#chapter Thirty-Two
“I left him about a week after that.” Maura looked over her shoulder, bared by the straps of her bra. She wore only the bra and leggings, and Daniel had stopped her just before she pulled her sweater over her head. He traced the outline with his finger until she shivered. “Not because he hated this tattoo. I mean, he truly hated it,” she told him, turning. “But it was sort of the impetus. We had a big fight about it. He accused me of wanting to live my own life without him in it, and…well. I told him the truth. That I did.”
Daniel stepped back to lean in the doorway to her bathroom. “Tattoos are sexy. On the right people.”
“Uh huh.” Maura laughed and reached for her sweater. She craned her neck to look at her shoulder in the mirror. “I didn’t get it to be sexy. And, even though my ex thought so, I didn’t get it to piss him off, either. I got it for myself.”
“That should probably be the only reason to get one.”
She pulled her sweater over her head, which made a mess of her hair. Finger combing it while she opened her makeup case, she gave him a sideways glance. “Yes. Absolutely.”
He watched her line her eyes, her mouth, and dust her face with powder. She paused before putting her mascara on, thinking about this intimacy she’d never even shared with Ian. She looked at Daniel.
“You don’t have to stand there.”
“I like watching you.” He shrugged. “There’s something intensely sexy about watching a woman put on her face.”
“That sounds kind of like a creepy serial killer thing to say.” Maura stroked the wand through her lashes and put it back in the tube, then made a scary face. “Like next thing I know, you’ll be making a coat out of me.”
He laughed. “Goofball.”
She waved the mascara at him. “It places the lotion in the basket, or it gets the hose again!”
He gave her a curious look. Ian would’ve — but no. She gave herself a mental shake. She wasn’t going to keep doing that. Thinking about how Ian would’ve understood the joke, probably made it before she did.
“Silence of the Lambs,” she explained.
“Never saw it.”
Maura shook her head. “Dude, that’s kind of like a crime against society or something.”
“I guess it came out while I was working overseas or something. Hey, hey, wait.” He moved forward to release the edge of her sweater, which had snagged on one of the drawer knobs when she turned. “You’re going to put a hole in it.”
“I’m so comfortable with you.” She hadn’t meant to say it, not really. The words just slipped out. She looked up at him, tipping her face for a kiss he gladly gave her. Then a hug, which lingered. She closed her eyes for a minute, breathing in the scent of soap and his cologne. “You always smell good, too.”
Daniel squeezed her gently before they pulled apart. “Thank ya, ma’am. I think you smell right purty yourself.”
Giggling, she waved him away. “Get out, I have to finish getting ready.”
“I don’t mind —”
“I have to pee,” she said bluntly. “And I prefer to do that in private. We haven’t quite reached the bodily functions portion of our relationship, yet.”
He held up his hands, backing out of the bathroom as she followed to close the door behind him. “Fine, fine…”
She finished up what she had to do and took a little extra time to add some shimmery shadow to her eyelids along with a little extra liner and a bit darker shade of lipstick. She hadn’t been planning on going all out with the makeup tonight, not just to go to dinner and the movies. But that was the thought of a woman not terribly invested in the date, and though she and Daniel certainly had surpassed the need to impress each other, that was no excuse not to make an effort.
She changed out of the sweater and into a clinging shirt that dipped low enough in the front to show off a dangling pendant made from a slice of polished, glittery rock. She pulled her hair on top of her head, leaving a few tendrils to curl around her face. The style emphasized her bare neck and collar bones, and the pendant drew attention to her cleavage. The leggings hugged her ass like a drunken ex-boyfriend, and she gave herself a wink and a grin in the mirror before spraying herself lightly with perfume. Her efforts were worth it for the look on Daniel’s face when she came down the stairs.
“Whoa,” he said from the couch, where he’d been flicking through the TV channels. He put the remote down and stood to look her over. “I mean…whoa.”
Pleased, her cheeks hot, Maura bit back a smile before giving in and beaming. She twirled and gave him a little hip shake. “You like?”
“You look smoking fucking hot.” He came to her, those big hands settling on her hips.
She pushed upon her toes to brush a kiss on his mouth. She meant it to be light and quick, but his hand came up to capture the back of her neck. When he dug his fingers into her hair, Maura sighed into the deepening kiss.
“We’re going to be late,” she breathed after a moment when he showed no signs of stopping.
“How hungry are you?”
She nibbled at his lower lip. “Starving.”
He kissed her harder, fingers winding in her hair and tugging her head back so he could move from her mouth to her throat. The moan slipped out of her, unbidden. She hadn’t noticed his hand sliding from her hip upward until he cupped her breast, brushing a thumb across it.
Maura broke the kiss abruptly, breathing hard. She licked her lips, watching Daniel’s eyes as he followed the motion of her tongue before looking into hers. “Daniel…”
She wasn’t sure what she meant to say, but he stopped her words with another kiss. It was shorter this time. Softer, sweeter. He let her go.
“You’re right. We should get going. You ready?”
Sexual tension was a fist curled in her stomach, but she nodded and found her coat. He was chatty in the car, talking about music and movies and his upcoming job. Maura kept up her end of the conversation, but it there was an almost manic undertone to everything he said that concerned her. He kept it up in the restaurant, too, ordering them both a bottle of wine without asking her what she wanted, then looking faintly surprised at himself.
“Sorry. I should’ve asked.”
“It’s ok. I’ll try it.” She didn’t usually care for red wine, but she could try it. Maura reached across the table to cover his hand with hers. “Hey. You okay?”
Daniel put his on top and turned the one beneath upward so he was grasping hers. “Yeah. Just thinking how close this is to being over.”
She curled her fingers into his for a squeeze. “Hey. None of that. We’ll keep in touch….”
His laugh was caustic. “Uh huh. I’ve heard that before.”
“That’s not how I meant it.” Gently, she extricated her hand. “I just meant that it’s not like we’re going to…break up. I mean, you’ll go off to your new assignment the way you’d planned, and you’ll email me or check in on Connex. Or something. Won’t you?”
For a moment, alarmed, she was sure he was going to say no. Then he shook his head. “I won’t have much internet access. Very little cell service. I’ll be able to send you old-fashioned letters.”
“That could be fun.” She smiled at him, leaning back as the waiter brought the wine and poured it. “Letter writing is a lost art.”
“It won’t be the same.”
“No. I guess it won’t.” She didn’t lose her smile, but it faltered a bit. She drank some wine, though the flavor wrinkled her nose.
Daniel drank too. “I guess we should just enjoy the time we have left, huh?”
“Yes. Of course. Always.” She lifted her glass and clinked it to his. “To good friends.”
“To friends.” He gave her a steady look. “Actually, Maura, I was hoping to talk to you about something tonight…”
She flashed back to high school, standing by her locker, waiting for Shelly to be done in the guidance office. Stan Slever tapping her on the shoulder, staring at her with those huge eyes behind the thick glasses, his perpetually wet mouth open as he started to ask her to the prom. He’d opened with that same phrase. Maura, I was hoping to talk to you about something…Whatever he wanted to ask her, it was bigger than the prom, and all she could do was sit there and listen with the same slack expression she was sure she’d had the day with Stan.
“I was hoping, maybe…you’d consider taking this a little further.” Daniel looked nervous, then drank some wine, sloshing it. He swallowed hard but gave her a hard smile.
“Further?” How much further could they go? Oh, God, he wasn’t asking her to move with him, was he? To Malaysia?
He must’ve seen her confusion and dismay, because he coughed into his hand. “Maybe further isn’t the right word. Um…I mean, I was hoping maybe you’d consider taking this relationship a little…beyond friends.”
She chewed the inside of her cheek at that. “I thought we were beyond friends. I mean, I don’t sleep with my friends. I don’t kiss or fool around with my friends.”
“Shit. I’m making this a mess.”
“A little,” she said. “But it’s okay.”
“I like you. I’m comfortable with you. We get along great. We have a history together.” Daniel paused.
Maura breathed out, unsure of how she felt about this. “Yes. All of that. I like you, too, Daniel.”
“So maybe we could consider ourselves dating?”
Again, she was confused. “What have we been doing all this time, if not dating?”
“Oh. I thought we were just hanging out.”
She thought about drinking more wine, but hadn’t liked the first sip and was pretty sure she wouldn’t like the next. Something in this conversation wasn’t sitting right with her, though she couldn’t have said exactly what it was. “Hanging…out.”
“Well. Yeah. I mean, with all the talk about me leaving and it not lasting. And Ian,” Daniel added.
Maura frowned. “But now you…what? Want to make me your girlfriend?”
“Yes.” Daniel straightened. Squared his shoulders.
“A week before you go to the other side of the world?” Maura sat back in her chair, hands in her lap, bunching her napkin. “You want something permanent, with a name, now?”
“I wasn’t thinking of it like that, but…yes. I would like you to be my girlfriend. For real. Official and all that.” He gave her a hesitant grin. “Feels weird, huh?”
“I wasn’t ever your girlfriend, really, even way back in the olden days. Yes. It feels weird.” More than that. It felt like doublethink. Wrong and right at the same time, and she could easily believe both.
“Will you think about it?”
She nodded after a moment’s hesitation, not ready to contemplate all the complications of it but unwilling to turn him down outright. “I’ll think about it. I’m not sure how it will work, but sure. I’ll think about it.”
He reached for her hand again. Palm to palm — the kiss of holy fools, she thought, butchering Shakespeare. She couldn’t pull away, though she didn’t want Daniel to feel the shaking of her fingers and misinterpret it.
“Good,” he said. “That’s all I ask. That you think about it.”
And after that, the conversation turned to other topics. A little strained, but not too bad. Maura tried not to think too much about what he’d asked her, even though she’d promised. She concentrated on her dinner, which she now found she could barely eat.
Girlfriend. Daniel’s girlfriend. What was there to fear about that, other than the distance? Other than the physical issues, which she was ashamed to admit hadn’t bothered her as much when she thought he’d be leaving in a couple months but now, faced with the possibility of trying to make a romantic long-distance and also chaste relationship out of what she’d thought had been a lovely, if unconventional friendship…
“Dessert?”
Startled out of her thoughts, Maura looked up at the waiter. “Oh. No. I don’t think so. I’m stuffed.”
“Would you like a box for that?” The waiter asked, making her sound like a liar because it was clear she’d barely eaten more than a few bites of her dinner.
She declined the box. And, quiet for the rest of the meal, thinking hard about what she wanted not only from Daniel, but also from life, Maura forced herself to focus on not only him, but everything around them. There were couples holding hands across the table and those who were clearly at odds, avoiding eye contact. There were girlfriends giggling over the hot waiter and, far in the back, a bunch of men being rowdy. Bachelor party, maybe. Relationships all around her. Some that worked, some that didn’t.
“You okay?” Daniel asked her after he’d paid the check and helped her on with her coat. “You’re very quiet.”
She gave him a smile. “Fine. Just thinking.”
“Ah.” He didn’t ask again.
She appreciated that. Paid attention to his consideration. She paid attention to the way he held the door for her, offered to pay for the movie, asked her if she wanted butter on her popcorn. It wasn’t the money, but the way he was trying to make this night fun for her. It was how he looked at her, too, with a smile that reached his eyes. It was also the way he didn’t look at her.
The movie was something full of explosions and aliens, with some kissing at the end. He held her hand through the whole thing, their fingers linked and resting on his thigh. And it was nice. More than nice. It was lovely, she thought when the credits rolled and the lights came up, and blinking, he turned to her and said, “What’s next?”
“I have an idea,” Maura said.