Sophie's words haunt me for days.
The accusations circle my mind like vultures, picking at wounds I thought had scarred over. They follow me through practice, through team meetings, through sleepless nights where I stare at the ceiling and replay every moment of our conversation.
Love without courage is just another way of being selfish.
But what does she know? Who is she to judge me?
She wasn't there for the years of hiding, the constant fear of discovery, the weight of knowing that one slip could destroy everything I've worked for.
She doesn't understand the impossible choices, the way love and terror can occupy the same space in your chest until you can't tell them apart.
She gets to love Blaze openly, publicly. Gets to wear his ring and plan their wedding and post about it on social media without consequence. Easy to be brave when the world won't punish you for it.
But even as I try to dismiss her words, they keep burrowing deeper. When was the last time you fought for anything that mattered?
I find myself driving without destination on a gray Thursday afternoon, letting muscle memory guide the car while my mind churns through everything I should have said to Sophie.
All the ways she was wrong about me, about us, about choices she could never understand. It's only when I pull into the familiar gravel driveway that I realize where my subconscious has brought me.
The cottage.
I sit in the car for a long moment, staring at the weathered cedar shingles and the wraparound porch where Blaze and I used to drink coffee in the mornings.
The place looks smaller than I remember, older. The spare key is still hidden under the loose floorboard—Blaze never was good at changing security arrangements once he'd settled on them.
The interior smells like dust and disuse, but underneath I catch hints of what it used to be.
Pine cleaner and the faint ghost of coffee. The leather couch where we spent countless evenings. The kitchen table where we ate meals that tasted better than anything I've had since.
Every corner holds ghosts. Every room echoes with conversations and laughter and fights and reconciliations that feel both ancient and immediate.
Maybe that's exactly why I needed to come here. To remember what we had before I destroyed it. To sit with the weight of what I gave up out of fear.
I'm barely through the door when I hear another car pulling into the driveway.
My blood turns to ice. This is private property. Blaze's private property. I'm trespassing, and there's no good explanation for why I'm here or how I got inside.
The front door opens before I can figure out an escape route.
Blaze stops in the doorway, keys dangling from his fingers, staring at me like I'm a hallucination. "Asher? How did you—"
"The spare key," I say lamely. "I didn't think you'd be here."
"Clearly." His expression shifts from surprise to something harder. "What are you doing here?"
"I don't know." The honesty slips out before I can craft something more acceptable. "I was driving and just... ended up here."
Blaze closes the door behind him, but doesn't come any closer. We stand on opposite sides of the living room like the space between us is mined.
"You can't just show up here," he says finally. "This isn't your place anymore."
"I know that."
"Do you?" He sets his keys on the kitchen counter with deliberate calm. "Because if you understood that, you wouldn't be breaking in like you still have some claim on it."
The words sting, but I deserve them. "Why are you here?"
"I own the place. I don't need a reason." But then his expression softens slightly, like he's decided on honesty too. "I was showing it to Sophie yesterday. She thinks it would be perfect."
Something cold settles in my stomach. "Perfect for what?"
"For us. After we're married. Somewhere quiet to build a life away from the city. Away from..." He gestures vaguely, but I know he means away from all the complications that come with our shared history.
"You can't do that." The words escape before I can stop them.
Blaze's eyes narrow. "Excuse me?"
"You can't bring her here. You can't live here with her."
"Are you serious right now?" His voice rises, echoing off the walls we once shared. "For someone who's supposedly let go and moved on, you're awfully attached to things that shouldn't matter to you anymore."
"They don't matter," I lie.
"Then why are you here? Why do you care what I do with my own property?"
"I..." The reasons claw at my throat. Because this is ours. Because these walls hold every good memory I have left of us. Because even if we're separated forever, I need to know this place exists as it was.
"Give me one good reason," Blaze presses. "One rational explanation for why you should have any say in my decisions."
The words die before they can form. There is no rational explanation. No logical reason why his choices should matter to someone who walked away. Someone who chose fear over love every time it mattered.
I turn toward the door. "Forget it. I shouldn't have come."
Blaze's hand catches my wrist before I can take two steps. "No."
"Blaze, let me go."
"I'm tired of you running away." His grip tightens, not painful but firm. Determined. "I'm about to start a new life. Get married and move forward. I deserve to finally hear everything before that happens. What's really going on in your head."
I should pull free. Should protect myself and him from whatever honesty might spill out if I'm not careful.
Instead, something breaks open in my chest. Three years of careful walls crumbling all at once.
"I never stopped loving you. Coming here was a mistake because every room reminds me of what we had and what I threw away.”
I say, the words raw and desperate.
“You can't live here with Sophie because this place is ours, and if you erase that, I'll have nothing left of us. Nothing left of the only real thing I've ever had."
Blaze's grip on my wrist loosens, but he doesn't let go.
"I know I have no right to ask anything of you. I know I destroyed us. I know I chose being safe over being brave every single time. But I can't watch you build a life with someone else in the place where we were happy. I can't pretend that doesn't kill me."
The silence that follows stretches between us like a chasm. When Blaze finally speaks, his voice is barely a whisper.
"Why couldn't you say this three years ago?"
"Because I was terrified."
"And now?"
"Now I'm still terrified. But losing you hurts worse than the fear."
Blaze stares at me for a long moment, something complicated working behind his eyes. Then, without warning, he's moving toward me. His free hand cups my face, and his mouth finds mine in a kiss that tastes like desperation and three years of longing.
I kiss him back like he's oxygen and I've been drowning. Like this might be the last time I ever get to touch him and I need to memorize every second.
When we break apart, we're both breathing hard. Blaze rests his forehead against mine.
"I never stopped either," he whispers. "Loving you. Even when I hated you. Even when I was trying to move on."
"Then don't marry her."
"I have to."
"Why?"
"Because we can't do this again, Ash. We can't keep destroying each other." His voice breaks slightly. "Everything still works against us. You're still scared. I'm still angry. We still want different things."
"What if we don't? What if we've both changed?"
"Have we? Are you ready to come out publicly? Are you ready for everyone to know who you really are?"
The question hangs in the air between us, and my silence is answer enough.
"That's what I thought." Blaze steps back, putting distance between us. "It's healthier this way. For both of us. Sophie is good for me. Stable. Safe."
I want to argue, to promise things will be different. But we both know the truth. Some things never change. Some fears run too deep to overcome.
Even when everything depends on it. Even when it means losing the only person you've ever loved completely.
I walk to the door on unsteady legs, pausing only when I reach the threshold.
"For what it's worth," I say without turning around, "I'm sorry. For all of it."
I leave him standing in our living room, surrounded by ghosts we'll never be brave enough to lay to rest.