Like a flashback, everything came playing back. The training with Alex, what I had told him, going up to our room and seeing James there except he wasn't, he wasn't there, there was nobody in the room...The classroom, the knife... oh no, the knife, I had taken it to James and I was going to-I-I was going to kill him with it.
"No...No...No, AAHH!"Animmense pain came crashing down on my brain.
I tried to kill him
I tried to kill James.
"NO!" I was panicking, my heart was about to jump out of my chest, I couldn't breathe, what had I done... I tried to kill him. My hands took a firm grip on my hair, wanting to pull it all out.
This couldn't be...No this wasn't real, but it was. What had I done,
My heart ached terribly. I was lost in a state of panic and pain that I didn't realize someone was coming into the cell and grabbing my shoulders. No, god no,
"NO!" I quickly pushed the person away and saw that it was James. Alex was standing outside looking terrified or maybe sad.
"Avery, it's okay, I'm right here." James tried to comfort me but no, no comforting could make this better. Why was he even trying? I tried to kill him. Seeing his face only made everything much more vivid as memories came pouring back.
"No, stay away!" I pushed myself up against the wall at the furthest end of the cell, away from him.
"Avery, it's okay, you're okay,"
"I TRIED TO KILL YOU!... I tried to kill you...I, No," I was panicking and sobbing, shaking my head not knowing where to look. I wanted to die, that's what I wanted right now.
"But I'm okay, hey look at me, please, Avery, it wasn't you, it was him." James carefully took a step closer, not wanting to startle me.
"But I was there! I saw everything! Why couldn't I stop him?" My hands were clutching my chest as I was heaving. I didn't want his comfort, I didn't deserve it. I wasn't the one that almost got killed yet it felt like someone had dug a knife into my heart.
"Baby, please, there was no way for you to stop him," I held out my hand to keep him from getting any closer. Why was he doing this? He must leave me alone. He couldn't touch me.
"I almost killed you. I can't, I can't..." My hand dropped as I bent forward, too weak to stand. James used his speed and was in front of me in half a second. He took hold of my shoulders. I used the last of my strength and started pushing him away again. I didn't want him to touch me, I didn't want him to make this all better, this couldn't get better! I couldn't allow him to...
"Don't! Please please stop, no!" He didn't budge, not one inch. I pushed at his chest as hard as I could but he stood still, his head held high, he just stood there and didn't do anything, and slowly but surely, the sobs were stopping, the tears stopped streaming and my heartbeat wasn't as irregular, it was slowing, steady. This was all because of his touch.
No...I wanted to feel it, I wanted to feel all of it. I deserved so much worse, not better. Why, James?
I felt my legs give in but I didn't fall. James wrapped his arms around me, engulfing me in a hug.
"What did you do..." I asked him, my voice raspy and tired, defeated.
"What I will always do. Stand by your side, and make you feel better." He responded while stroking the back of my head. I grabbed onto the back of his shirt with my hands and pushed myself further into the hug. Still, I felt like I wasn't close enough to him.
"Why?" His hold around me tightened,
" I think you know why, but I will give you some time to come to terms with it. In the meantime, don't push me away. Please."I dug my head into his chest.
"I don't deserve it," I said
"That's not your decision to make." He responded meaning every word.
===
Chapter 56
~James' POV~
I was sitting on the mattress, watching Avery sleep peacefully.
Yesterday I hugged her for over ten minutes before Alex broke it off by opening his mouth, telling me he was leaving, rendering mind linking utterly useless.
I refused to let go of Avery however, I walked her over to the mattress. Her face was void of emotions. There was nothing showing. She looked like a shell of a person and it broke my heart. She lay down and I held her hand, drawing circles on it until she fell asleep. She's been sleeping for over an hour now but I couldn't find it in me to leave her, to let go of her, to not see her. No, I was staying by her side.
'Alpha, Amber has some news regarding the wizard'
Lukas, one of the warriors, mind-linked me.
I released a breath and closed my eyes. Of course, she does.
'I'll be right there, tell her to meet me in my office'
'Yes, Alpha'
I took one last look at Avery before slowly pulling my hand away. She squirmed and a frown showed on her face making me smile. Any emotion was better than no emotion at all.
I gently caressed her cheek and laid a kiss on her forehead before standing up.
Blade started growling in the back of my head. He had been awfully cheerful for the past couple of hours so this change in behavior came as a surprise.
What the hell are you doing?
'Nothing'
We'll be back. We have to find out what Amber knows. The sooner we end this the sooner we don't have to visit our mate in the dungeon
'I know'
There's something else that you know isn't there?
'Would you be okay if Avery were to follow her heart, even if it meant breaking it?'
That's what a Luna does
I felt my jaw tick, what the fuck kind of question was that?
'But would you be okay with it?'
No, no I wouldn't be
' Let's go talk to Amber'
Blade, what the fuck is going on?
'I can't tell you'
I'm your human! We share the same body and mind. Why can't you tell me?
'The moon goddess orders'
What? Did you talk to her?
'Yes, quite often since Avery got here actually, she has big plans for her, but there are also many obstacles that she needs to face first'
Like what?
'Nope'
Oh, come on I thought we were friends
'We're not, we're family, but I still won't tell you'