*Maddox*
It was a four-hour drive from where I’d been stationed near the front line of the war back to the castle, and I’d have to be back early tomorrow because there’d been activity along the ridge we were currently considering attacking. Alpha Geofrey appears to be amassing his forces on the other side, getting ready to come after us.
I need to be there if he attacks because, even though some of the other commanders are very good at their jobs, none of them have the sort of battle experience that I have. None of them are as capable of making sure the war goes the way it needs to as I am.
For that matter, none of them are as good at anything as I am, but that doesn’t matter at the moment. I have to go home.
I’ve thoroughly fucked up—again—and if I don’t get back to Isla as soon as possible, well, she might not be there when I do get back.
And this time, it won’t just be her running off through the woods in the middle of the night. She’ll have our baby with her.
I’ve contacted Commander Pepelos to make sure that Isla doesn’t go anywhere this evening. He’s said that he will personally camp outside her door to make sure of it. He’s also got guards stationed outside of her windows. I know she’s pretty high up, and the chances of her trying to get out that way are slim, but one never knows.
I just hope I know what to say to her when I get back there.
“Damnit,” I mutter under my breath. Why didn’t I listen to Seth to begin with?
I never listen to Seth, and he’s rarely wrong about these sorts of things.
Or about anything, for that matter.
I’ve decided to drive myself. That way, I can be alone with my rage over my own idiocy and no one has to listen to me cursing and slamming my hands down on the steering wheel. It’s about midnight when I pull through the gate. The guards are shocked to see me, but I have no time to explain to anyone else what I’m doing there.
I pull my car up close to the back entrance near the garage. Every entrance is heavily guarded, including this one. They let me in with a sign of respect, and I am quickly heading down the hallway toward Isla’s room.
Exhaustion doesn’t slow my steps the way that adrenaline fuels me. I haven’t slept much at all since I’ve been away from here. The same issues that plagued me before, when I wasn’t sleeping with Isla, are back with a vengeance, especially now that I’ve seen Trinity. It’s like all of the nightmares I’ve ever had are rolled into one, and I can’t escape them.
Except for when I’m with her. And I don’t understand why she doesn’t realize that. I thought I’d made myself clear to her that I love her, that I don’t want to be with anyone else. Why is she so caught up in the fact that I have to go through with this silly contest?
I’ve tried putting myself in her shoes, but I am incapable of seeing this the way she is obviously seeing it. If I were her, I think I’d have a lot easier time of accepting the fact that I am just doing what needs to be done for the crown.
She obviously thinks that I am looking for another woman, and that’s just simply not the case at all. I don’t want anyone else. It’s all a show. A mockery. A farce. And I will get it over with as soon as I can tell everyone about the baby.
But if something happens to the baby, it will take longer.
Commander Pepelos is standing outside of Isla’s bedroom door. He makes the sign of respect to me. “She’s sleeping, Alpha,” he says in a whisper. Not that he is barring me from going in, just telling me the facts.
“Thank you,” I tell him with a nod. “You can go.”
He makes the sign of respect again and heads out. I like that guy. He’s young, but he seems to know what he’s doing. He came highly recommended, and I can see why. I’ve never had an issue with him communicating well or doing exactly what I ask him to do. That’s more than I can say for most Alphas I’m working with.
The door creaks slightly as I walk into the antechamber. I head quickly through the main door to her bedroom. She is sitting up, looking at me.
“Hi,” I say quietly.
She is obviously surprised to see me.
“I thought you were a murderer or something,” she says. I can tell she’s been crying. Her voice is hoarse, and even in the darkness, with only the light from the crack between the window and the curtain pouring, I can see that her eyes are puffy, and her face is streaked with tears. It looks like she’s been crying for a while, like maybe since I got off the phone with her about four hours ago.
Sighing I walk across the room and sit down on the end of the bed, next to her feet. “Isla, I’m sorry,” I say. It’s not easy for me to say that, usually, but this time I really mean it, so the words come out easier.
“Sorry for what? That you have to find a new wife?” she asks, swiping at her tears, like she doesn’t want me to know that she’s been crying.
“No,” I say. “I’ve already told you, I’m not finding a new wife. I’m just doing this to appease the Alphas. You have to know that I’m not interested in being with anyone else.”
“Anyone other than Rebecca.” It’s not a question. Her words sting, but I can’t necessarily correct her because doing so might make her think that I might marry her.
And I’m not planning on ever getting married again, despite what the Alphas might think, despite what Isla may want, despite what my heart sometimes whispers to me when I’m in her arms.
“Listen, this is all very complicated, I know. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you before you heard from the maids. But the bottom line is that agreeing to the other Alphas letting their daughters come here for a little while is the only way that I could get them to agree to support me in the war.”
“Maddox, listen to yourself,” she says. “Think really long and hard about what it is you want me to believe. You are the Alpha King. These men are your subordinates. You are telling me that the only way you could persuade any of them to help you with this battle is to have a… lengthy ball, a beauty pageant, or whatever you want to call it? Really? Do you expect me to believe that?”
I open my mouth and then close it, shrugging. “Fuck, Isla, I don’t know what you want me to say. I guess I’m not as good at negotiating deals as everyone gives me credit for.”
“Bullshit!” she says. “I don’t believe you one bit. I think you could’ve found another way to do this, so either you took the easy way out without having to think about it, or you really do want to do this.”
My eyes widen slightly as I consider what she’s just said. I’m trying not to get angry. I didn’t just drive eight hours to get into a fight with her, but that seems to be the road we are headed down.
“I don’t want to do it, Isla. I don’t want to have anything at all to do with any of it, but it was the best way to get them to all agree to come and help me right away with an enemy who was poised and ready to attack. If I had taken any longer to negotiate, I’m not sure what might’ve happened,” I try to explain to her.
“I’m not going to try to pretend to know all of that war stuff,” she tells me. “But I have heard you give enough speeches to know you can be very persuasive.”
“There was no time!” I say, exasperated. “And it’s not like a fake contest is going to hurt anything!”
“Isn’t it, though?” she asks me.
“Well, other than your feelings,” I say, and her mouth drops open, cluing to me that I’ve said something wrong. “Which are very important. But still… not as important as making sure that Alpha Geofrey is stopped.”
“My feelings aren’t the only feelings to consider, Maddox,” she says, crossing her arms beneath her chest. “What about the women involved? Did you ever stop to think about their feelings?”
“I don’t care about their feelings,” I say, pointedly.
This does not make her happy as I have anticipated. “Well, maybe you should. You’re talking about a whole flock of young women leaving their homes, many of them probably for the first time, all of them coming to this beautiful castle, to meet the most handsome, dashing man in all of the land, and for what? When they don’t really have a chance to marry you? Or are you planning on convincing them that they do have a chance?”
I don’t have an answer for any of that. It hasn’t crossed my mind at all, so I just stare at her.
She continues. “And what happens when they all tell their fathers that they realized once they got here that this is all a shame? That you don’t really want to marry any of them, so they are just here for show? They will tell them that, and their fathers will all get mad and gang up together, and guess who they will be attacking the next time. It won’t be Alpha Geofrey.”
She is furious, and I know it will do me no good to try to explain to her that she’s wrong, so I just listen.
I can make the women think that they have a chance even though they don’t.
“Isla, it’s all going to be fine,” I tell her. “You’ll see.”
She shakes her head. “Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. I mean, I guess technically you own me, so if I leave to go live with my parents, what will you do? Accuse me of stealing from you?”
I can’t believe she’s serious right now. “You can’t go anywhere, Isla. Not as long as you’re carrying my baby.”
Her eyes narrow at me, but she doesn’t say anything for a moment. I don’t even blink.
“So you’re going to force me to stay here and watch you flirt with and date other women?”
“No,” I tell her. “I’m not going to do any of that.”
“And we are talking in circles. You’ll have to, or their fathers will attack you,” she says.
“I’ll handle it.” That is the end of the discussion for me.
“I hope you can do a better job of handling it than you did the last time,” she replies. She rubs her eyes and says, “I’m not sure why you drove all the way back here to tell me you’re sorry if nothing is going to change.”
“Because I wanted you to know how important you are to me,” I tell her, meaning it.
“I’m sorry, Maddox, but right now, I don’t feel all that important. But I do feel tired, so if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to go to sleep now.”
All I can tell her is, “No.”