Nolan stood on the other side of the door, looking apologetic. “The remaining Alpha and Lunas are set to take off soon,” he told me.
“Thank you. Give me a minute?” I asked, and he nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Nolan,” I explained to Ezra, propped on an arm, his muscles tense. "I need to get ready; the others are leaving.”
Ezra nodded and followed me into the bathroom.
We took a bit longer than I originally planned. He joined me in the shower, and although we did not touch each other with our fingers, we took turns helping each other bathe. It felt strange at first, in a way that was unfamiliar but not unwelcome. Then, it turned into something more accepting and loving.
Naked, but it was not sexual, although I never stopped desiring him. It was more intimate, cherishing each other, and my emotions were raw by the end of something as simple as a shower.
When we returned, Nolan was still waiting in the hallway, and we followed him in a tense sort of way.
He felt very… formal.
Professional - Aksala added.
That - I agreed.
When we got nearer to the front, Nolan whispered back at us, “I told them you would see them off. There were a lot of questions. Some wanted to stay, but I told them you would be in touch.”
I furrowed my brows, not liking how much I had missed stuck in my own emotions, but it seemed Noaln had it handled.
“Thank you,” Ezra told him, grasping his shoulder. A look passed between them I could not decipher.
Ezra opened the door, and we stood by it, waiting. Nolan nodded to us and went to leave.
“Stay,” I told him.
And he did.
The goodbyes were brief. I thanked those who helped and promised to contact them soon and keep them updated on my progress. Many offered their help, and I told them I would take them up on it. I would make good on that. Even if accepting help was hard, it was getting easier.
There were so many loud, warring emotions from the others and myself. I could not sort through them. I didn't have the capacity at the moment.
_____
After they left, Nolan glanced at us. There was so much to be done, but I had put off one thing for too long. I had talked in length to Aksala, and we were in agreement. After that, it dominated my thoughts.
“Can we meet with you later to discuss all this?” I asked Nolan.
He nodded a bit wide-eyed and responded. “Of course, I’m going to try to make sense of all of the funds and finances in my father's office.” He paused, his mouth parted. “If-if that’s okay,” he added.
“Please,” I told him a bit too enthusiastically, and I was met with a bright smile. “We will meet you there this afternoon,” I added.
Ezra nodded to Nolan and followed me without a question, but I could tell they were simmering beneath his skin.
“Do you have a few hours?” I asked him.
“For you, always.” He kissed the back of my hand. “What can I help you with?”
“I figured there will always be something to do, something that needs our attention, for… the rest of forever.” I shrugged, trying to seem casual, but the weight of the words that I was about to ask him, confirm from him, sent excitement through me that chased away those lingering nerves that sparked from self-doubt.
“I assumed that much,” he responded, a dark eyebrow slightly raised.
We stopped at the entrance to my room, and I took both his hands in mine, facing him. “We’re doing this, right? Our pack, together?” I asked.
“Simone,” he responded, his brows tugged slightly, and he looked me over with trepidation. “Do you still doubt me? Do you still have doubts about us?”
“No.” I shook my head. “The opposite,” I told him with a shaky smile.
“Then, what is it?”
“I want you to mark me, er, us mark each other.”
His eyes widened, and he took a step back, searching my face, but his expression relaxed at whatever he might have found. “Here?” he asked, looking at the closed door. “In this room?”
“Yes,” I responded with a sigh. “It might have been my cell, my cage, for far too long.” I looked at the closed door. “But I am done shaping my actions around my abusers.”
I had for far too long; my world revolved around them, and it was time for me to make decisions on my own.
“Besides, this place has been a comfort, a hideaway. It has fostered new memories, and I do not truly think the place matters.” My cheeks heated. “At all, actually. As long as it's with you.”
He thought that over. “I agree,” he said, his throat dipping and his expression changing to something more longing, wistful, and brimming with emotions.
“After you,” he said and opened the door.
As soon as it shut behind us, my blood heated; the desire and need were a living thing, and it cracked and pulsed around us, calling me to him and him to me.
“I have to tell you something,” he said, his voice too stoic, quelling some of my single-minded lust. “I sent one of my brothers to find the witch that blocked the mate bond, to see, to see if it could be nullified.”
My breath hitched; a thought I had never let formulate before reared up. If he nullified the mate bond and then found his mate later on, what would that mean for me?
“What are you thinking?” he asked, seeming confused, but I didn’t know why.
“If you break that, and you find your mate later. I just- it scares me,” I said, looking at my hands. “I know few things, but one of them is you, beyond a doubt.”
He was in front of me in an instant, my hands in his palms. “Why do you think it is not the same for me?” he asked, his eyes hard, voice brimming with sharp anger.
“I-I—” I had no words.
He swallowed, seeming hurt. “I wanted to see if I could break it another way to see if we were mates." He paused. "True mates,” he added.
I inhaled. “And?” I asked slowly.
His lips met in a firm line, and he shook his head. “It cannot be undone that easily.”
I nodded, upset for a new reason: if we were true mates, would we never share that bond? But as instant as it arose I dashed it away. It didn't matter; the sparks, the instant connection, none of what I heard of the bond did.
Ezra and I had built something greater.
“This is why I’m sharing with you; the only way it can be undone, unraveled, is by our true mate.” He closed his eyes. “A slash opposite to the one there now.” He rolled up his sleeve and showed the mark, the circle with a slash through it. “But if they are not your mate, it causes more harm than good.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
He shook his head. “She, the witch, was cryptic. She might not have been good, but she wasn’t evil. She used light magic or a form of it, but it took lots of convincing, and that was even after we found her.”
“So, we will never know.” I shrugged.
“After we mark each other.” His throat bobbed up. “That is the only way we will know without causing upheaval.”
I studied him.
“I knew that we all did, but I thought there might be another way. We did not want mates, I did not want… I did not truly want anything, anyone, in the way I do with you," he said. I sensed there was more.
"But part of the reason I had never entertained the idea of being with someone... intimately was the vulnerability of being giving yourself to your senses and pleasure. It is a dangerous game to play, no weapons, even the most honed senses engaged elsewhere.” His lips curled before they pressed against each other —hard.
“A great time to end someone, even if it is the least honorable.”
I nodded, placing a hand on his arm. I knew he was speaking from experience. He came back to me from the depths of his harrowed past, his eyes lightening as they met mine. “It's a cruel sort of thing, really; only a mark can undo a bond. But it's a double-edged sword, as everything was with that woman in the woods. This block breaks either way, if we are mates or if we are not. We only find out after, and if we are not, then the bond is open to my true mate.”
“That is… that is almost vicious,” I murmured.
“It is,” he agreed, nodding slightly. “That was what I needed to tell you. Either way, once you mark me, claim me, the bond is broken. We find out if we are mates or not.”
I nodded slightly. “Either way, I do not have that. I will be open to a mate if my mate is not you,” I told him.
He growled in his chest, and I smiled, placing a hand over it.
“What we have, our foundation was built by us, not by a bond chosen by another," I told him. "I do not know anything that would be stronger. Besides, I am sick of others choosing for me, even our damned Goddess.”
His eyes widened, but a smile spread over his face, one that lit his eyes. It took my breath away with its beauty, the sheer vulnerability of it.
“Either way, you are my mate,” I told him, promised him.
“As are you,” he whispered, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. “No going back,” he whispered, leaning down and pressing a light kiss against the pulse in my neck. “No one else,” he added, darting his tongue over the spot I so desperately wanted him to claim me.
He pulled back, and I protested, but his face was as serious as I had ever seen it. His eyes darted across my face. “We can wait. I am yours, with or without a mark. I want to make sure you’re ready.
I wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling him down to my eye level so our foreheads touched. “I do not want to spend another moment not being yours,” I told him. “In every way possible.”
“I was yours before I could put it to words,” he responded.
“Mark me,” I almost begged.