We're on the floor now, backs against the desk, both catching our breath like we've run a marathon instead of fucked our way through three years of resentment.
My brain slowly comes back online, thoughts filtering through the post-orgasm haze.
And then the question hits with the subtlety of a freight train: What the fuck did I just do?
I'm engaged to Caelen. Caelen who's honest, who doesn't lie, who treats me like an actual person instead of a chess piece or a bank account with legs.
And I just fucked my almost ex-husband. The one who used me. Who married me knowing exactly who I was and planned to bleed me dry.
Christ. I'm actually trash.
"You have to go." My voice comes out flat. Dead. Emotional shutdown engaged.
"Maeve—"
"No." I cut him off before he can start. "You need to leave. Now. Send the divorce papers by mail."
I'm pulling my destroyed dress back on. Fingers shaking. Can't look at him. If I look at him I'll see hope on his face and I can't handle that right now.
"I meant what I said." His voice is soft. Careful. "I love—"
"Stop. Just stop." The tears are coming. I can feel them building behind my eyes. "This was a mistake. A stupid, impulsive mistake. It doesn't mean anything."
His face does something complicated when I finally glance at him. Hurt mixed with understanding mixed with desperate hope that won't die.
"Doesn't it?" he asks quietly.
"No." I force myself to look him in the eye. To be clear. "Sign the papers. Mail them. Don't come back."
The words land like slaps. I watch him flinch with each one.
Good. He should hurt. I should hurt. We should all hurt for this monumental fuckup.
He stands slowly. Collects his torn shirt, his jacket. The divorce papers still unsigned on my desk.
Leaves without another word. The door closes with a soft click that sounds like a gunshot in the silence.
Finally alone.
I slide down the wall. Knees pulled to chest. Head buried in my hands.
Why does everything inside me literally scream that this was wrong? Not guilty-wrong. Wrong on a fundamental, cellular level.
Like I betrayed something important. Something real.
That's the moment it hits me. The realization crashing over me like a tsunami.
I've fallen for Caelen.
Actually fallen. Not strategy. Not convenience. Not revenge.
Real feelings. The terrifying kind that make you vulnerable and stupid and willing to risk everything.
The late-night conversations about foster care and survival. The honesty that doesn't require performance. The way he looks at me like I matter beyond what I can provide.
The way his approval makes me feel competent instead of decorative. The way he explains things without condescension. The way he remembers how I take my coffee without asking.
All of it. Everything. I fell and didn't even notice until I was already gone.
And I just cheated on him with my ex-husband. Because I'm apparently trash who can't make a single good decision.
The guilt is suffocating. Physical weight on my chest making it hard to breathe.
I fucked Kael while falling for Caelen. Spectacular self-sabotage. Really outdid myself this time.
Hours blur. I shower. Change. Erase physical evidence like that'll somehow erase what I did.
Spoiler: it doesn't.
That night, dinner with Caelen at some Italian place Alexander recommended. Low lighting, good wine, the kind of restaurant where people propose.
He doesn't know. Can't know. The guilt sits in my stomach like concrete.
But he's funny. Sharp. Making observations about the couple three tables over who are clearly on a disastrous first date.
"Five bucks says he mentions his ex within ten minutes," Caelen murmurs.
"Already happened. I heard 'my ex-girlfriend' twice." I take a sip of wine. "Ten bucks says she fakes a phone emergency to leave early."
"Deal."
He makes me forget to guard myself for whole minutes at a time. Makes me laugh despite the weight crushing my chest.
This is what I want. This ease. This honesty. Not the complicated devastation that is Kael Dareth.
After dinner, he walks me to my apartment door. We take the long route even though it's cold.
The tension between us is thick enough to taste. Different from last night in the conference room—heavier somehow.
We reach my door. Stand there in the hallway like awkward teenagers.
"Goodnight, Maeve."
I should let him go. Should confess what happened today. Should do literally anything except stand here drowning in guilt.
"Is everything okay, baby?"
Baby. The endearment hits different than it ever has. Soft. Real. Concerned.
Everything Kael's possessive "you're mine" wasn't. This isn't ownership—it's affection. Care. Actual fucking feelings.
And I ruined it. Blew it up before it could fully form.
"Yeah." My voice sounds hollow even to my own ears. "Just tired. Long day."
He studies my face. Those dark eyes that miss nothing. "You sure? You seem..."
Off. Wrong. Guilty as fuck. Take your pick.
"I'm fine." The lie tastes like poison. "Promise."
He doesn't look convinced but doesn't push. Just steps closer, brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.
The gesture is so gentle it physically hurts. Makes the guilt spike so hard I can barely breathe.
"Get some rest," he says softly. "Big week ahead. The engagement party's in three days."
Right. The party. Where we make this official. Where I become Mrs. Rhys in front of everyone.
After fucking Kael on my desk this morning.
Christ. I'm a disaster. A walking catastrophe in designer clothes.
"Goodnight, Caelen."
He kisses my forehead. Lingering. Sweet. Everything I don't deserve.
Then he's gone. Walking down the hall toward the elevator.
I watch him go. Hand on my doorknob. Frozen.
Kael's "I love you" still echoing in my head. His hands on my body. The way my muscles remembered him like no time had passed.
But also Caelen's "baby" settling into my chest. His concern. His gentleness. The way he makes me feel safe instead of owned.
I slip inside my apartment and lock the door.
Kael's desperate "I love you" echoes in my head. My body still remembers his touch, still aches for the familiar.
But then I hear Caelen's voice: "Is everything okay, baby?" The honesty. The safety. The future.
I'm standing in the dark, torn between the man who broke me and the man who's trying to put me back together.
And I just betrayed them both.