THE GUILT
JEROL’S POV
Gently, I lay my beautiful wife on the bed and tuck myself beside her, her beautiful smiling at me like always.
A smile, is all I see on this beautiful face even when she is not in actuality smiling. I her and all I can see is beauty in all senses, and a peace that I never knew existed.
I have dated countless girls from this so-called rich circle, beautiful and affluent girls I thought had it all intact- respect, dignity, and sense. But I was so sick wrong!
This whores know nothing but to be dictators and controlling. They want everything their way and they don't bend their rules for anything. It sucks!
It really sucked all those times I had to leave work to accompany some damn girl to a where you will spend the entire day going round and round the mall. Then the dinners at luxurious five-star hotels which happens almost every day. I am complaining about money because none of that will put even a needle size hole my bank balances, but time and understanding, are my issues.
Those types of social circle filthy women suck, and I had actually decided to call it , but that was until I met her - Ellie. She wasn't perfect, but at least she was a bit in a way. She wasn't too burdensome. She was always contented with the little I spared for her from my busy schedule. She never complained much. The and dinners were at minimal. I explained my situation and she was all okay.
She said she loved me just the way I was, and I started falling hard than I could tell.
We made dreams. We made plans. Beautiful plans, I would say. Plans that she agreed and even rejoiced with me. She was even over the clouds with my idea of us getting before marriage. Well, I was so sure about her and what I wanted, and she not have objection whatsoever.
I can't rationalize the exhilaration and the contentment I felt when she brought the from the hospital that she was pregnant. My dream that had almost seemed became valid in a snap, and with the woman I loved. For that sole reason, the that the was carrying my heir, I loved her even more. I saw her as my world, and I my all to her. Anything I could afford. My little time from work was spent by side most of the time as we lay our plans for the future. I promised her heaven, I would have ripped it off from the heavenly bodies if I could. All for her.
But everything came crumbling down like a flaming hellfire that one cursed day. It not even about her blames on me. It was the way I felt so impetuous. Worthless.
A total failure. It was the way she spoke to me that day - with scorn, insolence, and else I couldn't decipher. That day, I did not feel like the man she loved just once, and for the first time that day, while she howled all her affronts and all the blames on me, my mind flashed back to that day I walked on her and my .
We were still so young in the relationship, about five months or so. I had not her to anyone, but I found her in the company of my brother. How she was freely, and how my brother's arm hugged her waist was all so unsettling to . I had to confront them, especially because I knew how much my brother was with taking everything that I had. It's the case even now.
My Ellie might have been innocent, but I knew my brother would not mind even with my woman in front of me just to prove a point, a pointless point, in my . I am not responsible for him being a vagabond jerkass, but he still sees me . All the same, they denied it all. Ellie even got so furious with me saying that I disrespectful to her to think that she would have an affair with my own brother.
"We just bumped into each other there and when I learnt he was your brother, I it was nice to know him. Is that so wrong?" Those were her words. Lieying !
Tears were even streaming down for how harsh she felt I was to her. And I thought, brother might be evil and all, but my Ellie would never do what I am accusing her . I let it go. When she refused to speak to me for two days after that argument, I crawling to her on my knees. I begged her like a thirsty cat begging for milk. Or a child begging for candy. That is how much I loved her.
Then shit happened! That day she supposedly lost my baby!
I did not chase after her that day after she was done pouring all her insults on me. I let go, thinking that my Ellie was probably furious and emotional about losing our . That she needed to cool off. I personally could not come to terms with the fact the only child I probably would ever have was now gone. I was not there for her she needed me, and that point wrecked all my sanity. I was responsible for our .
Three days later, there was no sight of my Ellie. No news about her, no calls or texts her, no nothing. I started looking for her like crazy, but unbelievably, I could not her anywhere.
"She just lost a child three days ago. She is not well. Where could she have gone to?"
I thought, convincing myself that my Ellie was just somewhere close by. She loved . I had messed up, yes, we had lost our child, yes, but her love for me was still , right?
But all my efforts to find her all hit a hard rock. The air had swallowed her, leaving even a single trace for me. I felt my world being ripped off from me. The ground I to walk on shook with temblors of the hopeless lonesome nobody I had just . I had not only lost my child, but my love too, the only person I thought loved despite my flaws. I felt a sharp threat to my sanity cutting through my fresh.
I was losing it. Nothing felt okay or important to me anymore. All I could think of bringing my Ellie back. She was the senator's daughter, so if anything bad had to her, the news would have been all over. But the world was so mute about whereabouts as if it didn't see nor hearken to my grief. The only thing her father to me was that her daughter needed space.
I could have given her that, only if she had asked. But she did not. She shut me up like
I meant nothing.
I grew more forlorn, and confused, and lost in what to do to get her back. Slowly, I I was losing it. Even when I made a deal to purchase myself a wife to lure my back, I knew I was not myself. That was not me. My sanity and peace were siege by what had happened and what I would become. I didn't want to believe I was actually losing myself over that. I was Jerol O'Brian McCall, the owner of top Fuel and gas company in the whole country. I was strong. Imperturbable. The Alphamale! I could handle everything perfectly like I handled my company.
But I was damn wrong! Running a company and matters of the heart are two things.
The idea of being a filthy billionaire with no heir to continue my legacy when I am was taking a toll on me with every passing second. Even my own empire meant now. Depression slapped me like a clueless vagabond. And I sunk to the rock . Almost drowned!
But here came my angel. My savior. My beautiful Tessa. My purchased wife turned out to be my savior. I had almost given up on myself, but there no giving up on me for her. No matter how much I pushed her away, no matter many times I loudly howled at her to stay away, despite the kind of a vicious I had turned into, she never left. She took care of me even when she had no to. Our contract was simple - she just needed to be there like a shadow, and do nothing. But she did everything. Even the unthinkable. For me.
And that day she almost got fed up with my behaviour, when I saw her walking out of gym, I felt a sharp pain piercing through the heart that I thought had died months . I could not bear the thought of her walking out of my life. I knew then that I her.
And from then on, she became my basic need. Someone I can't live without. I all for her. I let all go just for her. I wanted to prove all her endeavors and for me were worthwhile. I wanted to be the best man for her.
And before I knew it, I was envisioning her differently. I saw the beauty of my life in , and with her. She turned out to be my joy. The missing piece that I needed to be , and I have embraced it so tight, with no intents of letting her go for .
My sole goal is to make her the happiest woman on earth and be the best thing that to her, just like she is to me. I want her to always be proud of me.
But then, these two fucked fools had to reappear from nowhere and stroke my beast . I can't believe they have such hard balls to show their fucked up faces to me after what they did. That Ellie is the world's most shameless whore in the world,
I swear. How dare she show up to me again? She better make sure it's my baby she is because then, maybe, just maybe, I will have a reason to look at her face. If not, only God knows what all the remorse and disgust I am feeling her will do to her. She is suffocating me as it is!
Same with this bastard I call my elder brother. He should be grateful to my wife I cant tell what would have become of him if she did not stop me.
But God knows what kind of a shameless jerk I feel right now. I failed her. I feel so to even look at her or touch her. If she didn't lean to me earlier at the hospital, I I would have not have touched her. I am ashamed of what she thinks of me seeing me that way.
She has restored everything that life had snatched from me, including my hopes of a father. I am over the moon with her presence in my life. She is a buddle of my and contentment. She is basically my everything. I don't regret beating that shit like that. I am also happy that she arrived just in time to prevent me from something worse. But I hate it that she saw me that way. I can't stand the of her hating me. I can not stand making her angry which I know I did today.
I failed her, and I hurt her feelings by walking away. It was the only thing that I could of. To take my animalistic self out of her presence.
What does she think of me now? How will her beautiful eyes look at me in the , huh? Will there be tinges of hate?
~~~END OF JEROL'S POV~~