Jake is nibbling my neck, and his hands are all over my breasts as we walk back to the Carrero family home. He's walking behind me, making it impossible to get on at a decent pace while groping the life out of me. I can't stop giggling with every suck and nibble, and when his mouth finds my ear lobe, I sink back against him, halting us in the street again. The pleasure overtakes me at being back in a world where Jake can't keep his hands off me.
We spent an alarmingly long time making up for wasted hormones by christening every room and almost every cupboard in our new home, and now I'm tingling from every pore with the biggest radiant grin on my face. Jake has well and truly found his long-lost libido, and by the last two rooms, he was over his previous concerns about hurting babies or feeling guilty. The sex in those two rooms was hard, hot, and taken from behind. I'm sure my skin is marked from the ferocity we finally built up to in the last screaming stages of christening the house. There is no way I'm allowing him to go back to a sexless relationship now.
"Put her down, will you." Daniel's voice cuts into the extremely naughty thoughts running through my head, and Jake and I look up simultaneously. We forgot about our so-called guests, who I guess were waiting for us at Sylvana's.
"You two were a very long time." Leila winks at us, sliding into Daniel's bright red sports car parked in the Carrero drive, she looks happy for once, and Daniel's bloody nose is clean, except now I notice faint bruising along his jawline starting to develop.
"What did she do to your face?" I ask Daniel as Jake wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his torso to stand beside the driver's door in front of Hunter.
"I'm dating a crazy little hellcat who likes to play rough." Daniel shrugs as though it's completely normal behavior.
"I can imagine you two featuring in a BDSM article for sure." Jake laughs, and Daniel's raised eyebrow and smirk make me think that maybe Jake isn't that far wrong. I really don't want to think of the weird crazy things these two get up to; knowing Hunter's reputation in the past, I'm guessing Leila must be equally wild to keep him on his toes.
"I need to punish him for all his wrongs," Leila cuts in, clicking her fingers, "Daniel come." She glares at him from the passenger seat, and he inclines his head at her.
"Sorry, dude, can we maybe come back for the grand house tour and shit later?" He checks his watch. "I have a session to go to, and the little woman is coming with." He smiles when he calls her that, and his sheer adoration for her is obvious. Daniel is hopeless for my girl.
"I heard that. I ain't no little woman, Daniel 'bastarding' Hunter. I'm thee fucking woman." Leila snorts at the eye roll Hunter throws her way. Leila is still trying to exert her dominance over him for sure.
"Calm your sexy, lacy panties, baby cakes. You're thee fucking woman that's going to get fucked black and blue in the car if she doesn't stop with the attitude." Daniel throws Jake an indulgent look, and I can only shake my head at the pair; at least things in that relationship will never be dull.
"You sure as hell pick the most challenging things to do in life, Danny." Jake laughs and bends to throw Leila a cute little wave. She sticks her fingers up at him and her tongue out. I laugh at her, my heart brimming with love. The girl is too adorable for words, even when being a little psychotic.
"She keeps things interesting. How else is a guy like me supposed to stick with one chick for the rest of his life? Leila has enough personalities to keep me amused for a very long time … and enough sass to keep me horny for an eternity." Daniel winks at us and, with a grin, bangs the top of his car over her head.
"And enough violence to make you suffer if you screw this up … I'm pretty sure this version of her is not against cutting the family jewels off if you fuck it up again." Jake cuts in. He's still watching Leila in the passenger seat, and Jake's warning tone is evident. He's reminding Daniel that he only gets this chance once.
"Must be fucking love then, eh?" Daniel shrugs and turns to open his door nonchalantly, making me giggle.
"That is almost romantic in an extremely vague way." I point out with a smile and blow Leila a kiss, seeing her smile and return one at me.
"I'm not Jake, honey. He's the smooth talker and Mr. Hands-on-cuddly-feely and all that crap." He slides into his seat and puts down the window before shutting his door. Leila switches on the radio and starts scrolling until she finds a song she likes, turning it up loud.
Taylor Swift - "Blank Space"
It fills the air, and Daniel sticks his head out the window, throwing Jake a deadpan look.
"This is Leila's theme tune. If I ever go missing, check her basement for my body." There's such a serious look in his eye that I burst out laughing, and Leila slaps him hard on the shoulder. He doesn't flinch at her assault.
"Are you trying to say I'm insane?" She balks at him angrily, leaning forward in her seat so he's close enough to lick.
"If the shoe fits, princess." He smirks back at her, starting the car, revving the engine, and adjusting his seat belt, seemingly ignoring her proximity and threatening expression.
"Fuck … you!" She says slowly and deliberately, leaning toward the side of his face, dangerously close, with a look of pure hatred. Daniel turns to catch her chin and kisses her full force on the mouth with startling speed. I can't help but watch how cute they look kissing. They make for an attractive, if not slightly crazy, couple.
"I love the fucking crazy in you, Leila. It happens to be the most adorable part." He sits back, leaving her blinking at him, and waves at us as he screeches out of the drive at speed. Leila is undoubtedly being thrown back in her seat violently with the force of his maneuver.
Well, They're certainly interesting together anyway.
"Normally, I would say that a girl has no clue what she's getting into with Danny, but in this case, I'm more worried about him." Jake watches the car screech out into the street and turn at a junction at an alarming speed. Daniel drives like a maniac, his red Lamborghini ringing through the air even long minutes after we can't see it.
"I think they're perfectly matched, but they need to calm the hostility before someone gets scarred for life." I giggle as Jake comes to wrap his arms around me once more possessively and dives back into my body.
"Honestly, I think Danny is the only one in danger of receiving wounds, and the pervert in him will probably love it." Jake leans in and bites my neck again, making me squeal. "Now, where were we, Bambina?"
* * *
Splayed out like a star on the bed with Jake's palms pressed to mine, our fingers interlaced and pinned down on the mattress. He's panting on top of me and finally finds the strength to move, rolling off gently and lying beside me after an energetic couple of hours in an empty house. I'm lying in the afterglow of the best morning of my life.
Yesterday we endured a day of meetings, one with an interior designer, then the local press for the announcement of our engagement in the paper. Finally, we had Sylvana clucking around for the remainder of the day, treating me like fragile glass, just like Jake does. Leila and Daniel never returned for the tour, so Sylvana finally got hers, minus the sexual moaning from upstairs. We hadn't had another moment all day to be alone until we came to bed when his parents left for a dinner date. The day had been busy and unstoppable, and by the time we got to bed, Jake was tearing my clothes off in a frenzy to get our bodies back together now his mental block is gone.
It's safe to say he's returned to his former glory. All the emotional crap in his head was finally dealt with. This morning he woke me in the most spectacularly sexy way, which led to the hottest morning sex of my life, and I'm hopelessly falling in love with him all over again. He's finally the man I loved, all domineering, bossy and sexy, and now that every part of him is as it should be, I am glowing inside and out. Basking in an afterglow of multiple orgasms.
Anyone who thinks sex isn't important in a relationship is crazy.
"You up for trying a car journey today?" Jake leans in, kissing me on the temple, my body still tingling and vibrating from our recent energetic session like I've had a serious workout and my body could do with a shower. Irritatingly, he looks immaculate, like always, and smells exactly as he always does. Fresh and citrusy.
How the hell he does that, I'll never know. It's annoyingly seductive.
"Depends on where we're going." I turn to him, snuggling into his broad chest, dragging those strong arms around me satisfyingly. These arms are still the best place in the world, and luckily for me, Jake gives me them whenever I want, night or day.
"We need to go back to the city and sort out what we want from the apartment. I've got three days" worth of crap to deal with at work over the Hunter contract, and I'd rather you were close by so I can see you at night." Jake releases me and slides out of bed. He obviously has his bossy brain in gear this morning and a look on his face that says we have plans, not that I mind. I've been getting bored with lazing around in the Carrero family home while he dashes back and forth from the city. I'd rather be back in our private space until our house is ready, then after that, I'll just have to get used to his disappearing acts when he goes to and fro from work.
"I haven't been as sick lately, so I should be okay." I stretch out and yawn like the cat who got the cream and then some. It's early, but I'm restless and want to do something beyond a day of reading books, lying around, and cooking lessons. I need to sort out other parts of my life before I can come here and start a new chapter. Other parts being my mother, work, and seeing Sarah properly.
"Sophie's supposed to be coming over later today, after school, to see the house." I watch him move around the bedroom, lifting towels for the shower, that magnificent naked ass and body on full show. He's never been shy about wandering about in front of me naked, not that I can blame him; with his body, I would've taken up nude modeling to show it all off.
Not that I want him to, I think I'd scratch the eyes out of any girl who ogled his body these days.
"I'll leave keys and alarm code with Mamma and tell her to show Sophie around. The designer has all your preferences for our bedroom and the lounge, so if she gets that in motion quickly, we can move in while the rest of the house gets done." He throws me a panty-melting happy face. I start smiling, biting my lip, aching for his body to be entangled with mine again already. It's alarming how my lust has returned tenfold with a reminder of his skills. I have to drag my eyes forcefully back to his.
"When do we leave?" I roll onto my stomach to watch him. He yanks on sweatpants and throws a T-shirt over his head, covering up that gorgeous expanse of tattooed lusciousness. He's obviously changed his mind about having the shower right now.
"After you eat, baby. I'll have the housekeeper pack up food for the trip, still can't have you flying, so it's a long drive back. Jefferson is coming with the Lexus so that I can sit with you in the back." He picks up a gray bathrobe and throws it beside me with a raised, suggestive eyebrow.
Hmmm, sexy backseat time. I like this idea.
"You're very bossy this morning Mr. Carrero. I like seeing some of the old you kicking in." I giggle as he crawls quickly across the bed to haul me onto my back, kissing me passionately. Caging me in with those glorious muscles assaulting me with his very sexy essence, like a strong aftershave folding around me.
"Amazing what a lot of sex with the woman I'm crazy about can do." He grins and takes a shot at devouring my neck playfully.
Amazing what a lot of sex with Jake Carrero can do.
"No more guilt and crazy thoughts about hurting the baby?" I push him up to see his face, smiling at how lust-filled those eyes are again.
"Still lingering a little but no longer crippling me into celibacy. I needed yesterday more than you could ever know, Emma. I needed to get back to this to us. I love you so much." He runs a finger over my mouth before scooping to replace it with his lips. I moan at the contact, so ready for more. He sits back up, looking at me adoringly.
"I love you too, although yesterday I contemplated triggering your sleeping disorder if my plan didn't work. I even googled it." I laugh as he shakes his head at me.
"I would've probably liked it." He laughs, biting my neck playfully again, sending me into squirming giggles. He slides up and flips me over to my front, smacking my butt a little hard, but I like it. I've missed all forms of Casanova Carrero. It's like he's reappeared from being away for a long time, our honeymoon period in full force once again.
"Get up. We have shit to do today." He jumps to his feet over my body on the bed, balances walking over me carefully, then drops to the floor before stalking to the bathroom. I sigh obediently and slide out of bed to retrieve the fluffy robe he's left there and haul it on.
I've got so used to living in this house that breakfast is normally eaten dressed this way, curled up in the cozy main room on the couch in a fluffy robe. Sylvana comes to breakfast dressed the same way and always with a huge grin on her happy morning face.
I've seen Giovanni briefly. He's always impeccably dressed; never caught him wearing anything less than a shirt, waistcoat, pants, and shoes. The man must rise at dawn and always have that cool, controlled demeanor, never a hint of relaxed softness or harshness, just being Giovanni.
I can see why Jake and he collide. Giovanni is never demonstrative or outwardly emotional. He's not touchy or affectionate. Arrick has more of Giovanni's traits than Jake does, that same cool mature manner, and even when girlfriends are here, Arrick doesn't overly pander to them. The odd hand-holding, but no real public displays of affection that Jake is always happy to throw around, and no open flirting or cuddly feelings.
Even with his mother, Arrick is more reserved than
Jake. Jake kisses her on the cheek and hugs her in passing walks with her arm in arm. Arrick is like his father, with hands in his pockets as he stands in a domineering manner people, those eyes never miss a beat. Arrick understands his father a lot more than Jake. That much is obvious, and I believe it's because he's far more like Giovanni than Jake is.
Giovanni works in the city, so he flies back and forth a lot to be home every night just as he promised his wife, another display of respect and love for Sylvana that Jake doesn't notice either.
Arrick's still in education. I'm not sure if that means college or some high-priced university or business school, but he seems to come home sporadically, always with a new girl in tow, much like the Jake of old. Carrero blood has a lot to answer for, and I'll be damned if this little Carrero gets up to such things … if he's a boy, that is.
Sylvana splits her days between here and her charity, so sometimes she's home for days and sometimes gone for days depending on her commitments.
She has gushed at me on occasion at how much she's looking forward to having little feet running around again and a little face to spoil with kisses. I can imagine her as a grandmother, giving so much love to a new generation of little Carreros. She's a woman built to love and to keep loving every child who comes her way, and I know she'll love both mine and Marissa's child equally.
I have tried to ignore the pain in that statement. Once again, realizing that everyone will bond with Marissa's baby months before mine comes. Ours won't be the first tiny feet, the first grandchild, or even Jake's first child, which still hurts me to the core. My baby will be second in everything, second to arrive, second to be loved, second to be pampered, but in Jake's eyes, my baby will always be first. My baby will be first to him in every way, and I should use that thought to be okay with this. That's all that matters to me. He will love his other child, but I know his bond with me and living with this child will make a difference in the relationship. Something Marissa hasn't thought of.
"Come on, sexy." Jake reappears from the bathroom and catches my hand in his, dragging me off the bed and through the door in that infuriating, bossy manner of his.
* * *
For once, we're sitting at the table eating breakfast together. I'm on toast and fruit salad with fresh orange juice, Jake's got a mountain of pancakes and bacon, and Sylvana is on some healthy granola stuff piled high in a bowl with yogurt and fruit. The two of them have been amusing to watch.
They have the same mannerisms as they read the morning paper and then switch pages, shifting in their chairs, rounding their shoulders, and tilting their heads to one side. Both talk with full mouths when they point out something interesting in the paper. The same way they cradle their mugs, not using the handles, and hold their cutlery when eating, propping a fork in the air when engrossed in reading a column or news story. It's beyond adorable, and they are like mirror images.
The housekeeper wanders around, picking up used dishes and replenishing the coffee mugs, and I can't help but feel completely relaxed sitting here this way. Smiling at the two bowed dark heads, noticing from this angle they have the same nose profile and eyebrows, makes me giggle impulsively.
Jake looks up at me with a cute smiling frown.
"Something funny?"
"You two are like book ends … Just wondering if this one will have the same Carrero good looks and quirks as you two do." I tip my head to one side and smile at him, his face breaking into a grin.
"With my genes, Bambina … more than likely." He sits back in his chair and appreciatively looks me over.
"Oh no. I hope this little one looks like Emma." Sylvana chirps in with a dreamy expression. "Can you imagine a little curly blonde-haired cherub with soft blue eyes and little pouty lips just like his mother? Face of an angel but, of course, the little devil child that you were, Jacob." Sylvana is beaming, and Jake gazes at me intensely.
"When you put it that way, I'd love nothing more than a mini Emma … It Would be the most beautiful baby on the planet." He sighs, and his look grows intense, eyes locking onto mine in a devastatingly attractive way.
He knows exactly what to say. Gold star to you, Carrero.
"I want a mini Carrero." I sigh, loving how Jake looks at me, a focused, warm caress, because, before today, I haven't expressed much about our baby other than being unsure of how I felt. I guess part of me is starting to get used to what this is, what we have coming, and I can feel the joy radiating from him at this sudden change in me. I should tell him more often that I'm not entirely unhappy about a little Jake growing inside me. He looks like he needs the reassurance.
"Either way, it'll be a mini Carrero, in looks or charm; there's enough of my genes in there to make sure of it, not like we haven't had enough attempts." He winks naughtily, and I blush. Sylvana throws a piece of fruit at him, and it bounces off his head.
"Your mother is sitting right here, young man." She lifts an eyebrow at him. "Don't make me put you over my knee." The warning tone is deathly, but the insincere way she smirks ruins the whole effect.
"Mamma …" He raises his hands at her, shrugging in defense, but she only shakes her head.
"I wish I could blame that high sex drive and mischief on his father alone. Sadly I think Italian blood is naturally rich in it. I'm just as bad." Sylvana winks my way, and it's Jake's turn to cringe at her.
"Jesus, Mamma, what the hell? I swear I need to poke my ears out with something sharp now." He glares at her with an utter look of disgust on his face. I can't help but giggle at them. Jake catches my hand, leans in, pulls it up to his mouth, and kisses my palm. He lets me go and continues with his coffee.
"Well, since we're talking about libido, you should know that kid has no chance of boyfriends if it's a girl. I'm buying a shotgun and a really big dog for the dating age." He frowns, and the hunch of his shoulders gives me the impression he's not kidding.
"You're going to be a nightmare as a father. I can see it already." I sigh and watch him studiously.
"Yeah, well, guess you better keep me in a steady supply of kids, so I get lots of practice at getting better." He winks at me and laughs when my face drops to a stone-cold blank deadpan. My heart doing a sudden drop in sheer panic.
"Oh, Emma." Sylvana bursts out laughing as she clocks my expression. "You're marrying a Carrero, honey. If Giovanni had his way, we would've had fifty kids. Sadly my body wasn't too happy about that." She croons at me.
"I'm not that bad. Fifty is maybe a bit much … maybe five or six?" Jake winks at me with a mischievous smile, and I scowl at him. I hope to God he's kidding right now for a reaction from me.
"When you start popping them out, you can have five or six. Until then, I'm not making any promises beyond this one." I pout at him huffily, only to be met with a look I know all too well. The one that says, 'you know I'll have it my way by any means.' I stick my chin up and raise my eyebrows at him.
"Baby, wait until this little one comes out and melts what's left of PA Emma's heart." He grins at me with wickedness, and the urge to throw my fork at him is not lost on me. "You'll be begging me to keep you barefoot and pregnant."
"I think not." I stare at him steadily. "I have decided that when this baby comes, I want to study." I divert down at the table, suddenly losing courage. I've thought about this a lot, considering it when Jake's been gone long hours, and even though I'm not sure how I will form a future with what I have planned, I know it's what I want to do.
"Study what?" Jake regards me with interest, a small quirk of a smile on the corner of his mouth, and Sylvana is watching me with an equally warm expression. Encouraging is the word that comes to mind when I look at them both.
Is this what family does when you have some hair-brained idea you want to try?
"I was thinking I could, maybe, possibly try becoming a counselor of sorts… You know to work with kids who Ummm …" I lose the courage again and focus on my fingers as they make their way to my hair, the nervous fidgeting habit coming back to haunt me; saying it aloud sounds dumb.
What do I know about helping other kids?
"… came from abused backgrounds and broken families?" Jake finishes my sentence, taking my hand away from my hair, calming me like he always does. I glance up at him and nod shyly as he focuses on me with an encouraging smile.
"I think that would be pretty amazing, and not just for the kids you could help, Emma, but I think for you too." He gets up and slides his chair back, walking around the table behind me, leans down, wraps his arms around my shoulders, kisses me on the neck, and buries his face in my soft hair to nuzzle me. Telling me that he's fully on board with my plan and making me feel a hundred times surer.
"I think that is a spectacularly selfless plan, Emma." Sylvana beams at me. "I'm pretty sure with my connections, I could help you along the way, help you find your feet and direction. If helping kids from the same abusive situation you were in is what you want to do?" She shines at me, and my courage returns tenfold.
And there it is … Sylvana says it so effortlessly like it's not some shameful, horrible, ugly secret, just a common piece of knowledge between the people close to one another in the room, and I don't feel anything like I used to.
No shame, no pain, no anything. Just Jake's arms around me, and when he straightens and runs a hand down my hair, igniting the usual thrill of shivers and heat, it comes to me in a flash.
My past doesn't hurt me anymore. I'm not ashamed of it. I gaze adoringly at the man I love as he moves back to his seat, glancing at me with equal infatuation, and I feel different. I'm sitting taller, my chin held higher, and my expression migrates to a bright smile.
That kid from Chicago who separated herself into different versions and locked boxes has somehow come crashing back together again into one complete person. Her past is no longer a deep dark secret she hides from those who she thought would run from her if they knew … because here they are, sitting facing her, with love and care despite knowing about it all. They don't look at her as though she's some broken or dirty shell. They don't look at her like her own flesh and blood did. They accept her and love her even more for the scars she bares … a real family with real love.
I'm not broken anymore; I am whole, and only one piece of my puzzle remains out of place. I will have to face my mother and the fact that she will never give me what I've been trying to get from her my entire life.
Her love.
The difference now is I no longer need it.