Richard’s POV
A lump sticks to my throat at the question. Before I can recall asking her the same question a few days ago, I wonder why she asked.
Eve.
She must be curious about Eve and how our relationship turned out.
This is it. An opportunity. The right opportunity was what I was looking for.
A smile touches my lips as I reply with a shake of the head. “No, I am not. Why do you ask?”
“Pure curiosity," she answers sharply, as if expecting me to question why she asked such a question out of the blue.
“Are you sure?” There is a look of amusement on my face. I am amused that she is curious about me. I am amused that she is doing a very bad job at pretending to be someone else when everything else screams her name.
She doesn't reply.
“Are you sure it's not because I also asked you this same question some days ago?” I demand, leaning backward and taking note of Daisy's focus on my phone as she continues to munch on her donuts.
I brought her here so I could get another opportunity next time. She loves the ice cream here.
“No, no!” she chants in denial. “That's not it. Just curious because of your kindness, it makes me wonder if your wife wouldn't be jealous if she finds you going out with not only your business partner but also with her child.”
“Is that a clue to how women behave?”
She smiles. “No. Don't mind me.”
“I do mind," I tell her, smiling through the thumping of my heart. If only she knew how much pain I went through when she left and when Eve cheated on me. If only she knew what an eye-opener Eve's cheating was. Maybe she would forgive me then. “I am not married.”
Disappointment flashes across her expression, and it disappears as soon as it comes.
“But I was married.”
Silence falls. My heart beats wilder, and I know she expects me to say more. Tell her everything about me since she left.
I just don't know how to.
“Wow, you don't look like someone who was married. What happened?”
My gaze meets hers again, red filling my vision as I feel the emotion of anger towards myself yet again.
I f**ked up.
I wish I could tell her this. I shouldn't have let her go.
“I got divorced," I reveal, and I look down before dropping the glass cup in my hand.
This seems like a movie, and it angers me more. The fact that we are both pretending is upsetting. I don't want this. I want her to come out clean, yell at me, hit me, and curse at me.
Resolve everything once and for all.
“I'm sorry,” she murmurs innocently, which makes me look up at her.
“It's fine. It was all my fault. I was stupid and blind. I was too selfish to realise what I was losing, but it's fine. It's all in the past now.”
Despite my decision not to reveal anything, I find myself saying the words in my head and letting out all the scolding I have done to myself internally all these years.
The scene of my post divorce stage raced through my head. The cheating. Finding Arabel for years, my mother's ill-health, and so on.
It was traumatic. I blamed myself all through. I hated myself. I became the complete opposite of myself.
Finally, I realised I needed to set things straight. I needed to consider other people's emotions too, not only mine. I needed to be good and kind to everyone. I needed to forgive everyone who offended me, and lastly, I needed to forgive myself.
I forgave Eve and Jake.
They are married with a kid already, and they are back in London.
Realising how long the silence between us has been, I chuckle lightly to cover up my pain, as I really hope Arabel will forgive me too when the time comes.
“You look really sad, I don't want to invade….”
“It's fine. I'm just thinking about her and wondering if she would ever find a place in her heart to forgive me.”
She does not say anything for a while; her expression is unreadable, making me wonder why she isn't affected by anything I say. Should I say more?
“Did you do something bad?”
I did not reply. If she knew about Eve's cheating, she would definitely laugh me in my face and call it karma.
If that was it, I wouldn't have forgiven Eve. I forgave her because it was an eye-opener. It made me regret my decision to divorce Arabel. It made me realize Arabel wants so much from me, and it made me realize true love is different from lust, infatuation, and obsession.
I was obsessed with Eve because she was my first love, and I consider her perfect. Perfect to be my wife, confidant, and the mother of my kids. But then her action made me realize no one is perfect.
Not even me.
I have my shortcomings.
If there is a definition of perfection in humans, that should be Arabel. She was a perfect wife; sweet, down to earth, calm, and submissive. She was everything a man could have wanted in a woman, but I didn't see any of that. I was too blind to see her goodness until she left, leaving me empty.
“Yes.”
“Oh!”
Instinctively, my eyes shift to Daisy. She has been so quiet for a while, so I lean forward with my phone firmly tucked in between her two hands.
Then I realize she is already asleep. A chuckle leaves my mouth, and I lean back to face Arable, who looks at me with pity in her eyes.
Arabel and I never spoke about our marriage or about children. That was what normal couples do. It makes me find it hard to believe Daisy is mine. And it also reminds me of the tiny bit of doubt that I have about her being a total stranger, really, and not my ex-wife.
Perhaps, the evidence I have isn't true. Maybe all of this is a coincidence. She mentioned she was divorced, but not to me.
Forcing myself to let the thought vanish, I grab the bottle of water on the table. “You should at least take some water. Don't say no.”
I pour some water for her into the clean glass cup on the tray before stretching it to her. With indifference, she holds out her hand to take the water from me when her fingers brush with mine in the process, and a burst of electricity zips over my skin.
When my gaze shifts to hers, I see she also feels the same as she shudders, and emotions rise behind her eyes.
Slowly, the tiny bit of doubt about her not being Arabel is replaced with a large percentage, and my doubts about us ever coming back together or getting her forgiveness become bigger.
As big as a mountain.