Chapter Seventeen
Leaving Arizona…
Dawn pulled over and stared at the sign along the side of the deserted highway. It was illuminated only by the headlights of her truck. She knew she would soon be seeing a sign that would say, ‘Entering Colorado’, just a few yards farther down the road. The sun had gone down several hours ago and due to her decision to avoid the freeway it was taking longer to get to Colorado. If someone was looking for her, they would probably assume she would be on the interstate.
Someone? Mateo.
Just allowing his name to float through her mind caused such an ache in her breast she was sure her heart would cease to beat. How could she miss someone—something—that was not even real? But she couldn’t deny all the real feelings consuming her now.
As she had driven frantically out of Apache Junction and away from Mateo earlier today, she had been tormented with indecision almost as engulfing as her relentless fear. Everything that happened since the first time she went to the Superstitions with Chloe still seemed too outrageous to accept. But there were so many other things to consider that she couldn’t ignore.
The unbelievable events in the past few days made her wonder if it really could be possible all the spooky legends and scary fairy tales and myths from ancient times were based on real monsters, or dare she think it—real vampires? Maybe pretending they were just the figment of someone’s wild imagination was the only way for real ones to deal with the overwhelming horror of learning the truth.
She stared at the Leaving Arizona sign until it became a hazy blur in the rays of her headlights. Beyond it was endless darkness as if nothing else existed for her when she crossed that line.
Leaving Arizona. Leaving Mateo. Loving Mateo.
The pain in her breast burned hotter, expanding through her belly and extremities, up through the top of her head, until her entire being was raging with anguish too great for her to bear. She leaned over the steering wheel and let the persecuting sobs rack through her body. There was no stopping the glaring realization she wanted to go back to Mateo as desperately as she wanted to run as far away from him as possible. Neither option seemed plausible.
Crying was easy. She had done it for hours now. Making the decision to turn around and go back to Apache Junction was proving much harder. Had she continued to drive through the night, she would almost be back to her hometown in the western mountains of Colorado. But instead, she parked here for half of the night blubbering incoherently about not being able to live without Mateo, and wanting to be more than an incubator for vampire babies in caves somewhere up on the Superstitions forever.
Forever—was a very long time.
In the end, she realized she couldn’t leave without knowing what really happened to Chloe, or most of all, without knowing if there was a way to be with Mateo without becoming a sex slave—slash—baby maker. She couldn’t run from the way she felt about him no matter what her future entailed. The overwhelming love and deep desire she felt for this man—this dhampyre or vampire—was her entire life now. She had to be with him, and she had already been away from him for too long.
Exhausted from crying and thinking about unthinkable things for so long, Dawn remained hunched over her steering wheel as she tried to find the energy to drive back to Apache Junction. She didn’t notice the big dark truck that pulled up behind hers, or the man who walked up to her pickup, until he had opened her door and the overhead light broke through the blackness in the cab. Instinctively she threw her hands over her eyes to block the unexpected glare. Deep terror clutched her in its grip at the thought of being attacked by thugs on the side of the road.
Then his perfect face filled her vision and her world. The tremendous anxiety and cold empty feeling inside of her was replaced with love and relief in less than an instant.
“Mateo,” she choked through a lingering sob. “How did you find me?”
He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in a slow motion. “I felt your tears. They led me to you.” He reached out and tenderly cupped his hand under her chin. “I will always find you, Udaya. You are my destiny and I am yours.”
Another sob shook through her body. “I love you so much. But I don’t want to be under your spell, living in a cave with no purpose other than to have abnormal babies.”
Mateo’s eyes closed for an instant. He drew in a sharp breath. “I don’t want that either. That’s why I came up with this crazy scheme to be with you in your world. I was hoping it would buy us some time so I could try to figure out another alternative. But it’s backfired on me.” He shrugged again and his shoulders hunched over.
A long strand of hair escaped from his ponytail and trailed along the side of his face down past his chest. Dawn’s fingers yearned to smooth the errant strand away from his cheek. Just the thought of touching him induced a profound yearning inside of her that shook visibly through her entire body.
“I realize now that I really blew it,” he continued. “This might have worked, for a while longer at least, if I had been able to resist biting you and starting the mating process. I just wanted you so badly, in every way, I lost all control. You will never know how sorry I truly am.”
“I’m trying so hard, but I don’t understand all of this, Mateo.
“I will tell you everything, but right now, we need to get back to Apache Junction before the sun comes up.”
There it was again—stabbing her smack in the middle of her heart and demolishing her fragile dreams once more. Cold hard reality. A dozen questions filled her mind about his immortal existence, but there wasn’t time for talking, because he would burn in Hell if the sunlight touched his immortal skin, right? Damn.
Her body suddenly felt as wasted as her mind right now, and she wondered how she was ever going to find the strength to drive back to Apache Junction.
“Billy will drive your truck back,” he stated as if he could read her thoughts. “You’re riding with me.”
She hadn’t noticed Billy Torres until now, but there he was, standing right behind Mateo. It was hard to tell in the dim light whether he was pissed at her for sneaking away from him, or if he just felt bad at being such an inept bodyguard. Mateo pulled her gently from her truck. She glanced at Billy as they walked past him.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. He nodded his head but didn’t speak as he climbed into the driver seat of her truck.
Mateo remained silent when they settled into the cab of his much larger vehicle. The engine roared to life just as Joseph Red Feather’s mystical guitar music flowed through the air. For a moment, she was transported back to the night they shared their first romantic date. It had been just days since that perfect night, but so much had happened in such a short time, it felt more like a lifetime ago.
“Mateo, I—”
“Dawn, I—”
They both fell silent. He reached across the truck console and picked up her cold hand. A jolt of excitement, combined with the sharp edges of her nagging anxiety, raced through her body. Her hand shook. He squeezed tighter. She didn’t pull away.
“You told me the last time your hand was shaking this much you were seriously turned on. I don’t suppose I could be so lucky this time?” He gave a quick chuckle. “I could just pull on over to the side of the road right now.” His attempt at humor failed when she didn’t respond. More silence followed.
“Why did you stop?” he finally asked. “You could have been to your old home in Colorado by now.”
She shrugged and glanced at the spot on her thigh where their hands were entwined. His touch was so overpowering. She hated how she didn’t want him to turn loose of her ever again. She was already his love slave. Why would she even try to fight against it any longer? “You still would have found me, right?”
“Yes.”
“It’s that destiny thing, right?” Her hand convulsed in his tight embrace as another tremor shook through her body.
“Yes.”
She opened her mouth and blew out the rush of breath she couldn’t force down into her lungs. “Is there any way—I mean—can we still try to find a way to be together like-like a real couple, like real ones? There has to be another option besides going to live in those caves forever.”
She tightened her fingers around his hand this time, adding, “I’m really scared, Mateo.”
Mateo turned toward her. “I know. I am too,” he said quietly. “I didn’t expect it to be so hard. I thought I could pretend to be a real one with no major consequences. I envisioned we could be like a real couple, for a while, anyway.” His shoulders gave a heavy shrug. “We’d date and have fun. Fall in love in the natural human way, make love, all at night, of course. I wanted us to have a real love story.” He shook his head as a deep sigh echoed out of his mouth.
“I wanted you so desperately though, and in more than just in emotional and sexual ways. There is a hunger so much stronger than I ever imagined driving my vampire instincts when I’m around you. I couldn’t stop myself from biting your neck or your wrist almost every time we’ve been together.” He swallowed hard before adding in a tense voice, “I have never experienced anything as potent as the lure of your blood. It’s a temptation I’m too weak to resist.”
Dawn tried to force back the panic bubbling in her breast. This biting thing was so hard to accept without freaking out again. “If-if you hadn’t bitten me, I never would have known what you really are. At least, not until you were actually ready to take me to your village to live as your mate, right?”
“Well, yes. Maybe? But I’m not sure. I really don’t have any explanation for what happened. All the male vampires from my clan have always drunk blood from the neck, the wrist, then from the thigh of their mates the first time they came to them on the mountain. After that, they are mated forever. No one from my clan has ever tried to do what I’ve done with you.”
Her thoughts returned to the first night when she and Chloe had been camping in the Superstitions. She remembered the strangling fear she felt. But now she didn’t know what to feel. If he followed the customs of his clan, she wouldn’t be sitting here right now. This was a hard and terrifying realization for her to acknowledge with all the other thoughts spinning through her head.
“Is it my fault Chloe is dead?” As the words fell from her mouth she thought it felt as if the temperature in the cab of the truck plummeted to sub-zero.
Mateo stared straight ahead. “She is not dead.”
“Oh, thank God,” she gasped as she turned toward him. “She’s safe then?” He still didn’t turn to look at her. His jaw was set in a firm line. His eyes remained focused on the road. Her relief waned.
“No.”
The inside of her mouth felt as if it had just turned to dust. A razor-edged pain ripped at her breast again. Not dead. Not safe. Did she want to know what that meant? “Do you know where she is? Is she still on the mountain?”
His head nodded barely enough for her to notice.
“Is-is s-she—has she been chosen to ma-mate—”
“No,” Mateo cut in without further explanation.
A train wreck of emotions crashed through her heart and mind. She stifled the cry in the back of her throat. Chloe was still alive. That was the most important thing. “Is there something we can do to help her?”
“She cannot be helped,” he stated in a flat tone. He offered no further explanation.
His silence was as harsh as any words he could have spoken about Chloe’s fate. If Chloe was on the mountain with Mateo’s clan, and it was not for the purpose of mating, what other motive would a clan of vampires have for taking her captive?
The black sense of doom that seeped into Dawn’s consciousness made her wish there was a secluded corner where she could curl up right now. She could not allow herself to think about the other possible reasons Chloe would be in the vampire village. There was already too much insanity for her mind to absorb, and learning what was really happening to Chloe might break the last little grip of reality she was so desperately clinging to at this moment. She would ask Mateo to tell her all there was to know about Chloe, but she would wait until she felt strong enough to handle the entire truth.
“So, what’s going to happen to me now?” she asked in a feeble voice after a long pause.
He glanced at her this time. A poignant smile curved his lips. “I suppose that’s up to you.”
“I-I didn’t think I had a choice, especially after I pulled this stupid trick tonight.”
“Only Billy knows what happened today. He is honor-bound to obey me. He won’t tell anyone else.” He leaned closer. “I love you so much, Dawn. I still want to be here with you, in your world, for as long as possible. But eventually, we will both have to fulfill our destinies, and once I take you to the mountain, to my village, you will never leave.”
His gaze held hers for a moment before he was forced to turn back to watch the road, but his words held her prisoner.
Never leave.
She uncurled her fingers from his and clasped them together in her lap. His hand rested on her thigh for a few minutes longer, but eventually he pulled away and wrapped both hands around the steering wheel.
They drove in silence for the rest of the long way back. Dawn’s mind was making disconnected decisions, yet deciding nothing. She tried to imagine how she would say goodbye to her beloved parents and to her brother and sister-in-law before she went to the mountain with Mateo for eternity. It was too painful to even imagine.
She wondered how far away she could get if she left first thing in the morning, maybe took a plane to another country? Would she ever be able to get far enough away so he couldn’t feel her tears? Probably not.
Did she really want to try to leave him again? No. It was useless to waste energy thinking about anything other than how she would learn to accept her fate, because she knew she was going to be with Mateo forever. It was, after all, her destiny.
She would wait to talk to Mateo more about the future until tonight. There would not be much time once they got back to town this morning, because it wouldn’t be long before the sun would be coming up.
“Do you want to go to the condo or to your apartment,” he asked as the Apache Junction City Limit sign came into view. His voice sounded tired, strained.
Dawn’s own fatigue was about to engulf her and she could barely function. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep. Her head felt like her brain had exploded from too much thinking. There was still a dull ache in her neck. If only she could snuggle in Mateo’s strong embrace and sleep the day away. She wished, when they woke up, everything would just be normal, and all that happened the past few days would be just one more bad dream. Except, she didn’t have dreams. She had real nightmares.
“My place,” she managed to say with what small amount of energy she had left. It would still feel semi-normal there, or so she hoped.
He didn’t react. He merely turned in the direction that would lead back to her little apartment.
She noticed he glanced in the rear-view mirror again. He had done this several times, and she assumed he was checking to see if Billy was still following them in her truck. She didn’t have the strength to look back herself. But as Mateo pulled up to her apartment, she saw her white pickup pull up beside them.
When she grabbed for the door handle, Mateo jumped out of the truck and came around to her side. The engine was still running. She climbed down from the passenger seat without waiting for his help, but he was standing so close she staggered up against him once she was on the ground. She wasn’t sure if her legs could support her much longer. He didn’t give her a chance to try to make it to her front door on her own. He wrapped his arm around her waist and let her lean against him as they walked to her apartment door. If not for all the craziness in the past twenty-four hours, this would have felt so perfect.
As she reached into her purse to find her keys, he reached down and slid his hand under her chin. Tilting her face up so she was forced to look at him, he stared deeply into her eyes. Dawn was too tired to resist, even if she wanted to.
“I’m not going to give up in my quest to find a way for us to live here in your world for as long as possible. But you must also know I have gone completely against the customs of my clan, and I don’t know if I can hold off the inevitable indefinitely.”
His eyes were holding her gaze captive, and his voice sounded so filled with love and torment. Until this moment, she hadn’t realized he was suffering every bit as much as she was about their future.
“My love for you has no boundaries, Udaya. I would give my life to protect you.”
Her head nodded slowly. “I know,” she whispered.
Mateo’s hand lingered a moment longer under her chin. He looked expectant, waiting, hoping she would say something else. Words she wanted to say teetered on her arid tongue. He released his hold on her chin. His eyes had a strange shimmer as if tears were waiting to fall. He turned and walked slowly back down the sidewalk to where his truck was still idling.
She remained rooted to the spot, watching him walk away. Her heart followed, but her feet refused to let her run after him. She opened her mouth to call out to him. Words failed her. Mateo climbed into his truck where Billy Torres waited for him. They pulled away, disappearing around the corner at the end of the street.
“I love you, too, Mateo Two Moons, forever,” she called out, finally finding her lost voice. The faint glow of the rising sun appeared in the sky overhead. A new day was dawning.