"Go ahead," Damian encourages me, his voice filled with understanding, but , he is as much worried as I am.
With a deep breath, I swipe up the receiver button and bring the phone to my ear.
"Nanny Aisha?" I greet, my tone tinged with a hint of anger.
"Ellie, my dear? Is that you?" Nanny Aisha's voice comes through the line, but in her tone sends a chill down my spine.
Setting aside my anger and judgments, I focus on the concern in her voice. "Nanny, is wrong?" I ask, fear creeping into my voice as I sense her distress.
"I am sorry, dear. Forgive me. I... should have called you sooner, but..." Her voice , and I can tell from this side of the line that she's far from okay.
"What is it, nanny? What should I forgive you for? What did you do? I mean, what ?" My heart pounds in my chest, the fear rising with each passing moment.
If Damian wasn't holding my hand, I would be clutching at my chest in panic.
And then she says it. The words that strike fear into my heart like a dagger. "Your , my dear. He is not well. He..."
"PAPA?!" My voice rises in disbelief, and my mind reels with the implications of her .
As the words leave Nanny Aisha's trembling lips, my world shatters around me. The beneath my feet feels unsteady, as if something is ripping it off me, and I am on my feet without even realizing how I got there. Damian's hands are on shoulders, anchoring me in place, but I can't shake the feeling of being completely . My heart feels like it stopped beating ages ago, and yet I can feel it in my chest, a frantic rhythm that matches the turmoil raging within me.
Despite Damian's comforting touch, I find myself shuddering uncontrollably, my body trembling with fear and uncertainty. It is as if a cold chill has swept me, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed.
"What do you mean my father is not well, Aisha? What exactly is the problem? What ? Where is my father right now?" I manage to force the words out of my , each syllable weighed down by a heavy sense of dread.
Nanny Aisha's voice trembles as she tries to explain, her words like a dagger piercing heart. "Your father has been battling with health issues for a long time, and I am that he has gotten worse in recent days."
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. How could I have been so blind to my 's suffering? How could I not have known about his deteriorating health? Anger guilt swirl within me, mixing with the overwhelming sense of fear.
"A long time, nanny?” A tear drops as the situation sinks in. I may not know what the issue is, but for nanny Aisha to make this call and sound like this, I am this is not looking good at all. “How long has that been?" I demanded, my tinged with frustration and disbelief. "Why am I only hearing about this now, ? How is he? Where is he?" The questions spill out of me in a torrent of emotion, one fueled by the desperate need for answers.
Nanny Aisha's words cut through the tumultuous storm of emotions raging within me, with them a sense of urgency and desperation that grips my heart like a vice.
As she speaks, her voice trembling with emotion, I feel a knot form in the pit of my , a mixture of guilt, fear, and confusion swirling within me.
"There are a lot of things that you need to know about your father, my child, but I 't explain that for now," she continues, her words heavy with sorrow. "I kept quiet your father asked me to. He never wanted you to know, but I can't anymore. I 't bear seeing him this way, which is why I decided to go against his will and let know, Ellie. And...” Again, she wavers, leaving me hanging in curiosity with my of tears that not even Damian’s efforts to wipe away are bearing any fruits.
How can this happen? How can this be true? “And what, nanny? Tell me what exactly issue is. Is he hospitalized? Is he being well taken care of?” I ask.
“Listen, my child,” she starts, her voice faint. “You know that I cannot lie to you. I said a word or tried to reach out during your fights with your father all this . But now I am doing so, Ellie. I am pleading with you. Your father needs you more than he has ever needed anyone in his life. I beg you, please, to come back to your father, dear, even just to see him. I am pleading with you."
Her words hang in the air like a weight, pressing down on me with an intensity that to suffocate me. My heart feels like it's breaking into a million pieces—the of knowing that my father is suffering and that I have been kept in the dark about tearing me apart inside.
I turn to Damian, my eyes filled with tears and confusion. What is this? Why is this ? The questions echo in my mind, but the answers elude me, leaving me lost and alone in the face of this sudden crisis. My sight is vague, my mind is a of thought, and my body is trembling like a catastrophe just hit me. I feel I am floating on a quagmire that is pulling deep into its depths.
Somebody, please tell me that this is not happening. I want someone to tell me that I had a very horrible dream and I will wake up from it soon. This can’t happen!
This can’t be happening.
I shut my eyes as I collapse in Damian’s welcoming embrace, tears breaking with through the walls of my closed eyes.
God, how?
God, why?