My body jerked from the recoil, but I never let go of the trigger. There was no need for ear plugs… it was like the only real thing I ever heard was Master and Kara’s screams.
“Faryn, you’re wasting bullets again,” a deep voice shouted over the gunfire.
Without thinking, my finger lifted from the trigger. Placing the rifle at my side, barrel down, I turned and bowed to my Master respectfully; knees folded, hands on Earth overlapping, forehead resting on hands.
Not looking up, I began. “Master, I apologize. I was lost in my thoughts again.” There was a long, pregnant pause between us; the tension rising with each moment. It was another moment before I started again, “ I shouldn’t let my mind wander so far away… we cant afford the loss of bullets.”
“Kara,” he said knowingly. His heavy sigh was proof enough of my burden on him.
I closed my eyes, but tears still escaped. It was one thing to think her name but even after two years hearing her name was still a fresh wound. I still dreamt of her, and I would spend hours staring at our last picture together, wishing for those moments to come back to me…
I would go through periods of depression; only when we were safe. Inside, I wouldn’t move or eat for days, or until Master forced me out. I would find myself randomly bursting into tears at the smallest thing that reminded me of her… life without her had become torturous without her. Master often told me to keep my head out of the past but I couldn’t. in this new world how could anyone not want to live in a happier past?
Outside, my sadness turned to anger and I happily took my aggression out on the ones who had stolen my happiness. I charged into situations recklessly; never caring about my own safety. Somewhere deep down I knew I wanted to die but I didn’t have the strength to take my own life… my body, heart and soul yearned for Kara but I was nothing but a coward.
“You’re not a coward Faryn… there is nothing wrong with missing Kara but wanting to live,” he coached.
I didn’t need to look up or answer him to confirm his thoughts; he knew me too well to not assume my thoughts… they didn’t change often. It had been two years since being rescued from the school; it had also been two years since Master had rescued me from the darkest parts of my depression. Master has been my friend, my confidant and my teacher; he was the only one who could reach me after Kara. I had shattered and it was only his voice, his instruction that soothed my hurting soul. I’d listen to no one else even now…
In a society devoid of technology and morals, it was Master that kept me from hardening myself to the world…
“Her death still haunts you,” he stated. I could hear his fingers roughly scratching at his beard, deep in thought, as he contemplated his next words.
“Not her death,” I choked out.
Finally looking up, I allowed him to see what had been brewing inside my heart. Tear streaks stained my dirty face, collecting more dirt and dust as the wind gently blew between us. “It’s her love that’s torturing me… I miss her loving me,” I explained sadly.
No longer caring about being seen as weak, I allowed the burning tears I had been fighting back to fall and sobs wracked my body. Who was I without Kara? I honestly couldn’t remember my life before her… she was the spotlight in my life’s story and now there was nothing there… just raw, deafening darkness.
Master had crouched down to my level and pulled me to my feet by my arms and into his own, wrapping them around me encasing me in his safety. I reciprocated the gesture and melted into his arms as I released everything I held back on a daily basis. I completely gave into my emotions, releasing it all with one gut-wrenching scream.
Even though, both he and I knew I shouldn’t have screamed I needed it and we both knew that I was more than capable of defending the pair of us. Master rubbed my back and shushed me gently trying to soothe me…
“Release it, child. Inner G is neither positive nor negative until we manipulate it,” he coached. “Imagine yourself finally releasing all of your negative Inner G and making it positive. Give it back to the Universe; call on your Higher-Self to help you calm your emotions.”
As he spoke it was like the world slowed and everything began to right itself again. It was all so focused and clear now, as it always was when Master calmed me. I knew that I would never get over Kara but these moments help me stay sane. The sobbing that shook my body only moments before had faded and the tears were all but dried tear streaks stained on my face. My breathing righted itself within seconds…
“That’s good child. Now release all of that Inner G,” he ordered.
With no hesitation, I screamed again but this time I didn’t hold back. I screamed at the top of my lungs until my throat was raw and burned. We would definitely have to move our camp after this scream but it was more than well worth it… I loved and love Kara but our time had come to an end and I didn’t want to go through the pain of losing her anymore… I couldn’t relive that day again and survive.
Apart of me felt as though I was forcing myself to completely forget her and move on and my heart rejected the idea vehemently. How could I? It would just be me forgotten the last four years of my life… would she hate me for moving on?
As if I had spoken directly to him, Master answered the question plaguing my heart. “Kara would not hate you for not wanting to be sad anymore… you’ve mourned and remembered your love faithfully. Now, let go.”
“She was the only one to ever care about me, the only one who ever really loved me.”
“Faryn, Kara wasn’t the only person to love you and she won’t be the last… who couldn’t love you,” he joked playfully.
“Master, we don’t talk about the “Before Times’ too much… you don’t know what my life was like then. I really didn’t have anyone other than Kara… my parents didn’t want me, I hated school, I hated people but Kara made herself the exception… she fought to be in my life; she was my angel,” I explained.
Master chuckled softly. “I never know how you will respond; you hardly respond to words, you respond to sounds better…” His face became a stone mask of sincerity. “Faryn, you are my disciple and I love you. You will find love again.”
Stepping back from his embrace, I looked him in the eyes and smiled softly. “I’m no longer interested in that, Master.”
Again he chuckled, releasing my forearms and stepping away. I wiped the caked dirt and tears from my face. “Love isn’t done with you yet, Faryn.”
Just as the words left his lips, a team of county soldiers broke over the hill about a mile out from our camp to the left and two makeshift armored trucks on the right came charging for us. Bullet-proof vests and assault rifles aimed at us didn’t seem too inviting and out of reflex I reached for my rifle. Before I had the rifle fully in hand, an arrow flew between my fingers and into the trigger, pinning it back to the ground.
“They mean business,” Master joked.
I smirked and rolled my eyes. Master knew I didn’t need the gun; it was just my faster weapon. I never left without my blades and I could move just as fast as that arrow… if not faster. After Master and I left the falling refugee camp, my real training began. Boxing, Muy Thai and Jujutsu became apart of my daily regiment on top of the morning laps, and push-ups. For two years Master trained me and taught me how to survive in this new world…
“I’m sorry, Master. This is my fault… I shouldn’t have screamed… let alone twice.”
“let us see what they want first Faryn,” master ordered ignoring my apology.
“Yes, Master.”
The van and foot soldiers surrounded us in no time all while keeping their various weapons trained on us. I knew Master could protect himself but that didn’t stop me from angling myself in front of the gun pointing at him… I fought myself not to pull my blades. It was all I could do to not kill the ones aiming at Master.
“Master,” I growled. Without words he knew instantly what I meant… it was as he said, I respond better to sounds.
“For your safety please lower all weapons aimed at me…” he looked down at me and all eyes followed his. “It makes Faryn nervous,” he explained.
“And why do we care,” one of the foot soldiers, obviously male, asked facetiously. Only a few laughed with him while others looked nervous and worried.
“Because even now she can kill you all where you stand… the only thing that’s stopping her now is my own curiosity but I assure you, if this is all you have to offer my curiosity will wear thin…” Master warned.
“why you old son of a –“ but before he could finish the phrase, or even completely raise his weapon I was standing in front of him.
It had only taken him a second to register my presence and try to fix his aim but he wasn’t agile enough to move. In one fast movement, I sliced and with a sickening thud both the weapon and his hand fell to the floor. Blood began to drip from his wrist, a sign that his heartrate had elevated and his was being to feel the pain. His comrades looked on in horror and others now focused their weapons on my retreating back as I walked back to Master.
“Thank you,” I said. “You may continue.”
His screams were piercing and loud and it seemed only then did his comrades think to help him. “Medic,” a voice called silencing the rest.
“Are you Akihiko Kimura,” the voice asked again. I hadn’t placed her in the crowd of foot soldiers, but she was definitely a woman. As she stepped forward it was as if the soldiers regained themselves and trained all weapons on the biggest threat… me.
“I am.” It wasn’t often that Master or I heard his name spoken. What took me as a surprise didn’t seem to faze him at all. His words were clear and strong over the whistling dry wind.
How did she know my Master’s name, I asked myself.
“We need you and your companion,” she said tentatively glancing my way, “to accompany us to Central Command.” Her voice softened as she took in my stained cheeks…
“What for exactly,” Master asked at the same time I shouted no.
Relaxed weapons now reaffirmed themselves… there was no way Master and I were going back to Central Command; there was nothing but monsters within those walls and not the dead kind. If it was one thing I hated more than the dead alive and chasing the human populace, was men… men too drunk on power…
The leaders of Central Command were just that…
The woman turned to face me fully and lifted her protective head gear… standard Central Command equipment. Her thick, dark curls fell into view first; they fell just below her ears and was asymmetrically cut. Her skin was the shade of freshly ground cinnamon and her face didn’t match the harshness she added to her voice. She was ethereal for Central Command trash, but the most intriguing thing was her eyes… they were like mine…
“Unfortunately for you, Faryn… my father needs the help of his brother. It is non-negotiable.”