Elena
I slam the door silently as I step into the house. I plan to sneak upstairs into my room without getting seen when I hear my mom’s voice.
“You finally got back home?” her voice coming from the kitchen, which is by my right. I spin my head to see her, she looks a little different and I can tell it’s the pregnancy.
“And yeah, you didn’t care to look for me as usual.” I say as I take my eyes down calmly. I didn’t sound rude as usual. I only replied as calmly as I could.
“That’s because I knew where you were.” she answers without taking her head up to look at me.
“You look different.” I tell her, but I try to say without feeling choked.
“Yeah, that’s what pregnancy brings.” she replies as she makes her tea. I see her making another tea when she is done with the first. I remain silent when she gives answer to the obvious.
“Cool, I have to go now.” I nod as I turn to make my way upstairs.
“Elena.” she calls me in a soft tone and I still. Wondering if my ears are playing games with me. I spin backwards to see her. She has two cups in her hands when I meet her eyes.
“Do you mind if we talk?” she speaks politely, and I wonder what’s going on.
I want to decline but there is a lot of questions I would like to ask her and I feel here is the chance. Or did she eat something different for acting this nice and soft? She's always been hard.
“Sure.” I nod, then my lips glue back.
I go to sit on the chair in front of the cabinet. She sits carefully but not with difficulty. Avera can still manage herself, the pregnancy isn’t that too heavy for her to be helpless yet.
“You can have one.” she offered me the other mug. I’m trying to hide my shock so I take the mug quickly from her.
“So what is going on? You sound so polite, are you dying?” I demand. I don’t mean to sound harsh but this mood is strange to me.
“Elena, I lied to you.” I start to drink up my tea when she says and I pause immediately.
“I know you, so what did you lie about this time?” I’m impatient so I drop my cup down on the table as I stare into her eyes.
“I love your father, Elena.” she blurts out as she raises her head up to look at me. She is crying and my God, I feel hair rising on my skin. I’ve never seen her cry before. Why is she doing this?
“How?” it’s the easiest word that could come out of my lips at this moment. All I want to do is spit out all the questions swirling in my head.
“You won’t get it my dear, I have always had his picture with me. That day at the market I didn’t want to tell you the exact truth because it might be too unbearable for me.” she explains through hard breathing, and I just stare at her waiting for everything she is saying to process in my head.
“You loved dad? Did he know? And why are you just telling me now, as though you are dying.” I try to bite back my harsh tone, as I stare into her eyes. They are dull as I look at them, it is as though I can see the real Avera.
“When you said I always made things hard for you, it tore me up completely on the inside.” she lowers her face so I could not see the tears from the corners of her eyes.
If she is being honest, then I don’t know how to feel and what to feel.
“If you loved dad, how could you fall in love with his best friend and even got pregnant?” I snap, I know sometimes I’m a hard girl but my kind of hard girl, I am quick in breaking down in tears.
Now that I see Avera crying for the first time, it breaks me even though I’m trying hard not to let what she says get into me.
“It was hard to get over him, Elena. I had to do this to hide my pain. He left me in pain too Elena, he left me broken.” she cries out loud, as her eyes begin to go red.
For the first time I see sincerity in her eyes, and all assumption I’ve had of her are suddenly fading as I glare at her.
“Avera, tell me you’re not joking.” I can’t hold it in, I’m crying. I’m crying because I actually didn’t reconsider it would break her too. All I had was stupid assumptions. I thought she never loved him because she never cried at his funeral. Now, I can see the real pain in her eyes and I feel so messed up.
“I wanted to hide from the pain, Elena. I haven’t cried since he left, everything hurts inside my chest,” she comes down from the couch as she attempts to come closer. "I couldn't bring myself to believe he died that night I saw him reading in his bedroom. I can't bring myself to think of it. Every time I do, I feel shattered."
Unshed tears are the worst, it’s like having broken ribs. Nobody can see it, but it hurts every time you breathe.
“I’m sorry Elena, I had to behave strangely and harshly to you just to hide my pain. I realize I was doing it the wrong way and I was hurting you. I saw those pains deeply in your eyes at the market that day. I couldn’t keep up with hiding the truth. I’m sorry Elena.” she pulls me into a hug and I surrender in her arms without fighting it. I always wanted to hug my mom too. I’ve always wanted to see a different side of her.
I’m crying as I hug her some more. As much as she feels guilty, I do as well. I didn’t know dad’s death hurts her too. I assumed she never loved him, instead of understanding she was too hurt to cry. Way too hurt to cry.
“I’m sorry too mom, I’m sorry. I assumed you were a bad person. I was at fault too.” it feels sweet and killing at the same time while I spit out to her and hugging her.
She pulls out of the hug then wipe her eyes, “I hope you don’t hate me anymore, Elena. I did this because I wanted to hide. I’m not a bad person like you think.”
I understand, if I were in her shoes, I would want to move on so I can get over with the pain. I had thought she has been cheating on dad with his best friend when he was alive, but I was wrong. And no, she isn’t a bad person. There is no such thing as bad people, circumstance makes them that way. I understand Avera’s circumstances now.
“I thought you hated me mom, I thought you never wanted me.” I cry, we’ve forgotten about our tea and it’s all cold now.
“I loved you Elena and I still do. I’m sorry I wanted to push you away because seeing you every time reminded me of your father. I pushed you away to hard that you started to hurt. I’m sorry honey, please forgive me.” she kisses my forehead. I feel like this is a dream and I never want to wake up from it.
“So do I have my mom back now?” I look expectantly into her eyes with tears falling down on my cheek. If the answer is a positive one, it would feel like my back bones has come alive again.
“Yes you have your mom back. I won’t hide anything again, Elena. I love you and I will always do. Every mother loves her child.” she plants a kiss on my forehead again.
I want to cry more. “I thought you didn’t. Mom you don’t know how much life you've given me by telling me this.” I fall into her arms again. Jesus, I can’t believe this.