killed, home…”
Trigger words…kill was one of them, and immediately a flash of dark brown eyes flashed into view and then back out again.
“Are you alright?” asked Ares, his voice, thankfully bringing me back to currents.
I looked at him. “So, are you going to tell me how the bloody patrol is going or am I going to have to find out for myself?’ I asked instead of answering his question.
I was glad that he caught the hint and moved on. “Zevi says that things are as good as they can be.”
“ Which means that we’ve had a bloody increase in infiltrations,” I surmised with clear disappointment.
“Your mother…she seems to have her own pack,” said Ares. “That, most certainly, is news.”
“I imagine that did not go so well,” I said.
“Your father and mother are on the outs again, according to sources.”
This was frustrating to hear. Everyone’s relationship seemed so tumultuous that it seemed we’d never get anything done. Dronnigan would no doubt dispatch us before we figured out how to counteract him. Specifically, if we continued down this road.
“We will get it right, mimar,” said Ares. I looked up and his fiery stone eyes were staring me down in a gentle manner.
“I hope we figure it out before it’s too late.”
Ares agreed but then proceeded with silence. I could tell that something was on his mind.
“There’s obviously something that you want to talk about,” I said. “Have at it.”
He hesitated at first before he finally spoke. “Your friend…he came to visit again.”
My friend? “Tobias? He was here?”
“He was.”
That bit of news caught me off guard. “How did I not notice?”
“It’s obvious that you have a lot on your mind, Vale.” He handed me a bag of O Neg. “Now drink.”
I took the bag and began guzzling it down within seconds. I really was hungrier than I had anticipated.
When I was done with the third bag, I asked, “ What did he want? What did he say?”
“Well,” he exhaled, reluctance clear on his face before he further explained the situation. “He was warning me..something big is about to happen. And he wants us to be prepared.”
“Are you sure that you trust him?” I asked.
“You do,” said Ares,
His remark caught me off guard. “And what makes you think that?”
“Am I wrong?” Ares asked instead of answering me. My silence was good enough of an answer for him. “Vale, the kid is suffering,” said Ares. “He does not want to be in the position he is in. That is why I feel like I can trust him.”
“That’s also why you want to save him,” I realized. “You want to save Tobias?”
Ares stood to his feet. “I want to help him regain his free will to make his own choices again.”
Ares started for the door, and immediately, without thinking, I blurted. “Wait! Where are you going?” I had begun to panic when I saw his back facing me. “Leaving me to my own empty and tortuous thoughts.
“I am going to leave you to it,” he said to me. “I am sure that I have wasted enough of your time.”
It was as if I was on autopilot. I grabbed his arm before he could leave the room, and the words came out.
“Not yet.” There was desperation in my voice as I said this. I moved in closer to him. “I…”
“What is it mimar,” Ares cooed with concern. He tucked a hair behind my ear. “Tell me what you need from me. No strings attached.”
"No strings?" I reiterated.
I wasn't sure that I was ready to delve deeper into whatever this was between Ares and me just yet. Not because I had doubts about him. It was me. I just wasn't ready to enter into anything with my mind as unstable as it was at this point.
"No strings at all, mimar." Ares repeated his words, and gingerly squeezed my hand as he said them. "Just...let me help you. Tell me...tell me what you need," he said again.
“I…I need you to stay,” I finally said after what felt like an insurmountable amount of seconds of silence. “Stay with me.”