Velia had just finished a late lunch. The sun had descended to welcome the afternoon, and the lingering pain made her almost sleep throughout the day.
The ache persisted. Velia's steps were somewhat unsteady as she intended to return to her room. She walked slowly and found Lucas's presence.
"Why are you home already when it's not yet office hours?"
Velia furrowed her brow and looked at Lucas, puzzled. His appearance was disheveled. No black suit, part of his shirt was out of his pants, shirt sleeves haphazardly rolled up to the elbows, and a loosely tied tie around his collar.
"Luc!"
Velia's readiness was caught in her throat. Lucas's messy appearance was nothing compared to the bandage on his forehead.
Velia approached Lucas. Her hand rose and grabbed his face in panic. A clear look of concern radiated from her eyes.
"What happened, Luc? What happened to you?" Velia asked, searching and worrying if there were other injuries. "Why are you like this?"
The worried expression in Velia's eyes received a blank stare in response. There was nothing visible in Lucas's eyes. Only emptiness.
Like grayness in gloomy clouds. Silent and gloomy.
Lucas blinked once. A tear fell. It fell so easily, as if that was how it should be.
Velia was taken aback. She wiped away the tear and asked again, "Is there something happened to you?"
Velia waited, but Lucas did not answer. He just stared at Velia. Long and lingering, before he grimaced.
Lucas took a deep breath, his face filled with anguish. He reached for Velia's hand that cupped his face and whispered softly.
"I love you, Ve. I truly love you."
There was implied pain. Lucas's declaration of love brought along agony and sorrow.
Velia fell silent. The air got stuck in her chest, and she was not sure what she felt because of Lucas's expression.
"Do you know that I love you?"
Lucas's eyes turned red. His breath was heavy with immeasurable regret.
"Do you know how sorry I am for doubting you? When you said that Mama would never accept you, and I didn't believe it."
Velia's chest deflated instantly. There was a hollow space inside her that suddenly opened up and engulfed itself. She presented a suffocating tightness that tore from within.
"I truly regret it, but you have to know something. Even when you left me seven years ago..."
Memories spun in Lucas's mind. The bitterness and heartache of the past still lingered until now. When he returned to Indonesia and did not find Velia, Lucas's world seemed shapeless.
"...without any news, I still searched for you. You must know how happy I was when I met you again."
Velia took long, deep breaths repeatedly. She struggled not to reopen old memories, but it was in vain.
The emptiness spread. Now she was the one invading Lucas's gaze. Empty, as if there was no life.
Various flashes filled her mind. She displayed various rejections and heartbreaking humiliations.
"Me?"
If there was anything filling the emptiness in Velia's eyes, it must be disappointment. Her gaze and the way she looked at Lucas changed.
"You say I left you?"
Velia asked with a trembling voice. Her body moved involuntarily, and she withdrew from Lucas.
"You, Luc. You left me! You disappeared the day after our family meeting that ended horrifically! You left me!"
Velia's accusation hit Lucas like a blow. He was confused, disoriented. He shook his head repeatedly.
"I never left you, Ve. I was only gone for work. I never left you."
Velia blinked, trying to prevent the heat from rising. She tried to hold back, not wanting to spill everything in the form of teardrops.
"You know, Luc? I never wanted to bring this up. I-I didn't want to remember how painful it was when your mother came to the house. Your mother insulted my parents and called me a whore."
Lucas wanted to reach for Velia, but all he received was rejection. He needed to explain everything that happened in the past.
"I didn't leave you, but it was an urgent journey. The situation was chaotic, and I left without having a chance to inform you. I had no idea that Mama would come to you."
Unyielding, Lucas closed the distance again. He cupped Velia's cheeks and tried to redirect her gaze back to him.
"You didn't contact me, Luc!"
Velia's outburst and emotional outpouring startled Lucas. Something he had been holding back for so long finally showed itself. It overflowed after being suppressed for so long.
Velia winced. She repeatedly hit Lucas's chest.
"You didn't give me any news, and you know?! Your mother threw money in my face! Your mother drove me away as if I were a whore!"
"I beg you, Ve. Please."
"Your mother told me to stay away from you!"
Lucas thought all the pain had reached its peak, but he was mistaken. Above all the sorrows, there was still a lingering and gaping wound. Festering. Bleeding.
Velia's tears were like vinegar for the wound in Lucas's heart. It stung, bringing immeasurable pain.
"You shouldn't have left. You should have waited for me."
"Wait for you with the possibility that you might drive me away too? Like your mother did?"
Back then, Velia did not make that choice. And even now.
"I don't want to hurt for the second time, Luc. I do love you, but it doesn't mean I can witness my parents being humiliated just to be with you!"
Lucas pulled Velia closer. His embrace held her tightly, and Velia's sobs echoed in his chest.
"Forgive me, Ve. Please forgive me."
Not only Velia, but Lucas also shed tears in drops. Warm and fiery, they burned every piece of their souls.
"I beg for your forgiveness. I should have listened to you. I should have trusted you. This should never have happened."
"I hate you, Luc! My family was humiliated, and you were nowhere to be found!"
Velia's crying escalated. She continued to hit Lucas's chest as much as she could.
"You said you would always protect me, Luc! You said that, but you were nowhere to be found. You were absent."
"Forgive me. I beg you."
"You made me suffer alone."
*