Aviva
I watch Sarah and Misty leave the room. Misty takes Lexa with her, giving me a moment alone. I should be resting right now. If Maeve and Logan aren’t found by sunset, I have to put these new, unnatural-feeling powers to the test.
I listen to the soft conversations taking place just beyond the bedroom door. I already know Ryan’s on edge and doing his best to handle this situation, but having Evander and Sydney here isn’t helping his stress levels at all, I fear.
His wife almost drowned, his uncle wants me locked up in Moonrise until my powers fully emerge to ensure I’m not a danger to myself and others, and Maeve and Logan are still out there, hopefully together and safe.
The door opens a crack before widening, revealing my mate and a large plate of food. The scent of blueberry syrup fills the air, bringing back memories of making this exact breakfast for my sisters, but that… causes my mind to drift back to the tangle of new memories.
Memories of the countless lives my soul has walked in different bodies trying to find the man now setting the plate in my lap, telling me to eat.
We haven’t spoken much since we came home. Ryan’s just been fluttering around me like a little bird, his concern punctuating the air between us.
“Do you want more coffee?” he asks, but his eyes barely meet mine, and it kills me.
“Are you afraid of me?”
Ryan looks down at his feet, sighing deeply. He moves toward the door and closes it, clicking the lock into place, drowning out the voices beyond. “No, I’m not afraid of you. I’m… I’m worried for you, for what this means for you.”
“It doesn’t have to change anything.”
“It changes everything,” he says, meeting my gaze.
“Between us?” My voice breaks. I’m still his mate, and he has no idea what I now remember… how long we actually went without each other. I’m not sure how to make sense of what I saw while buried beneath fathoms of water in the forge, but I have to try. I have to try to make him understand, somehow.
“Not between us, no. But… for Lexa. For any other children we might have who inherit your new powers.”
“These powers aren’t new,” I whisper, and the tension reaches impossible heights.
He edges toward the bed with her eyes narrowed as I drag my fork through the syrup, unable to take a single bite.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to know what I saw?”
He hesitates before nodding but doesn’t sit down on the bed. He remains standing, his feet braced apart like he’s preparing for impact.
My mouth moves but no sound comes out as I try to put into words what falling into the forge felt like.
Finally, I find my nerve, and begin, “I couldn’t stop, Ryan. I was being physically pulled into the water. Like I was bound by some invisible thread, and I realize now it was you, tugging on our bond, but not–not really you as you are now.”
He shakes his head, not understanding. I realize at that moment that everything I know and feel from lives in the past are something he’ll never be able to experience with me, and that’s crushing.
“We were together before. Fated mates. It was in the time of–of the Firestone witches and their downfall. We fought in the first wars…. You were a–a commander of some kind, and so was I.”
Ryan slowly sits down, but his gaze doesn’t break from my face.
“We had two sons. One was older–ten or so. He–he died when our village was attacked. That was the catalyst to you joining the Firestone army even though our pack was very rural, and we were happy there… separated from the larger cities in the Deadlands, in Novana.”
“Novana?”
“That's what the Deadlands used to be called. Its missing name. No one in our time remembers it.” My voice is barely above a whisper now. “The enemy rounded up our people. You watched them kill our boy in cold blood and couldn’t stop them. They took you from me–both of you. I left our son behind–our baby–and put together my own forces, all women because that’s all that was left, and we marched to the Firestone castle of Endova.”
We gaze at each other. Yes, Endova was once a sprawling, beautiful metropolis, and now only the village remains, unaware of what’s buried beneath.
“We were separated for ten years, Ryan. The war raged and raged. I never gave up on you. I trained. I trained myself and my warriors until we were killers of the coldest variety. We toppled factions of the enemy. We fought to find our mates again, and I was rewarded by the Firestone Queen for my service when they believed the war had ended. It was a ritual. I walked into the water with my favorite weapon–my bow–and when I came out, I was remade. I was… what I am now.” I extend my palms face up, letting amber light dance through the lines, showing him my light for the first time.
“I was nearly fifty when the final war, the Deciding, they called it back then, began,” I whisper. “I’d given up hope of finding you. The empire of the witches and shifters was massive, and you could have been anywhere, but I thought you were dead because I knew that, if you were alive, you would have fought until your last breath to find me. In the end, that’s exactly what happened.”
“During the battle–the final battle–when the Firestone armies were losing and waging their last stand, I saw you in the fray. You–you turned to look at me. You were raising your sword to strike an enemy, but when you saw me, you stopped. You were so beaten and weak, Ryan. You’d been enslaved for decades then escaped only to be forced to fight once more on the Firestone side, and even then, you looked for me. We found each other on the battlefield in the last seconds of our lives.”
The Kings of Eastonia, the enemy, had won. They used the full might of their stolen treasure–The Book of Whispers–to decimate the Firestone armies. The last of the old gods who once walked beside us retreated–the Goddess Herself–and in the moment her queens laid down their lives in a last ditch effort to protect their people, using the last of their magic to bury their cities and their memories deep underground in the promise a new queen would rise with Firestone blood and take back what was rightfully hers, I raised my bow.
“I killed you,” I whisper, tears falling down my cheeks. “As the world crumbled, I whispered a promise on my arrow that I’d find you again, and pleaded with the gods to give me a chance to be with my mate once more. Just once. I killed you because I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone taking you from me, and you died quickly while the rest of us died in anguish.”
Ryan’s eyes are dry, but his expression is severe. I doubt he believes me, but I keep going. “Our son who lived, our baby, was sheltered away in Veiled Valley, which didn’t fall during the war. He grew to marry the princess and became the father of the first Shadowsynger King, who’s sword Ryatt now carries, once belonged to you–changed, and remade in the ancient forge in Moonrise before the fall.”
Ryan takes a heavy breath, trembling as his hands slide into mine.
“I looked for you in every lifetime. For three thousand years. In lifetimes short and long, I waited for you, and I didn’t find you again until now. We were separated by the veil, or by age, or by distance… until now. We’re getting the chance I prayed for without realizing it.”
He closes his eyes, leaning toward me. I press my forehead against his, sniffling.
“The forge feels like… being stuck between planes of existence. It’s cold there, empty. But there are stars like I’ve never seen. She was with me.”
“The Goddess?”
“No. She sent a messenger. Your grandma.”
Ryan squeezes his eyes shut.
“She guided me back and told me to tell everyone how much they miss them, how they watch over us from time to time but are mostly enjoying their eternal rest together in peace, without any family calamities to stress them out.”
Ryan laughs, but his eyes finally spill with tears.
“I’m not so changed,” I say after a moment, cupping his cheek. “I’m just… I’m what I’m supposed to be now. I have my bow; I have my mate. And now, we have the time that was taken from us.”
“Did you have to kill me though?” he teases, breaking the tension between us.
I smile, choking back either a laugh or a sob. “You looked on the verge of death already. I think I was doing you a favor.”
He laughs again, but I’m still feeling utterly undone. “Do you believe me?”
“Of course,” he says, leaning back to take my face between his hands. He swipes my tears away with his thumbs, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead. “I believe you. Always.” There’s a brief pause before Ryan, whom I love deeply, but who also fails to linger in any serious moment for too long, says, “So, the Shadow Sword is technically mine, huh?”
“I wouldn’t bet on Ryatt giving it to you, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“I’m his like… great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather or something, then?”
“I think it goes further back than that,” I smile.
“He’s gonna be fucking pissed when I tell him.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t,” I reply, feeling suddenly uneasy about anyone knowing about this.
“I’ll think about it. Just… eat something, please. Sarah’s already figuring out how she plans to test your new powers and I really don’t like it, but it sounds like you already made up your mind, huh?”
I nod. I want Maeve home, of course. She’s vulnerable but also extremely dangerous with her powers not yet trained. And, honestly, I want Logan back. I want him home, with us, where he belongs.
Ryan kisses my lips before telling me to eat once more and disappearing out the door. I eat as much as I can, barely tasting the food, and lie down, falling into a deep, deep slumber that makes my bones like jelly when I wake up again several hours later.
It’s nearly nightfall and no news about Maeve or Logan has reached Silverhide, which means it’s my time to shine.
I pull myself out of bed and dress, my breasts achingly full of milk, and go to find Lexa, but the second I step out of the door, I realize the house is full… again.
Misty and Cole sit on the couch looking forlorn. Sydney paces with his arms crossed. Sarah speaks in quiet tones to Evander in the kitchen.
And Ryan turns to me holding our daughter, smiling faintly.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
I reach for Lexa, nodding.