Chapter Fifty-Four

Havermouth, Present Time

They returned to Rhett’s car in a heavy, grieving silence, with Cameron carrying Aislen. Heath opened the back passenger door so that Cameron could set her on the seat. “Sit in the front,” he said to Cameron who opened his mouth to protest. Heath shook his head. “You know that if you sit with her, you will end up saying something that you shouldn’t…”

“Fuck,” Cameron complained, and got into the front passenger seat. Heath slid into the back seat and closed the door. “Sit in the middle, Aislen,” he said softly. “Lean on me.”

Aislen knew that it was contradictory and confusing of her to want to be close to him after going to such lengths to escape, and yet it felt like an ending, and as much as her logic told her that what the Triquetra had done was wrong, that what they had started in the river house couldn’t ever go anywhere good, actually saying goodbye to them was so… final.

Just the thought of it made her heart race and her stomach feel uneasy.

She crawled onto Heath’s lap and wrapped her arms around his neck as she had done with Cameron, and felt his breath shudder out as he returned the embrace. He swallowed thickly, his grip tightening as he pressed his face into her hair.

“Cameron said that you have been living in Kabramatta,” he said, as Rhett reversed the car and began to circle the fountain. “You will head back there?”

“Yes.” Why did it feel so wrong? She thought, on the verge of tears. Was it her feelings or his?

“You drove all the way?”

“Yes.”

He sighed heavily. “Will you leave straight away? We will stay away. You should get some rest before you begin a journey like that. I promise you that we will not bother you.”

Those words tore into her, and she felt a sob shake through her. She buried her face into his chest and wept whilst he stroked her hair.

“We fucked it up again,” Cameron said, his voice shaking.

“Maybe Abigail is right,” Heath replied. “Maybe it was always hopeless.”

“It was not hopeless,” Rhett replied darkly. “We just… We just kept doing the same thing over and over and telling ourselves that we were doing it differently. We kept trying to force her into it, to bully her into it. She’s not one of us, she doesn’t recognize rank and respond to an alpha’s commands.”

“We didn’t gain her trust,” Cameron’s voice was barely audible. “That’s the first step to breaking a horse. Gaining its trust.”

“I’m not a fucking horse,” Aislen said wetly. “And stop with the fucking talk of breaking me. God, you guys are still arseholes. You’d think you’d have grown out of it, but, no, you’ve just refined it.”

Heath’s chuckle was wry. “And you’ve still got the same nasty tongue.”

“You have no idea,” she told him. “The secrets that I know, the things I have seen and heard in people’s thoughts. If my tongue’s nasty, it’s because I say what I think, unlike most other people, who say one thing, and think another.”

“Hmm. That would explain a lot,” he admitted.

“What… what will you do now?” She asked them, wiping her eyes on the hem of the scrub top that she wore. Heath shifted beneath her and produced a handkerchief from a pocket. “Thanks.”

“Same as we did last time,” Cameron leaned his head back against the chair. “Except last time, we thought that you were coming back.”

“We’ll just… continue,” Heath looked at Rhett, and she shared his doubt. Her heart ached for him. He was almost certain that the Triquetra would not survive long, and… (Rhett would end the bond…)

“I hope you stay together,” she said, meeting Rhett’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “I have always envied the three of you. You’ve always had each other, and loved each other with such unselfish devotion… I always envied that.”

She felt Heath’s surprise. (Cameron was right… Rhett was right… We could… She might be listening.) He caught himself. “This… has disadvantages,” he remarked. “Our thoughts are not our own.”

“Sorry,” she wasn’t.

Rhett pulled off the main road and stopped the car. Cameron got out to open the gate before getting back in.

(We have had hope before… It would be dangerous to disobey Abigail. If we fail again, Abigail will not be as lenient…) Heath’s thought turned Aislen’s head his way, meeting his eyes. “Don’t leave,” he said, barely audible, and the plea cost his pride to make, but he did it for the Triquetra. “Think about it. Don’t just… We will stay away, but stop and think…”

“Heath,” she started to shake her head before he’d finished speaking. “After what you’ve done to me? I’ll be living with your initials on me for the rest of my life. I meant what I said to that woman. You guys are just… bad for me. You always have been. You are toxic.”

Rhett stopped the car next to a shed and turned off the engine. “I’ll get her car out of the shed,” he said, without looking at them.

“I’ll drive her home,” Cameron said hastily.

“I’ll drive myself,” Aislen said, reaching for the car door. “Let’s not draw this out. It’s not good for any of us.”

“Aislen,” Heath held her to him for a moment, and she felt and onslaught of emotion from him. “Think about it.” He released her and she hesitated before taking his face between her hands and kissing him. His fingers stroked through her hair, but he did not stop her when she eased back and opened the door.

She met his eyes. The word “no” sat on her lips, but she couldn’t say it. Instead, she closed the door between them.

Cameron helped her to where Rhett had opened the shed doors and reversed her car out. “Aislen,” Cameron caught her hand as he set her on her feet. (Don’t go…) “We had some good times…”

“I know,” she turned and wrapped her arms around him holding him tightly to her, and then brushed her lips over his cheek. “I’ll dream of you,” she said tearfully, as she released him.

He turned and walked back to the car. From the set of his shoulders, it was clear that he was weeping. He got into the car, and she saw Heath reach forward and lay his hand on Cameron’s shoulder, and Cameron reach up to grasp it, offering each other comfort.

Rhett leaned against the side of her car. “We always cared about you,” he said softly. “We might not have been good at saying it. Our kind generally aren’t, we don’t communicate in that way… and we were fucking eighteen, all cock, no brains.”

She drew in a breath. “I believe that you believe that you cared for me, and still do, but there is a big difference between caring for someone and wanting to possess them. I don’t want to be owned. I want to belong. I want to be loved for who I am, not for what someone else wants me to be.

“I believe that I care about you too, Rhett,” she confessed. “I love you in some strange, confused way. Maybe I love all three of you. I don’t know, everything is just so… fucked up and wrong in my head. But even my love isn’t pure, because, just like you, I don’t love you for who you are, but for what I want you to be. If nothing else, these last few days have convinced me that it isn’t enough.”

He nodded, looking away. “I am sorry,” he whispered. “I am sorry that our last few days together, I spent hurting you.”

“I will certainly never forget you,” she said wryly. “I don’t forgive you for what you did. I think I’m beginning to understand why you three did it, but that’s not forgiveness. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive you for that,” she sighed heavily and reached out for her keys. “I’m going to go through a drive-through and order twenty hamburgers, eat until I vomit, sleep, and then get the fuck out of Havermouth.”

He swallowed hard and nodded, pushing off the car as he released the keys to her. “Be safe, Aislen, and be happy.”

She caught his wrist and stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Keep the Triquetra together,” she breathed into his ear. “You need each other.”