"Yeah." I sighed. I had missed his fourth and fifth birthday and I still feel so guilty that I couldn't make it only if it was for a couple of hours. "I was busy with finishing school and stuff."
"I know, are you planning to take Milan to New York with you?"
I stayed silent for a while when Aunt Lydia asked me that question. I was contemplating about taking him with me; New York has a lot of opportunities for him. "I don't know Tía, I don't want you to live alone in Barcelona."
"Don't worry about me, I'll manage."
"No, I'll not take Milan with me. If he's old enough to decide what he wants, he can make his own decision. I'll always be there for him."
"You're really smart cariña, I don't know what I would do without you. You're so kind, generous--,"
"Oh tía." I interrupted her, "You would be just fine."
"No, no...I don't even want to think about how close I was to lose you."
"But you didn't. I'm still alive." I whispered.
Memories about what happened six years ago start making its way to my head.
"I'm sorry, lo siento mucho."
"It's okay Tía, it's the...past and it's not your fault."
"I want Churros! I already drank my milk." I heard Milan's voice in the background. I smiled at the sound of him. He's such a big boy now.
"You didn't." Aunt Lydia said accusingly. "I saw you throwing it away in the sink."
I laughed at that. And he's probably also a bad boy. "Do you hear this Jillian?" Aunt Lydia huffed and I imagined her rolling her eyes. "He's not drinking his milk."
"I am! Can I have a churro now?" Milan yelled in the background
Aunt Lydia sighed; she had a soft spot for that boy. He had her wrapped around his little finger. "Okay, let me end this call first. I'll talk to you later Jillian. Te amo."
"Te amo." I said, before ending the call. I put my phone down on my nightstand and suddenly everything that happened six years ago started to make its way to my head. I had tried to forget and move on, but every now and then something or someone had to remind me about it. I can't get rid of that someone, because that someone is Milan.
I sat on my bed as I let the memories take over my head. It was so long ago, but it felt like it had happened yesterday.
"Hey don't cry." Larissa whispered as she hugged me. How can I not cry? We were the 'it' couple at school, four years strong and then bam just like that everything's gone.
Our future plans, our marriage, the baby names. We even agreed that our first child name would be Aliyah for a girl and Xavier for a boy. Now I can't use those names anymore, because it would remind me of him.
"He broke up with me." I sobbed as I buried my face in the hem of her shirt.
"Who?" Larissa asked. I bet she forgot that I was dating Mateo.
"Mateo! We were together since freshman year." How I wished I could see the future then I didn't had to go through this horrible, heartbreaking, and painful process.
"Oh poor thing" Larissa whispered as she hugged me tighter.
Larissa was the only daughter of Aunty Lydia and Uncle David. When her father died two years ago she moved to Milan, to pursue her career in fashion. She left high school behind and with the money her father left for her in his will she enrolled in a fashion school in Milan.
Aunt Lydia didn't stop her, because she knew that's the way how Larissa is trying to get over the loss of her father.
Larissa was my everything. She was my only friend and my human diary. I always told her about my problems and I know that my secrets were safe with her.
When Mateo -my boyfriend since freshman year- broke up with me after I gave my valedictorian speech, I was shattered. My world crumbled, all the plans I had with him vanished. How can someone be so cruel?
The reason of the break up? He said that he couldn't do long distance. I got a scholarship to study in the USA and he got one to study in Switzerland. He didn't even want to try.
The most painful thing about the breakup? I wasted four years of my life on some loser, who not only broke up with me, but also had a secret relationship with a girl in Switzerland.
During spring break of senior year he went to visit a college in Switzerland. When he came back, I knew that something was wrong because he became distant, but I didn't really care about it. It was senior year after all.
On graduation day I saw an unfamiliar girl sitting with his parents. I assumed it was his cousin or family friend I haven't met yet. When his parents came to congratulate me, I felt that Mateo was getting uncomfortable next to me. He was shifting from his left feet to his right.
"What babe?" I asked as he was fidgeting nervously with his cap. "N-nothing." he stuttered.
When the unfamiliar girl next to his parents saw him her eyes lit up and she ran towards him. Long lost cousin perhaps?
"Congratulations babe!" she squealed.
Definitely not a long lost cousin.
When those words left her mouth my whole body went numb. I was frozen on spot staring at Mateo with teary eyes as he pecked the girl on her lips. So that's why he was so distant all those months...
"I- I can explain Jillian...It's--"
I interrupted him and screamed: "Shut up! I don't need no fucking explanation gilipollas . I saw enough!"
I ran out of the graduation ceremony and cried my heart out in the car. My head was a mess and I couldn't think straight.
Larissa.
That was the first thing that came into my mind. I need to go to Larissa. I started the car and with a messed up head I started my ten hour journey to Milan.
This morning I arrived in Milan. Larissa had called Aunt Lydia to tell her I was here. Poor Aunty was worried sick.
"It will be alright." Larissa cooed. "He is not worth your tears."
She rubbed my back and fed me soup. "I really missed you Lari." I hiccupped.
"I missed you too Jillian, but you know that I can't go back or at least not yet." she whispered.
"Why?" I asked softly