POV: Lyra
On the transport shuttle, I sat with Tobias like I always did when we traveled off-station. And he was always nice enough to offer me the window seat, knowing I liked watching the stars streak past during hyperspace jumps.
"How is he to you?"
"Hm? What?" I asked, pulled from my tactical planning.
Toby chuckled. "Your match. Does he treat you well?"
I smiled shyly, feeling my skin shift to that embarrassing pink. "Yeah, he does. He tries really hard."
"That's good." Toby said with a smile. "You know Raden almost got himself vaporized when he told the Emperor not to hurt you? And on the very first night, I might add."
My eyes widened, skin flashing to shocked white. "He did WHAT?"
Toby rolled his eyes at my reaction. "Calm down, Lyra. You're like our sister. He just didn't want to see you get hurt." He looked at my hands clasped on my lap for a moment before muttering seriously, "None of us do."
My eyebrows furrowed with worry. "I'm almost afraid to ask. Did Orion do anything after Raden said that?"
Toby seemed to lighten up and chuckled. "According to Commander Zeke and Raden himself, the Emperor looked ready to go full nova [extremely angry]. But Raden survived. Unlike before, I'm quite confident in our chances of survival with His Imperial Eminence. He seems very careful not to upset you."
I smiled at how true Toby's words were. "Yeah, he is."
"I don't want to get emotional but uh... I'm really going to miss you after you've become our Empress. Battles are gonna be different without you."
I bolted upright from my relaxed position, my skin cycling through multiple colors in surprise. I'd never thought about that. Perhaps because I'd always stubbornly insisted I wasn't Empress material, I'd also dismissed what I'd have to give up if I accepted Orion as my match.
Give up commanding? Give up fighting? Give up... everything I am?
"Why do you look like I've just told you something you didn't already know?" Toby asked in confusion.
I muttered sheepishly, "I didn't think about that."
"Really? Everyone's already thinking about it." He said, not that it made me feel any better. "Some station partners were almost in tears when we talked about it."
Tears? They're crying about losing me to the Imperial Palace?
I was close to tearing up too. This was my life. Fighting Rogues and defending allied stations were the things that kept me alive. "Do I really have to give it up?" I didn't trust myself not to break down, so I averted my eyes from Toby, staring out at the passing stars.
Toby was shocked at my glistening eyes. If he'd known I'd be this upset, he wouldn't have brought it up, especially not before a battle with the Rogue Collective. "Uh... I don't know. I guess? I mean, you'll undergo the neural transformation after you've bonded and marked our Emperor to be our Empress. And uh... I've never heard about a Lyrokan Empress being on a battlefield."
"I don't want to be like them." I spat in despair, my skin shifting to angry red.
The Lyrokans with their perfect lives in the Core Worlds, never knowing real struggle.
For all our lives, Kaelari knew that Lyrokans had it easier. Conspicuously easier. Being the superior species in size, strength, and psychic ability, they never had to work or train as hard as Kaelari to keep their species alive. It wasn't fair. Before Orion ascended the throne, Kaelari would submit to any Lyrokan without question. But inside? There wasn't a Kaelari who didn't resent them. They were arrogant, self-entitled, inconsiderate and, in many cases, ignorant of real suffering. In extreme cases, some Lyrokans had never even heard of a Rogue attack. Apart from the governing body, it seemed like most Lyrokans didn't live in the real universe.
"Woah woah woah. Lyra, slow down. What do you mean? What are you saying?" Toby asked, eyes in pure panic. What did he just do? Will she be okay to fight?
I shook my head and declared firmly, "I don't want to be like them. There's no way I'm giving up this part of my life."
"Lyra, calm down. Don't say anything rash." Toby was pleading now. He knew I was considering rejecting Orion to avoid the neural transformation and having to give up defending stations alongside the Kaelari.
"There's nothing rash about it, Toby. I've been doing this forever. And I love it. I'm not giving it up over a psychic bond." My voice came out confident, but inside, something twisted painfully.
"You're talking about a psychic bond, Lyra! The most sacred evolutionary gift. One in thousands, remember?"
I smirked sadly, my skin dimming to grey. "I never asked for this. If anything, I asked for the opposite. Besides, I survived five, what's one more?"
Just another rejection to add to the collection. The Rainbow Commander's greatest hits.
"Stars above, he's gonna kill me." Toby muttered ominously to himself.
"Don't worry, Toby. Orion will have to go through me before he gets to you."
Toby whisper-yelled, "I was talking about my own Commander, void take it! The Emperor is YOUR problem!"
"Gee, thanks." I said sarcastically.
Toby took a moment to calm down, his own skin—he was half-Kaelari—shifting from stressed yellow back to normal. "Lyra, listen. I'm not in a position to decide for you but..." he sighed and added, "You might want to give that a little more thought. He seems to be good to you. We all see it, and you just said so yourself. I'm not saying this to avoid an interspecies war or for Commander Tate not to decompress me out an airlock. As a friend who's known you for... arguably long enough, I really think you should think about it. You won't lose us, not completely."
I sighed, watching a nebula drift past the viewport. Toby was right. Orion was good to me. But I'd only known him for two days. Two days! Was I expected to throw my entire life away just because we were psychically matched? It sounded so unfair. He got to keep his life if I chose to be with him. No, I wouldn't give in! I didn't care if I lost him. I was a warrior before I was a match or an Empress. I could fight. I could protect stations and save lives. I wasn't going to give all these up for some psychic bond that I explicitly asked the universe not to give me.
Five years as Commander, never once summoned to the Core Worlds. Mining trash doesn't get palace invitations, no matter how many battles they win. And now they want me to live there? To become one of them?
But there was a part of my choice that made me sad too. I'd grown fond of Orion. If I were being honest with myself, I'd admit that I started falling in love with him when we talked in his private quarters. He made me feel comfortable to speak freely about the most painful parts of my life. In the past, I never allowed myself to tear up or cry when talking about my rejections with friends, not even with Juan and Hale. I always tried to speak about it lightly and quickly, not wanting to make them uncomfortable. They already knew I was hurt, so why show them more?
With Orion, it felt different. He made me feel safe to express emotions, even when I found it uncomfortable. He made me feel valued and worthy, not just as a warrior but as a person, with or without my combat skills. On his lap, I didn't feel the need to keep my guard up. The way he touched me and held me made me feel loved and wanted in a way I'd never experienced. His kisses sent neural sparks through my entire system while somehow soothing me. Then there were those things he said that made my heart skip beats.
But is that enough? Is feeling loved worth giving up who I am?
The shuttle's AI announced: "Exiting hyperspace in five minutes. Prepare for deceleration."
I looked at my hands—scarred from battles, calloused from weapons training, marked by years of fighting. These weren't the hands of an Empress. They were the hands of a Commander who'd clawed her way up from the mining colonies.
And maybe that's exactly what I'm supposed to be.