"You look like death warmed over and then frozen again."
Tessa stands in my kitchen doorway, arms crossed, her brown eyes sharp with worry.
"Nice to see you too. Did you break in, or has my security system completely given up on me?"
"Your doorman let me up because, and I quote, 'that poor woman looks like she needs someone who actually gives a damn.' His words, not mine, though I happen to agree with every syllable."
She crosses to where I'm standing and takes my face in both hands.
"When did you last eat something that wasn't anxiety and regret?"
"I had coffee this morning. Coffee counts as food if you drink enough of it."
"Coffee does not count as food, Elara. Coffee is what people drink when they've given up on actual sustenance and decided to fuel their bodies with spite and caffeine."
She moves to the refrigerator, yanking it open.
"There's nothing in here except breast milk and despair. How are you supposed to feed a baby when you can barely feed yourself?"
"I'm handling it."
"You're falling apart, sweetheart." She closes the refrigerator and turns to face me. "Talk to me. What happened at that dinner? One minute you're getting DNA results that should have been good news, and the next you're disappearing into yourself like you're trying to become invisible."
"Caspian sent custody papers." I sink onto one of the kitchen stools, my legs suddenly too weak to hold me. "Through his lawyer. Like I'm a line item on his Monday agenda."
"Okay, but didn't you ask him for time? Maybe this is just him being... practical?"
"That's the thing, Tessa. He said he'd wait. He looked me in the eyes and said he'd give me space to figure this out." I laugh, and it comes out bitter enough to strip paint. "I just didn't think 'giving me space' meant outsourcing our entire future to a man in a three-thousand-dollar suit who's never even met our son."
"So you wanted him to deliver them himself."
"I wanted him to show up. I wanted him to hand me those papers and look me in the face while he did it. I wanted some sign that this was hard for him too, that he wasn't just checking a box before moving on to his next acquisition." My voice cracks on the last word. "But that's not Caspian, is it? He'd rather pay someone else to feel things for him."
"Call him. Show up at his office in something expensive and demand an explanation."
"I can't do that."
"Why not? Give me one good reason why you can't pick up the phone and tell your husband you want to work things out."
"Because I asked for time and he gave it to me in the coldest way possible." The words taste like ash and broken glass. "You didn't see his face when Rhys made that comment. I've been playing both of them, keeping one hand on each door in case I needed an escape route, and now they both know exactly what kind of person I am."
"Okay, let's talk about that."
Tessa pulls up a stool beside me, her voice going soft in a way that makes my throat ache.
"You've got two men who want you. One of them is your husband, the father of your son, a man who stood up in court and defended you to his own mother. The other one let you believe he was someone else while he took you apart in a moonlit alcove. If you had to choose right now, who would it be?"
"That's not fair."
"Life isn't fair. Answer the question."
"I don't know, Tessa. I genuinely don't know anymore." I press my palms against my eyes until I see stars. "Three days ago I would have said Caspian."
"And now?"
"Now he's giving me exactly what I asked for and it's somehow worse than if he'd shown up screaming." I drop my hands and stare at the counter. "I wanted him to fight for me, Tessa. Not comply with me."
"What about Rhys?"
"Rhys sees me. That's the thing that keeps tripping me up, Tessa. When I'm with him, I feel like the most important person in the room. He remembers details about my life that Caspian never bothered to notice. He shows up instead of sending lawyers."
"He also showed up at a masquerade ball and let his cousin's wife mistake him for her husband. That's not romantic, Elara. at's a man who saw an opportunity and took it."
"Maybe I'm tired of men who don't take opportunities." I look at her, and I know my eyes are red-rimmed and desperate. "Caspian had three years to choose me. Three years of dinners and galas and opportunities to make me feel like I mattered. And every single time, he chose his work, his family, his empire."
"So you're going to punish him by running to Rhys?"
"I'm not punishing anyone." My voice cracks. "You don't understand what it's like, Tessa. To love someone so much that their absence feels like drowning. To wait every night for them to come home, to touch you, to look at you like you still exist. To become furniture in your own marriage."
"I understand more than you think."
"Then you understand why I can't just call Caspian and beg him to try again. I've been begging for three years. I've been the one reaching across the distance while he pulled further away. I don't have any begging left."
My phone buzzes against the counter.
Rhys: I'm outside. Just want to see you.
Tessa reads the message over my shoulder and her face goes hard.
"Don't you dare answer that."
"He's not pouncing. He's showing up."
But I'm already reaching for my coat, my body moving on autopilot.
"I can't go back to Caspian right now, Tessa. Not without knowing what it's really like to be with Rhys when there are no masks, no confusion, no pretending he's someone else. I need to know if what I felt that night was real or just loneliness wearing his face."
"And if it was real? What then?"
"Then at least I'll know there's someone out there capable of showing up."
"This is a mistake, Elara. I can feel it in my bones."
"Maybe so." I button my coat with fingers that won't stop trembling. "But it's my mistake to make."
I kiss her cheek before she can argue further and walk out the door toward the man waiting in the darkness below.