I made it through the day without breaking down or letting Tamaska do what she wanted to do to Trevor and Shana. I probably shouldn’t be mad at Shana; she may not even know I am Trevor’s mate. I have noticed her looking at me throughout the day as I glared at the two of them, but then again, all nine of us have been glaring at them, so it may not be easy for her to guess who his true mate is. I choose not to worry about that now. I’m just counting down the hours before we get to hang out, drink a little, and enjoy a night of poetry and jazz.
I meet up with the girls before we all go to our individual homes. The anticipation of getting out and away from the craziness has made my day go by faster and easier.
“Hey guys, are we still on for Jazzy’s tonight?” I ask.
Yes, I need to wind down. It’s been a while since we have been there. I wonder who will share their vibes tonight.” Rose says.
“You never know,” Talia says.
“Let’s meet at my house around 9ish? Mona, you want to come over and help me get ready.?” I ask.
“Sure.”
“How are you doing Lettie?” Mona asked.
She is one of the few people who knows that Trevor rejected me as his fated mate.
“I’m ok Mona. It’s hard seeing him act like she is his mate, and can you believe he tried to alpha command me again not to tell anyone that he is my mate? Mona, I just don’t understand him. I mean, I know he was mad at me, but we were friends for most of our lives, like 16 years of friendship gone just like that. I’m angry, but I will be ok.”
“Lettie, you are strong. I don’t know what I would do in your place. How do you keep Tamaska from attacking Shana when she is all over your mate?” Mona asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe because I accepted his rejection. I mean, the bond is there, but not as strong as it would have been. Hopefully, with time, I will completely be free. I’m going to talk to Alpha and see if there have been any requests for training from other packs. It will be good to get away and focus on something else.” I tell Mona.
“No Lettie, you will not run away from your home because of this person. He is not worth it and if you try it, I will tell Alpha Connor what he did myself. You know you are what keeps this pack together. He does not get to take this from us. He does not get to make our true Luna leave, even temporarily!” Mona exclaims.
“Ok Mona, it was just a thought. I don’t think mom and dad would let me leave right now, anyway. They would be afraid I wouldn’t come back. If I try to leave right now, my dad will lose it. He already really wants to teach Trevor a lesson in respect, but I don’t want to cause problems between dad and the alpha because dad hurt his son.” I tell Mona.
“First of all, Lettie, if alpha and Luna knew what he did, they would be the first ones to teach him a lesson and alpha knows your dad respects authority and would not do anything to Trevor without a reason,” Mona says.
“I know, but Trevor is not worth all of this trouble. Let him have his moment. Remember what grandmother taught us about rejection and our family? Since Trevor rejected me, there is a chance that the moon goddess will give me a second chance mate. Remember, grandmother said that since I am the goddess’ chosen protector, she would not want to see me hurt and alone. She would want me to be loved and cared for. That gives me hope. When this dies down, I’ll start traveling again and hopefully find my second chance mate. It’s too soon right now, of course. I’m not completely over Trevor, but I believe I will have a chance for a happy ending and as petty as this sounds, I know that when I get my second chance, Trevor will still be stuck with a chosen mate. He will never experience the true mate bond and the genuine connection. I feel sorry for Convel, he doesn’t deserve that, but Trevor made his choice and condemned all of us to suffer through the bond breaking.”
“Like I said Lettie, you are so strong. How you can still stay positive right now, I will never know. Ok. Talking about Trevor is depressing. I’m glad we are going to Jazzy’s tonight. We all need a break. I hope you will share some poetry tonight when we get there. I know the crowd misses you. Jazzy asks about you every time we go when you are away. He says the crowd loves you and he makes more money when you share your poetry.”
“You never know, like I told you all this morning. I have some new material, so I just might.” Mona leaves to go to her house before we get ready for Jazzy’s tonight. She will come to help me get ready. I decide to take a small power nap. It seems like as soon as I got to sleep, Mona was back to get ready for tonight.
“Seleste, what are you wearing tonight?” Mona asked me while standing in front of my walk-in closet.
“I think I might wear my little black dress; you know, the one that hits my curves in all the right ways,” I answer while walking into the closet and grabbing my dress.
“Do you mind if I wear your little red dress? I think it looks good on me.” Mona asks and reaches for the dress in question.
I laugh, “how do you know I was going to say yes?”
“Easy, I’m your favorite cousin. You never say no to me.” I look up and Mona is giving me a puppy dog look. All I can do is laugh at her.
“Ok. I guess you can wear it. Now let’s hurry up so we can meet the girls downstairs.”
We all load up in Rose’s car and head to Jazzy’s. I am so glad they agreed to come with me. I have not told Rose and Talia about Trevor. I don’t know if I will tell them. Rose would tell Ben, and Ben would tell Alpha Connor. I honestly don’t want that to happen. If the alpha and Luna find out, they may try to force us to mate so that Trevor’s wolf doesn’t leave him or get weak. I don’t want that to happen. After the pain I felt last night, I don’t care what happens to Trevor. He should have thought about all the consequences. Anyway, I think I will share my new poem tonight. It’s called Unapologetically Me, and it was written about Trevor. Mona will know what it is about as soon as she hears it.
We arrive at Jazzy’s and find a good spot to park. The line is long, but since the bouncer at the door recognizes us, we get escorted to the front of the line. Jazzy sees us as soon as we walk into the club. He personally escorts us to the front of the club to a VIP table. All eyes were on us as we walked through the club. Some of the regulars recognized us. A couple of people stopped us and asked me if I would be reciting anything tonight. I just smiled and said, maybe. I think it is pretty settled that I will. There is nothing like sharing your words, your thoughts, and your heart with an audience who appreciates you and your talent. After we were seated at our table, I whisper to Jazzy that I would like to share something new tonight.
Jazzy walks up to the stage and gives me a small wink. He is going to make this interesting.
“Ladies and gentlemen, I told you we may have a special treat for you all tonight. One of Jazzy’s favorite poets is in the place tonight. If we all ask her real nice, she may share some of her knowledge with us. What do you say Seleste? Will you share with us tonight?” Jazzy says while looking at me. The audience chants, “Seleste, Seleste, Seleste.” Everyone is snapping their fingers and flicking their lighters. I love this scene.
I stand up and turn to the audience.
“With a welcome like that, how can I say no. I have a new piece I wrote recently, and it is itching to be shared.” I say as I walk up to the stage.
Looking in the back, it looks like I see Trevor in the audience. It can’t be him. The guys never want to come here. Must be the remnants of the mate bond messing with me and making me think I’m seeing him everywhere. As I get to the center of the stage, Jazzy hands me the microphone and walks off the stage. The audience gets quiet, waiting to hear what I’m going to say.
“This poem is called Unapologetically Me. We go through different things in life that cause us pain. We have people in our lives, who make it their mission to break us or destroy us, but we are stronger than that. So, I dedicate this to all of us who have ever been through heartache and survived.”
Unapologetically Me
By Lotta Patterson © 2021
You tried to break me,
But I’m unbreakable.
You tried to shake me,
But my faith is
Unshakable.
You tried to stop me,
But my might is
Unstoppable.
You hated my strength.
Wanted to weaken me
My conviction unbreachable.
You tried to lessen my influence.
My respect from others
Unchallengeable.
I am me, unapologetically
You tried to move me.
My stand is
Unmovable.
You questioned my worth,
But my value is
Unmatchable.
You tried to dull my shine
But my light is
Undimmable.
I am me, unapologetically.
You thought you would forget me,
But guess what?
I’m unforgettable.
You tried to replace me.
My love is
Unreplaceable.
Now you want to relate to my pain
But you and I are
Unrelatable.
Don’t you know-
I am me, unapologetically.
You wanted to change me.
I’m un-customizable.
You wanted to mold me,
My intellect is
Untouchable.
You wanted to shape me,
For you, my spirit is
Unreachable.
Don’t you know-
I am me, unapologetically
Forgive you, you ask.
What you did is
Undeniable.
Forget you I might.
Our life together was
Regrettable.
You plus me.
No never,
That idea is
Unredeemable.
Move on, I will,
Us together,
Unlivable.
Don’t you know-
I am me, unapologetically.
I say the last line and then take a bow. Jazzy walks back to the stage and I hand him the microphone back. The audience and going crazy. I look up and realize that it was Trevor that I saw, and he is looking pissed right now. I guess he did not like my poem. I don’t really care. Like I said in my poem, I will not apologize for being me. Trevor stands up and storms out of the club, dragging Shana behind him. I bet he will find a way to make this all about him, but oh well. He will get over it.
As I’m walking to my seat, the audience is going crazy. Jazzy says, “I told you we were in for a treat. Just like always. Seleste does not disappoint. Thank you for gracing us tonight, Seleste. Don’t stay away too long next time.”
“I won’t. I miss you all when I’m away.” I bow to the audience again and take my seat.
“I saw that,” Mona links me so that the others can’t hear what she is saying.
“I don’t know what you are talking about”
“I saw Trevor drag Shana out of here after you finished the poem. I guess he knew that was written for him. I guess the truth hurts. I loved it.”
“Thanks, Mona,” I say.
“Wow Seleste,” Talia says, “I don’t know who you were talking to up there, but girl, that was nothing but the truth. Never change who you are for anyone. That’s my girl.”
For the rest of the night, men were buying us drinks and many people in the audience came up and spoke to us about my poem. Most of the people hanging out in Jazzy’s are artists of some sort. It feels good being around like-minded people. I almost don’t want to go home tonight, but tomorrow is the big party. Now I don’t know what to expect at this party. I’m sure Trevor is going to try to pay me back for what happened tonight. It’s not like I knew he would be there. This is me and the girl’s place. The guys never come here.
After the club, we all pile back in Rose’s car and head back to the pack. I get out at Mona’s house. She lives a short walk from my house, and I can use the fresh air to clear my head. For the first time, I am dreading my birthday. Trevor will hijack the spotlight and make it about him. Never mind that the party falls on Rose, Ben, and my actual birthday.
As I near my house, I see Trevor standing against his car. Great, just what I need right now. I am not in the mood for him. Tamaska is still hurting and is barely responding right now. This is the last thing she needs. I swear if he makes my wolf cry again, I might lose it and do something to him.
“What do you want Trevor?”
“Are you proud of yourself? Making me look bad in front of everyone again?”
“Seriously Trevor, you need to get over yourself. Tonight, was about me and the girls. I did not know you would be there. You nor the other guys have ever come there before and as you saw, I’m a regular there.”
“Just remember, Seleste, I will have the last laugh. You still are just the she-wolf, I rejected.” Trevor says with a smirk.
“And you remember Trevor, I accepted your rejection, so you are nothing to me. I can care less about what you think about me,” I say as I walk past him.
“Where are you going, Seleste? I am not done with this conversation.”
“Well, I am,” I say and keep walking.
“Do Not Walk Away from ME!” Trevor yells in his alpha voice.
I just look at him and keep walking. Maybe it is time for him to learn that his alpha command does not work on me. He stands there looking shocked as I walk into my home and close the door. I can tell Tamaska is furious with Trevor right now. I’m ok with that. I’d rather see her mad than crying. Luckily, he did not make her cry again or I would have done something to him. There is only so much a she-wolf can take. I wish I could avoid going to the party tomorrow, but again, I refuse to allow his actions to dictate my life. He is proving himself to be unworthy of me.
“Don’t worry Seleste, we will be ok. We will survive this. He will be sorry. You are right about tomorrow. He will try to make us submit to him. Even Convel felt like we challenged him tonight. Which is crazy because Conel knows who I am. Idiot alpha wolf.” Tamaska says.
“I know T and I’m ready. I did not challenge him, but I should. He is not fit to lead. Any alpha that rejects his goddess-given mate does not deserve to lead the pack.”
“You are right Seleste. We will be there together. The bond is almost completely broken, and I am getting stronger by the hour. The moon goddess has blessed us to get through this rejection with minimal damage.”
I am so glad my wolf is back and getting stronger. There is nothing that she and I cannot do together. I know the goddess is on our side in this. I am ready for whatever happens tomorrow night, or should I say later tonight.
[Chapter 14] —Trevor at Jazzy’s
“So, mate, what do you want to do tonight? I thought we can go somewhere fun together.” Convel rolled his eyes when I called her mate. I know he does not accept her as his mate, but he has no choice. I have made my decision.
‘Hump, we will see how that works out for you.”
I don’t even know how he got through the block that I put up for him, but I pushed him further back in my mind. If he does not want to go along with me, he can stay in a small corner of my mind and leave me alone.
“Gladly,” He says. “You may as well get used to me not being there. You made sure that soon I won’t be there, anyway.
“Well, Trevor, I heard the girls in your group talking about going to this jazz club. It is in neutral territory. It sounds like fun and I would like to go. I think the girls were planning to go, at least that’s what they were saying. It may be good for them to see us together away from the pack. Since it is neutral territory, they may be more accepting of us together.”
“I think that is a great idea. I’ve heard the girls talking about that club for years. I’ve never really wanted to go, but I will do it just for you. I’ll pick you up around 9:30.”
“Perfect. I’ll be ready.” Shana says and walks over to her friends. They are all excited about her and me being together. I walk away and leave her with her friends. I wish I was hanging out with mine, but they are not exactly being friendly right now. So, I just get in my car and go home.
‘Hi son, do you have something you need to tell us?” My mom asks as soon as I walk into the house. My dad comes into the room and stands next to my mom.
“I guess you all heard the news. I found my mate. She is from our pack.” I say with a smile. I need to sell this to my parents.
“I’m so glad you found her son.” My dad says. “Where is she and when do we get to meet her?”
“Yes, why isn’t my new daughter here with us now?” My mom asks.
“Mom, dad, we are taking things slow. She is a little shy and is not used to being around ranked wolves. You all will meet her at the party tomorrow night. I want to officially introduce her to the pack as their future Luna at the celebration dinner. Tonight, I'm taking her out, so don’t wait up.”
“Now that’s more like my alpha son. I have never known an alpha wolf to be able to stay away from his mate. Your mother and I were officially mated and marked within hours of finding each other.”
“Dad please, I don’t want to hear that.”
“Boy please, how do you think you got here?” my mother says while laughing at my horrified face.
I love how much my parents love each other, but some details, I just don’t want to know. I just look at my parents and walk out of the room. I think after my parents talked about their meeting and mating, they wanted to be alone anyway, and nope! I do not want to know about it.
I arrived at Shana’s house at about 9:20 pm. I’m a little early, but I want to get to the club and get a good spot. I think I remember Talia saying this club is pretty popular and since it is not on pack land, I may not get VIP treatment there, so we need to get there in good time. I called Shana and let her know I was here. She prefers me to call her instead of knocking on her door. I don’t know why, but anyway, here she comes, looking like a vision of loveliness.
Shana is wearing a short Champagne dress that falls just below her thighs and clings to her body like a glove. Shana is more of the tall slim side. She doesn’t have a lot of curves, but it works for her. As humans say, sometimes less is better and who needs more than a handful of anything. What I like is that she is soft without a lot of muscles. Like the boys said, she is the opposite of Seleste in every way, and I like that.
We arrive at the club and, just like I thought, it is crowded. Everyone is excited and talking about a poet that they like being here tonight. Seems like all the regulars are looking forward to hearing this poet. I’m not really into this kind of thing, but they seem excited so hopefully, we will have a fun night. We end up finding a table in the back. I look around and see the girls sitting up front near the stage. I guess they are regulars in this place. Everyone seems to know them.
“Trevor, I see your friends up in the front near the stage. Do you want to go say hi to them? It’s ok. I can wait here if you want to speak to them.”
“We’ll see them later. I think they are about to begin. I see someone who I believe is the owner go up to the stage.
“Welcome to Jazzy’s. I am Jazzy and I’m excited to see so many of you here tonight. So, without further ado. Ladies and gentlemen, I told you we may have a special treat for you all tonight. One of Jazzy’s favorite poets is in the place tonight. If we all ask her real nice, she may share some of her knowledge with us. What do you say Seleste, will you share with us tonight?” The owner says.
Wait, did he say Seleste? I did not know she wrote poetry or that so many people loved her like that.
“There is a lot you don’t know about mate. She is awesome. You are just too dumb to see it.”
‘Shut it, Convel. She is not our mate anymore. Besides, I thought you were not speaking to me”
“She will always be my mate. Now you shut it so I can hear my mate.” Yep, you guessed it. He blocked me again.
‘Trevor, I didn’t know your friend was a poet. She seems pretty popular here. The crowd loves her. Listen to them calling her name.”
‘I didn’t know this either. The guys and I were never interested in coming here with the girls, so they never shared this stuff with us.” I say to Shana. I’m suddenly feeling very uncomfortable.
Seleste walks up to the stage, and the crowd continues to go wild. Seleste takes the microphone and flows into her poetry. She did a poem called Unapologetically Me. She started by saying,
“This poem is called Unapologetically Me. We go through different things in life that cause us pain. We have people in our lives, who make it their mission to try to break us or destroy us, but we are stronger than that. So, I dedicate this to all of us who have ever been through heartache and survived.”
Then she went into her poem. After the first line, I could tell this poem was about me. She is basically slapping me in the face. I rejected her because she was not what I wanted, and she was telling me “screw you”. She is saying that she is proud to be who she is, and I can take my opinion and go screw myself because she is being herself and will keep being herself. By the time she said her last line, I was just done. I grab Shana by the arm and practically drag her out of the club. I can’t believe she would try to embarrass me like that in front of a bunch of strangers. I guess she thinks I’m a laughingstock or something. I will show her. What’s even worse, the crowd loves her, and they love her poem.
“Trevor slow down. You are hurting me.” Shana says.
‘Sorry, Shana, I just could sit there another minute. I can’t believe what Seleste just did. How could she embarrass me like that? She crossed the line on that one.”
“Trevor, what are you talking about? That was a great poem. It’s about survival and getting over being hurt and oh my goddess. It was her. She was your mate. The one you rejected.”
“Yes, it was her, and she just tried to show me up in public. I will not have that at all.”
“Um, Trevor, I don’t think she meant it like that. She didn’t know you were going to be there.” Shana says.
‘Stop making excuses for her. She knew what she was doing.”
“Ok Trevor, if you say so, but it seems to me that you are mad because she is not broken up about you rejecting her and moving on.”
“Shana, you don’t know what you are talking about, please stay out of situations you don’t understand. I didn’t choose you for your advice.” I told her. I see her visually cringe when I say that. “Look Shana, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just upset. Let me take you home. I will not be good company tonight.”
“Ok, Trevor. Call me if you want to talk later. I’ll probably still be up. I can’t pretend to know what you are feeling or going through, but I am a good listener.”
“Thanks, Shana, good night.”
I drop Shana off at home and then make a beeline to Seleste’s home and wait for her. She will learn that she cannot embarrass me and get away with it. I must have waited for two hours before she came walking up. It pissed me off more than she was walking, looking peaceful like she didn’t just air all of our business. I am more and more convinced that I made the right choice.
“I agree with Shana about one thing. You are just angry that our mate isn’t broken down because you rejected her. Her poem was right. You tried to break our mate, but our mate is unbreakable. She is awesome!” Convel says, looking all dreamy.
“You are not helping, Convel. You are just making me even angrier. I was not trying to break her. I just don’t want her.!”
“Then why are we here? Why do you care that so many people love and respect her? Why are you standing here fuming because she can move on from you rejecting her?” Convel asks.
“Because she tried to make me look bad in front of everyone.”
“Don’t forget Trevor. I share a mind with you. I know the truth.!”
Seleste finally makes it to my location. She has the nerve to look like my being here is bothering her. I confront her about her performance. She has the nerve to walk away from me even after I alpha commanded her to stay. I am so mad right now.
Just wait until tomorrow night. When my dad announces me as alpha, I will put her in her place. She is so proud of being Gamma. I will take that away from her and see how proud she is then. She will respect me and submit to me. Everyone will see that I am the leader of this pack. She is nothing but the she-wolf I rejected.
"This will not go the way you think. You really need to stop this madness." Convel says.
I can't go home just yet. I’m too pissed off to go home. I just drive around for hours trying to calm down. I can’t let my parents see me like this. They will know that something is wrong.