Lola POV
I never visit the cemetery on any other day except their anniversary.
The first year after the accident, I went almost every single day. I thought being close to their graves would help me feel them. That somehow, sitting by a cold stone would fill the void they left behind.
But it didn’t.
It broke me more every time. Watching the flowers wilt. Seeing their names carved into granite like that was all they’d ever be again. Mom. Dad. Gone.
So I stopped.
I made myself a promise: I’d only come once a year. On the anniversary. I’d sit here, talk to them, tell them everything that happened during the year—matches I won, classes I passed, arguments with Cassian, milestones, regrets. I’d catch them up like they were just out of town and not buried beneath my feet.
But today?
Today I broke that rule.
Because today… I needed them.
I was at my lowest. Everything was spiraling—school, volleyball, Cassian, Jace. And I couldn’t keep pretending like I had it under control.
When I got to their plot, the first thing I noticed were the flowers. Fresh white lilies, tucked neatly in the vase beside their shared headstone. I froze.
Cassian had been here. Recently.
He never said anything about it.
I stared at the flowers for a moment longer, my chest tightening. I couldn’t help but wonder what he told them. What side of the story he gave. What version of me he painted. Was I still their golden child in his version—or had I already failed them?
I lowered myself to the ground, kneeling in front of the headstone. My fingers traced over the engraved letters like they were alive. Like touching their names could somehow bring me back to when I was whole.
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad,” I whispered, voice shaky. “It’s me. I know I said I wouldn’t come unless it was the anniversary. But… I don’t know where else to go.”
I let out a trembling breath. The wind picked up around me, rustling the grass. The sky was grey, thick with clouds, like even the weather knew I was falling apart.
“I’ve really been trying,” I said. “I swear I have. I’ve been holding it together for so long. For you. For everything you wanted me to be.”
My eyes stung, but I blinked quickly, trying to stay steady.
“Things haven’t been good lately,” I admitted. “Regionals are going on. The pressure is so high. Cassian’s angry with me. The team barely looks at me the same way. And I know I messed everything up.”
I looked down at my hands. My fingers were shaking.
“I fell in love,” I said softly. “And I think that’s where it all started.”
The words sat in the air, hanging like truth I hadn’t wanted to speak.
“I fell in love with Jace Reyes,” I continued, voice small but clear. “My rival. The boy I’m supposed to beat. The boy everyone says is bad for me.”
I looked up at the grave again. In silence.
“I didn’t mean to,” I said. “It just happened. He makes the noise in my head quiet. When everything feels too big, he makes it feel small enough to breathe again.”
I looked around, as if expecting a sign. A breeze. A whisper. Something.
“Is it wrong?” I asked. “To fall in love with someone who’s supposed to be the enemy?”
I bit my lip and whispered, “Would you be disappointed in me?”
The wind answered with silence.
“I’m sorry,” I said, voice cracking now. “I’m sorry if I failed you. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you pictured when you thought about who I’d grow up to be.”
I wiped at my face quickly. My chest hurts. My throat burned. But the words kept coming.
“I don’t know if I can do it anymore,” I whispered. “I don’t think I can carry this legacy on.”
I bowed my head and closed my eyes, letting the ache settle into my bones.
“I don’t know who I am without it,” I said. “But I don’t know if I can survive with it either.”
And in the stillness of the graveyard, surrounded by stone and silence and ghosts of who I used to be…
I broke.