Mikalya’s P.O.V
“My name is Kashmira Shaw and I’m from the DawnFrost pack in Jammu.”
It was later afternoon, after we had returned to our hotel room with Kashmira and her son and helped dress her wound that she had gotten while trying to cross a fence this morning. The wound wasn’t infected and her healing had already kicked in, so she should be fine in a few hours.
We had ordered room service and had our lunch together and it was only after she realized that we weren’t out to hurt her that Kashmira finally decided to tell us about herself. Now, we all sat on our bed in a circle and sipped on some karak chai (strong tea) as she breastfed her baby, whose name we learned was Kushal.
She had gotten rid of the clothes she was wearing earlier, since they were torn and dirty, and now she had one of Ruksaar’s ghagras on and her face was uncovered. Now that I could look at her face properly, I could tell that she was very young, too young to be carrying a baby, in fact.
She had dark brown eyes with a slight tilt at the corners and midnight black hair that reached her waist. Her skin was the color of porcelain and the natural blush to her cheeks made her look even younger and gorgeous. It was a good thing that she had worn a burkha and hijab earlier. Or a woman as vulnerable as her would’ve been easy prey to humans and shifters alike.
Her son however, had dark brown eyes similar to his mother but his hair was a lighter brown in color, probably derived from his father. However, there was no denying the fact that he was a submissive wolf, someone close to an omega than an Alpha. It wasn’t unheard of that an Alpha had given birth to a submissive child, but it was most common in females than in males.
“I was born and raised in that pack itself and I found out that my mate was the new Alpha of the pack. We were mated within a few days after we found out we were mates.” Kashmira continued, cradling Kushal closer to her chest. Kushal appeared to be only a few months old, which must’ve made Kashmira’s travel incredibly difficult.
“You don’t sound particularly thrilled about it.” I told her after listening to the tinge of disappointment seeping into her voice.
“I’m seventeen years old.” She gave a helpless shrug, confirming my earlier suspicions. “I was mated at fifteen, without a chance to even experience what life is. And Arsalan Ali, my mate, isn’t a very kind person.”
I sucked in a deep breath as memories resurfaced. Suddenly, I wasn’t sitting in the hotel room in Gujarat, not in the present, but I was transferred a hundred years back into the past, to a pack where women were treated worse than dirt and rape and abuse were just as normal to the men like breathing.
“Did he abuse you?” I asked her through gritted teeth, snapping the doors closed on all the painful memories from a century ago.
“No!” Kashmira shook her head. “He wasn’t cruel to me…he just…I didn’t really have much choice in anything I did or said. Everything had to be as he commanded.”
“Is that why you ran away?” Ruksaar asked her, frowning. “Because he was suffocating you?”
“No…it wasn’t like that. Compared to some mates that other wolves get…I was living a wonderful life…but…” This time, there was reluctance to her voice that led me to believe that she didn’t find it easy to share her secrets with strangers.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell us why you left,” I told her gently. “It’s of no business to us anyway. However, have you decided what you are going to do next? You have a baby with you that needs constant caring and by the looks of it; you have no money and nowhere to go.”
“I know that!” She snapped at us before biting her lips and lowering her head. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re not ready to share,” Ruksaar told her. “We understand that and since you have nowhere to go, you can stay here with us. But you have to understand that we are guests here ourselves. We won’t be staying here long, another week at most. You’ll need to do something for yourself in the meantime.”
Kashmira didn’t say anything for the longest time. She just hung her head and cradled her son close to her chest like he was her lifeline. So we decided to leave her alone for the time being.
Like I had said earlier, what she does or what happens to her next is none of our business. But if she expects other strangers to be this kind to her…she was about to get a horrendous reality check.
Ruksaar booked another single room for her right across from us and we helped her shift there and also gave her a few of our clothes. After ordering our dinner to our rooms and after having some privacy without our new guests, Ruksaar came over to where I sat on the bed and plopped down next to me, a glint in her eyes that I didn’t really like.
“So…” she smirked up at me. “Abhay’s really cute.”
“And?”
“And I’m thinking about keeping him.”
“He’s not your mate!” I snapped at Ruksaar through gritted teeth and realized my mistake a little too late. Damn the sneaky bitch!
“No. But he’s yours, isn’t he?” Ruksaar exclaimed gleefully. “I knew there was something going on since yesterday! Your mood has been off ever since we came back from lunch. You realized it in that dhaba didn’t you? That he’s your m-“
“He’s human.” I told her pointedly, cutting her off before she could say the ‘M’ word.
“So?” She frowned at me. “That doesn’t change the fact that he’s your mate! Not everyone is as lucky, Mink. To find your mate, here of all places-“
“Exactly my point.” I grated. “Here of all places.”
Ruksaar looked at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Really? That’s your excuse? I thought we were here so you could put your demons to rest. But from what I can see, your demons are still alive and eating you up from the inside and you’re just sitting on your ass and letting them.”
I sighed, putting the chaos and the screams to the back of my mind. “It’s not that easy to forget, Ruksaar. You were an infant when I burned that village down; when I promised your dying mother that I’d take care of you. You didn’t see the condition she was in wh-“
“She was left in the desert with her stomach slit open after they had removed me from her womb.” Ruksaar cut me off. “You’ve told me that horrifying story plenty of times and I can understand why the things you did still haunts you to this day. You think you murdered several innocent souls, but in reality, you liberated them from their prison, Jiji! You burned their bodies, because those beings had lost their souls long ago.”
“I could’ve saved them instead.” I told her now, my hands clenched on my lap.
“How? By going against all of Rafael’s men and Rafael himself on your own?” Ruksaar snapped. “You were fourteen for God’s sake! And the only reason you were able to defeat Rafael was because he was more than a little torched up himself!”
Ruksaar sighed, massaging her temples before she fixed me a pointed look. “Think about it, Jiji! What do you think would’ve happened if you had decided to take them on instead of burning the village when you had the chance? They would’ve killed you instantly or done so much worse. No one else would have come to rescue you, because everyone feared that damn motherfucker! You did a favor eradicating the entire village and you’re the only one who refuses to believe that.”
“Can we not talk about this?” I shook my head, unable to get those horrifying images out of my head. “My demons are mine to face Ruksaar and I’ll face them in my own time.”
“You mean you’ll just keep blaming yourself for something that you had no control over for the rest of your life!” Ruksaar stood up from the bed and walked over to the door. “Seriously, Mink, I really don’t get you sometimes! I’m going out to get some air. Don’t wait up for me.” With that she went out of our hotel room and slammed the door shut on my face.
Ruksaar was young, not that much younger than me but she was young in spirit and her heart. She didn’t have the shadows in her eyes that haunted mine. She didn’t hear the screams in her ears when she slept at night. She didn’t see the red and gold haze of the fire as it seared through the soft and tender flesh and gnawed at their bones.
It had been a nightmare come to life watching the entire village burn and knowing that I was the one who did that. I knew what my mother’s last wish had been, and I understood that every other woman in that village had wanted the same freedom. But that freedom had come accompanied with vicious pain. And I had been the cause of it.
Now, I was left with this immense guilt in my heart about what I had done and as more and more people got attached to me, it felt like I was going to taint them with the darkness that still dwelled in my heart.
Abhay was my mate, and I had a good idea as to why Kashmira had travelled all the way from Jammu to this region.
But I wasn’t an Alpha. I was a broken shell of a woman who didn’t deserve to be happy. Who didn’t deserve to be loved…
And so…I needed to keep Abhay and everyone else at a safe distance. It was the only way to protect them from the darkness inside me.