There’s a note tacked under my wiper blade the next morning as Rebel and I head out to his waiting car. He doesn’t allow me close enough to read it, but I can guess who it’s from by the phone call he made directly afterward.
“Tell her I’ll sue her blind if she doesn’t back the fuck off and keep her distance. Ask her how much good those shares will do her when she’s wiping her boney ass with them under the Martin Luther Fucking Bridge!”
Needless to say, I remain silent during our trip across town to the appointment I have scheduled with my obstetrician. Regardless of what he said last night in bed, I have no desire to stir the pot in case he’s feeling different about it in the light of day.
The woman at the office draws my blood and while we could have stayed to await the results, Rebel had some “pressing matters” to deal with that had us walking out the door. We arrived late to work and despite his sour mood, Rebel saw me to my floor, kissing me goodbye in open view of everyone close enough to see before leaving me with strict instructions to contact him immediately as soon as I hear anything.
Now I sit here in the women’s bathroom, locked in one of three stalls, with my phone in hand and unable to stop staring at the blank screen. When the doctor called to give me my results, I thought I was ready to hear them. That they’d just confirm what I already knew to be true.
What I didn’t expect was this.
I’m an emotional wreck, too destroyed by the news to be around anyone. The tears won’t stop flowing and I don’t even know why. If this were a romance novel, this would be the moment where the heroine finds out that she was pregnant all along and then she’d run off to find some grand way to tell her lover the news.
Well, I’m not that woman. I’ve never had a happily ever after. Hell, I never thought to hope for one. But now that the time has come and gone, I’m realizing that there are parts of myself that I never took the time to know.
My thoughts turn to Annie and the text message she sent me a little more than an hour ago showing me her growing baby belly and obvious lump where it was in the process of kicking along with a caption reading “He’s going to be a football player!”
My heart aches with renewed pain. She had no way of knowing what my day had in store for me, but that picture couldn’t have come at a worse time. Now all I can think about is how my best friend is preparing to bring a life into the world while my stomach sits barren.
These tears? They’re all the hopes and dreams I never allowed myself to have jumping ship. I thought this was what I wanted. I thought having a baby was the worst possible thing that could happen to me.
Now I know I was wrong. So very wrong. Because it’s all I want...and it’s just not in the cards.
“Are you okay in there?”
My head snaps up and I catch sight of a pair of white sneakers poking under the door. Tearing off a fresh strip of toilet paper, I dab under my eyes and wipe my nose. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I say with a trembling smile.
I’m not even remotely believable, but the woman steps back after a moment. I hear the water on one of the sinks turn on and figure I’d better get myself cleaned up and find some way to get back to work without falling apart again.
When I finally summon the strength to leave the stall, I find Jenna leaning with her back against the counter, waiting for me. Her gaze travels up and down my body before settling on my blotchy, tear-stained face. Without a word, she walks to the wall and snaps off a handful of paper towels, then wets them in the sink before handing them off to me.
How incredibly uncharacteristic of her. Cautiously, I reach out and take them with a grateful nod and begin patting my face. The cool dampness feels so damn good against my heated skin that I close my eyes and soak it in, imaging that I’m wiping away the tension and sorrow that’s taken hold of me.
“Tragedy in the family?” Jenna asks casually.
I concentrate on cleaning up the smudges of mascara under my eyes. “Nope, that ship’s already sailed.”
“Did Mr. Bossman give you the axe and send you down river with Miss Townsend?”
I cut her a sidelong look. “Not a chance.”
“Then what’s wrong? You’re all...weepy,” she says, lifting her chin.
While she doesn’t deserve an answer, I feel compelled to give her one. Turning to face her head-on, I prop my hand on my hip and steel myself for the effect saying the words aloud will have on me. “I’m not pregnant.”
Both of her slim eyebrows arch up high on her forehead. “Well, that makes two of us. I take it you were...or thought you were?” This time when she speaks, her question is softer, her tone less combative.
“There was a small chance.”
Her reflection screws up in an emotion I’m not accustomed to seeing directed toward me from her. “I’m sorry,” she says so softly her words hardly carry. “I...lost a child so...I-I’m sorry.”
Well shit. My shoulders droop, and my mood takes another nosedive into the floor. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
In a snap, her mood shifts, and that implacable façade returns. Standing tall, Jenna runs her hands over her blouse and draws in a refreshing breath. “How could you have? It’s not something I broadcast. I hope everything works out for you.”
I watch in the mirror as her figure retreats out the door. What just happened here? Did we...did Jenna and I share a moment? I frown at my reflection as thoughts of her are shoved out and replaced by a single, nagging question: How do I tell Rebel? After all that talk about how I would drop dead if something so horrible as a baby happened to me, how do I explain that what I didn’t want is now what I want more than ever?
In the state I’m in now, I won’t be able to hide the rawness of the pain I’m feeling. He’ll see it the moment he lays eyes on me. That kind of hurt? It’s something that needs to be tended to free of prying eyes and ears until it’s manageable enough to address without becoming a pitiful pile of mush.
But he’ll be upset if he finds out that I’ve had the results this long without telling him. The only thing I can do is send him a message. It’ll bide me some time before I have to face him.
Results are in: negative. Congrats! No diaper duty in your near future.
I play it off as a joke, as if I’m not completely devastated by the news. Secretly, I’m hoping that if I do it long enough, I’ll begin to believe it myself and this horrible feeling will go away.
Guess that means more time on the field. You up for practice tonight? My desk is available. :wink: My hopes are on the window. Imagine all those people seeing those beautiful tits pressed against the glass while I fuck you from behind.
Jesus. Did someone crank up the heat in here? Despite my dour mood, a furious flush spreads across my chest, neck, and face, but even that can’t erase what’s in my head right now. My mood is grim as I message him back.
As fun as that sounds, rain check. You wiped me out last night. Drinks and food at your place tonight?
Instead of another message, my phone rings in my hand, startling me.
“I’m working late tonight,” Rebel’s voice rumbles in my ear. “Why don’t you come up and keep me company. I’ll order up something for dinner and have you for dessert.”
Balling up the damp paper towel, I pitch it in the trash. “That sounds nice, but not tonight.”
“What’s wrong?” Rebel’s tone shifts, and I picture him sitting at attention, his mouth forming a grim line as he prepares to wage war against whoever or whatever has wronged me.
“Nothing.” I sigh, knowing I can’t dodge this forever. “Remember when I asked you last night if you were disappointed?”
There’s a long moment of silence that follows as he puts the pieces together. “Ah, baby. I’m sorry.”
“It’s nothing. I didn’t really think I wanted it to be true until it was no longer an option. I guess that saying is true: be careful what you wish for.”
“Fuck,” he curses under his breath. His voice stronger now, Rebel tells me, “I’m coming down.”
“No, Rebel, don’t. I’m okay. Really. Just a little taken off-guard is all. It’s nothing I won’t get over with the help of a little ice cream and sleep.”
“I don’t like knowing you’re upset and I’m not there. I’m coming down, Josephine. Don’t argue with me.”
I have to smile because he knows me so well. With a silent nod, I end the call and head back to my office to collect my belongings. I won’t be getting any more work done today. I might as well let Rebel dictate where the rest of it is headed.
***
Rebel took one look at me and whisked me away from the office. We’ve been gone all afternoon and while I have zero plans to return, I know he has a lot of work still left to do.
“You don’t have to babysit me,” I inform him as I twist the plastic spoon around in the cup of melting ice cream Rebel purchased at a small cart located near the entrance of the park. “I know you have more important things to do.” He did say he had to work late tonight, after all. I scoop a chunk of brownie and vanilla up and extend it out, and Rebel leans in to accept the offer.
Sitting back, he spans his long arms across the back of the wooden park bench and takes his time savoring the sweet treat before answering. “Given the choice between being here and being shut away surrounded by papers and endless phone calls, there’s no contest. I’d rather be here with you.”
My. Heart. Melts. It never fails to steal my breath away when Rebel brings out his softer side. “I appreciate that you want to be with me, because I’d much rather spend my day with you, but you’re a very important business owner now.”
“True,” he says with a devious smirk. “But work is work, and it will still be there waiting for me tomorrow. You need me now.”
“I’m okay.” And truthfully, I am. Just taking time away from everything has helped with setting aside all the torturous thoughts and feelings and getting back to reality. I’ll be a mother someday. Just not today. Now I just have to get over the shock that I actually have a biological clock!
“Have you heard any more from the lawyers? Does it look like Florence is going to keep pushing for this lawsuit?” I ask him, hoping to turn the subject away from me.
“I got a phone call this morning. She’s dropping the suit,” he confirms.
My eyes widen. “Really? That was fast. What changed her mind?”
“The note this morning,” Rebel says with a curl of his lip.
“So that was her.” I freaking knew it!
“Yes. It was her final mistake. In allowing herself to get too emotional, she stepped over the line, and now we have hard evidence that could sink her financially and evaporate her reputation in a blink. She put me in an even bigger seat of power than she realized. She knows it, and now she’s got no choice but to tuck her tail between her legs.”
“Wow, that’s hard to imagine. She’s really done now though? No more shenanigans, no more lawsuits?”
“I never say never, but it appears that way.”
I’m shocked. After the photos, her behavior toward Rebel, and the way Rebel spoke about her, I really expected her to remain an ongoing problem. “At least she’s not after you anymore.”
Rebel just looks at me, the silence spanning a few heartbeats. Long enough to make me question myself. “Right?”
“I’m hopeful, but like I told you before, I don’t take chances,” he says, his tone low and threatening. “If she so much as comes near you, I’ll know about it and she’ll be sorry.”
I shiver involuntarily, once again thankful that I’m not on the receiving end of his wrath.
Reaching over, Rebel tilts the cup I’m holding toward him. “Looks like we’re finished here. Come on,” he says, holding his hand out to me. “I have something I want to show you.”
“Where are we going?” I ask as I drop the cup into a nearby wastebasket as we head out of the park.
He gives my hand a light squeeze. “My place.”