For the time being, her mind needed steering away from that thinking. Paris came to mind, but she found herself unable to muster up the enthusiasm. She told herself the stressful situation had something to do with it. A trip to Paris seemed like a frivolous luxury. But in her heart of hearts she knew that wasn’t the reason.
Jackson’s condition changed little, but according to Amy it was a relief. She periodically checked his bandages, making sure they were snug but not too tight as his thigh swelled from the bite. Shortly after midnight, Amy said the swelling had stabilized, and by dawn it had even subsided. There was also no tissue necrosis, something Amy admitted to Carla she had greatly feared.
“It happens more commonly when digits are bitten,” Amy said the next morning as she changed Jackson’s dressing. “The tissue around the finger or toe develops gangrene and the affected digit has to be amputated.”
Icy terror rose prickled Carla’s scalp. “So Jackson could have lost his leg?”
“Jackson could have lost his life.” Amy’s shoulder slumped forward as she leaned over the bed, once more checking her brother’s blood pressure, and Carla realized how exhausted she really was. After all, Amy had her own physical challenges.
Carla stood up from where she sat and hurried around the bed to Amy’s side. “Come here,” she said, placing her hands on either side of Amy’s arms and steering the girl toward a chair. “You making yourself sick isn’t going to help your brother,” Carla said firmly, taking a seat beside her. “You’ve got to get some rest.”
Amy slowly blinked, her lashes sweeping over the dark circles beneath her eyes. “I’ve got to make sure—”
“I’m fine.”
The deep, gravelly voice from the bed had both women jumping to their feet. They rushed across the room to his bedside, where he was in the middle of pulling out the nasal tubes.
“My lungs are clear,” he said to Amy’s questioning look, “and I don’t need these anymore. Really.”
“Well, all right,” Amy acquiesced, although Carla sensed she would have left them in a little longer if the decision had been hers alone.
Amy cleared away the oxygen tank and breathing tubes, and then Jackson told her to get out of his room and get some rest.
“Listen to Carla,” he told his sister. “I can tell you’re exhausted. If you don’t get some rest you’re liable to have a flare up, and that’s the last thing I need.”
Amy raised an eyebrow toward her brother. “The last thing you need?”
“Of course. How are you going to wait on me hand and foot if you’re too weak?” His teasing brought enormous relief to both girls because it assured them Jackson was truly recovering from the bite. He was still very weak, but he would most definitely live.
Amy took her things and left after Carla promised to stay with Jackson until he fell back to sleep. Once she’d gone, a strangely awkward silence filled the room. Carla pretended to busy herself, checking Jackson’s bandages, fluffing his pillow, pressing a cool damp towel to his forehead, but she knew her busy work was nothing more than a diversion.
There were things she wanted to say to him, but should she? Would she be crossing into dangerous territory? There was an assumption between them that when her assignment ended she’d be on her way, off to Paris as she’d always dreamed, and he’d be here continuing with his work. There was no “after” once she was gone. So why stir up trouble by telling him how worried sick she’d been? That she thanked God he was all right? That she wasn’t sure what she’d have done if something had happened to him? No, she decided. Keeping quiet was best for everyone.
“Did your friend leave?” he asked.
She turned away from the window where she’d been adjusting the A/C gauge, knowing Jackson referred to Bryce.
“Actually, no. Not yet. The roads aren’t passable after the storm. That’s why you’re here and not in the hospital. We couldn’t even get a helicopter to land.”
He nodded, absorbing the information. He withdrew his hand from beneath the sheet and held it out toward her. “Come over here.”
She went to him and grasped his hand. His skin was cool and his grip weak, but he was alive and he was with her. Happiness flooded her, giving wings to her soul.
She smiled. “You better not do that again,” she said in a lightly scolding voice. “You gave us all a scare.”
“I’ve been bit before. No big deal.”
“No big deal?! Jackson, you could have died.” “But I didn’t.”
He acted unconcerned, but Carla knew differently. Jackson had too much respect for his cobras to know that what happened was very definitely a big deal.
“Listen,” he said, and Carla had to lean forward to catch what he said. He was weak and needed sleep.
“I might be out of it for a few days, and you only have a week left on your assignment. If you want, I can…” His voice trailed away as he gathered his strength, breathing in deeply and then slowly releasing the air. “I can sign the papers you need for completion of the assignment. Then you can go.”
If he’d told her he wanted her to sleep every night in the cobra enclosure her heart wouldn’t have sunk as much as it did at that moment. She felt as if she’d just been socked in the gut. Her breath hitched; she couldn’t draw air. Just like that, he was sending her away. The night before they’d made unbelievable love in his office, the very place where they’d first met. Tonight he wanted her gone. A wave of sorrow washed over her, so all-consuming and potent she feared she might get sick. She held a hand to her lips, choking back a sob as the taste of bitter bile coated her throat.
“I—”
“You don’t have to say anything.” He smiled, faintly, clearly an effort for him to do so. “You’ve been amazing and I’ll give you the highest marks possible. Then…” He grew weaker by the second. He had to sleep. “You can go to Paris.” His voice faded to a whisper as his eyes drifted closed. His hand went limp and he could no longer grasp hers.
With tears rolling down her cheeks, Carla gently placed his arm against his side and pulled up the sheet to tuck beneath his chin. She crept out of the room and shut the door behind her.
Her heart felt like a block of lead in her chest, except lead doesn’t ache. Or shatter. Dispirited, and with apparently no other choice, she walked down the hall to her room and began to pack.
***
“What do you mean you let her go?”
Jackson winced at the fury in Amy’s voice. Twin spots of red dotted her cheeks. Her brow was furrowed and her jaw clenched tight. She sat ramrod straight on the edge of Jackson’s bed, hands balled into small fists. He shifted uneasily and pulled up the sheet to cover his chest, a thin barrier of protection between himself and his outraged sister.
“She wants to go to Paris. You know that.”
“She thinks she wants to go to Paris, but it’s just an escape from that hellish corporate life she’s stuck in. You know that.”
Jackson sighed, turned his head to look out the window. Steel grey clouds covered the sky and blotted out the sun, the dull atmosphere symbolic of his mood. “I don’t think that’s it entirely,” he finally said, turning back toward Amy. “She said it’s a dream she’s had since childhood, before she ever set foot in an office. Anyway, what’s the point? Even if she weren’t going to Paris she’d return to New York.”
“Well, of course she would. Where else? Because she hasn’t been invited to stay!” Amy pushed herself up from the bed and stepped over to study the heart-rate monitor, probably more as a distraction than anything else, Jackson thought. His sister was an excellent nurse and insisted on studying his vitals even though it was clear by now, two days after the bite, he’d pull through. Still, she needed to reach that conclusion on her own.
A surge of guilt darkened his thoughts, realizing how much pain he’d put her through over the past two years. Their parents’ accident had been brutal for both of them, and on top of that he’d plunged into his own private hell for months afterward. Amy must have been just sick about it, but he’d been too caught up in himself to notice. What a selfish ass.
He drew his arm from underneath the sheets and held out his hand to his sister. “Amy, come back over here.” She turned to face him but didn’t budge. “Please.”
Her jaw was still obstinately set, but she relented and walked back over to his bedside.
“Could you sit down?” He patted the spot on his bed where she’d been minutes before. “Help a poor snakebite victim out?”
He grinned, doing his best to turn on a little charm, wanting to melt the ice that had formed between them.
She didn’t answer the grin, not yet, but at least she sat back down. When she’d settled, Jackson took her small hand in his.
“I know you want the best for me,” he began. “You always have.”
“Of course. You’re my big brother.” Her voice trembled slightly.
He saw a sheen of tears in her eyes. Amy’s love for him had always been so strong, as his was for her. He felt his own throat grow tight.
“She’s good for you, you know. That’s why she should be here.”
“I—”
“Don’t deny it, Jackson. You know I’m right.” “Who said you’re not?” He held up his free hand to surrender. “Geez, you’re so bossy.”
Her lips finally revealed a faint smile. “And you’re so stubborn.”
He sighed. She was right about that, too. Stubborn as an ornery mule, some would say. And did. He’d also been called driven and forceful and relentless, all of which were true but none of which factored in to why he wasn’t trying to keep Carla for as long as he could.
Amy squeezed his hand and he looked up. Worry lines etched the corners of her mouth. Her gaze searched his face and she frowned, as if unsatisfied with what she saw.
“You need to convince her to stay.”
He shook his head. “I don’t need to and I won’t.” Storm clouds formed in Amy’s eyes, but he ignored them, just as he ignored the spear of pain jammed deep in his heart. He’d made up his mind.
“But why? This makes no sense. Jackson!” Her voice grew sharp when he turned away. “Don’t try pulling your ignoring trick on me. It won’t work.”
He blew frustrated air from his lips. “I’m not ignoring you, but there’s nothing more to say.” It sucked like hell that he was hurting Amy. He knew she liked having Carla here. They’d formed the beginnings of what could be a strong friendship if it’d been given a chance to grow. If only…
For an instant he allowed himself to indulge in fantasy, imagining having Carla around. Being with her, talking to her, hearing her laughter during the day and moans of desire at night. A rush of blood flew straight to his cock. Sexy, sensual Carla. Snakebite or not, he ached from wanting her. It was way beyond physical, though. In the short time she’d been here she started meaning something to him. Damn it. He swallowed hard against the lump tightening his throat.
Breaking into his thoughts, Amy said quietly, “She’s not Katherine, you know.”
“Who said anything about Katherine?” It came out harsher than he intended, but he didn’t pull back. “That was a long time ago. Carla’s nothing like her.”
“That’s exactly my point! You’ve met someone who cares about you, really cares about you, and you’re letting her walk out the door.” Amy huffed with annoyance and actually gave him a light shove, as if to knock sense into him.
“I can tell how much this hurts you, too,” she continued. “It’s as plain as the nose on your face.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t go all heroic on me, Jackson. It does matter, so stop trying to deny it. That’s why I don’t get—” But then she stopped, and what looked like understanding washed across her face.
“I just realized.”
He said nothing, didn’t have to. Amy and her insightfulness. He knew his sister had figured it out.
“If you ask her to stay, she just might do it. She’d give up on her dream of Paris and you’d feel like you ruined it for her.”
He nodded, briefly closing his eyes. A fierce ache burrowed deep in his chest at the thought of Carla not having what she’d wanted after working so hard for it. “I couldn’t do that.”
“Which is why you’re letting her go.”
His gaze flicked back over to his sister, meeting her crystal blue eyes. “You know the saying.” His voice grew thick. “About letting someone go.”
“If you love them.” Amy breathed in deeply, nodding. She understood.
“She’ll come back to you, Jackson.” Her eyes sparkled with the conviction of her belief. He smiled at his sister, the faint spark of a dream briefly lit.
“Hope so.”